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I'll have no needy rascals I tie to me

Let's have our house again immediately; Dispute my life. Come in, and see all hand- And pray ye take hecd unto the furniture,

None be embezzled. Alt. I hope to see you so too, I've wrought ill Estif. Not a pin, I warrant ye. else,

[Ereunt. Per. And let them in-tantly depart.

Estif. They shall both; there's reason in all SCENE II. - An ordinary apartment.

courtesy ;

For by this time I know she has acquainted him, Enter PEREZ.

And has provided too : she sent me word, sir, Per. Shall I

And will give over gratefully unto you. Never return to mine own house again?

Per. I will walk in the church-yard ; We're lodged here in the miserablest dog-hole! The dead cannot offend more than these living. A conjuror's circle gives content above it;

An hour hence I'll expect ye. A hawk's mew is a princely palace to it:

Estif. I'll not fail, sir. We have a hed no bigger than a basket,

Per. And do you hear? let's have a handsomne And we lie like butter clapt together,

dinner, And sweat ourselves to sauce immediately; And see all things be decent as they have been; The fumes are infinite, that inhabit here too, And let me have a strong bath to restore me; And to that so thick they cut like marmalade ; I stink like a stale fish-shambles, or an oil-shop. So various too, they'll pose a gold finder.

Estif. You shall have all, which some interNever return to mine own paradise

pret nothing.

[Aside. Why, wife, I say; why, Estitania!

I'll send ye people for the trunks afore-hand. Estif. [within. I'm going presently.

Per. Let them be known and honest; Per. Make haste, good jewel.

And do my service to your niece. I'm like the people that live in the sweet islands: Estif. I shall, sir : I die, I die, if I stay but one day more here. But if I come not at my hour, come thither, My lungs are rotten with the damps that rise, That they may give you thanks for your fair courAnd I cough nothing now but stinks of all sorts.

tesy; The inhabitants we have are two starved rats, And pray you, be brave for my sake. (For they're not able to maintain a cat here,)

Per. I observe ye.

[Ereunt. And those appear as fearful as two devils; They've eat a map o' the whole world up already,

SCENE III.- A street, And if we stay a night, we're gone for company. | Enter Juan de Castro, Sancuio, and CacaThere's an old woman, that's now grown to marble,

FOGO. Dried in this brick-kiln, and she sits i' the chim San. Thou’rt very brave. ncy,

Caca. I've reason, I have money. Which is but three tiles raised, like a house of San. Is money reason? cards,

Caca. Yes, and rhyme too, captain. The true proportion of an old smoaked Sybil. If you've no money, you're an ass. There is a young thing too, that nature mcant

San. I thank ye.
For a maid servant, but 'tis now a monster; Caca. Ye've manners; ever thank him, that has
She has a husk about her like a chesnut,

With laziness, and living under the line here; San. Wilt thou lend me any?
And these two makes a hollow sound together, Caca. Not a farthing, captain :
Like frogs, or winds between two doors, that Captains are casual things.

Sun. Why so are all men. Thou shalt have

Caca. Not bonds, nor fetters, captain. Mercy deliver me. Oh, are you come, wife; My money is my own, I make no doubt on't. Shall we be free again?

Juan. What dost thou do with it? Estif. I am now going,

Caca. Put it to pious uses. And you shall, presently, to your own house, sir : Buy wine and wenches, and undo young coxThe remembrance of this small vexation

combs Will be argument of mirth for ever.

That would undo me. By that tiine you have said your orisons,

Juan. Are those hospitals? And broke your fast, I shall be back, and ready Caca. I first provide to fill iny hospitals To usher you to your old content, your freedom. With creatures of mine own, that I know wretchPer. Break my fast! break my neck rather.

ed, Is there any thing here to eat

And then I build : those are more bound to pray But one another, like a race of cannibals ? A piece of buttered wall you think is excellent. Besides, I keep the inheritance in my name still.


my bond.

for me :

Juan. A provident charity. Are you for the Old Wom. Ha! What would ye have? wars, sir?

Per. My goods again. How came my trunks Caca. I am not poor enough to be a soldier,

all open? Nor have I faith enough to ward a bullet;

Old Wom. Are your trunks all open? There is no lining for a trench, I take it.

Per. Yes, and clothes

gone, Juan. Ye have said wisely.

And chains and jewels. How she smells like Caca. Had you but my money,

hung beef, You'd swear it, colonel. I had rather drill at The palsy, and pick-locks ! Fye, how she belches home

The spirit of garlic ! A hundred thousand crowns, and with more ho Old Wom. Where's your gentlewoman? nour,

The young fair woman? Than exercise ten thousand fools with nothing. Per. What's that to my question? A wise man safely feeds, fools cut their fingers. She is my wife, and gone about my business. San. A right state usurer. Why dost not Maid. Is she your wife, sir? marry,

Per. Yes, sir : is that a wonder? And live a reverend justice?

