Rus. Hey! how? Charles. This letter will convince you, sir! In consequence of what happened at lady Freelove's, his lordship thought fit to send me a challenge; hut the messenger blundered, and gave me this letter instead of it. [Giving the Letter] I have the case which enclosed it in my pocket. Lord T. Forgery from beginning to end, 'pon honour. Maj. O. Truth, upon my honour.-But read, read, Mr. Russet, read, and be convinced. Maj. O. How easy, impudent, and familiar! [Aside. Lady F. Lord Trinket here too! I vow I did not see your lordship before. Lord T. Your ladyship's most obedient slave. [Bowing. Lady F. You seem grave, my lord! Come, come, I know there has been some difference between you and Mr. Oakly-You must give me leave to be a mediator in this affair. Lord T. Here has been a small fracas, to be sure, madam!-We are all blown 1), on honour. Lady F. Blown! what do you mean, my Rus. Let me see-let me see- -[Reads]-lord? Um-um-um-um-so, so-um-uni-um- Lord T. Nay, your ladyship knows that I damnation!- Wish me success obedient never mind these things, and I know that slave-TRINKET-Fire and fury! How dare they never discompose your ladyship-But you do this? things have happened a little en travers-The Lord T. When you are cool, Mr. Russet, little billet I sent your ladyship has fallen I will explain this matter to you. into the hands of that gentleman-[Pointing to Charles]-and so there has been a little brouillerie about it—that's all. Rus. Cool! 'Sdeath and hell!-I'll never be cool again-I'll be revenged-So my Harriot, my dear girl, is innocent at last. Say so, my Harriot; tell me your are innocent. [Embraces her. Har. I am indeed, sir, and happy beyond expression at your being convinced of it. Rus. I am glad on't-I am glad on't-I believe you, Harriet!-You was always a good girl. Rus. Marry!-she durst not do it. Lady F. You talk to me, my lord, in a very extraordinary style-If you have been guilty of any misbehaviour, I am sorry for it; but your ill conduct can fasten no imputation on me.-Miss Russet will justify me sufficiently. Maj. O. Had not your ladyship better appeal to my friend Charles here?-The letter, Charles!-Out with it this instant! Maj. O. So she is, an excellent girl!- Charles. Yes, I have the credentials of her Worth a regiment of such lords and baronets ladyship's integrity in my pocket.-Mr. Russet, -Come, sir, finish every thing handsomely at the letter you read a little while ago was once.-Come, Charles will have a handsome enclosed in this cover, which also I now think fortune. it my duty to put into your hands. Rus. [Reading] To the Right Honourable Maj. O. Consider, sir, they have long been Lady Freelove-'Sdeath and hell!-and now fond of each other-old acquaintance-faith-I recollect, the letter itself was pieced with ful lovers-turtles-and may be very happy. scraps of French, and madam, and your ladyRus. Well, well-since things are so-Iship-Fire and fury! madam, how came you love my girl.-Harkye, young Oakley, if you to use me so? I am obliged to you, then, don't make her a good husband, you'll break for the insult that has been offered me! my heart, you rogue. Maj. O. I'll cut his throat if he don't. Charles. Do not doubt it, sir! my Harriot has reformed me altogether. Rus. Has she?-Why then-there-heaven bless you both-there-now there's an end on't. Sir H. So, my lord, you and I are both distanced)-A hollow thing, damme. Lord T. N'importe. Sir H. Now this stake is drawn, my lord may be for hedging off, mayhap. Ecod! I'll go to Jack Speed's, secure Nabob, and be out [Aside, and exit. of town in an hour. Lady F. What is all this? Your obligations to me, Mr. Russet, are of a nature, that Rus. Fine obligations! I dare say, I am partly obliged to you too for the attempt on my daughter by that thing of a lord yonder at your house. Zounds, madam! these are injuries never to be forgiven-They are the grossest affronts to me and my family-All the world shall know them-Zounds! - T'II— Lady F. Mercy on me! how boisterous are these country gentlemen! Why, really, Mr. Russet, you rave like a man in Bedlam-I am afraid you'll beat me-and then you swear most abominably.-How can you be so vulEnter LADY FREELOVE. gar?