SIR ANTHONY.-Fall upon a fiddlestick's end!-why, I suppose it is the very thing that would please her.—Get along, you fool!

ABSOLUTE.-Well, sir, you shall hear of my success-you shall hear. O Lydia!-forgive me, or this pointed steel

says I.

SIR ANTHONY.-O, booby! stab away and welcome-says she. -Get along! and d-n your trinkets!

[Exit Captain Absolute.

Enter David, running.

DAVID.-Stop him! stop him! Murder! Thief! Fire!-Stop fire! Stop fire!-O Sir Anthony-call! call! bid 'm stop! Murder! Fire!

SIR ANTHONY.-Fire! Murder!-Where?

DAVID.-Oons! he's out of sight! and I'm out of breath, for my part! O Sir Anthony, why didn't you stop him? why didn't you stop him?

SIR ANTHONY.-Zounds! the fellow's mad!-Stop whom? stop Jack?

DAVID.-Ay, the captain, sir!-there's murder and slaugh

ter

SIR ANTHONY.-Murder!

DAVID-Ay, please you, Sir Anthony, there's all kinds of murder, all sorts of slaughter to be seen in the fields: there's fighting going on, sir-bloody sword-and-gun fighting!

SIR ANTHONY.-Who are going to fight, dunce?
DAVID.-Everybody that I now of, Sir Anthony:-everybody

is going to fight, my poor master, Sir Lucius O'Trigger,
your son, the captain-

SIR ANTHONY.-Oh, the dog! I see his tricks.-Do you know the place?

SIR ANTHONY.-King's-Mead-Fields.

SIR ANTHONY.-You know the way?

DAVID.-Not an inch; but I'll call the mayor-aldermen-constables-churchwardens-and beadles-we can't be too many to part them.

SIR ANTHONY.-Come along-give me your shoulder! we'll get assistance as we go-the lying villain!-Well, I

shall be in such a frenzy!-So-this was the history of his trinkets! I'll bauble him!

Scene III.-King's-Mead-Fields

[Exeunt.

Enter Sir Lucius O'Trigger and Acres, with pistols.

ACRES.-By my valor! then, Sir Lucius, forty yards is a good distance. Odds levels and aims!-I say it is a good dis

tance.

SIR LUCIUS.-Is it for muskets or small field-pieces? Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, you must leave those things to me.-Stay now-I'll show you.-[Measures paces along the stage.] There now, that is a very pretty distance-a pretty gentleman's distance.

ACRES.-Zounds! we might as well fight in a sentry-box! I

tell you, Sir Lucius, the farther he is off, the cooler I shall take my aim.

SIR LUCIUS.-Faith! then I suppose you would aim at him best of all if he was out of sight!

ACRES.—No, Sir Lucius; but I should think forty or eightand-thirty yards

SIR LUCIUS.-Pho! pho! nonsense! three or four feet be

tween the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile. ACRES. Odds bullets, no!-by my valor! there is no merit in

killing him so near: do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot:-a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me!

SIR LUCIUS.-Well, the gentleman's friend and I must settle that. But tell me now, Mr.Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for you?

ACRES.-I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius-but I don't understand

SIR LUCIUS.-Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk-and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it-I say it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters.

ACRES. A quietus!

SIR LUCIUS. For instance, now-if that should be the case

would you choose to be pickled and sent home?—or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey?— I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey.

ACRES.-Pickled!-Snug lying in the Abbey !-Odds tremors! Sir Lucius, don't talk so!

SIR LUCIUS.-I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were engaged in an affair of this kind before?

ACRES.-No, Sir Lucius, never before.

SIR LUCIUS.-Ah! that's a pity!-there's nothing like being used to a thing.-Pray now, how would you receive the gentleman's shot?

ACRES.-Odds files!-I've practised that-there, Sir Luciusthere. [Puts himself in an attitude.] A side-front, hey? Odds! I'll make myself small enough: I'll stand edgeways.

SIR LUCIUS.-Now-you're quite out-for if you stand so when I take my aim— [Levelling at him. ACRES.-Zounds! Sir Lucius-are you sure it is not cocked? SIR LUCIUS.-Never fear.

ACRES.-But-but-you don't know-it may go off of its own head!

SIR LUCIUS.-Pho! be easy.-Well, now if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance-for if it misses a vital part of your right side-'twill be very hard if it don't succeed on the left!

ACRES. A vital part?

