LYD. Ah! madam! our memories are independent of our wills. It is not so easy to forget.

MRS. M. But I say it is, miss! there is nothing on earth so easy as to forget, if a person chooses to set about it. I'm sure I have as much forgot your poor dear uncle, as if he had never existed; and I thought it my duty so to do; and let me tell you, Lydia, these violent memories don't become a young woman.

LYD. What crime, madam, have I committed, to be treated thus?

MRS. M. Now don't attempt to extirpate yourself from the matter; you know I have proof controvertible of it. But, tell me, will you promise me to do as you're bid? Will you take a husband of your friends' choosing?

LYD. Madam, I must tell you plainly, that, had I no preference for any one else, the choice you have made would be my aversion.

MRS. M. What business have you, miss, with preference and aversion? They don't become a young woman; and you ought to know, that, as both always wear off, 'tis safest, in matrimony, to begin with a little aversion. I am sure I hated your poor dear uncle, before marriage, as if he'd been a black-a-moor; and yet, miss, you are sensible what a wife I made; and, when it pleased Heaven to release me from him, 'tis unknown what tears I shed! But, suppose we were going to give you another choice, will you promise us to give up this Beverley?

LYD. Could I belie my thoughts so far as to give that promise, my actions would certainly as far belie my words.

ny

MRS. M. Take yourself to your room. You are fit compafor nothing but your own ill humours.

LYD. Willingly, ma'am ; I cannot change for the worse.

[Exit, R.

MRS. M. There's a little intricate hussy for you! SIR ANTH. It is notto be wondered at, ma'am; all that is the natural consequence of teaching girls to read. In my way hither, Mrs. Malaprop, I observed your niece's maid coming forth from a circulating library: she had a book

in each hand-they were half-bound volumes, with marble covers : from that moment, I guessed how full of duty I should see her mistress!

MRS. M. Those are vile places, indeed!

SIR ANTH. Madam, a circulating library in a town is, as an evergreen tree of diabolical knowledge!-It blossoms through the year! And, depend on it, Mrs. Malaprop, that they who are so fond of handling the leaves, will long for the fruit at last.

MRS. M. Fie, fie, Sir Anthony; you surely speak laconically.

SIR ANTH. Why Mrs. Malaprop, in moderation, now, what would you have a woman know?

MRS. M. Observe me, Sir Anthony-I would by no means wish a daughter of mine to be a progeny of learning; I don't think so much learning becomes a young woman for instance-I would never let her meddle with Greek, or Hebrew, or Algebra, or Simony, or Fluxions, or Paradoxes, or such inflammatory branches of learning; nor will it be necessary for her to handle any of your mathematical, astronomical, diabolical instruments; but, Sir Anthony, I would send her, at nine years old, to a boarding school, in order to learn a little ingenuity and artifice. Then, sir, she should have a supercilious knowledge in accounts; and, as she grew up, I would have her instructed in geometry, that she might know something of the contagious countries: above all, she should be taught orthodoxy. This, Sir Anthony, is what I would have a woman know; and I don't think there is a superstitious article in it.

SIR ANTH. Well, well, Mrs. Malaprop, I will dispute the point no further with you: though I must confess, that you are a truly moderate and polite arguer, for almost every third word you say is on my side of the question. But, to the more important point in debate-you say you have no objection to my proposal?

MRS. M. None, I assure you. I am under no positive engagement with Mr. Acres; and as Lydia is so obstinate against him, perhaps your son may have bet

ter success.

SIR ANTH. Well, madam, I will write for the boy directly. He knows not a syllable of this yet, though I have for some time had the proposal in my head. He is at present with his regiment.

MRS. M. We have never seen your son, Sir Anthony; but I hope no objection on his side. SIR ANTH. Objection! Let him object if he dare! No, no, Mrs. Malaprop; Jack knows, that the least demur puts me in a frenzy directly. My process was always very simple in his younger days, 'twas, " Jack, do this, - if he demurred, I knocked him down; and, if he grumbled at that, I always sent him out of the room.

MRS. M. Ay, and the properest way, o'my conscience!-Nothing is so conciliating to young people as severity. Well, Sir Anthony, I shall give Mr. Acres his discharge, and prepare Lydia to receive your son's invocations; and I hope you will represent her to the Captain as an object not altogether illegible.

