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tains, you wicked husband and father, and then leave the room till the victim of your fury revives!
Great confusion. Templeton kneels before Arsinoe; Mr. Allen upsetting chairs, runs to the, curtains and draws them close.
Enter the hall at one side, Tom, the butler, searching tlu floor. Enter at other side, Mr. Fothergill.
Mr. F. Where in the world is the poor young man? (Seeing Tom.) Halloa!
Tom (looking around the floor). It must have dropped here on my way out. I can't tind it nowhere else, and I will have it; I must have it!
Mr. F. Then this is the owner of Cassius' whistle! Care as I may for the young man's safety, the whistle is of invaluable importance to me. I have examined it carefully; it is ancient, and if not the same, then identical with the one I lost at the sale.
Tom (discovering Mr. F. as he is placing the whistle up his sleeve). Who are you, and how did you get in this house?
Mr. F. I strolled in.
Tom. But not by way of a door; they're locked, and I hold the keys. Are you a friend of my master? Mr. F. A friend of humanity.
Tom. Oh, you are,are you? I'm very much afraid you're » book agent; I've heard that if you lock the doors against 'em they'll very likely pop down the chimbley. I'll attend to that part of it later. Friend of humanity, did you come across anything like a little old whistle in this hall? It's important, that whistle is, almost a matter of life and death to me.
Mr. F. (aside.) I should say it is important—to me. Already I am beginning to love it next to the Egyptain Princess. But I really must not neglect the fate of that young man. (Aloud.) How could it be a matter of life and death to you, friend?
Tom. It's yes or no; did you find it? But I needn't ask you; of course you didn't, or you wouldn't stand there asking questions. And what'll master say LT I don't give the signal when the right time comes? And master in one of his tantrums, too! The nonsense of the whole thing! Why couldn't he let the young woman be!
Mr. F. You mean young man, don't you? 'Tom. I mean what I says. When I says young woman, I don't think it sounds like old man, young man, or any other kind of man, does it?
Mr. F. Very properly, no. I only thought
Tom. Bah! for your thought. I says young woman, and I mean it. Poor young thing to have such a father! Now my darter might marry whoever she pleased, so il wasn't a chap full o' dead beetles and alleyblasted images like master.
Mr. F. Alabaster, perhaps.
Tom. You'll get your head punched, perhaps. I'll attend to you after a bit, friend o' humanity, that don't come into people's houses by way of doors. But mark me! if they treat the young woman bad
Mr. F. I really fear you mean young man.
Tom (desisting from his search, and going to Mr. F. and assuming a threatening attitude). Now look here. Twice't you've throwed your young man in my teeth. Do I look like a man that goes through the world calling the female sect male, and the male, female, and vicer vercer?
Mr. F. (also assuming a threatening attitude.) I had lessons in boxing in my younger days, and I have not forgotten my /eints. I do not know who you are, nor do I care. I alsc say what I mean, and mean what I say and I say young man. If your ruffian calibre can understand unadulterated Latinisms, allow me to insist that it was a young man, homo, man. I saw him; I conversed with the young man, and while so engaged a scoundrel as much like you as ill nature could make him, came here and grappled with the young man, and bore the young man away, just so sure as I am a K. D., Ph. D., Q. R. S.
Tom (fading hack in terror). It must have been Dan that .'it him! Then i/ow have got the whistle, and the man is took!
Mr. F. (aside— turning away and shrugging his shoulders.) I tear I have been needlessly premature. This comes of being indignant on a ijoung man's account. Now I might have said anything I pleased about Methuselah, and the whistle in all probabilities might never have been thought of.
Tom (following after Mr. F., and noio facing him, they r*. gard each other in silent consternation). And the man's took) Was he of respectable parentage?—without ties of a matrimonial nature?—aud—and—what was his name?
Mk. F. I know nothing of his qualifications one way or another. But he was a young man.
Tom (tearing his hair). You never mean that you've sent to my master a man without a name?
Mr. F. In that part of the earth which he dignifies with the name of "home," he is doubtlessly known by some other term than " man" alone. What I desire to know, and which I have been searching the corridors of this house to find out, is the evidence of his immunity from danger.
Tom (rushing at him and grabbing him). You've got to go to my master. No good denyin' it, you've found the whistle I lost and you've blowed it! And blow me if you shan't be responsible! Come along! You've got to get me out of a scrape, whoever you are. Come along!
Mil. F. (searching for and bringing out his pocket-book.) I will give you whatever price you ask for this whistle.
Tom. Blow the whistle!
Mr. F. I did.
Tom. Who's thinking of whistles! It's master's—he chucked it to me as I came out into the hall.
