5. It is expressed in familiar, everyday words; does not add to the complexity of the subject matter by using technical or other unfamiliar language. 6. It compresses ideas into relatively short paragraphs and sentences (we call them "bite-sized"). 7. It connotes action-uses action words and direct, "head-on" sentences; prefers the active to the passive voice for most sentences. Using these characteristics as a measuring stick, it's easy to see why the so-called traditional style is not effective. Contrast the before-andafter writing which follows. Before and After Letters* THEN Mr. John Doe 1111 Main Street New York, New York 12345 Dear Mr. Doe: Agreeable to your communication of August 24th, we have consulted our actuarial department to ascertain the status of subject policy. Inasmuch as your payment on said policy was due on August 20th and this classification carries a 31-day grace clause, your period of grace does not expire until September 20th. Therefore, permission is hereby granted to delay remittance until that date. Trusting to hear from you by that time, I am Very truly yours, NOW Mr. John Doe 1111 Main Street New York, New York 12345 Dear Mr. Doe: I am glad to tell you that your policy (975 123 456) *Used with permission, New York Life Insurance Company. is still in force. It has a 31-day grace period; so you may pay your August 20 premium any time up to September 20. Sincerely yours, BEFORE THE WORKSHOP Dear Mr. Doe: We are replying to your letter of June 22, 19—, and recent telephone conversations regarding duplicate payments of $11.33. Our records indicate that two (2) payments of $11.33 were received and applied to Account Number Account Number The adjustment is in process, and you may expect to receive your refund within the next three (3) weeks. We regret the delay in replying to your correspondence, but in large paperwork operations such as ours, it is extremely difficult to completely avoid incidents of this kind. We will do our utmost to see that they do not recur and that you will be served more promptly and efficiently in the future. Very truly yours, AFTER THE WORKSHOP Dear Mr. Doe: Within three weeks you will receive a refund check for $11.33, the amount of the duplicate payment you made on your When we checked our records, after receiving your letter of June 22 and talking with you, we found that we had received duplicate payments. Thank you for helping us straighten this matter out. Very truly yours, Let's not be too hard on ourselves A word in our defense. Many of us worked hard to acquire the traditional style. And what we hoped to accomplish with it, we must still accomplish with the modern style. One reason we used the third person and its companion-the passive voice-was to make it clear to the receiver that the instructions and interpretations were from the Service, not from any one individual in it. We wanted to make clear also our objectivity in administering and interpreting the tax laws. We still must do this. But we don't have to rely on the third person, the passive voice, and a mass of qualifying words to accomplish our objective. In fact, we know now that they did not accomplish it. We often used hedging instead of direct language to protect the Service from those who might, intentionally or unintentionally, misinterpret or misuse our communications. We still must be discreet. But we need to remember the wise saying, "A little protective armor saves a ship; too much sinks it." We must use good judgment in determining when it is necessary to use qualifying or somewhat vague language and be careful to use it sparingly. We thought communications from the Government to its citizens should be dignified. And they should. But our communications indicate that we thought it would be undignified in our writing to admit that we had made a mistake, to thank a person for calling our attention to the mistake, or to express regret for any inconvenience we might have caused him. What we did not take into account is the fine line between dignity and pomposity. Nor did we consider that the kind of dignity we most admire, in an individual or an agency, is a simple, natural dignity of manner and of expression. It is this kind of dignity we must strive for in our communications. We also seemed not to realize that most people have more respect for an individual or an agency which admits to an honest mistake and states frankly what action has been taken to correct it. Many of our letters now show that we take this view. We knew that, in many situations, we must be firm and specific, as well as courteous. Our language, however, often communicated more than firmness. taxpayers were searching for ways to defraud the Government and to wrongfully avoid paying their taxes. Many construed what we thought of as firm statements to be threats. It communicated to some that the "burden of proof" meant proof that they were innocent of fraud, not proof that they were entitled to an exemption or a dependency credit. Finally, we tended to rely so heavily on the WEIGHT OF THE LAW and on our authority under it that our writing did not always show clearly that we recognize, as an important part of our job, giving taxpayers clear, courteous explanations of the law and helping them meet its requirements. The "modern style" is flexible. With it, we can accomplish all that we tried to do using the traditional style. All we need now is to adapt it to our needs. Doing so will pose some problems for us, but none that we can't resolve. One problem will be trying to substitute new language and review habits for old. Breaking habits of any kind is hard. It requires sustained, disciplined effort. And the temptation is always present to slip back into the old, familiar habit. Like the cigarette smoker who has no trouble "stopping," yet usually starts again, we have to work not only to acquire the new habits but to keep them. Perhaps the hardest problem will be to mesh the efforts of all the people involved in the writing process-the executives, managers, supervisors, and professional employees. For though writing (as you know) is a highly individual activity, in Government it is also a group effort. This is the reason the IRS Writing Improvement Program includes writing workshops for managers and supervisors as well as for originators. Steps in Writing The job of writing is much like the carrying out of the work assignment it represents. Both require you to— • Prepare for the task • Perform it • Evaluate it (and, if necessary, make corrections) All three steps are necessary if the job is to be done well and represent professional work. Planning Before beginning work on an assignment, you need, of course, to PLANto pin down the specific purpose of the assignment, decide what needs to be done, identify the sources of the information you need, and map out your course of action. The more complex and significant the assignment, the more time and effort must be devoted to planning it. But even the most routine assignment requires at least minimum planning. So with writing. You must plan before you write or dictate-pin down the purpose of the communication, select only the most pertinent of the facts involved, decide how to arrange them for the receiver, and how to express them so he will understand them. Evaluating As you near the end of your work assignment, you evaluate the work you've done to be sure you have done everything necessary and done it correctly. The same with writing. Once you have written a communication (in draft or in final form), you need to evaluate it to be sure it can be relied on to do its job. You check it to see whether it is: |