Oak. I like this emotion; it looks well: it may serve too to convince my wife of the folly of her suspicions. Would to heaven I could quiet them for ever! cause of to my care, should be guilty of such enor- think the whole family is made of nothing but mous wickedness; I say, when you are wit- combustibles. ness of my distress on this occasion, how can you be weak enough and cruel enough toMrs. O. Prodigiously well, sir! You do it very well. Nay, keep it up, carry it on; there's nothing like going through with it. O, Maj.O. Why pray now, my dear, naughty you artful creature! But, sir, I am not to be brother, what heinous offence have you comso easily satisfied. I do not believe a syllable mitted this morning? What new of all this - Give me the letter-[Snatches the suspicion? You have been asking one of the Letter] You shall sorely repent this vile bu- maids to mend your ruffle, I suppose, or have siness, for I am resolved that I will know the been hanging your head out at the window, bottom of it. [Exit. when a pretty young woman has passed by, Oak. This is beyond all patience. Provok-oring woman! Her absurd suspicions interpret Oak. How can you trifle with my distresses, every thing the wrong way. But this ungra- major? Did not I tell you it was about a cious boy! In how many troubles will he letter? involve his own and his lady's family!-I never imagined that he was of such abandoned cumstance, to be sure! What, and the seal principles. Enter MAJOR OAKLY and CHARLES. Charles. Good morrow, sir! Maj. O. A letter!-hum-A suspicious cir a truelover's knot now, hey? or a heart transfixed with darts; or possibly the was bore the industrious impression of a thimble; or perhaps the folds were lovingly connected by Maj. O. Good morrow, brother, good mor- a wafer, pricked with a pin, and the direction row!-What! you have been at the old work, written in a vile scrawl, and not a word spelt I find. I heard you-ding! dong! i'faith!- as it should be! ha, ha, ha! She has rung a noble peal in your ears. But Oak. Pooh! brother-Whatever it was, the how now? Why sure you've had a remark-letter, you find, was for Charles, not for me able warm bout on't.-You seem more ruffled this outrageous jealousy is the devil. than usual. Maj. O. Mere matrimonial blessings and Oak. I am, indeed, brother! Thanks to that domestic comfort, brother! jealousy is a ceryoung gentleman there. Have a care, Charles! tain sign of love. you may be called to a severe account for Oak. Love! it is this very love that hath this. The honour of a family, sir, is no such made us both so miserable. Her love for me light matter. has confined me to my house, like a state Charles. Sir! prisoner, without the liberty of seeing my Maj. O. Hey-day! What, has a curtain lec- friends, or the use of pen, ink, and paper; ture produced a lecture of morality? What while my love for her has made such a fool is all this? of me, that I have never had the spirit to Maj. O. Ay, ay, there you've hit it, Mrs. Oakly would make an excellent wife, if you did but know how to manage her. Oak. To a profligate mind, perhaps, these contradict her. things may appear agreeable in the beginning. But don't you tremble at the consequences? Charles. I see, sir, that you are displeased -with me; but I am quite at a loss to guess at the occasion. Oak. Tell me, sir!-where is miss Harriot Russet? Oak. You are a rare fellow indeed to talk of managing a wife-A debauched bachelor —a rattle-brained, rioting fellow-who have picked up your commonplace notions of Charles. Miss Harriot Russet!-Sir-Explain. women in bagnios, taverns, and the camp; Oak. Have not you decoyed her from her whose most refined commerce with the sex father? has been in order to delude country girls at Charles. I!-Decoyed her-Decoyed my your quarters, or to besiege the virtue of abiHarriot!-I would sooner die than do her the least injury-What can this mean? Maj. O. I believe the young dog has been at ber, after all. Oak. I was in hopes, Charles, you had better principles. But there's a letter just come from her father gails, inilliners, or mantua-makers' 'prentices. Maj. O. So much the better!-so much the better! women are all alike in the main, brother, high or low, married or single, quality or no quality. I have fonnd them so, from a duchess down to a milk-maid; every woman is a tyrant at the bottom. But they could never make Charles. A letter!