DIALOGUES, TABLEAUX, ETC.

LEAP YEAR IN THE VILLAGE WITH ONE GENTLEMAN.

AS PERFORMED BY THE ORATORY CLASS OF 1880.

Dramatis Persona.

JEDEDIAH BROWN, A.M., PH.D., B.O.
MATILDA DIX, a fastidious lady.
REBECCA BARNABY, a young widow.
FRANCINA BARNABY, a literary lady.
HANNAH STAPLES, a model housekeeper.
ISABELLA SMITH, the village coquette.

M

ACT I, SCENE I.

The élite of

the

village.

Parlor in the house of Matilda Dix.
ATILDA [entering, with dusters, etc.]—
Yes, yes; all is ready; not for a minute
Would I let that raw Irish girl's fingers be in it.
The tables are set, and the guests are invited;
Some twenty-five girls I know will feel slighted.
Five ladies in all, and there's only one beau,
Though I've thought of each man that the village can
show,

From the minister down to the barber's apprentice,
And the lawyer's poor son who is non compos mentis.

I'm sure if another young man were in town
I should be most happy, but then Mr. Brown
Is so very pleasant.

Mrs. Dix [behind the scenes]-Matilda, the tarts need

jelly;

The cookies, the pies and the rounds I've set in the cup

board.

Matilda Yes, Mother, I hear you. I know all about them.

Though all want to know him, so far as I see

In one thing we're ahead, we have asked him to tea. They say he's observing, and he can't have the blind

ness

To pass by unnoticed our evident kindness.

I'll take care of his future as well as his present,
For kindness, I know, is to every one pleasant.
I'm glad that he hasn't been asked thro' the town;
I'm sure his first hostess must please Mr. Brown.

Curtain.

SCENE II.

Sitting room at the home of the BARNABYS. FRANCINA seated, reading. Table covered with books, scattered manuscript on the floor.

Widow B. [entering with an open letter in her hand]— Francina, my dear, the clock has struck six,

It is time you were dressing; you know that Miss Dix Expects us at seven.

Francina [looking languidly up]-Yes, Webecca, I know,

But weally I haven't decided to go.

Widow B.-Not go! Mr. Brown will be there, and I think I shall go;

I wish to discountenance folly and show.

[Turning to audience FRAN. resumes her reading.] They say he is truly a worthy young man ; If virtue can please him I know that I can.

I think joy is fleeting, and fame is a bubble;

I think all things earthly are worry and trouble;
I think what a withering blossom is beauty;

I think one's chief mission is doing one's duty.

All weakness is sin, and I think I can show

That each tempted young person should learn to say "No,"

And that Virtue on Folly should look with a frown; Yes, I'll go; I think I shall please Mr. Brown.

[Exit. Francina-Well, since he'll be tha-ah, I think I shall

go.

They say he's well wead, and I'm shu-ah he will know
What I have enduahed in this village, a denizen
With my passion for poetwy, my worship of Tennyson.
I wondah what style he pwefehs-the Bywonic,
Cold, calm and sewene, or the glowing Miltonic,
All thrilling with feeling, so wild, so delightful;
Perhaps he likes Shelley, but that would be fwightful,
For I haven't wead it. I'll ask if he's seen

Miss Edgeworth's last novel-Miss Muloch's I mean-
I mix up names stwangely-We'll speak of Longfellow.
We'll talk about (Shakespeare, Shakespeare, Shakes-
peare

Who wote Shakespeare? Well, anyway, we'll talk about Shakespeare)

The dusty Othello

And his fair Cleopatwah, O, that will be charming!
The day will have moments well worthy embalming.
I'm shu-ah I shall show by my fine convwasation

I have moah genewal knowledge, moah weal information
Than all of the other young ladies in town.

Yes; I'll go, and I think I shall please Mr. Brown.

[Exit, carrying armful of books.] Curtain.

SCENE III.

MISS SMITH's dressing room.

etc.. on table.

Jewel box, rouge, powder, Room in disorder.

Miss Smith [soliloquizes while completing her toilet]— Yeth, he will be there, and I think I thall go,

And I'll wear my new dreth, that will make a great thow;

And my mother will thay I thould dreth in another, But I thay I will wear it in thpite of my mother. My mother ith alwath afraid I thall hurt

Mitheth Grundy'th opinion of me if I flirt;

It ith alwath "O dear!" though I thcarcely have me
With a thoul in thith village with whom to coquette;
But I'll trifle with Bwown 'til I meet with another,
For I thay I will flirt jutht in thpite of my mother.
Let me thee thith ith leap year-I vow I'll propothe,
Of courthe, 'twill be theandalouth, but nobody knowtb
How weary I am of thith dull, thtupid town;
For thome fun I'd knock all propriety down;
And really and truly I don't care a copper
If people do thay my behaviour'th improper.
But how thall I do it-a bon-bon-a rothe?
No; thome new way, not one that every one knowth.
I have it! A cute way that'th thure to thuctheed,
One I found in a book that but few people read.
My watch hath a picture-I think it will do—
A neat little cottage with "just room for two."
Aha! Mithter Bwown, you little do know

Of the mithchief that'th brewing for you when I go!

O, won't it be fun!-It'th a terrible pity

That brathlet ith broken; I want to look pretty

[Looks simperingly in the glass, powders, etc.]

For when we are there I very well know

All the retht will be trying thome graces to show.
I'm thure he'll be shocked at Matilda'th protheedings,
And what will he care for Mith Barnaby'th readings,
And her thithter, he he! he'll think the abthurdest
And oddest of creatures.--But I'll be-let me see-
What will I be. O! I'll be shrinking and modest,
For I've heard that a gentleman'th higheth felithity
Is in mingling with ladieth of charming thimplithity;
He at leatht thall putheive that I'm quite unathuming,
Like the dathieth one findth in the meadow-landth

blooming,

And I'll thoftly glanth up, and I'll meekly look down; Yeth, I'll go, and I think I thall pleath Mr. Bwown.

Curtain.

SCENE IV.

Kitchen in MISS STAPLE's house. HANNAH discovered knitting, seated in a strait-backed wooden chair.

Hannah-Ya-as, he will be tha-ar, and I think I shall gao,

Tho' rely I scarce have the time to besta-ow;

But I'll take my work with me. They say he is sensible,
And all idleness surely he'll deem reprehensible.
The others may keep their hands folded while chatting,
I work, while I talk, and get on with my knitting;
For tho' they may flirt with the gay while thar
tarrying,

The woman a gentleman looks for in marrying
Is not one that merely can dance and embroider,
But a woman to keep the whole haousehold in order.
Na-ow when I took tea thare, Miss Barnaby's bread
Was as vinegar sour, and as heavy as lead;

But my cooking-I'd like to see pie-crust that's lighter,
Or bread that is sweeter or fresher or whiter;