SIR LUCIUS.-But, there-fix yourself so-[Placing him]— let him see the broad-side of your full front—there— now a ball or two may pass clean through your body, and never do any harm at all.

ACRES.-Clean through me!-a ball or two clean through me! SIR LUCIUS.-Ay, may they-and it is much the genteelest attitude into the bargain.

ACRES.-Look'ee! Sir Lucius-I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one; so, by my valor! I will stand edgeways.

SIR LUCIUS [looking at his watch].-Sure they don't mean to disappoint us-Hah!-no, faith-I think I see them coming.

ACRES.-Hey!-what!-coming!

SIR LUCIUS.-Ay.-Who are those yonder getting over the

stile?

ACRES.-There are two of them indeed!-well-let them come -hey, Sir Lucius !-we-we-we-we-won't run.

SIR LUCIUS.-Run!

ACRES.-NO-I say we won't run, by my valor!

SIR LUCIUS.-What the devil's the matter with you? ACRES.-Nothing-nothing-my dear friend-my dear Sir Lucius-but I-I-I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as

I did.

SIR LUCIUS.-O fy!-consider your honor.

ACRES.-Ay-true-my honor. Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honor.

SIR LUCIUS.-Well, here they're coming.

[Looking. ACRES.-Sir Lucius-if I wa'n't with you, I should almost think I was afraid.—If my valor should leave me!— Valor will come and go.

SIR LUCIUS. Then pray keep it fast, while you have it. ACRES.-Sir Lucius-I doubt it is going-yes-my valor is certainly going!-it is sneaking off!-I feel it oozing out as it were at the palms of my hands!

SIR LUCIUS.-Your honor-your honor!-Here they are. ACRES. O mercy!-now-that I was safe at Clod-Hall! or could be shot before I was aware!

Enter Faulkland and Captain Absolute.

SIR LUCIUS.-Gentlemen, your most obedient.-Hah!—what, Captain Absolute!-So, I suppose, sir, you are come here, just like myself-to do a kind office, first for your friend-then to proceed to business on your own ac

count.

ACRES.-What, Jack!-my dear Jack!-my dear friend!
ABSOLUTE.-Hark'ee, Bob, Beverley's at hand.

SIR LUCIUS.-Well, Mr. Acres-I don't blame your saluting the gentleman civilly.-[To Faulkland.] So, Mr. Bev

erley, if you'll choose your weapons, the captain and I will measure the ground.

FAULKLAND.-My weapons, sir!

ACRES.-Odds life! Sir Lucius, I'm not going to fight Mr. Faulkland; these are my particular friends.

SIR LUCIUS.-What, sir, did you not come here to fight Mr.

Acres?

FAULKLAND.-Not I, upon my word, sir.

SIR LUCIUS.-Well, now, that's mighty provoking! But I hope, Mr. Faulkland, as there are three of us come on purpose for the game, you won't be so cantankerous as to spoil the party by sitting out.

ABSOLUTE. O pray, Faulkland, fight to oblige Sir Lucius. FAULKLAND.-Nay, if Mr. Acres is so bent on the matterACRES.-No, no, Mr. Faulkland;-I'll bear my disappointment

like a Christian.-Look'ee, Sir Lucius, there's no occasion at all for me to fight; and if it is the same to you, I'd as lieve let it alone.

SIR LUCIUS.-Observe me, Mr. Acres-I must not be trifled with. You have certainly challenged somebody—and you came here to fight him. Now, if that gentleman is willing to represent him, I can't see, for my soul, why it isn't just the same thing.

ACRES.-Why no-Sir Lucius-I tell you, 'tis one Beverley I've challenged-a fellow, you see, that dare not show his face! If he were here, I'd make him give up his pretensions directly!

ABSOLUTE.-Hold, Bob-let me set you right-there is no such man as Beverley in the case.-The person who assumed that name is before you; and as his pretensions are the same in both characters, he is ready to support them in whatever way you please.

SIR LUCIUS.-Well, this is lucky.-Now you have an opportunity—

ACRES.-What, quarrel with my dear friend Jack Absolute?— not if he were fifty Beverleys! Zounds! Sir Lucius, you would not have me so unnatural.

SIR LUCIUS.-Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, your valor has oozed away with a vengeance!

ACRES. Not in the least! Odds backs and abettors! I'll be your second with all my heart-and if you should get a quietus, you may command me entirely. I'll get you snug lying in the Abbey here; or pickle you, and send you over to Blunderbuss-hall, or anything of the kind, with the greatest pleasure.