-I see the meaning of this low malice-But Lady F. My dear miss Russet, you'll excuse-the reputations of women of quality are not Charles. Mrs. Oakly, at your ladyship's, so easily impeached-My rank places me above the scandal of little people, and I shall meet Lady F. Married? such petty insolence with the greatest ease Har. Not, yet, madam; but my father has and tranquillity. But you and your simple been so good as to give his consent. girl will be the sufferers.-I had some thoughts Lady F. I protest I am prodigiously glad of introducing her into the first companyof it. My dear, I give you joy-and you, But now, madam, I shall neither receive nor Mr. Oakly. I wish you joy, Mr. Russet and return your visits, and will entirely withdraw all the good company-for I think the most my protection from the ordinary part of the of them are parties concerned. service. 1) In racing one horse gets to the winning-post before another, and being at distance before the other thus. distances him. family, [Exit. Rus. Zounds, what impudence! that's worse than all the rest. 1) What we would do is, made public. - sure, as you say, and make my friends welcome. Mrs. O. Excellent raillery! Lookye, Mr. Oakly, I see the meaning of all this affected coolness and indifference. your flirts Lord T. Fine presence of mind, faith! The true French nonchalance-But, good folks, why such a deal of rout and tapage about nothing at all?-If mademoiselle Harriot had rather be Mrs. Oakly than lady Trinket- Oak. My dear, consider where you areWhy-I wish her joy-that's all.-Mr. Rus- Mrs. O. You would be glad, I find, to get set, I wish you joy of your son-in-law-Mr. me out of your house, and have all Oakly, I wish you joy of the lady-and you, about you. madam, [To Harriot] of the gentleman-And, in short, I wish you all joy of one another, 'pon honour! [Exit Rus. There's a fine fellow of a lord now! The devil's in your London folks of the first fashion, as you call them. They will rob you of your estate, debauch your daughter, or lie with your wife-and all as if they were doing you a favour-'pon honour! Maj. O. Hey! what now? Oak. Before all this company! Fie! Mrs. O. But l'il disappoint you, for I shall remain in it, to support my due authorityas for you, major Oakly Maj. O. Hey-day! What have I done? Mrs. O. I think yon might find better employment, than to create divisions between married people-and you, sir! Ook. Nay but, my dear! Mrs. O. Might have more sense, as well as Oak. D'ye hear, major, d'ye hear? Maj. O. Zounds! what a clatter! - She'll pull down all the bells in the house. Mrs. O. You and your wise counsellor therec, suppose, think to carry all your polots with me- Oak. Was ever any thing Oak. My observations since I left you, have Mrs. O. But it won't do, sir. You shall confirmed my resolution. I see plainly that find that I will have my own way, and that her good humour, and her ill humour, her I will govern my own family. smiles, her tears, and her fits, are all calcu-| Oak. You had better learn to govern yourlated to play upon me. self, by half. Your passion makes you ridi Maj. O. Did not I always tell you so? It's culous. Did ever any body see so much fury the way with them all-they will be rough and violence; affronting your best friends, and smooth, and hot and cold, and all in a breaking my peace, and disconcerting your breath. Any thing to get the better of us. own temper. And all for what? For nothing. Oak. She is in all moods at present, 1'Sdeath, madam! at these years you ought to promise you-There has she been in her know better. chamber, fuming and fretting, and dispatching Mrs. O. At these years!-Very fine!—Am a messenger to me every two minutes-servant I to be talked to in this manner? after servant-now she insists on my corning Oak. Talked to!- Why not? - You have to her now again she writes a note to entreat talked to me long enough-almost talked me -then Toilet is sent to let me know that she to death-and I have taken it all, in hopes of is ill, absolutely dying-then the very next making you quiet-but all in vain. Patience, minute, she'll never see my face again-she'll I find, is all thrown away upon you; and go out of the house directly. [Bell rings] henceforward, come what may, I am resolved Again! now the storm rises!