JOSEPH S. You need not stay. [To the Servant, who places chairs. Exit Servant, L.] Here's a chair, Sir PeterI beg

SIR P. [Sits, L.] Well, now we are alone, there is a subject, my dear friend, on which I wish to unburthen my mind to you-a point of the greatest moment to my peace; in short, my good friend, Lady Teazle's conduct of late has made me very unhappy.

JOSEPH S. [Sealed, R.] Indeed! I am very sorry to hear it. SIR P. Yes, 'tis but too plain she has not the least regard for me; but, what's worse, I have pretty good authority to suppose she has formed an attachment to another. JOSEPH S. Indeed! you astonish me!

SIR P. Yes; and, between ourselves, I think I've discovered the person.

JOSEPH S. How! you alarm me exceedingly.

SIR P. Ay, my dear friend, I knew you would sympathise with me!

JOSEPH S. Yes-believe me, Sir Peter, such a discovery would hurt me just as much as it would you.

SIR P. I am convinced of it.-Ah! it is a happiness to have a friend whom we can trust even with one's family secrets. But have you no guess who I mean?

JOSEPH S. I haven't the most distant idea. It can't be Sir Benjamin Backbite?

SIR P. Oh, no! What say you to Charles?

JOSEPH S. My brother! impossible!

SIR P. Oh! my dear friend, the goodness of your own heart misleads you. You judge of others by yourself.

JOSEPH S. Certainly, Sir Peter, the heart that is conscious of its own integrity is ever slow to credit another's treachery.

SIR P. True-but your brother has no sentiment-you never hear him talk so.

JOSEPH S. Yet, I can't but think Lady Teazle herself has too much principle.

SIR P. Ay, but what is principle against the flattery of a handsome, lively young fellow.

JOSEPH S. That's very true.

SIR P. And then, you know, the difference of our ages makes it very improbable that she should have any very great affection for me; and if she were to be frail, and I were to make it public, why the town would only laugh at me, the foolish old bachelor, who had married a girl. JOSEPH S. That's true, to be sure—they would laugh. SIR P. Laugh-ay, and make ballads, and paragraphs, and the devil knows what, of me.

JOSEPH S. No-you must never make it public.

SIR P. But then again-that the nephew of my old friend, Sir Oliver, should be the person to attempt such a wrong, hurts me more nearly.

JOSEPH S. Ay, there's the point.—When ingratitude barbs the dart of injury, the wound has double danger in it. SIR P. Ay-I, that was, in a manner, left his guardian; in whose house he had been so often entertained; who never in my life denied him—any advice.

JOSEPH S. O, 'tis not to be credited. There may be a man capable of such baseness, to be sure; but for my part, till you can give me positive proofs, I cannot but doubt it. However, if it should be proved on him, he is no longer a brother of mine-I disclaim kindred with him: for the man who can break through the laws of hospitality, and tempt the wife of his friend, deserves to be branded as the pest of society.

SIR P. What a difference there is between you! what noble sentiments!

:

JOSEPH S. Yet, I cannot suspect Lady Teazle's honour. SIR P. I am sure I wish to think well of her, and to remove all ground of quarrel between us. She has lately reproached me more than once with having made no settlement on her and: in our last quarrel, she almost hinted that she should not break her heart if I was dead. Now, as we seem to differ in our ideas of expense, I have resolved she shall have her own way, and be her own mistress, in that respect for the future; and if I were to die, she will find I have not been inattentive to her interest while living. Here, my friend, are the drafts of two deeds, which I wish to have your opinion on.-By one, she will,

enjoy eight hundred a year independent while I live; and, by the other, the bulk of my fortune after my death.

JOSEPH S. This conduct, Sir Peter, is indeed truly generous.-— -I wish it may not corrupt my pupil. [Aside.

SIR P. Yes, I am determined she shall have no cause to complain, though I would not have her acquainted with the latter instance of my affection yet awhile.

JOSEPH S. Nor I, if I could help it.

[Aside.

SIR P. And now, my dear friend, if you please, we will talk over the situation of your hopes with Maria. JOSEPH S. [Softly.]--O, no, Sir Peter; another time, if you please.

SIR P. I am sensibly chagrined at the little progress you seem to make in her affections.

JOSEPH S. I beg you will not mention it, sir. What are my disappointments when your happiness is in debate! [Softly.]'Sdeath I shall be ruined every way.

