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Coun. Come, if the Captain want amuse-| Col. Let it pass, Major. Forgive the Cornet ment, let him laugh at himself. I can assure his brains; you'll quarrel with no man about him the subject is inexhaustible. trifles. [Exit with Torrento. Maj. Very true, Colonel. But I can't help Ven. [Looking at Lorenza]—A fine figure wondering what makes the Cornet always so for the picket or the pillory. Meagre inanity hard upon love and the ladies. I should have [Exit Ventoso. thought him the most successful wooer in
-Title and trade!
Lor. Now is my light extinguished! Now the corps.
To me is but a melancholy grave,
[He sees Lorenzo. Who are you?-Speak!-Let me but hear your voice
You are not native here.
Out of my way, old man!
What wonderer's this?
'Tis noble blood
Cor. Ha, ha! You compliment.-He civilizes. [Aside] Major, a glass of wine.
Col. Conciliatory claret? Major.
Maj. No; it's too cold for the occasion. Here, Cornet, a generous bumper of Madeira. My countrymen always go for their healths to Madeira.
Cor. And for their morals to Port-Jackson 1), I think they call it. [Aside to the Colonel] But now, Major, be candid. Why did you think me likely to succeed with the sex?
Maj. Because the dear creatures are so foud of their own faces, that they always choose a fellow as like themselves as they can. By the glory of the Twentieth! Cor. Diavolo! you shall answer for this. [Rising angrily. Col. Poh! Swallow it with your wine. Lor. [With a bitter laugh]—Mine-noble Here's Lorenzo; he'll laugh at you. Welcome, Captain. We must be on parade beTempt me no further--for this hour, my mind fore the new Viceroy in half an hour. The Is feverish-bitter-thick with sullen thoughts, order, I see, reached you in good time. That touch on madness.
That fills your veins.
[Lorenzo rushes out-Stefano gazing
Lor. In the worst time possible, Colonel. I cannot obey it. I would rather throw up my commission. - Victoria is to be married to-night. [Dejectedly.
Col. Rapid manoeuvring, that. Marriage in full gallop. Hymen turned into a hussar. Maj. His old rank was in the rifle corps. —
SCENE I.-The Mess Room1).-Sabres, Caps, etc. hung up. The COLONEL, MAJOR, and Ha, ha! CORNET at Table, after Dinner. Cor. Throw up his commission! Muffs and Cor. The actual Prince de Pindemonté ar-meerschaums! Wear plain clothes, and be rived, and to be proclaimed Viceroy to night!-taken for a doctor or a lawyer, or some such We shall be broke, every soul of us; ex-abomination. The man's crazed. Try if he'll coriated of fur, lace and feather, for life; ut- stand a glass of water. [Aside to Major. terly nonentified! Muffs and meerschaums. Maj. No; water proves nothing in the corps. Col. This arrival is certainly most unex-All hussars have the hydrophobia 2) by nature. pected and unlucky. Is there any thing of Lor. Those people about Victoria make a the Prince in the evening paper, Major? bugbear of me. It is to prevent presumed Maj. [Glancing over it]-Heads of columns, disturbance from me, that this unfortunate paragraphs, rank and file. [Reads] "Mar- ceremony is thus hurried; and is to take place riage in high life-Grand boxing match: Fa- in an old castle a league out of town. shionable boarding school-Capital man-traps: Col. And are we to buy or blow up your The comet - New tale of the Isle of Sky: castle?
Polar passage: voyage to the moon." Ha, ha! Lor. None of the family have ever visited not a syllable, Colonel. it. It was left to the old Count to dispose of Col. One of the aides-de-camp has just taken in some way or other. Their ignorance seemed the order for parade to Lorenzo's quarters. to allow me a chance of rescuing Victoria This love is a formidable thing, when it keeps from ruin. Spado has already ordered our a man from messing. The lady's picture is grooms to drive their Prince, and be hanged
Maj. She's a beauty of the first water. She should lodge in my heart on a lease for ever, and as long as she liked after.'