-What letter? Dear sir, a fool of me.-No, no! no woman should give it me. Some intelligence of my Harriot, ever domineer over me, let her be mistress major! The letter, sir, the letter this mo- or wife. ment, for heaven's sake! Oak. Single men can be no judges in these Oak. If this warmth, Charles, tends to prove cases. They must happen in all families. But your innocencewhen things are driven to extremities-to see Charles. Dear sir, excuse me I'll prove a woman in uneasiness —a woman one loves any thing-Let me but see this letter, and I'll-too-one's wife-who can withstand it? You Oak. Let you see it!-I could hardly get a neither speak nor think like a man that has sight of it myself. Mrs. Oakly has it. loved and been married, major! Charles. Has she got it? Major, I'll be with Maj. O. I wish I could hear a married man you again directly. [Exit hastily speak my language-I'm a bachelor, it's true; Maj. O. Hey-day! The devil's in the boy! but I am no bad judge of your case for all What a fiery set of people! By my troth, I that. I know yours and Mrs. Oakly's dispo sition to a hair. She is all impetuosity and my study. I'll go and steal them out, while fire-a very magazine of touchwood and gun- she is busy talking with Charles. powder. You are hot enough too, upon oc- Maj. O. Steal them! for shame! Pr'ythee casion, but then it's over in an instant. In take them boldly; call for them! make them comes love and conjugal affection, as you call bring them to you here; and go out with it; that is, mere folly and weakness-and you spirit, in the face of your whole family. draw off your forces, just when you should Oak. No, no-you are wrong-let her rave pursue the attack, and follow your advantage. after I am gone, and when I return, you know, Have at her with spirit, and the day's your I shall exert myself with more propriety, after own, brother. this open affront to her authority. Maj. O. Well, take your own way. Oak. Ay, ay-let me manage it, let me ma[Exit. Oak. Why, what would you have me do? Maj. O. Do as you please for one month, whether she likes it or not: and I'll answer nage it. for it she will consent you shall do as you Maj. O. Manage it! ay, to be sure, you please all her life after. In short, do but show are a rare manager! It is dangerous, they yourself a man of spirit, leave off whining say, to meddle between man and wife. I am about love and tenderness, and nonsense, and no great favourite of Mrs. Oakly's already the business is done, brother. and in a week's time I expect to have the Oak. I believe you are in the right, major! door shut in my teeth. I see you are in the right. I'll do it-I'll certainly do it. But then it hurts me to the How now, Charles, what news? soul, to think what uneasiness I shall give her. Charles. Ruined and undone! The first opening of my design will throw uncle! my Harriot's lost for ever. her into fits, and the pursuit of it, perhaps, Maj. O. Gone off with a man?—I thought may be fatal. so; they are all alike. Enter CHARLES. She's gone, Charles. Oh no! Fled to avoid that bateful match with sir Harry Beagle. Maj. O. Faith, a girl of spirit; but whence comes all this intelligence? Maj. O. Fits! ha, ha, ha!-I'll engage to cure her of her fits. Nobody understands hysterical cases better than I do; besides, my sister's symptoms are not very dangerous. Did you ever hear of her falling into a fit when Charles. In an angry letter from her father you was not by?-Was she ever found in -How miserable I am! If I had not offendconvulsions in her closet?—No, no, these fits, ed my Harriot, much offended her, by that the more care you take of them, the more foolish riot and drinking at your house in the you will increase the distemper: let them country, she would certainly, at such a time, alone, and they will wear themselves out, I have taken refuge in my arms. warrant you. certainly in Oak. True, very true-you are the right-I'll follow your advice. you dine to-day?—I'll order the go with you. Maj. O. O brave! keep up this spirit, and you are made for ever. Oak. You shall see now, major!