This becomes abominable, when the Luftre of one Word leads a Writer out of his Road, and makes him wander from his Subject for a Page together. I remember a young Fellow, of this Turn, who having faid by Chance that his Mistress had a World of Charms, thereupon took Occafion to confider her as one poffeffed of Frigid and Torrid Zones, and pursued her from the one Pole to the other. I fhall conclude this Paper with a Letter written in that enormous Stile, which I hope my Reader hath by this time fet his Heart againft. The Epifle hath heretofore received great Applaufe; but after what hath been faid, let any Man commend it if he dare. SIR, 'A FTER the many heavy Lashes that have fallen from your Pen, you may juftly expect in • return, all the Load that my Ink can lay upon your • Shoulders. You have Quartered all the foul Language upon me, that could be raked out of the Air of Billingsgate, without knowing who I am, or whether I deferve to be Cupped and Scarified at this < rate. I tell you once for all, turn your Eyes where you pleafe, you fhall never Smell me out. Do you think that the Panicks, which you sow about the Parifh, will ever build a Monument to your Glory. No, Sir, you may Fight these Battles as long as you will, but when you come to Ballance the Account you will find that you have been Fishing in troubled Waters, and that an Ignis fatuus hath bewildered you, and that indeed you have built upon a fandy Foundation, and brought your Hogs to a fair Market. 6 I am, S I-R, Yours, &c. Monday, No 596. Monday, September 20. Molle meum levibus Cor eft violabile Telis. T Ovid. HE Cafe of my Correfpondent who fends me the following Letter has fomewhat in it so very whimfical, that I know not how to entertain my Readers better than by laying it before them. SIR, • I Am fully convinced that there is not upon Earth a more impertinent Creature than an importunate Lover: We are daily complaining of the Severity of our Fate, to People who are wholly unconcerned in it; and hourly improving a Paffion, which we would perfuade the World is the Torment of our Lives. Notwithtanding this Reflection, Sir, I cannot forbear acquainting you with my own Cafe. You must know then, Sir, than even from my Childhood, the moft prevailing Inclination I could perceive in my felf, was a strong Defire to be in Favour with the Fair Sex. I am at prefent in the one and twentieth Year of my Age, and fhould • have made Choice of a She Bed-fellow many Years fince, had not my Father, who has a pretty good Eftate of his own geting, and paffes in the World for a prudent Man, being pleafed to lay it down as a • Maxim, That nothing fpoils a young Fellow's Fortune fo much as marrying early; and that no Man ought to think of Wedlock till fix and twenty. Knowing his Sentiments upon this Head, I thought it in vain to apply my felf to Women of Condition, who expect Settlements; fo that all my Amours have hitherto been with Ladies who had no Fortunes: But I know not how to give you fo good an Idea of me, as by laying before you the Hiltory of my Life. . ་ I can very well remember, that at my SchoolMiftreffes, whenever we broke up, I was always ⚫ for joining my self with the Mifs who Lay in, and was conftantly one of the firft to make a Party in 'the Play of Husband and Wife. This Paffion for being well with the Females ftill increased as I advanced in Years. At the Dancing-School I contracted fo many Quarrels by ftruggling with my Fellow-Scholars for the Partner I liked beft, that upon a Ball Night, before our Mothers made their Appearance, I was ufually up to the Nofe in Blood. My Father, like a difcreet Man, foon removed me from this Stage of Softness to a School of Discipline, , where I learnt Latin and Greek, I underwent feve⚫ral Severities in this Place, 'till it was thought con• venient to send me to the Univerfity; though, to confefs the Truth, I should not have arrived fo early at that Seat of Learning, but from the Discovery ⚫ of an Intrigue between me and my Mafter's HoufeKeeper; upon whom I had employed my Rhetorick fo effectually, that, though fhe was a very elderly • Lady, I had almoft brought her to confent to marry me. Upon my Arrival at