Col. Lodge in your heart, Major? Aye, and in your head! love reigns a tyrant, if he reigns at all.
Cor. In the Major's head! Muffs and meerschaums, would you put the lady into unfurnished lodgings?
1) Dining Room..
to him, and his cavalcade, round the suburbs, and, under cover of night, lodge them in the jail instead of their castle. I shall then burst upon them, and break up the imposture at
1) A hit at the Irish gentlemen, who take refuge in this Island to avoid their creditors; the Major only hears the word Port (wine), the Irish being a wine-drinking nation are influenced to good deeds by drinking Port; Jackson, as heard by the Colonel, finishes the stroke; Port Jackson is in Botany bay, and thus the wit of this phrase is perfectly clear.
2) An aversion to water.
once, by flinging the impostor into his dungeon But now away with you, every man to his before their eyes. - [Spado enters. And cell,-What! grumbling? Why, you dogs, here's Spado. What have you done? Have you ought to think yourselves the luckiest you setiled their reception with the jailor. fellows alive to be here. Are the grooms prepared? Are the cavalcade going? [To Spado.
Spa. Signior, the cavalcade are gone. I saw them off: a grand show, Sir, private as it was! The old Count and Countess full of bustleblunders and Brussels lace, according to custom; the bride full of blushes and tears, according to custom; and the bride's maids, servant maids, and maids of all descriptions, full of laughing and impudence, tattle and white topknots, also according to custom. I will be revenged on some of them, yet.
Lor. Silence, Sir!-will you be kicked out of the room?
Song.-JAILOR and Chorus.
From Monday to Monday morning.
When once he's here,
At the world he may jeer,
And pay no more debts than a prince or a peer,
Till he takes his swing,
All on a Monday morning.
Cor, According to custom. [Spado goes. Col. Yet, Lorenzo, if the affair be so close upon beginning, we can all go with you. Jail, Off with you, here comes the party. We have still half an hour before parade. Away, you hounds! [Exeunt Lazaro and Lor. My dear Colonel, I must insist on Prisoners.] — Here they live without rent, going alone. I know the result of having tithe, or taxes, and do as little for it as if they used the Viceroy's name; and no man shall were SO many lords; and yet they will be implicated in my misfortunes. On this hour grumble! [Exit. may depend every future moment of my life. [A Door is unlocked, and the Count, I must go, were I never to return. [Exit. Countess, and Torrento, highly dressed, come in.
[Major, Colonel, and Cornet,
Tor. Upon my honour, Count, this is the Maj. [Calls]-Wait a moment. Off like a most singular looking castle. And what a rocket. You shan't go alone, unless you take detestable atmosphere of rank tobacco, and us along with you; that's plain. [Exit. vinegar wine! Your friend must have lived Col. That's plain; yes, plain Irish, Major.-ike a bashaw or a bandit, and this was the Forwards! [Exit, laughing. black hole.
Cor. [Equipping himself]-Detestable, to Ven. The Marquis was a singular man, be hurried in one's making up 1). Irish!- certainly. Very gloomy, very ancient; a very The Major's blunders spring up as thick as ghostly habitation.