SIR ANTII. Madam, I will handle the subject prudently. I must leave you; and, let me beg you, Mrs. Malaprop, to enforce this matter roundly to the girl-take my advice, keep a tight hand-if she rejects this proposal, clap her under lock and key; and, if you were just to let the servants forget to bring her dinner for three or four days, you can't conceive now she'd come about.

[Exit, L.

MRS. M. Well, at any rate, I shall be glad to get her from under my intuition-she has somehow discovered my partiality for Sir Lucius O'Trigger. Sure, Lucy can't have betray'd me!—No, the girl is such a simpleton, I should have made her confess it. Lucy! Lucy! [Calls.] Had she been one of your artificial ones, I should never have trusted her.

Enter Lucy, R.

Lucy. Did you call, maʼam ?

MRS. M. Yes, girl. Did you see Sir Lucius while you was out?

Lucy. No indeed, ma'am, not a glimpse of him.

MRS. M. You are sure, Lucy, that you never mentioned

LUCY. O gemini! I'd sooner cut my tongue out!

MRS. M. Well, don't let your simplicity be imposed on. LUCY. No, ma'am.

MRS. M. So, come to me presently, and I'll give you another letter to Sir Lucius-[Crosses to R.]-but mind, Lucy, if ever you betray what you are entrusted with (unless It be other people's secrets to me), you forfeit my malevolence for ever; and your being a simpleton shall be no excuse for your locality. [Exit, R.

LUCY. Ha! ha! ha! So, my dear simplicity, let me give you a little respite; [Altering her manner]—let girls in my station be as fond as they please of being expert and knowing in their trust, commend me to a mask of silliness, and a pair of sharp eyes for my own interest under it!Let me see to what account have I turned my simplicity lately: [Looks at a paper.]" For abetting Miss Lydia Languish in a design of running away with an ensign! in money, sundry times, twelve pound twelve-gowns, five; hats, ruffles, caps, etc. etc. numberless. From the said ensign, within this last month, six guineas and a half. Item, from Mrs. Malaprop, for betraying the young people to her "-when I found matters were likely to be discovered-" two guineas and a French shawl. Item from Mr. Acres, for carrying divers letters"—which I never delivered," two guineas and a pair of buckles. Item, from Sir Lucius O'Trigger, three crowns two gold pocket pieces, and a silver snuff-box!"—Well done, simplicity! yet I was forced to make my Hibernian believe, that he was corresponding, not wiht the aunt, but with the niece; for, though not over rich, I found he had too much pride and delicacy to sacrifice the feelings of a gentleman to the necessities of his fortune. [Exit, R.

ACT. II.

SCENE I.-Captain Absolute's Lodgings.'

Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE and FAG, R.

FAG. Sir, while I was there, Sir Anthony came in ; I told him you had sent me to inquire after his health, and to know if he was at leisure to see you.

CAPT. A. And what did he say on hearing I was at Bath?

FAY. Sir, in my life, I never saw an elderly gentleman more astonished!

CAPT. A. Well, sir, and what did you say?

FAG. O, I lied, sir-I forgot the precise lie, but, you may depend on't he got no truth from me. Yet, with submission, for fear of blunders in future, I should be glad to fix what has brought us to Bath, in order that we may lie a little consistently. Sir Anthony's servants were curious, sir, very curious indeed.

CAPT. A. You have said nothing to them?—

FAG. O, not a word, sir-not a word. Mr. Thomas, indeed, the coachman (whom I take to be the discreetest of whips)

CAPT. A. 'Sdeath!-you rascal! you have not trusted him?

FAG. Oh, no, sir,-no-no--not a syllable, upon my veracity!-He was, indeed, a little inquisitive; but I was sly; sir-devilish sly!-My master (said I), honest Tho mas (you know, sir, one says honest to one's inferiors) is come to Bath to recruit-yes, sir I said to recruitand whether for men, money, or constitution, you know, sir, is nothing to him, nor any one else.

CAPT. A. Well-recruit will do-let it be so

FAG. Oh, sir, recruit will do surprisingly :-indeed, to give the thing an air, I told Thomas, that your honour had already enlisted five disbanded chairmen, seven minority waiters, and thirteen billiard markers.