Oxford, I found Logick fo dry, that, instead of giving Attention to the Dead, ⚫ I foon fell to addreffing the Living. My first Amour was with a pretty Girl whom I fhall call Parthenope: • Her Mother fold Ale by the Town-Wall. Being of ten caught there by the Proctor, I was forced at laft, that my Miftrefs's Reputation might receive no Blemish, to confefs my Addreffes were honourable. Upon this I was immediately fent Home; but Parthenope foon after marrying a Shoe-maker, I was again fuffered to return. My next Affair was with my Taylor's Daughter, who deferted me for the fake of a young Barber. Upon my complaining to one of my particular Friends on this Misfortune, the cruel Wagg made a meer Jeft of my Calamity, and asked me with a Smile, Where the Needle should turn but to the Pole? After this I was deeply in Love with a Millener, and at laft with my Bed-maker, : upon · upon which I was fent away, or, in the University Phrafe, Rufticated for ever. UPON my coming home, I fetled to my Studies fo heartily, and contracted fo great a Referved* nefs by being kept from the Company I most affe&ted, that my Father thought he might venture me • at the Temple. ་ ‹ WITHIN a Week after my Arrival I began to * fhine again, and became enamoured with a mighty pretty Creature, who had every thing but Mony to ⚫ recommend her. Having frequent Opportunities of uttering all the foft things which an Heart formed for Love could infpire me with, I foon gained her Confent to treat of Marriage; but, unfortunately for us all, in the Abfence of my Charmer I ufually talked the fame Language to her elder Sifter, who is alfo very pretty. Now I affure you, Mr. SPEGTATOR, this did not proceed from any real Affecti • on I had conceived for her; but being a perfect Stranger to the Converfation of Men, and strongly addicted to affociate with the Women, I knew no other Language but that of Love. I should howe ver be very much obliged to you, if you could free me from the Perplexity I am at prefent in. I have fent Word to my old Gentleman in the Country, that I am defperately in Love with the younger Sifter; and her Father, who knew no better, poor Man! acquainted him by the fame Poft, that I had for fome time made my Addreffes to the Elder. Upon this, ⚫old Tefty fends me up Word, that he has heard fo much of my Exploits, that he intends immediately to order me to the South-Sea. Sir, I have occafio• rally talked fo much of dying, that I begin to think there is not fo much in it; and if the old Squire per⚫ fifts in his Defign, I do hereby give him Notice that I am providing my felf with proper Inftruments for ⚫ the Deftruction of defpairing Lovers, let him there⚫fore look to it, and confider that by this Obftinacy he may himself lose the Son of his Strength, the World World an hopeful Lawyer, my Miftrefs a paffionate Middle-Temple, Your conftant Admirer, Jeremy Lovemore, N° 597. Wednesday, September 22. ST -Mens fine Pondere ludit. Petr. INCE I received my Friend Shadow's Letter, feveral of my Correfpondents have been pleased to fend me an Account how they have been employed in Sleep, and what notable Adventures they have been engaged in during that Moon-shine in the Brain. I fhall lay before my Readers an Abridgment of fome few of their Extravagancies, in hopes that they will in Time accuftom themselves to dream a little more to the Purpofe. ONE who ftiles himself Gladio, complains heavily that his Fair One charges him with Inconftancy, and does not use him with half the Kindnefs which the Sincerity of his Paffion may demand; the faid Gladio having by Valour and Stratagem put to death Tyrants, Inchanters, Monsters, Knights, c. without Number, and expos'd himself to all manner of Dangers for her Sake and Safety. He defires in his Pofticript to know, whether, from a conftant Succefs in them, he may not promife himself to fucceed in her Efteem at laft. ANOTHER who is very prolix in his Narrative writes me Word, That having fent a Venture beyond . Sea, he took Occafion one Night to fancy himself gone along with it, and grown on a fudden the richeft Man in all the Indies.. Having been there about a Year or two, a Gust of Wind that forced open his Cafe |