__ to be master of my own house. Maj. O. It will soon drive this way then- Mrs. O. So, so!-Master, indeed! - Yes, now, brother, prove yourself a man- You sir; and you'll take care to have mistresses have gone too far to retreat. enough too, I warrant you. Oak. Retreat! Retreat! No, no!-I'll Oak. Perhaps I may; but they shall be preserve the advantage I have gained, I am quiet ones, I can assure you. determined. Mrs. O. Indeed! And do you think I am Maj. O. Ay, ay!-keep your ground!-fear such a tame fool, as to sit quietly and bear nothing-up with your noble heart! Good all this? You shall know, sir, that I will discipline makes good soldiers; stick close to resent this behaviour You shall find that I my advice, and you may stand buff to a have a spirittigress Oak. Here she is, by heavens! now, brother! Oak. Of the devil. Mrs. O. Intolerable! You shall find then that I will exert that spirit. I am sure I have need of it. As soon as the house is once cleared again, I'll shut my doors against all company. You shan't see a single soul for this month. Mrs O. I think, Mr. Oakly, you might have had humanity enough to have come to see how I did. You have taken your leave, Oak. 'Sdeath, madam, but I will!-I'll keep I suppose, of all tenderness and affection-open house for a year. I'll send cards to the but I'll be calm-I'll not throw myself into a whole town-Mr. Oakly's rout!-All the world passion-you want to drive me out of your will come-and I'll go among the world toohouse-I see what you aim at, and will be I'll be mewed up no longer. aforehand with you-let me keep my temper! I'll Mrs. O. Provoking insolence! This is not send for a chair, and leave the house this instant to be endured-Lookye, Mr. OaklyOak. True, my love: I knew you would not think of dining in your chamber alone, when I had company below. You shall sit at the bead of the table, as you ought, to be Oak. And lookye, Mrs. Oakly, I will have my own way. Mrs. O. Nay, then let me tell you, sir- will not be crossed-I won't be made a fool. | had ruined my girl. But it's all over now, Mrs. O. Why, you won't let me speak. and so Oak. Because you don't speak as you ought. Mrs. O. You was here yesterday, sir? Madam, madam! you shan't look, nor walk, nor talk, nor think, but as I please. Mrs. O. Was there ever such a monster! I can bear this no longer. [Bursts into Tears] O vile man! I can see through your design-you cruel, barbarous, inhuman-such usage to your poor wife!-you'll be the death you of her. Oak. She shan't be the death of me, I am determined. I Rus. Yes; I came after Harriot. I thought should find my young madam with my young sir here. Mrs. O. With Charles, did you say, sir? Rus. Ay, with Charles, madam! The young rogue has been fond of her a long time, and she of him, it seems. Mrs. O. Í fear I have been to blame. [Aside. Ras. I ask pardon, madam, for the disturbance I made in your house. Mrs. O. That it should ever come to this!- Har. And the abrupt manner in which I To be contradicted - [Sobbing]-insulted-came into it demands a thousand apologies. abused-hated-'tis too much-my heart will But the occasion must be my excuse. burst with-oh-oh!Mrs. O. How have I been mistaken! [Aside] [Falls into a Fit. Harriot, Charles, But did not I overhear you and Mr. Oakly elc. run to her assistance. Oak. [Interposing] Let her alone. [To Harriot Har. Dear madam! you had but a partial hearing of our conversation. It related entirely this gentleman. Charles. For heaven's sake, sir, she will be-to Oak. I don't care-Let her alone, I say. Mrs. O. [Rising] O, you monster! - you villain!-you base man!-Would you let me die for want of help?-would you Oak. Bless me! madam, your fit is very violent-take care of yourself. Charles. To put it beyond doubt, madam, Mr. Russet and my guardian have consented to our marriage; and we are in hopes that you will not withhold your approbation. Mrs. O, I have no further doubt-I see you are innocent, and it was cruel to suspect youYou have taken a load of anguish off my mindand yet your kind interposition comes too late; Mr. Oakly's love for me is entirely Mrs. O. Despised, ridiculed - but I'll be destroyed. revenged-you shall see, sir Oak. Tol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol. [Singing [Weeping. [Apart. Apart. Oak. I must go to herMaj. O. Not yet!