blossoms in one of his own potatoe fields. Coun. Husband, husband, its a very fine Perdition to all straps, strings, and stay-laces, castle; our reception was quite royal, senI say. [Trying to put on his Accoutre- tinels on the walls, lighted torches, drawments.] Chin-stays and chokebands! Dia-bridges up, altogether a very grand affair. volo! Sebastian, my sal volatile. [He calls]— Tor. [Aside]-It has the look of a jail, My tailor has been taking measure of some the smell of a jail-it feels like a jail. [To Ven.] one for the half pay 2). -no allowance for Why have you brought me to this detestable dinner. Viva! there's a form. The Major was place? A wedding in this-condemned cell? right. Irresistible! "C'est l'amour, l'amour, l'a- Ven. Excellent name!-very appropriate for [Exit, singing. the ceremony-chains for life. Ha, ha, ha! Tor. Chains for life-capital jest-ha, ha, SCENE II-A Hall in the Jail, with a rude ha! [He forces a Laugh, which gradually attempt at decoration on the Walls. A diminishes.] A prodigious smell of thieves. Wreath of tarnished Flowers, festooning|
a grated Window. Prisoners are busy Coun. Prince, this is but the reception room; removing Chains and Bolls. Some are I orderered the grand baronial hall to be sitting at a small Table, drinking. The prepared for the ceremony and this is, Į JAILOR comes in hastily, with LAZARO. suppose, the door. [Tries it.] Bless me, it Jail. Hurry, hurry! - Off with yourselves is lock'd.
and your table. By St. Januarius, this looks Tor. [Runs over to it] Lock'd, aye, and showy, gay, quite in the gala style, Lazaro. double lock d. [Aside. Angrily to Ventoso.] I wish we had the floor chalked -we might For what purpose is this locking up, Sir? have a quadrille - Ha, ha, ha! [A Noise of And at this early hour too; it's against all rule. Chains outside.]-Hurry, hurry! We are to Ven. Your Highness! this can be nothing have grand visitors to-night. Rather an odd but the carefulness of the servants. My friend, place for a wedding, to be sure.-What would the Marquis, was a very particular man, and you say to being one of the brides-maids, La- locked up every thing, himself included. He zaro-ha, ha, ha! [The Prisoners laugh.]
2) The poor half-pay Officers are the butt of many a
joke, from those who are in-full pay.
5) The floor of a ball-room, in England, is generally chalked with figures representing a landscape, etc. in order to prevent the dancers from slipping.
was a great buyer of all sorts of oddities, curiosities, and monstrosities. He built this castle for a show, and then shut it up like a prison. You have heard of the Marquis Chiar' Oscuro?
Tor. The Marquis! unquestionably--my most particular friend, Ha, ha! that explains
PRIDE SHALL HAVE A FALL.
the whole matter, and this was the castle;-fire by friction, she would be a volcano.
Ven. Aye, where are the ladies? always late, always lingering.
Coun. I have left them in another apartment till the arrival of the priest. There must be no hurry, no precipitation. Marriage is a serious thing.
Col. Gathering nerve on the terrace
Ven. Yes, your Highness; it is as little of a joke as any thing in the world. But let us begin. One is not the more reconciled to the dose, by looking at it. [Aside] I will Leon. Torrento! Is it possible? [In surprise. [He hurries out. run after the ladies. Tor. Leonora, by what wonder has this Tor. And a very gallant run for your age.But now, my charming Countess, for on my happened? I am delighted beyond expression. honour, with that bloom on your cheek, and I have a thousand questions to ask. Count that brilliancy in your eyes, I can't bring my- and Countess, excuse me a moment. Leon. And is this a time to ask? I am self to call you-Mother-in-law. Now[Voices of the Hussars without. overwhelmed with surprise, with sorrow, with I thought that you had fled from Hussars. Ha, ha, ha!-By the glory of the shame. Twentieth-excellent, down with bar, bolt, and Palermo. I lived only in the hope of your But to find you here, my sister's chain-Muffs and meerschaums-Allspice and return. [The Hussars burst in. bridegroom-you the Prince!-Traitor, I will sugar canes— Maj. Bravo! just in time; the turtle's under unmask you. the net. Colonel, let's have a laugh at the Cornet, [Aside] - Cornet, may I have the honour of introducing you to-the Bride.
Coun. The whole barrack broke loose, as I'm an honest woman!-[To Torrento] Bride! what do the monsters mean?
