madam-who loves you with the most ardent paffion, whofe whole happiness is placed in you Mifs RICHLAND. I fear, Sir, I fhall never find whom you mean, by this defcription of him. HONEYWOOD. Ah, madam, it but too plainly points him out; though he should be too humble himself to urge his pretenfions, or you too modeft to understand them. Mifs RICHLAND. Well; it would be affectation any longer to pretend ignorance; and I will own, Sir, I have long been prejudiced in his favour. It was but natural to wish to make his heart mine, as he seemed himfelf ignorant of its value. HONEYWOOD. I fee fhe always loved him. (Afide.) I find, ma dam, you're already fenfible of his worth, his pasfion. How happy is my friend, to be the favourite of one with such sense to distinguish merit, and such beauty to reward it. Mifs RICHLAND. Your friend, Sir! What friend? HONEYWOOD. My best friend-my friend Mr. Lofty, madam. Mifs RICHLAND. He, Sir! HONEYWOOD. Yes, he, madam. He is, indeed, what your warmest wishes might have formed him. And to his other qualities, he adds that of the most paffionate regard for you. Mifs RICHLAND. Amazement!-No more of this, I beg you, Sir. HONEYWOOD. I fee your confufion, madam, and know how to interpret it. And, fince I fo plainly read the language of your heart, fhall I make my friend happy, by communicating your fentiments? By no means. Mifs RICHLAND. HONEYWOOD. Excufe me; I muft; I know you defire it. Mr. Honeywood, let me tell you, that you wrong my fentiments and yourself. When I first applied to your friendship, I expected advice and assistance; but, now, Sir, I fee that it is vain to expect happiness from him, who has been so bad an economist of his own; and that I must disclaim his friendship, who ceases to be a friend to himself. HONEYWOOD. [Exit. How is this! fhe has confeffed she loved him, and yet fhe feemed to part in difpleasure. Can I have done any thing to reproach myfelf with? No: I believe not yet, after all, these things fhould not be done by a third perfon; I fhould have fpared her confufion. My friendship carried me a little too far. Enter Enter CROAKER, with the Letter in his Hand, and Mrs. CROAKER. Mrs. CROAKER. Ha ha ha! And fo, my dear, it's your fupreme wish that I fhould be quite wretched upon this occafion? ha! ha! CROAKER, mimicking. Ha ha ha! And fo, my dear, it's your fupreme pleasure to give me no better confolation ? Mrs. CROAKER. Pofitively, my dear; what is this incendiary ftuff and trumpery to me? our houfe may travel through the air like the house of Loretto, for aught I care, if I'm to be miserable in it. CROAKER. Would to heaven it were converted into an house of correction for your benefit. Have we not every thing to alarm us? Perhaps, this very moment the tragedy is beginning. Mrs. CROAKER. Then let us referve our diftrefs till the rifing of the curtain, or give them the money they want, and have done with them. CROAKER. Give them my money!-And pray, what right have they to my money? Mrs. CROAKER. And pray, what right then have you to my good humour ? CROAKER. CROAKER. 95 And fo your good humour advises me to part with my money? Why then, to tell your good humour a piece of my mind, I'd fooner part with my wife. Here's Mr. Honeywood, fee what he'll fay to it. My dear Honeywood, look at this incendiary letter dropped at my door. It will freeze you with terror; and yet lovey here can read it-can read it, and laugh. Mrs. CROAKER. Yes, and fo will Mr. Honeywood. CROAKER. If he does, I'll fuffer to be hanged the next minute in the rogue's place, that's all. Mrs. CROAKER. Speak, Mr. Honeywood; is there any thing more foolish than my husband's fright upon this occafion ? HONEYWOOD. It would not become me to decide, madam; but doubtlefs, the greatness of his terrors, now, will but invite them to renew their villainy another time. Mrs. CROAKER. I told you, he'd be of my opinion. CROAKER. How, Sir! do you maintain that I should lie down under fuch an injury, and shew, neither by my tears, or complaints, that I have fomething of the spirit of a man in me ? Ho HONEYWOOD. Pardon me, Sir. You ought to make the loudeft complaints, if you defire redrefs. The fureft way to have redrefs, is to be earnest in the pursuit of it. CROAKER. Aye, whofe opinion is he of now? Mrs. CROAKER. But don't you think that laughing off our fears is the best way! HONEYWOOD. What is the best, madam, few can fay? but I'll maintain it to be a very wife way. CROAKER. But we're talking of the best. Surely the best way is to face the enemy in the field, and not wait till he plunders us in our very bed-chamber. HONEYWOOD. Why, Sir, as to the best, that-that's a very wife way too. Mrs. CROAKER. But can any thing be more abfurd, than to double our diftreffes by our apprehenfions, and put it in the power of every low fellow, that can fcrawl ten words of wretched fpelling, to torment us? HONEYWOOD. Without doubt, nothing more absurd. CROAKER. How! would it not be more abfurd to despise the rattle till we are bit by the fnake? Ho |