Mr. F. Your master's! Then it belongs to neither you nor the young man! Chucked it to you! Unhand me! I will go to your master. The man who would chuck this whistle will readily part with it.
Tom and Mr. F. reach the curtains, trhen Tom puts out a detaining hand, preventing further progress.
Tom. What's your name ?—don't tell me you're a book agent and got invaluable books for next to nothing, but tell me who you are; for master must think you've explained everything away to me.
Mr. F. I fear that you are not going to be perfectlyhonest, friend. Honest! Ahem! Honesty is a relative term! My name? I am Benjamin Fothergill, K. D., Ph. P., Q. R. 8.
Tom. Bah! Give it American. Master has letters after his name too. What do yours mean"
Mr. F. So your master has letters after his name, eh?
Tom. They gave him letters because he's full of dead languidges, and such truck, and has invented a way to make salad not taste like salad.
Mb. F. Jupiter Tonans! If that is the sort of man he is, the whistle may not be mine after all.
Tom (-rat/lii g the curtains). Come, what do your letters mean? Are you a boss doctor? Then I'll tell him our mare's gone lame, and there's a strange hoss out in the garden eating up all the fish-geraniums.
Mr. F. That strange horse is mine, friend. The letters to my name signify, firstly, that I am a Knight of the order of Demagogues, a Doctor of Philosophy, a Questioner of the Rights of Sentiment; besides which I am a magistrate
Tom (ihrieking). You're never a magistrate? Something like a parson? Come on! Come on! I can get out of the scrape after all, and nobody needn't know: I never blow ed the whistle. One man's as good as another, after all, and you sent one in. A-nd, magistrate, you can marry people, can't you?
Mr. F. It is probable —if you give me sufficient time. There" was the Egyptian Princess—there is the present Mrs. Fothergill—
Tom. Bother the present Mrs. Fothergill! What's she got to do with it? Now look here! my young missus is got to be married to-day. You shall marry her.
Mr. F. (wiping his face with his handkerchief.) Is she th(i daughter of your master—the owner of the whistle?
Tom. Do you think young missus stands for master's grandmother? I never did see such an old file.
Mr. F. And your master is the putative owner of the whistle! Humph! Aristotle holds that divorce—Friend, did it ever strike you that there may be nations in the world where divorce on account Of disparity in intellectual pursuits might very properly be brought about? When your Egyptian Princesses are called damp and messy and put into ash barrels—Ah, me! I fear that the possession of this whistle is forming my mind to accord with the codes of the time in which it was made. Yet I can not give it up—I love it more than I love the Princess! And yet what will the present Mrs. Fothergill say! I shall be lata to dinner at any rate.
Tom. If you say "present Mrs. Fothergill" once't more, I'll not be responsible for what I do. Come!
Tom draws aside the curtains, and he and Mr. F. stand in the hall and look inside, where Mrs. Allen, Arsinoe, and Tcmpjeton are seated close together.
Mrs. A. I understand you both perfectly, and the story is very pretty. (Rising.) And now we have banished your father long enough; he thinks I am still reviving you, darling. I shall call him now. You are sure of each other and yourselves!
Arsin. Sure, oh!
H. T. Sure, oh!
Mrs. A. Then your father may come in.
Mrs. A. rinqs the bell on the table, and Mr. A. enters from bach. He sees Tom and Mr. F. in the hall, and rushes out to them, while Mrs. A., Arsinoe, and Templdon seeing the three theit, 'put their heads together.
Tom. Master, master; here's a minister—a magistrate; it's all the same. He seen the young man took.
Mr. A. (clapping Tom on the back.) Tom, you're a jewel; you shall not go unrewarded. (To Mr. F., who has been visibly shrinking and gazing at Teinpleton inside.) I desire that you shall marry my daughter, sir. Everything, so far as I see, has arranged itself according to my wishes, and my wife, apparently, has begun to see as I see—in a word, it is as though all od and no vinegar were used in dressing a salad. Ah—I mean that my daughter awaits you. Come!
Mr F. (pressing the whistle to his heart.) The whistle! the whistle! "Et tu Brute" indeed! And what trill the present Mrs. Fothergill say! Oh, me! Oh, me! My wits are deserting me!
Tom (pushing him at the back). AVhy don't you go in? For mercy's sake don't say you blowcd it, and I won't tell how I found you in the house.
Mr. A. Come! Why do you hesitate, sir? You hava my full consent to proceed.
Mr. F. (suddenly.) I see my way! It is a flash of inspiration! (To Tom.) The truth is 1 want to keep the whistle.