Tor. Hush! one word. I will satisfy all your doubts; I expected to meet you; I have been as much deceived as yourself. I'll marry none but you. I swear, by the brightness of your eyes, by every star
Lean. Ah! yours, I fear, are wandering [He leads her up the Stage. Tor. The Hussars! found out and followed. stars. Coun. A mighty handsome reception, in-Bride-the old Countess-Ha, ha! [Aside]—| Don't mind their insolence. Those gentlemen deed! The Prince's affability is charming. are court jesters, paid for making themselves Tis all the way in high life. Friendships are ridiculous; and by all that's absurd, they earn as quickly made there astheir money. Away, Lady.
Ven. They are unmade. He's prodigiously [They approach the Door. affable. Why, it's absolute love-making. [Calls] Cor. [Surveying her with his Glass]- Your Highness, the bride is coming. By St. The Bride! a very antique susceptibility-a Agnes, he forgets her, as much as if they had grand climacteric, touched by the heavenly been married a month. passion,
Col. It must have been something heavenly; for nothing earthly could have done it. Maj. Yes; like an old tree, set on fire by lightning.
VICTORIA, attended by Bridemaids, enters.
Vic. Lorenzo! [She is overwhelmed,
Cor. [Still approaching] — Victim of Cupid-Maiden innocence-Virgin virago! [Aside, to the Hussars. Coun. [Bursting away from Torrento, and following the Cornet]-Why, you red mountebank!-you impudent man-milliner!— you thing of mummery and moustaches-you King's bad bargain-you apology for a man-There lies the door. Begone! you trooper
Maj. It's the old lady herself! Countess Figs and Raisins, by the glory of the Twentieth!
Lor. [Advancing] Victoria! if your heartCoun. Stand back, plebeian! Marry with like.
Ven. [Calling to Torrento]-Prince! take your bride.
Those wives and daughters! Lor. Scorn'd, aspers'd, disdain'd, For blood, that flows as hotly in my veins Col. Let me see her with the naked eye. As in an emperor's. Ginger and Cayenne to the life!
Can birth bequeath
Cor. The venerable charmer that insulted Mind to the mindless; spirit to the vile; the whole regiment. The old horse - marine! Valour to dastards; virtue to the knave?Bless me, how she prances! Why don't you 'Tis nobler to stand forth the architect Of our own fame, than lodge i' the dusty halls stop her-Colonel-MajorOf ancestry!-To shine before the world, Like sunrise from the dusk, than twinkle on 1) By little animals.
Maj. I would as soon stop a chain-shot,
In far and feeble starlight!
This be all,
Early or late, Lorenzo's epitaph:
must fly the country. Our pride has had a fall. Ven. Aye: now boast-now triumph. A Death-fall!-and so hard a one, that may I be in the Gazette), if I ever try a fall again. Here, Victoria; Leonora, help to bear up your mother's griefs. Hers is a heavy case, a very weighty concern, indeed. She see through a rogue! She might as well see to the end of a suit in Chancery. Pride-ruin-madness! [Exeunt SCENE III. An Apartment in VENTOSo's House. VICTORIA and LEONORA come in. Vic. At home again! Stay with me, Leo-My brain is wild. I can scarcely think TORRENTO and LEONORA re-appear. that we have escaped from that hideous prison. Coun. Will she kneel to him? Can she Did not Lorenzo upbraid me, cast me off?— endure this insult? Prince, take your bride. I will take the veil. [To Torrento. Leon. Take the veil! take nothing but Tor. Who dares insult her? That rioter courage. Your beauty might kill a whole regicome again! Sir, the man who offends this ment of officers, instead of pining for one. lady must not live. [Lorenzo turns. I would not give a sigh to save the whole Lor. I had forgot!-Vagabond,-Ho-Jai-army-list-Yet, I feel some strange, delightful lor! Fling this impostor into the dungeon hope, that all will yet be well-Your Prince, from which I took him. you see, was one of my adorers-In coming [Ventoso and the Females in surprise. to marry you, he thought he was come to Tor. Draw, and defend yourself! [The marry me. Monstrous impudence in either Jailor, Lazaro, and Assistants, rush in case.