-Who's there? Enter Servant. Order the coach directly. I shall dine to-day. Maj. O. A very agreeable refuge for a young lady to be sure, and extremely decent! Charles. What a heap of extravagancies was I guilty of! Maj O. Extravagancies with a witness! Ah, you silly young dog, you would ruin yourself with her father, in spite of all I could do. There you sat, as drunk as a lord, telling the old gentleman the whole affair, and swearing you would drive sir Harry Beagle out of the country, though I kept winking and nodding, out pulling you by the sleeve, and kicking your shins under the table, in hopes of stopping you; but all to no purpose. Serv. The coach, sir?-Now, sir? Maj. O. Sirrah! do as you are bid. Bid them put to this instant. [Exit. Sero. Ye-yes, sir-yes, sir. Oak. Well, where shall we dine? Maj. O. At the St. Albans, or where you will. This is excellent; if you do but hold it. Oak. I will have my own way, I am determined. Maj. O. That's right. Oak. I am steel. Maj. O. Bravo! Oak. Adamant. Maj. O. O Bravissimo! Oak. Just what you'd have me. Charles. What distress may she be in at this instant! Alone and defenceless!-Where, where can she be? Maj. O. What relations or friends has she in town? Charles. Relations! let me see.- Faith, I have it!--If she is in town, ten to one but she is at her aunt's, lady Freelove's. I'll go thither immediately. Maj. O. Lady Freelove's! Hold, hold, Charles!-do you know her ladyship? Charles. Not much! but I'll break through all, to get to my Harriot. Maj. O. I do know her ladyship. Charles. Well, and what do you of her? know Maj. O. O, nothing!-Her ladyship is a Maj. O. Why that's well said. But will you woman of the world, that's all do it? Oak. I will. Maj. O. You won't. Charles. What do you mean? Maj. O. That lady Freelove is an arrautBy-the by, did not she, last summer, make formal proposals to Harriot's father from lord Oak. I will. I'll be a fool to her no longer. Charles. Yes; but they were received with Maj. O. For shame! hold out, if you are the utmost contempt. The old gentleman, it a man. seems, bates a lord, and he told her so in plain terms. Apart. Oak. She has been so much vexed this morning already, I must humour her a little [Apart. [Apart. Maj. O. Such an aversion to the nobility now. Maj. O. Fie! fie! go out, or you are undone. [Apart to Mrs. Oakly. Mrs. O. Ay, ay, pray do, sir,-Dine at a [Going. Oak. [Returning] You may depend on me another time, major. Charles. If she's there, I'll have her out of tavern indeed! the house within this half hour, or set fire io it. Maj. O. Nay, now you are too violentstay a moment, and we'll consider what's best to be done. Enter OAKLY. Oak. Come, is the coach ready? Let us be gone. Does Charles go with us? Charles. I go with you!-What can I do? I am so vexed and distracted, and so many thoughts crowd in upon me, I don't know which way to turn myself. Mrs. O. [Within] The coach!-dines out! where is your master? Oak. Zounds, brother! here she is! Re-enter MRS. OAKLY. Mrs. O. Pray, Mr. Oakly, what is the ter you cannot dine at home to-day? Maj. O. Steel and adamant!-Ah! Oak. O, my dear! [Exit, with Mrs. Oakly. Maj. O. Ha, ha, ha! there's a picture of resolution! there goes a philosopher for you! ha! Charles! Charles. O, uncle! I have no spirits to laugh now. Maj. O. So! I have a fine time on't between you and my brother. Will you meet me to dinner at the St. Albans by four? We'll drink her health. and think of this affair. Charles. Don't depend on me. I shall be running all over the town, in pursuit of my Harriot; at all events I'll go directly to lady mat-Freelove's. If I find her not there, which way I shall direct myself, heaven knows. Oak. Don't be uneasy, my dear! I have a little business to settle with my brother; so I am only just going to dinner, with him and Charles, to the tavern, Maj. O. Harkye, Charles! If you meet with her, you may be at a loss. Bring her to my house; I have a snug room, and Charles. Phoo! Pr'ythee, uncle, don't triffle with me now. Maj. O. Well, seriously then, my house is at your service. Charles. I thank you; but I must be gone. Mrs. O. Why cannot you settle your business here, as well as at a tavern? but it is some of your ladies' business, I suppose, and so you must get rid of my company.-This is chielly your fault, major Oakly'! Maj. O. Lord, sister, what signifies it, whether and we'll settle the whole affair for you. You a man dines at home or abroad? [Coolly shall clap her into a post-chaise, take the Mrs. O. It signifies a great deal, sir! and chaplain of our regiment along with you, I don't choosewheel her down to Scotland 1), and when you [Exeunt. Maj. O. Phoo! let him go, my dear sister, come back, send to settle her fortune with let him go! he will be ten times better com- her father; that's the modern art of making pany when he comes back. I tell you what, love, Charles ! sister-you sit a home till you are quite tired of one another, and then you grow cross, and fall out. If you would but part a little SCENE I.