[Aside. SIR P. And though you are so averse to my acquainting Lady Teazle with your passion, I'm sure she's not your enemy in the affair.

JOSEPH S. Pray, Sir Peter, now, oblige me. I am really too much affected, by the subject we have been speaking of, to bestow a thought on my own concerns. The man who is entrusted with his friend's distresses can never

Enter SERVANT, L.

Well, sir?

SERV. Your brother, sir, is speaking to a gentleman in the street, and says he knows you are within.

JOSEPH S. [Rises.] 'Sdeath, blockhead, I'm not within— I'm out for the day.

SIR P. [Rises] Stay—hold—a thought has struck me : -you shall be at home.

JOSEPH S. [Crosses to Servant.] Well, well, let him [Exit Servant, L. He'll interrupt Sir Peter, However.

up.

[Aside.

SIR P. (R.) Now, my good friend, oblige me, I entreat you.—Before Charles comes, let me conceal myself

somewhere-then do you tax him on the point we have been talking, and his answer may satisfy me at once.

JOSEPH S. O fie, Sir Peter! would you have me join in so mean a trick?-To trepan my brother, too?

SIR P. Nay, you tell me you are sure he is innocent; if so, you do him the greatest service by giving him an opportunity to clear himself, and you will set my heart at rest. Come, you shall not refuse me: [Going up] here, behind this screen will be-Hey! what the devil! there seems to be one listener here already-I'll swear I saw a petticoat.

JOSEPH S. Ha! ba! ha! Well this is ridiculous enough. I'll tell you, Sir Peter, though I hold a man of intrigue to be a most despicable character, yet, you know, it does not follow that one is to be an absolute Joseph either! Hark'ee, 'tis a little French milliner-a silly rogue that plagues me, and having some character to lose, on your coming, sir, she ran behind the screen.

SIR P. Ah! Joseph! Joseph! Did I ever think that you -But, egad, she has overheard all I have been saying of my wife.

JOSEPII S. O, 'twill never go any farther, you may depend upon it.

SIR P. No! then, faith, let her hear it out-Here's a closet will do as well.

JOSEPH S. Well, go in there.

SIR P. Sly rogue! sly rogue! [Going into the closet, R.
JOSEPH S. A narrow escape, indeed! and a curious si-
tuation I'm in, to part man and wife in this manner.
LADY T. [Peeping.]-Could'nt I steal off?
JOSEPH S. Keep close, my angel!

SIR P. [Peeping out, R.]-Joseph, tax him home.
JOSEPH S. Back, my dear friend!

LADY T, Couldn't you lock Sir Peter in?

JOSEPH S. Be still, my life!

SIR P. [Peeping.]-You're sure the little milliner won't blab?

JOSEPH S. In, in, my dear Sir Peter-'Fore gad, I wish had a key to the door.

1

Enter CHARLES SURFACE, L.

CHARLES S. Holla! brother, what has been the matter? Your fellow would not let me up at first. What! have you had a Jew or a wench with you?

JOSEPH S. (R.) Neither, brother, I assure you.

CHARLES S. (L.) But what has made Sir Peter steal off? I thought he had been with you.

JOSEPH S. He was, brother; but hearing you were coming he did not choose to stay.

CHARLES S. What! was the old gentleman afraid I wanted to borrow money of him.

JOSEPH S. No, sir: but I am sorry to find, Charles, that you have lately given that worthy man grounds for great uncasiness.

CHARLES S. Yes, they tell me I do that to a great many worthy men-But how so, pray?

JOSEPH S. To be plain with you brother-he thinks you are endeavouring to gain Lady Teazle's affections from him.

CHARLES S. Who, I? O Lud! not I, upon my word.Ha ha ha ha! So the old fellow has found out that he has got a young wife, has he?

JOSEPH S. This is no subject to jest on, brother. He who can laugh

CHARLES S. True, true, as you were going to say—then, seriously, I never had the least idea of what you charge ine with, upon my honour.

JOSEPH S. Well, it will give Sir Peter great satisfaction to hear this

[Aloud.

CHARLES S. To be sure, I once thought the lady seemed to have taken a fancy to me; but, upon my soul, I never gave her the least encouragement:-besides, you know my attachment to Maria.

JOSEPH S. But sure, brother, even if Lady Teazle had betrayed the fondest partiality for you.

CHARLES S. Why, look'ee, Joseph, I hope I shall never deliberately do a dishonourable action; but if a pretty woman was purposely to throw herself in my way-and