-Not yet! Har. Do not disturb yourself with such Mrs. O. What, am I made a jest of? Ex-apprehensions; I am sure Mr. Oakly loves posed to all the world? If there's law or you most affectionately, justice Oak. I can hold no longer. [Going to her] Oak. Tol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol. My affection for you, madam, is as warm as [Singing. ever. My constrained behaviour has cut me Mrs. O. I shall burst with anger. - Have a to the soul-for it was all constrained-and it care, sir; you may repent this.-Scorned and was with the utmost difficulty that I was able made ridiculous! No power on earth shall to support it. hinder my revenge! - [Going. Mrs. O. O, Mr. Oakly, how have I exposed myself! What low arts has my jealousy induced me to practise! I see my folly, and fear that you can never forgive me. Har. [Interposing] Stay, madam. wonders. Oak. Forgive you!-This change transports [Apart. me!-Brother! Mr. Russet! Charles! Harriot! Oak. I think she'll have no more fits. Apart. give me joy!-I am the happiest man in the Har. Stay, madam - Pray stay but one world! moment. I have been a painful witness of Maj. O. Joy, much joy, to you both! though, your uneasiness, and in great part the innocent by-the-by, you are not a little obliged to me occasion of it. Give me leave thenfor it. Did not I tell you I would cure all Mrs. O. I am indeed obliged to you, and I feel Mrs. O. I did not expect, indeed, to have the disorders in your family? I beg pardon, found you here again. But however- sister, for taking the liberty to prescribe for Har. I see the agitation of your mind, and you. My medicines have been somewhat it makes me miserable. Suffer me to tell the rough, I believe, but they have had an adreal truth. I can explain every thing to your mirable effect, and so don't be angry with satisfaction. your physician. Mrs. O. May be so-I cannot argue with you. Charles. Pray, madam, hear her-for my sake-for your own-dear madam! Mrs. O. Well, well-proceed. Har. I understand, madam, that your first | alarm was occasioned by a letter from my but it shall hereafter be my study to deserve father to your nephew. it. Away with all idle jealousies! And since Rus. I was in a bloody passion, to be sure, my suspicions have hitherto been groundless, madam!The letter was not over civil, I am resolved for the future never to suspect believe.—I did not know but the young rogue at all. Oak. Nay, my dear, no more of this. All that's past must be utterly forgotten. Mrs. O. I have not merited this kindness, [Exeunt. THE DOUBLE DEALER, Comedy by W. Congreve, acted at the Theatre Royal 169. This is the second play this author wrote; the characters of it are strongly drawn, the wit is genuine and original, the plot finely laid, and the conduct inimitable; yet such is, and ever has been, the capricious disposition of audiences, that it me not equal encouragement with his Old Bacheler (in some respects a much more exceptionable play), nor had it the same success with his later performances. SCENE. A Gallery in LORD TOUCHWOOD's House, with Chambers adjoining. ACT I. 'egad, I could not have said it out of thy SCENE I-A Gallery in LORD TOUCHWOOD's company. Careless, ha? House. CARELESS crosses the Stage, as just risen Mel. Then thy reason staggers, and thou'rt almost tipsy. Care. Hum, ay, what is't? Brisk. O mon coeur! What is't? Nay, 'gad, I'll punish you for want of apprehension: the deuce take me, if I tell you. Mel. No, no, hang him, he has no taste.. But, dear Brisk, excuse me; I have a little business. Care. Pr'ythee, get thee gone; thou seest we are serious. Mel. We'll come immediately, if you'll but go in and keep up good humour and sense in Care, No, faith, but your fools grow noisy; the company; pr'ythee do, they'll fall asleep else. and if a man must endure the noise of words Brisk. Egad, so they will. Well, I will, without sense, I think the women have more I will; 'gad, you shall command me from the musical voices, and become