-A Room in the Bull and Gate Inn. now and then, you might meet again in humour. Mrs. O. I beg, major Oakly, that you would trouble yourself about your own affairs; and let me tell you, sir, that I ACT II. Enter SIR HARRY BEAGLE 2) and Toм. Sir H. Ten guineas a mare, and a crown the man? hey, Tom! Oak. Nay, do not put thyself into a passion with the major, my dear!-It is not his fault; is and I shall come back to thee very soon. Mrs. O. Come back;-why need you go out? I know well enough when you mean to deceive me; for then there is always a pretence of dining with sir John, or my lord, or somebody; but when you tell me that you are going to a tavern, it's such a bare-faced affront Oak. This is so strange now!-Why, my dear, I shall only just Mrs. O. Only just go after the lady in the letter, I suppose. Oak. Well, well, I won't go then.-Will that convince you? I'll stay with you, my dear. Will that satisfy you? Tom. Yes, your honour. Sir H. And are you sure, Tom, that there no flaw in his blood? Tom. He's a good thing, sir, and as little beholden to the ground, as any horse that 1) A spirited girl in England, when opposed in her choice of a husband by her parents, used to make nothing of agreeing with her lover to set off with him to Gretna Green (on the borders of Scotland), to get married; but now this custom is abolished, and the blacksmith who used to perform the marriage ceremony has been forbidden to act, since Lord E-took his fight towards those regions on the same errand; so that, now the lovers are obliged to have the ceremony performed in a boat on the river there, and this marriage is perfectly valid. 2) We have an excellent specimen, in sir H. Beagle, of one of our racing and fox-hunting country-squires; as he speaks entirely in the language of the turf (raceground), some of his sporting terms require an explanation. ever went over the turf upon four legs. Why I lose my match with lord Chokejade, by not here's his whole pedigree, 1) your honour! riding myself, and I shall have no opportunity Sir H. Is it attested? to hedge 1) my bets neither-what a damned Tom. Very well attested; it is signed by piece of work have I made on't-I have knocked Jack Spur and my lord Startal. up poor Snip, shall lose my match, and as to [Giving the Pedigree. Harriot, why the odds are that I lose my Sir H. Let me see. [Reads] Tom-come-match there too-a skittish young tit! 2) If I tickle-me was out of the famous Tantivy once get her tight in hand, I'll make her mare, by sir Aaron Driver's chesnut hors, wince for it. Her estate, joined to my own, White Stockings. White Stockings, his dam, I would have the finest stud and the noblest was got by lord Hedge's South Barb, full kennel in the whole country.-But here comes sister to the Proserpine Filly, and his sire her father, puffing and blowing, like a brokenTom Jones; his grandam was the Irish winded horse up hill. Duchess, and his grandsire Squire Spor-| tley's Trajan; his great and great great grandam were Newmarket Peggy and Black| Enter RUSSET. Rus. Well, sir Harry, have you heard any Moll; and his great grandsire, and great thing of her? great grandsire, were sir Ralph Whip's Sir H. Yes, I have been asking Tom about Regulus, and the famous Prince Anamaboo. her, and he says you may have her for five hundred guineas. his JOHN SPUR. mark. STARTAL. Tom. All fine horses, and won every thing! Rus. Five hundred guineas! how d'ye mean? where is she? which way did she take? Sir H. Why, first she went to Epsom, then to Lincoln, then to Nottingham, and now she a foal out of your honour's bald-fac'd Venus, is at York. by this horse, would beat the world. you talking of? Rus. Impossible! she could not go over half Sir H. Well then, we'll think on't. But, the ground in the time. What the devil are plague on't, Tom, I have certainly knocked up my little roan gelding in this damn'd wildgoose chase of threescore miles an end. 2) Sir H. Of the mare you was just now saying you wanted to buy. Tom. He's deadly blown, to be sure, your Rus. The devil take the mare!