poor relations! now be in a temper to receive visits from Well, why don't you show the fellow ? up SERV. I will, sir. —Why, sir, it was not my fault that Sir Peter discovered my lady JOSEPII S. Go, fool! [Exit Servant, L.]-Sure Fortune never played a man of my policy such a trick before. My character with Sir Peter, my hopes with Maria, destroyed in a moment! I'm in a rare humour to listen to other people's distresses! I sha'n't be able to bestow even a benevolent sentiment on Stanley.-So! here he comes, and Rowley with him. I must try to recover myself, and put a little charity into my face, however. [Exit, R. Enter SIR OLIVER SURFACE and ROWLEY L. SIR O. What! does he avoid us!-That was he, was it yes? Row. It was, sir. But I doubt you are come a little too abruptly. His nerves are so weak, that the sight of a poor relation may be too much for him. I should have gone first to break it to him. SIR. O. (R.) O. plague of his nerves! Yet this is he whom Sir Peter extols as a man of the most benevolent way of thinking! Row. (L.) As to his way of thinking, I cannot pretend to decide; for, to do him justice, he appears to have as much speculative benevolence as any private gentleman in the kingdom, though he is seldom so sensual as to indulge himself in the exercise of it. SIR O. Yet he as a string of charitable sentiments I suppose, at his fingers' ends. Row. Or rather, at his tongue's end, Sir Oliver; for I believe there is no sentiment he has such faith in as that "Charity begins at home." SIR O. And his, I presume, is of that domestic sort which never stirs abroad at all. Row. I doubt you'll find it so ;—but he's coming. I mustn't seem to interrupt you; and you know immediately as you leave him, I come in to announce your arrival in your real character. SIR O. True; and afterwards you'll meet me at Sir Peter's. Row. Without losing a moment. [Exit, L. SIR O. I don't like the complaisance of his features. Enter JOSEPH SURFACE, R. JOSEPH S. (R.) Sir, I beg you ten thousand pardons for keeping you a moment waiting--Mr. Stanley, I presume.— SIR O. (L.) At your service. JOSEPH S. Sir, I beg you will do me the honour to sit down-I entreat you, sir! SIR O. Dear sir-there's no occasion-too civil by half! [Aside. JOSEPH S. I have not the pleasure of knowing you, Mr. Stanley; but I am extremely happy to see you look so well. You were nearly related to my mother, Mr. Stanley, I think? SIR O. I was, sir ;-so nearly that my present poverty, I fear, may do discredit to her wealthy children, else I should not have presumed to trouble you. JOSEPH S. Dear sir, there needs no apology:-he that is in distress, though a stranger, has a right to claim kindred with the wealthy. I am sure I wish I was one of that class, and had it in my power to offer you even a small relief. SIR O. If your uncle, Sir Oliver, were here, I should have a friend. JOSEPH S. I wish he was, sir, with all my heart: you should not want an advocate with him, believe me, sir. SIR O. I should not need one-my distresses would recommend me. But I imagined his bounty would enable you to become the agent of his charity. JOSEPH S. My dear sir, you were strangely misinformed. Sir Oliver is a worthy man, a very worthy man; but avarice, Mr. Stanley, is the vice of age. I will tell you, my good sir, in confidence, what he has done for me has been a mere nothing; though people, I know, have thought otherwise; and, for my part, I never chose to contradict the report. SIR O. What! has he never transmitted you bullionpees-pagodas? JOSEPH S. O, dear sir, nothing of the kind :—No, noa few presents now and then-china, shawls, congou tea, avadavats, and Indian crackers-little more, believe me, SIR O. Here's gratitude for twelve thousand pounds !— Avadavats and Indian crackers! [Aside. JOSEPH S. (R.) Then, my dear sir, you have heard, I doubt not, of the extravagance of my brother: there are very few would credit what I have done for that unfortunate young man. SIR O. (L.) Not I, for one! [Aside. JOSEPH S. The sums I have lent him!