JOSEPH S. 'Tis now complete! CHARLES S. Very! SIR O. (c.) Sir Peter, my friend, and Rowley too-look on that elder nephew of mine. You know what he has already received from my bounty; and you also know how gladly I would have regarded half my fortune as held in trust for him: judge then my disappointment in discovering him to be destitute of truth, charity, and gratitude. SIR P. Sir Oliver, I should be more surprised at this declaration, if I had not myself found him to be selfish, treacherous, and hypocritical. LADY T. But if the gentleman pleads not guilty to these, pray let him call me to his character. SIR P. Then, I believe, we need add no more: if he knows himself, he will consider it as the most perfect punishment, that he is known to the world. CHARLES S. If they talk this way to honesty, what will they say to me, by and bye? [Aside. [Sir Peter, Lady Teazle, and Maria, retire. SIR O. As for that prodigal, his brother, thereCHARLES S. Ay, now comes my turn: the damned family pictures will ruin me. [Aside. JOSEPH S. Sir Oliver-uncle, will you honour me with a hearing? CHARLES S. Now if Joseph would make one of his long speeches, I might recollect myself a little. [Aside. SIR O. I suppose you would undertake to justify yourself? [To Joseph. JOSEPH S. I trust I could. SIR O. Nay, if you desert your roguery in its distress, and try to be justified—you have even less principle than I thought you had. [To Charles.] Well, sir! you could justify yourself too, I suppose? CHARLES S. Not that I know of, Sir Oliver. SIR O. What!-Little Premium has been let too much into the secret, I suppose? CHARLES S. True, sir; but they were family secrets, and should not be mentioned again, you know. Row, Come, Sir Oliver, I know you cannot speak of Charles's follies with anger. SIR O. Odd's heart, no more I can; nor with gravity either. Sir Peter, do you know, the rogue bargained with me for all his ancestors; sold me judges and generals by the foot, and maiden aunts as cheap as broken china. CHARLES S. To be sure, Sir Oliver, I did make a little free with the family canvass, that's the truth on't. My ancestors may certainly rise up in judgment against me; there's no denying it; but believe me sincere when I tell you-and upon my soul I would not say so if I was not that if I do not appear mortified at the exposure of my follies, it is because I feel at this moment the warmest satisfaction in seeing you, my liberal benefactor. SIR O. Charles, I believe you; give me your hand again : the ill-looking little fellow over the settee has made your peace. CHARLES S. Then, sir, my gratitude to the original is still increased. LADY T. [Advancing, c., Maria on her left hand.] Yet, I believe, Sir Oliver, here is one whom Charles is still more anxious to be reconciled to. SIR O. Oh, I have heard of his attachment there, and, with the young lady's pardon, if I construe right-that blush SIR P. Well, child, speak your sentiments! MARIA. Sir, I have little to say, but that I shall rejoice to hear that he is happy; for me-whatever claim I had to his attention, I willingly resign to one who has a better title. CHARLES S. How, Maria! SIR P. Hey day! what's the mystery now?-While he appeared an incorrigible rake, you would give your hand to no one else; and now that he is likely to reform, I'll warrant you won't have him. MARIA. His own heart and Lady Sneerwell know the cause. CHARLES S. Lady Sneerwell! JOSEPH S. (R.) Brother, it is with great concern I am obliged to speak on this point, but my regard to justice compels me, and Lady Sneerwell's injuries can no longer be concealed. [Opens the door, R. Enter LADY SNeerwell, r. SIR P. So! another French milliner! Egad, he has one in every room in the house, I suppose. LADY S. Ungrateful Charles! Well may you be surprised, and feel for the indelicate situation your perfidy has forced me into. CHARLES S. Pray, uncle, is this another plot of yours? For, as I have life, I don't understand it. JOSEPH S. I believe, sir, there is but evidence of one person more necessary to make it extremely clear. SIR P. And that person, I imagine, is Mr. Snake. Rowley, you were perfectly right to bring him with us, and pray let him appear. Row. Walk in, Mr. Snake. Enter SNAKE, L. I thought his testimony might be wanted: however, it happens unluckily, that he comes to confront Lady Sneerwell, not to support her. LADY S. (R.) A villain! Treacherous to me at last!Speak, fellow; have you, too, conspired against me? SNAKE. (L.) I beg your ladyship ten thousand pardons: you paid me extremely liberally for the lie in question; but I, unfortunately, have been offered double to speak the truth. SIR P. Plod and counter-plot! I wish your ladyship joy of your negociation. LADY S. (Crosses, L.) The torments of shame and disappointement on you all! LADY T. Hold, Lady Sneerwell: before you go, let me thank you for the trouble you and that gentleman have taken, in writing letters from me to Charles, and answering them yourself; and let me also request you to make my respects to the scandalous college, of which you are president, and inform them, that Lady Teazle, licentiate, begs leave to return the diploma they granted hér, as she leaves off practice, and kills characters no longer LADY S. You, too, madam-provoking-insolent.May your husband live these fifty years! SIR P. Oons! what a fury! LADY T. A malicious creature, indeed! [Exit, L. Sir P. [On Lady Teazle's right hand.] What, Not for her last wish? LADY T. O no! SIR O. Well, sir, and what have you to say now? JOSEPH S. Sir, I am so confounded, to find that Lady Sneerwell could be guilty of suborning Mr. Snake in this manner, to impose on us all, that I know not what to say: however, lest her revengeful spirit should prompt her to injure my brother, I had certainly better follow her directly. For the man who attempts to— SIR P. Moral to the last! [Crosses and exit, L. SIR O. Ay, and marry her,―Joseph, if you can. Egad! you'll do very well together. Row. I believe we have no more occasion for Mr. Snake, at present. SNAKE. (L.) Before I go, I beg pardon once for all, for whatever uneasiness I have been the humble instrument of causing to the parties present. SIR P. Well, well, you have made atonement by a good deed at last. SNAKE. But I must request of the company, that it shall never be known. SIR P. Hey-What the plague!-Are you ashamed of having done a right thing once in your life? SNAKE. Ah, sir, consider,-I live by the badness of my character; and if it were once known that I had been betrayed into an honest action, I should lose every friend [Exit, L. I have in the world. SIR O. Well, well; we'll not traduce you by saying any thing in your praise, never fear. LADY T. See, Sir Oliver, there needs no persuasion now to reconcile your nephew and Maria. 92 THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL. SIR O. Ay, ay, that's as it should be; and, egad, we'll have the wedding to morrow morning. CHARLES S. Thank you, dear uncle! SIR P. What, you rogue! don't you ask the girl's consent first! CHARLES S. Oh, I have done that a long time—a minute ago and she has looked yes. MARIA. For shame, Charles!-I protest, Sir Peter, there has not been a word. SIR O. Well, then, the fewer the better;-may your love for eachother never know abatement! SIR P. And may you live as happily together as Lady Teazle and I intend to do! CHARLES S. Rowley, my old friend, I am sure you congratulate me and I suspect that I owe you much. SIR P, Ay, honest Rowley always said you would reform. CHARLES S. Why as to reforming, Sir Peter, I'll make. no promises, and that I take to be a proof that I intend to set about it; but here shall be my monitor-my gentle guide-Ah! can I leave the virtuous path those eyes illumine? Though thou, dear maid, should'st wave thy beauty's sway, |