-I shall have him yet for all that, if I'm behind Torrento, and pinion him. The woman. [Aside. Hussars return] Stiletto! 'Tis the jail-completely tricked, trapped, trepanned. What's Pisan. Ladies, your immediate attendance all this for? [To the Jailor]-Handcuffs at the palace is commanded by order of the 'tis against prison rules-I have not broke Viceroy, the Prince de Pindemonté. bounds-I'll give bail to any amount-a thou- Vic. The Impostor!-Viceroy! impossible! sand sequins-ten-twenty thousand. The Leon. Torrento, Viceroy! incredible! Got Count will go security, [Aside] Count, I say-out of prison-got into the palace-He is the [Calling. great sublime of impudence. I adore him Ven, I am deaf. Security! Swindler! How for his ingenuity.-Can the news be true? shall we escape? Pisan. Nothing more certain; the nobility Leon. Undone undone. Save him, dear are going in crowds to the palace-the Count father, save him. and Countess have been summoned, and are already gone. The guards are on parade:and one of the officers is now waiting below, Lor. Off with that culprit to his dungeon. to have the honour of escorting you, when Tor. Count and Countess, this is a con- the carriage returns. spiracy. I will have justice!-vengeance!- Leon. Runs to the Mirror]— Heavens, Scoundrels! high treason!-injur'd prince!— what a head! the damp of that odious prison Pindemonté!— [He is carried off. has made me the very emblem of a weeping Ven. Let us escape. Security indeed! Here willow. - Come, sister, dear Victoria, rise! is security with a vengeance-locks and bars-Will you wear plumes or roses? But smile, to find myself in a jail! Open the door! and you will conquer. You can then return, [They knock. and-take the veil, if you choose. [She attempts to arrange her Dress, Victoria repels her,
Jail, Restive! Ho! on with the handcuffs, Lazaro. The bosom friends!
Col. [A Bugle sounds] Officers! the call to parade. Troopers! Pride! Ha, ha, ha! Troopers! Birth-Pride! ha, ha!
[He urges the Major and
Cornet out, laughing.
Lor. Count and Ladies, farewell. We have Spirit of Love! the heart still deceiving; met for the last time. You, Victoria, have Still, on the dim eye delicious dreams weaving; suffered for the crime of inconstancy; you, Still, with sad pleasure the torn bosom heaving; Count, for the folly of being a slave to the Go! I'm thy slave and thy victim no more! will of women; you, Countess, for the violence LEONORA.
of your temper; and all for your common Spirit of Hope! from thy light pinions shedding crime, Pride! Farewell for ever. [Exil. Flowers where the steps of young Passion are Vic. If sorrow shame - penitence!-Ob, Lorenzo!-He's gone.
Sunny hues over life's sullen clouds spreading, Leon. If I can climb the walls, or under- Here, live or die, at thy shrine I adore! mine the dungeon, or dry up the moat, or bribe the guards, my true Torrento-my un- Spirit of Joy! on those bosoms descending, fortunate Torrento - shall not linger another Come, like the day-star, the weary night ending day in prison. [Aside. Come, like the bow with the summer storm blending,
Coun. Undone-insulted-laughed at-I shall never be able to hold up my head again. Wel 1) Bankrupts are inserted in the Gazette.
Bid all the anguish of true love be o'er.
If I am scorned, I shall die uncomplaining.
you would be worthy of the throne yourself. Spy! This to a man of honour!
Ven. Friend Stefano, a man of honour may be like a debt of honour-a very roguish affair. Coun. I insist on seeing his Highness! Keep your distance, Sir!
Ste. Yes, Madam, if I would preserve my ears. I never ran foul of such a fire-ship
No bitter tear must those rich cheeks be staining;
A Saloon in the Palace. Attendants in waiting. STEFANO, with papers.
