A young man who thought he had won the heart, and now asked the hand in marriage of a certain young widow, was asked by her, "What is the difference between myself and Mr. Smith's Durham cow?" He naturally replied, 'Well I don't know." "Then," said the widow, "you had better marry the cow."

George the First, on a journey to Hanover, stopped at a village in Holland, and while the horses were getting ready, he asked for two or three eggs, which were brought to him, and charged at two hundred florins. "How is this," said his majesty," eggs must be very scarce in this place." "Pardon me," said the host, "eggs are plenty enough, but kings are scarce." The king smiled, and ordered the money to be paid.

A gentleman who was muffled up to his ears .n furs, one cold day met a beggar in his shirt sleeves and asked him how he could endure to go so thinly clad. The man of many wants replied: "Why, sir, you go with your face bare; I am

all face."

In a company, the conversation having fallen on the subject of phrenology, and the organ of drunkenness being alluded to, a lady present suggested that this must be the barrel-organ.

When Cortez returned to Spain, he was coolly received by the emperor, Charles the Fifth. One day he suddenly presented himself to the monarch. “Who are you?" said the emperor, haughtily. "The man," said Cortez, as haughtily, "who has given you more provinces than your ancestors left you cities."

A lady, who made pretensions to the most refined feelings, went to her butcher to remonstrate with him on his cruel practices. "How," said she, "can you be so barbarous as to put innocent little lambs to death?" "Why not, madam," said the butcher; "you would not eat them alive, would you?"

A surgeon on board a ship of war used to prescribe salt water for his patients in all disorders. Having sailed one evening, on a party of pleasure, he happened, by some mischance, to be drowned. The captain, who had not heard of the disaster, asked one of the tars next day if he had heard anything of the doctor. "Yes," answered Jack, after a turn of his quid," he was drowned last night in his medicine chest."

An Irishman was eating an apple-pie with some quinces in it; "Arrah, now, honey," said he, "if a few quinces give such a flavor, how would an apple-pie taste made all of quinces?"

A clergyman was reproving a married couple for their frequent dissensions, which were very unbecoming both in the eye of God and man, seeing, as he observed, that they were both one. Both one!" cried the husband. "Was your reverence to come by our door sometimes, you would swear we were twenty."

A dancer said to another person, " You cannot stand upon one leg as long as I can." "True," answered the other," but a goose can."

It was well answered by Archbishop Tillotson to King William, when he complained of the shortness of his sermon: “Sir," said the bishop, “could I have bestowed more time upon it, it would have been even shorter."

A Hibernian schoolmaster, in a village near London, advertised that he intended to keep a Sunday-school twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

A lecturer on the history of chemistry, in describing the celebrated Mr. Boyle said: "He was a great man, a very great man; he was father of modern chemistry, and brother of the Earl of Cork."

Some one being asked the reason why his head was so intermixed with gray hairs, and that not one could be seen in his beard, answered, “It is no wonder; the hair of my head is older than that of my beard by twenty years."

SUPPLEMENT TO

One Hundred Choice Selections, No. Il

CONTAINING

SENTIMENTS For Public Occasions;

WITTICISMS For Home Enjoyment;

LIFE THOUGHTS For Private Reflection;
FUNNY SAYINGS For Social Pastime;

MISCELLANEOUS EXERCISES, Etc.

A strict adherence to truth is not only an essential duty in a religious point of view, but it is indispensably necessary to preserve the morals of any community.

When streaming from the eastern skies
The morning light salutes my eyes,

O Sun of righteousness Divine,

On me with beams of mercy shine:
Chase the dark clouds of guilt away,

And turn my darkness into day.

Shrubsole.

All minds are influenced every moment; and there is a providence in every feeling, thought and word.

Good humor only teaches charms to last,

Still makes new conquests, and maintains the past.

Pope.

Opportunities are very sensitive; if you slight their first visit you seldom see them again.

Real glory

Springs from the quiet conquest of ourselves

And without that the conqueror is nought

But the first slave.

Words are women, deeds are men.

Cease, every joy, to glimmer on my mind,

Thomson.

Italian Proverb.

But leave-oh! leave the light of Hope behind!
What though my winged hours of bliss have been,
Like angel-visits, few and far between.

Campbell.

Rest satisfied with doing well, and leave others to talk of you as they please.

Alas! when all our lamps are burned,

Our bodies wasted, and our spirits spent,

Pythagoras.

When we have all the learned volumes turned,
Which yield men's wits both help and ornament,
What can we know, or what can we discern? Davies.

There is nothing more universally commended than a fine day; the reason is, that people can commend it with out envy.

Of fools the world has such a store,
That he who would not see an ass,

Must bide at home, and bolt his door,
And break his looking-glass.

Shenstone.

Boileau.

No man is so insignificant as to be sure his example can do

hurt.

Sleep! to the homeless thou art home:
The friendless find in thee a friend;
And well is, wheresoe'er he roam,
Who meets thee at his journey's end.
True gold fears not the fire.

Lord Clarendon.

Ebenezer Elliot.

I stood upon the hills when heaven's wide arch
Was glorious with the sun's returning march,
And woods were brightened, and soft gales
Went forth to kiss the sun-clad vales.

Longfellow.

Education commences at the mother's knee, and every word spoken within the hearsay of little children tends towards the formation of character.

Rise! for the day is passing,

And you lie dreaming on;

Hosea Ballou.

The others have buckled their armor,
And forth to the fight have gone;

A place in the ranks awaits you,
Each man has some part to play;

The past and the future are nothing,
In the face of the stern To-day.

A. A. Proctor.

The eternal stars shine out as soon as it is dark enough.

Heaven's gates are not so highly arched
As princes' palaces; they that enter there
Must go upon their knees.

Carlyle.

John Webster.

The two great movers of the human mind are the desire of good and the fear of evil.

Cheerful looks make every dish a feast,

And 'tis that crowns a welcome.

Johnson.

Massinger.

Man is the jewel of God, who has created this material world to keep his treasure in.

Theodore Parker.

If affliction grasps thee rudely

And presents the rack and cup,

Drink the draught and brave the torture

Even in despair,—look up.

Still look up! For one there liveth

With the will and power to save

One who knows each human sorrow,
From the cradle to the grave.

J. L. Chester.

We find ourselves less witty in remembering what we have said than in dreaming of what we might have said.

Calmness is great advantage: he that lets
Another chafe, may warm him at his fire,
Mark all his wand'rings, and enjoy his frets;
As cunning fencers suffer heat to tire.

Petet.

Herbert.

Absence lessens small passions and increases great ones as the wind extinguishes the taper and kindles the burning dwelling.

How sour sweet music is

When time is broke, and no proportion kept!
So it is in the music of men's lives.

Shakspeare.

Educate men without religion, and you make them but clever devils. Duke of Wellingtm.

Youth, with swift feet, walks onward in the way,
The land of joy lies all before his eyes;

Age, stumbling, lingers slower day by day,
Still looking back, for it behind him lies.

Frances Anne Kemble.

No enjoyment, however inconsiderable, is confined to the present moment. A man is the happier for life from having made once an agreeable tour, or lived for any length of time with pleasant people, or enjoyed any considerable interval of innocent pleasure. Sidney Smith.

Immodest words admit of no defense,
For want of decency is want of sense.

Roscommon