-who would bonour; and I am afraid we are upon a wrong think of her, when I am mad about an affair scent after all. Madam Harriot certainly took of so much more consequence? across the country, instead of coming on to Sir H. You seemed mad about her a little London. while ago. She's a fine mare, and a thing of Sir H. No, no, we traced her all the way shape and blood. up.-But d'ye hear, Tom, look out among the Rus. Damn her blood!-Harriot! my dear, stables and repositories here in town, for a provoking Harriot! Where can she be? Have smart road nag, and a strong horse to carry you got any intelligence of her? a portmanteau. Sir H. No, faith, not I: we seem to be Tom. Sir Roger Turf's horses are to be quite thrown out 5) here-but, however, I sold-I'll see if there's ever a tight thing there have ordered Tom to try if he can hear any -but I suppose, sir, you would have one thing of her among the ostlers. somewhat stronger than Snip-I don't think Rus. Why don't you inquire after her yourhe's quite enough of a horse for your honour. self? why don't you run up and down the Sir H. Not enough of a borse! Snip's a whole town after her? — t'other young rascal powerful gelding; master of two stone more knows where she is, I warrant you. - What than my weight. If Snip stands sound, I a plague it is to have a daughter! When one would not take a hundred guineas for him. loves her to distraction, and has toiled and Poor Snip! go into the stable, Tom, see they laboured to make her happy, the ungrateful give him a warm mash, and look at his heels slut will sooner go to hell her own wayand his eyes. But where's Mr. Russet all but she shall have him-I will make her happy, this while? if I break her heart for it.-A provoking gipsy Tom. I left the squire at breakfast on a cold to run away, and torment her poor father, pigeon pie, and inquiring after madam Harriot, that dotes on her! I'll never see her face in the kitchen. I'll let him know your honour again.-Sir Harry, how can we get any inwould be glad to see him here. telligence of her? Why don't you speak?" why don't you tell me?-Zounds! you seem as indifferent as if you did not care a farthing Sir H. Ay, do; but harkye, Tom, be sure you take care of Snip. about her. Tom. I'll warrant your honour. Sir H. I'll be down in the stables myself Sir H. Indifferent! you may well call me by-and-by. [Exit Tom] Let me see out of indifferent!-this damned chase after her will the famous Tantwivy by White Stockings; cost me a thousand- if it had not been for White Stockings, his dam, full sister to the her, I would not have been off the course 4) Proserpine Filly; and his sire-pox on't, how this week to have saved the lives of my whole unlucky it is that this damned accident should family-I'll hold you six to two thathappen in the Newmarket week!-ten to one 1) The pedigree of a horse, is as religiously kept as that of any ancient family in Wales, or rather as the same is done among the Arabians, where as in England the blood proves the goodness of the horse; and the names given to the horses are sometimes not a little singular. ) Without stopping. Rus. Zounds! hold your tongue, or talk 1) To draw back. 2) An unmanageable little horse. 3) When the dogs have lost the scent, in fox-hunting, they are said to be thrown out. The fox, when hard pursued, will run into a herd of deer, or a flock of sheep, jump over a wall, any thing to put the dogs ont. 4) The race-ground at Newmarket or otherwise. more to the purpose-I swear she is too good teach my young mistress to be gadding. She for you-you don't deserve such a wife-a shall marry you to-night. Come along, sir fine, dear, sweet, lovely, charmning girl!-Harry, come along; we won't lose a minute. She'll break my heart.-How shall I find her Come along. out?-Do, pr'ythee, sir Harry, my dear honest Sir H. Soho! hark forward! wind 'em and friend, consider how we may discover where cross 'em! hark forward! Yoics! Yoics! she is fled to. Sir H. Suppose you put an advertisement into the newspapers, describing her marks, her age, her height, and where she strayed from. I recovered a bay mare once by that method. SCENE II.-OAKLY'S House. Enter MRS. OAKLY. [Exeunt. Mrs. O. After all, that letter was certainly Rus. Advertise her!-What! describe my intended for my husband. I see plain enough daughter, and expose her, in the public papers, they are all in a plot against me. My husband with a reward for bringing her home, like intriguing, the major working him up to horses stolen or strayed! - recovered a bay affront me, Charles owning his letters, and mare!