Ste. Those documents-the similitude of his features form evidence irresistible. Now, to add conviction to conviction. Ho, Sir, has the Signior Torrento been brought from the jail? Have the Count Ventoso and his family been summoned to the palace?
You would make the best match since the fall
The COLONEL, MAJOR, and CORNET, enter
Cor. Charming-Nature to the last, Majorexquisitely Hibernian!
Maj. Perhaps no such mighty blunder, after all-make it your own case, Cornet. What, angry? Poh, shake hands.
Cor. 'Pon honour, no-but by sentence of
Officer. [Outside] "Room for the Count a Court-Martial, and Countess Ventoso."
Col. Well, Lorenzo deserves it all; as capi
Ste. Come already! I shrink instinctively tal a fellow as ever wore spur. from the volley of that woman's tremendous tongue. [He walks aside. The COUNT and COUNTESS enter, led by the OFFICER. Servants range themselves in
Coun. [Sees them]-The Hussars! Ven. Are you sure we're not in jail again? [To Countess. Col. Ho! the Count and Countess. Come, don't turn away; let us be friends.
Cor. Her Ladyship! Excuse me, ColonelCoun. Now, husband, what have you to say the Hussars never notice the Heavys 1). for your wisdom? Solomon! -The Prince's Maj. Poh, nonsense, man! Your Ladyship, seizure was clearly a conspiracy. Here we he aspires to the honour of a salute.
are, by the express command of his Highness Cor. Me! Diavolo! I'll never come in conthe Prince de Pindemonté, my son-in-law! tact with that harpy again, but in a cuirassMuffs and meerschaums!
Ven. It's all a riddle-all moonshine to me. In jail and out of jail at once! He must be a Col. Well, then, let me introduce the Maconjuror an eater of fire and a swallower of jor-He comes from the land of gallantry; small swords. But, why was I sent for here?- the country where they raise men for exI see it-to squeeze money out of me-a for-portation. ced loan.
Coun. Wise head! the Prince has sent for my daughters. Depend upon it, there will be a wedding to-night, and this is a very pretty apartment for the ceremony. On my virtue, I should like a suite here, with a handsome pension.
Maj. Aye, to improve the modesty of mankind, your Ladyship.
Ven. But what-what were you saying of
Maj. He is this moment closeted with the
Ven. I don't doubt you, my love; a taste estate! In his infancy he had been sent from for the public money is not uncommon in either sex.
Italy with a large sum in jewels to his family
Coun. Our kinsman!
Coun. But, bless me! there's your Signior Stefano. I before suspected him of being a Jew, but now I am sure of it. Nothing else Col. Yes; an old villain, who embezzled the could have such access to people of quality. money, and ran away with the boy to this Ste. Count, those papers-these- [Aside. island; where he brought up Lorenzo as a Coun. This is no time to talk of your af- peasant's son. The rogue died only some fairs Retire! I cannot give you my counte- months ago.
Ven. St. Anthony!-had he no son? Ste. Retire! Countenance! Upon my honour, Col. What, am I to trace a scoundrel's Madam, your ladyship's countenance is one whole genealogy!
of the last presents that could excite my gra- Cor. But did you hear the name of the present heir?
Ven. He can't bear for five minutes what Col. No, not I. Some old accomplice; he I have been bearing these forty years. [Aside. will be stripped of course.
Coun. He's a spy of Lorenzo's: but, rather Maj. Oh, what's the use of his name—some than give my daughter to that buff-belt, I'd old trafficker-he will be sent to the galleys, marry her to the Khan of Tartary!
to a certainty.
Ven. Now she's in for it. [Aside] - Man, Cor. Yes; if he have any hemp or ratsmake your escape. [To Stefano. bane in his establishment, he may take the Ste. Intolerable! - [Aside]-Khan of Tar- benefit of his own stock in trade. tary! Madam, if the tongue made the Tartar, 1) Heavy horse-Dragoons.