nonsense better. zenith to the nadir. But, the deuce take me, Mel. Why, they are at the end of the if I say a good thing till you come, But gallery, retired to their tea and scandal. But pr'ythee, dear rogue, make haste; pr'ythee, I made a pretence to follow you, because I make haste, I shall burst else; and yonder had something to say to you in private, and your uncle, my lord Touchwood, swears he'll I am not like to have many opportunities disinherit you; and Sir Paul Pliant threatens this evening. to disclaim you for a son-in-law; and my Care. And here's this coxcomb most criti-lord Froth won't dance at your wedding tocally come to interrupt you. Enter BRISK. a Brisk. Boys, boys, lads, where are you? What, do you give ground? Mortgage for bottle, ha? Careless, this is your trick; you're always spoiling company by leaving it. Care. And thou art always spoiling company by coming into't. me. morrow; nor, the deuce take me, I won't write your epithalamium; and see what a condition you're like to be brought to. Mel. Well, I'll speak but three words, and follow you. Brisk. Enough, enough. Careless, bring your apprehension along with you. Care. Pert coxcomb! [Exit. Mel. Faith, 'tis a good-natured coxcomb, Brisk. Pho! ha, ha, ha! I know you envy and has very entertaining follies; you must Spite, proud spite, by the gods, and be more humane to him; at this juncture it burning envy. I'll be judged by Mellefont will do me service. I'll tell you, I would here, who gives and takes raillery better, you have mirth continued this day at any rate, or I. Pshaw, man, when I say you spoil though patience purchase folly, and attention company by leaving it, I mean you leave be paid with noise: there are times when nobody for the company to laugh at. I think sense may be unseasonable, as well as truth: there I was with you. Ha, Mellefont? pr'ythee, do thou wear none to-day; but allow Mel. O'my word, Brisk, that was a home Brisk to have wit, that thou may'st seem thrust: you have silenced him. a fool. Brisk. O, my dear Mellefont, let me perish, Care. Why, how now? Why this extraif thou art not the soul of conversation, the vagant proposition? very essence of wit, and spirit of wine. The Mel. O, I would have no room for serious deuce take me, if there were three good design, for I am jealous of a plot. I would things said, or one understood, since thy have noise and impertinence, to keep my lady amputation from the body of our society. He! Touchwood's head from working. I think, that's pretty, and metaphorical enough: Care. I thought your fear of her had been over. Is not to-morrow appointed for your marriage with Cynthia? and her father, sir Paul Pliant, come to settle the writings this day, on purpose? Mel. True; but you shall judge whether I have not reason to be alarmed. None, besides you and Maskwell, are acquainted with the Care. I'm mistaken if there be not a fasecret of my aunt Touchwood's violent passion miliarity between them you do not suspect, for me. Since my first refusal of her ad- for all her passion for you. dresses, she has endeavoured to do me all Mel. Pho, pho! nothing in the world but ill ofices with my uncle; yet has managed his design to do me service; and he endeavours 'em with that subtilty, that to him they have to be well in her esteem that he may be able borne the face of kindness; while her malice, to effect it. can like a dark lantern, only shone upon me Care. Well, I shall be glad to be mistaken; where it was directed; but, whether urg'd but your aunt's aversion in her revenge, by her despair, and the short prospect of time not be any way so effectually shown, as in she saw to accomplish her designs, whether promoting a means to disinherit you. She is the hopes of revenge, or of her love, termi- handsome, and cunning, and naturally amorous: nated in the view of this my marriage with Maskwell is flesh and blood at best, and opCynthia, I know not; but this morning she portunities between them are frequent. surprised me in my own chamber. affection for you, you have confessed, is Care. Was there ever such a fury? Well, grounded upon his interest; that you have bless us! proceed. What followed? transplanted; and, should