—the devil's in the fellow!- he thinks so playing into each other's hands. They of nothing but racers, and bay mares, and think me a fool, I find-but I'll be too much stallions. Sdeath, I wish yourfor them yet. I have desired to speak with Sir H. I wish Harriot was fairly pounded; 1) Mr. Oakly, and expect him here immediately. it would save us both a deal of trouble. His temper is naturally open; and if he thinks Rus. Which way shall I turn myself?-I my anger abated, and my suspicions laid am half distracted. If I go to that young asleep, he will certainly betray himself by his dog's house, he has certainly conveyed her behaviour. I'll assume an air of good humour, somewhere out of my reach-if she does not pretend to believe the fine story they have send to me to-day, I'll give her up for ever- trumped up, throw him off his guard, and so perhaps, though, she may have met with some draw the secret out of him.-Here he comes.accident, and has nobody to assist her.-No, How hard it is to dissemble one's anger! Oh, she is certainly with that young rascal.-II could rate him soundly! but I'll keep down wish she was dead, and I was dead.-I'll my indignation at present, though it chokes me. blow young Oakly's brains out. Re-enter TOM. Sir H. Well, Tom, how is poor Snip? Enter OAKLY. O, my dear! I am very glad to see you. Pray sit down [They sit] I longed to see Tom. A little better, sir, after his warm you. It seemed an age till I had an oppormash: but Lady, the pointing bitch that follo-tunity of talking over the silly affair that hapwed you all the way, is deadly foot-sore. pened this morning. Rus. Damn Snip and Lády!-have you heard any thing of Harriot? Tom. Why, I came on purpose to let my master and your honour know, that John Ostler says as how, just such a lady as I told him madam Harriot was, came here in a four-wheel chaise, and was fetched away soon after by a fine lady in a chariot. Rus. Did she come alone? Tom. Quite alone, only a servant maid, please your honour. Rus. And what part of the town did they go to? [Mildly. Oak. Why really, my dear— Oak. Indeed! I rejoice to hear it! You make me happy beyond my expectation. This disposition will ensure our felicity. Do but lay aside your cruel, unjust suspicion, and we should never have the least difference. Mrs. O. Indeed I begin to think so. I'll endeavour to get the better of it. And really sometimes it is very ridiculous. My uneasiness this morning, for instance, ha, ha, ha! To Tom, John Ostler says as how they bid be so much alarmed about that idle letter, the coachman drive to Grosvenor-square. Sir H. Sobo! puss-Yoics! 2) which turned out quite another thing at lastwas not I very angry with you? ha, ha, ha! Rus. She is certainly gone to that young [Affecting a Laugh. rogue-he bas got his aunt to fetch her from Oak. Don't mention it. Let us both forget hence-or else she is with her own aunt, lady it. Your present cheerfulness makes amends Freelove-they both live in that part of the for every thing. town. I'll go to his house, and in the mean Mrs. O. I am apt to be too violent; I love while, sir Harry, you shall step to lady Free-you too well to be quite easy about you. love's. We'll find her, I warrant you. I'll Fondly] Well-no matter-what is become 1) A horse, or other animal, which has quitted its of Charles? master's premises, and is found upon the premises of Oak. Poor fellow! he is on the wing, ramanother, is taken to the pound, which is a place for bling all over the town, in pursuit of this the owner pays a certain sum, for its release, young lady. confining stray-cattle, and there it must remain till is called poundage which *) These are the words used in that most melodious of Mrs. O. Where is he gone pray? Oak. First of all, I believe, to some of her all sounds, for a sportsman, the view-halloo! com-relations. Mrs. O. Relations! Who are they? Where of this enthusiastic soho! from the mouths of twenty do they live? or thirty riders, inflames the horses, and dogs almost Oak. There is an aunt of hers lives just in to madness, while it brings inevitable death to the poor the neighbourhood; lady Freelove. hare before them; the horns are completely drowned in the cry.-Pass means hare. Mrs. O Lady Freelove! Oho! gone to lady |