-Indeed, I have been exceedingly to blame; it was an amiable weakness: however, I don't pretend to defend it,-and now I feel it doubly culpable, since it has deprived me of the pleasure of serving you, Mr. Stanley, as my heart dictates. SIR O. Dissembler! [Aside]-Then, sir, you can't assist me? JOSEPH S. At present, it grieves me to say, I cannot; but, whenever I have the ability, you may depend upon hearing from me. SIR O. I am extremely sorry JOSEPH S. Not more than I, believe me; to pity, without the power to relieve, is still more painful than to ask and be denied. SIR O. Kind sir, your most obedient humble servant. JOSEPH S. You leave me deeply affected, Mr. Stanley.. William be ready to open the door. SIR O. O, dear sir, no ceremony. SIR O. Sir, your most obsequious. JOSEPH S. You may depend upon hearing from me, whenever I can be of service. SIR O. Sweet sir, you are too good! JOSEPH S. In the mean time, I wish you health and spirits. SIR O. Your ever grateful and perpetual humble servant. JOSEPH S. Sir; yours as sincerily. [Aside; Exit, L. JOSEPH S. This is one bad effect of a good character; it invites application from the unfortunate, and there needs no small degree of address to gain the reputation of benevolence without incurring the expense. The silver ore of pure charity is an expensive article in the catalogue of a man's good qualities; whereas the sentinental French plate I use instead of it, makes just as good a show, and pays no tax. Enter ROWLEY, L. Row. (L.) Mr. Surface, your servant: I was apprehensive of interrupting you, though my business demands immediate attention, as this note will inform you. Josepii S. (r.) Always happy to see Mr. Rowley,—a rascal! [Aside-Reads the letter.].-Sir Oliver Surface!My uncle arrived! Row. He is, indeed: we have just parted with himquite well, after a speedy voyage, and impatient to embrace his worthy nephew! JOSEPH S. I am anstonished!-William! stop Mr. Stanley, if he's not gone. Row. Oh! he's out of reach, I believe. JOSEPH S. Why did you not let me know this when you came in together? Row. I thought you had particular business;-but I must be gone to inform your brother, and appoint him here to meet your uncle. He will be with you in a quarter of an hour. JOSEPH S. So he says. Well, I am strangely overjoyed at his coming.- -Never, to be sure, was any thing so damned unlucky. [Aside. Row. You will be delighted to see how well he looks. JOSEPH S. Oh! I am overjoyed to hear it--Just at this time! Row, I'll tell him how impatiently you expect him. [Exit, L. JOSEPH S. Do, do; pray give my best duty and affection. [Aside. Indeed, I cannot express the sensations I feel at the thought of seeing him-Certainly his coming just at this time is the cruellest piece of ill-fortune! SCENE II.—Sir Peter Teazle's. X Enter MAID and MRS. CANDOUR. [Exit, R. MAID. (R.) Indeed, ma'am, my lady will see nobody at present. MRS. C. (L.) Did you tell her it was her friend, Mrs. Candour? MAID. Yes ma'am ; but she begs you will excuse her. MRS. C. Do go again,—I shall be glad to see her, if it be only for a moment, for I am sure she must be in great distress. [Exit Maid R.] Dear heart, how provoking! I'm not mistress of half the circumstances! We shall have the whole affair in the newspapers, with the names of the parties at length, before I have dropped the story at a dozen houses. Enter SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE L. suppose Oh, dear Sir Benjamin! you have heard, I SIR B. O! the strangest piece of business, to be sure! MRS. C. Well, I never was so surprised in my life. I am so sorry for all parties, indeed. SIR B. Now I don't pity Sir Peter at all: he was so extravagantly partial to Mr. Surface. MRS. C. Mr. Surface! Why, 'twas with Charles, Lady Teazle was detected. SIR B. No such thing, I tell you-Mr. Surface is the gallant. MRS. C. No, no, Charles is the man. 'Twas Mr. Surface brought Sir Peter on purpose to discover them. SIR B. I tell you I had it from one MRS. C. And I have it from one SIR B. Who had it from one, who had it— |