it take root in my Mel. It was long before either of us spoke; lady, I don't see what you can expect from passion had tied her tongue, and amazement the fruit. His mine. In short, the consequence was thus; Mel. I confess the consequence is visible she omitted nothing that the most violent love were your suspicions just. But see, the could urge, or tender words express; which company is broke up: let's meet 'em, FROTH, and SIR PAUL PLIANT. Lord T. Out upon't, nephew; leave your father-in-law and me to maintain our ground against young people. when she saw had no effect, but still I pleaded honour and nearness of blood to my uncle, Re-enter BRISK, with LORD TOUCHWOOD, LORD then came the storm 1 fear'd at first; for, starting from my bedside, like a fury she flew to my sword, and with much ado I prevented her doing me or herself a mischief. Having disarmed her, in a gust of passion she left me, and in a resolution, confirmed by a thousand curses, not to close her eyes till they had seen my ruin. Mel. I beg your lordship's pardon. We were just returning Sir P. Where you, son? 'Gadsbud, much better as it is-Good, strange! I swear I'm Care. Exquisite woman! But, what the almost tipsy; t'other bottle would have been devil, does she think thou hast no more sense too powerful for me-as sure as can be, it than to disinherit thyself? For, as I take it, would: we wanted your company; but, Mr. this settlement upon you is with a proviso Brisk-where is he? I swear and vow he's a that your uncle have no children. most facetious person, and the best company; Mel. It is so. Well, the service you are and, my lord Froth, your lordship is so merry to do me, will be a pleasure to yourself: I must a man, he, he, he! get you to engage my lady Pliant all this Lord F. O fie, sir Paul, what do you mean? evening, that my pious aunt may not work Merry! O, barbarous! I'd as lieve you call'd her to her interest: and if you chance to me-fool. secure her to yourself, you may incline her to mine. She's handsome, and knows it; is very silly, and thinks she has sense; and has on old fond husband. Sir P. Nay, I protest and vow now 'tis true; when Mr. Brisk jokes, your lordship's laugh does so become you, he, he, he. Lord F. Ridiculous, sir Paul! you are Care. I confess a very fair foundation for strangely mistaken: I find champaign is powera lover to build upon. ful, I assure you, sir Paul, I laugh at nobody's Mel. For my lord Froth, he and his wife jest but my own, or a lady's, I assure you, will be sufficiently taken up with admiring sir Paul. one another, and Brisk's gallantry, as they Brisk, How! how, my lord? What, affront call it. I'll observe my uncle myself; and my wit! Let me perish! do I never say any Jack Maskwell has promised me to watch my thing worthy to be laugh'd at? aunt narrowly, and give me notice upon any Lord F. O fie, don't misapprehend me: suspicion. As for sir Paul, my wise father- don't say so; for I often smile at your conin-law that is to be, my dear Cynthia has ceptions. But there is nothing more unbesuch a share in his fatherly fondness, he coming a man of quality than to laugh: 'tis would scarce make her a moment uneasy to such a vulgar expression of the passion! every have her happy hereafter. body can laugh. Then especially to laugh at Care. So, you have manned your works: the jest of an inferior person, or when any but I wish you may not have the weakest guard, where the enemy is strongest. Mel. Maskwell, you mean: pr'ythee, why should you suspect him? I Care. Faith, I cannot help it: you know never lik'd him; I am a little superstitious in physiognomy. Mel. He has obligations of gratitude to bind him to me; his dependance upon my uncle is through my means. Care. Upon your aunt, you mean. body else of the same quality does not laugh with him: ridiculous! to be pleased with what pleases the crowd! Now, when I laugh, I always laugh alone. Brisk. I suppose that's because you laugh at your own jests, 'egad; ha, ha, ha! Lord F. He, he! I swear though your raillery provokes me to a smile. Brisk. Ay, my lord, it's a sign I hit you in the teeth, if you show 'em. Lord F. He, he, he! I swear that's so very pretty, I can't forbear. |