My loving,"" iny doving," Petseying," "wetseying," Now sighing, now dying, Now dear diamonds buying, Or yards of chantilly, like a great big silly, Oranges, apples,-gloves Gros de Naples, Now fingers squeezing or playfully teazing, Never once heeding what they are reading, But soiling one's hose by pressing one's toes; Or else so zealous, and nice and jealous of all the fellows, Darting fierce glances if ever one dances with a son of France's, Or finding great faults, or threatening assaults whenever you "valtz;" Or fuming and fussing enough for a dozen if you romp with your cousin ; Continually stopping, when out a-shopping, and bank notes dropping, Not seeking to win money, calling it "tin” money, and promising pin money; Like pic-nics at Twickenham, off lovely cold chicken, ham, and champagne to quicken 'em; Detesting one's walking without John too goes stalking, to prevent the men talking: Think you still in your teens, wont let you eat "greens," and hate crinolines; Or heaping caresses, if you curl your black tresses, or wear low-neck'd dresses; Or when up the river, almost sure to diskiver that beats all to shiver, the sweet Guadalquiver; Or seeing death-fetches if the tooth-ache one catches, making picturesque sketches of the houses of wretches; Or with loud double knocks brings from Eber's a box to see "Box and Cox," or pilfer one's lecks to mark their new stocks; Or whilst you are singing a love song so stinging, they vow they'll be swinging, or in Serpentine springing, unless to them clinging, you'll go wedding-ringing, and for life mend their linen. Now the gentlemen sure I've no wish to disparage. HOW THE GENTLEMEN DO AFTER MARRIAGE. Oh! then nothing pleases 'em, But everything teases 'em, Then they're grumbling and snarling You're a fool," not a "darling;" Though they're as rich as the Ingies, They're the stingiest of stingies; They've never got money; And they haven't a penny; But what passes all bounds, On themselves they'll spend pounds→ Give guineas for lunch Off real turtle and punch; Each week a noise brings about, when they pitch all the things about; Now bowing in mockery, now smashing the crockery; Storming and raging past all assuaging. Heaven preserve us! it makes one so nervous, To hear the door slam to, to be called simple ma'am, too; I wonder if Adam called Mrs. Eve, Madam ;) As a matter of course they'll have a divorce; Or "my Lord Duke" intends to send you home to your friends, And allow ten pounds a quarter for yourself and your daughter; Though you strive all your might you can do nothing right; While the maids-the old song-can do nothing wrong. "Every shirt wants a button!" Every day they've cold mutton; They're always a flurrying one; or else they're a hurrying one, or else they're a worrying one; Threatening to smother your dear sainted mother, or kick your big brother; After all your fine doings, your strugglings and stewingswhy the house is in ruins!" Then the wine goes like winking, and they cannot help thinking you've taken to drinking; They're perpetually rows keeping, 'cause out of the housekeeping they're in bonnets their spouse keeping; So when they've been meated, if with pies they're not treated, they vow that they're cheated! Then against Ascot Races, and all such sweet places, they set their old faces; And they'll never leave town, nor to Broadstairs go down, though with bile you're quite brown; For their wife they unwilling are, after cooing and billing her, to stand a cap from the milliner-e'en a paltry twelve shillinger; And it gives them the vapors to witness the capers of those bowers and scrapers, the young linen drapers; Then to add to your woes, they say nobody knows how the money all goes, but they pay through the nose for the dear children's clothes; Though you strive and endeavor, they're so mightily clever, that please them you'll never, till you leave them for ever yes! the hundredth time sever-“for ever—AND EVER!!" Now the gentlemen sure I've no wish to disparage, THE BOYS.-ETHEL LYNN. "The boys are coming home to-morrow!" Whilst Lou and I shot flitting glances, Full of vague, unspoken dread. Had we hither come for quiet, Waking one with wild hallooing Stumbling over trailing flounces, Thumbing volumes gold and blue; Clamoring for sugared dainties, Tracking earth the passage through. These and other kindred trials Fancied we with woful sigh: "Those boys, those horrid boys, to-morrow!" * * * * I wrote those lines one happy summer; Remembering how full of terror We watched all day the opening door. They came "the boys!" Six feet in stature, I vowed to Lou, behind my knitting, For boyhood is a thing immortal To her, no line comes sharply marking Now by the window, still and sunny, For Lou and I are now her daughters Lou springs up to meet a footfall; Alway she speaks in gentle fashion AFTER THE BATTLE. "Brave Captain! canst thou speak? What is it thou dost see! A wondrous glory lingers on thy face, The night is past; I've watched the night with thee. Knowest thou the place?" "The place?" "Tis Fair Oaks, comrade. Is the battle over? The victory-the victory-is it won? My wound is mortal; I know I cannot recover- "I never thought it would come to this! Does it rain? The musketry! Give me a drink; ah, that is glorious! Now if it were not for this pain-this pain Didst thou say victorious? "It would not be strange, would it, if I do wander? It can make no difference whether I go from here or there' "Tarry awhile, comrade, the battle can wait for thee; "I must not think of it. Thou art sorry for me? "I do not think I have done so very much evilI did not mean it. 'I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul'-just a little rude and uncivilComrade, why dost thou weep? "Oh! if human pity is so gentle and tender Good-night, good friends! 'I lay me down to sleep'Who from a Heavenly Father's love needs a defender? 'My soul to keep!' "If I should die before I wake'-comrade, tell mother, "Attention, company! Reverse arms! Very well, men; my thanks. Where am I? Do I wander, comrade-wander again?— Parade is over. Company E, break ranks! break ranks!I know it is the pain. |