Is the name of wife unknown here? Caca. Is it not nobler to command a reverend Old Wom. Is she duly and truly your wife? justice, than to be one?

Per. Duly and truly my wife! I think so, And for a wife, what need I marry, captain, For I married her. It was no vision, sure! When every courteous fool, that owes me money, Maid. She has the keys, sir. Owes me his wife ton, to appease my fury? Per. I know she has; but who has all my Juan. Wilt thou go to dinner with us?

goods, spirit ? Caca. I will go, and view the pearl of Spain, Old Wom. If you be married to that gentlethe orient

woman, Fair one, the rich one too; and I will be respec- | You are a wretched man: she has twenty husted.

I bear my patent here; I will talk to her; Maid. She tells you true.
And when your captainships shall stand aloof, Old Wom. And she has cozened all, sir.
And pick your noses, I will pick the purse

Per. The devil she has ! I had a fair house Of her affection.

with her, Juan. The duke dines there to-day too, the That stands hard by, and furnished royally. duke of Medina.

Old Wom. You're cozened too; 'tis none of Caca. Let the king dine there !

her's, good gentleinan, He owes me money, and so far's my creature, It is a lady's. And certainly I may make bold with mine own, Maid. The lady Margaritta; she was her sercaptain.

vant, San. Thou wilt eat monstrously.

And kept the house ; but going from her, sir, Caca. Like a true born Spaniard :

For some lewd tricks she played.
Eat as I were in England, where the beef grows: Per. Plague o' the devil!
And I will drink abundantly, and then ·

Am I, in the full meridian of my wisdom,
Talk ye as wantonly as Ovid did,

Cheated by a stale quean! What kind of lady To stir the intellectuals of the ladies;

Is that that owns the house?
I learnt it of my father's amorous scrivener. Old Wom. A young sweet lady.
Juan. If we should play now, you must sup-

Per. Of low stature ?
ply me.

Old Wom. She's indeed but little, but she's Caca. You must pawn a horse troop,

wondrous fair. And then have at ye, colonel.

Per. I feel I'm cozened :
San. Come, let's go.

Now I am sensible I am undone.
This rascal will make rare sport. How the ladies This is the very woman sure, that cousin,
Will laugh at him!

She told me would entreat but for four days Juan. If I light on him, I'll make his purse To make the house hers—I am entreated sweetly. sweat too.

Maid. When she went out this morning, I saw, Caca. Will ye lead, gentlemen? [Ereunt. sir,

She had two women at the door attending, SCENE IV.-An ordinary apartment, And there she gave them things, and loaded

them : Enter Perez, Old Woman, and Maid. But what they were -I heard your trunks too Per. Nay, pray ye come out, and let me un


If they be yours.
And tune your pipe a little higher, lady;

Per. They were mine while they were laden; I'll hold ye fast. How came my trunks open, But now they've cast their calves, they're not And my goods gone? What pick-lock spirit

worth owning


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Was she her mistress, say you?

I love a house, where pleasure prepares welOld W’om. Her own inistress, her very mistress, sir; and all you saw

Duke. Now, Cacafogo, how like you this manAbout and in that house was hers.

sion? Per. No plate, no jewels, nor no hangings? 'Twere a brave pawn. Dlaid. Not a farthing; she's poor, sir, a poor

Caca. I shall be master of it; shifting thing.

'Twas built for my bulk, the rooms are wide and Per. No money?

Old Wom. Abominable poor, as poor as we are, Airy, and full of ease, and that I love well.
Money as rare to ber, unless she steal it. I'll tell you, when I taste the wine, my lord,
But for one single gown her lady gave her, And take the height of her table with my sto-
She might go bare, good gentlewoman.

mach, Per. I'm mad now:

Hlow my affection stands to the young lady.
I think I am as poor as she, I'm wild else.
One single suit I have left too, and that's all,

Enter MARGARITTA, ALTEA, Ladies, and
And if she steals that she must Aay me for it.

Servant. Where does she use?

Alar. All welcome to your grace, and to these Old Wom. You may find the truth as soon.

soldiers ! Alas, a thousand concealed corners, sir, she lurks You honour my poor house with your



sence; And here she gets a deece, and there another, Those few slight pleasures, that inhabit here, sir, And lives in mists and smokes where none can I do beseech your grace command; they're yours; find her.

Your servant but preserves them to delight ye. Per. Is she a whore too ?

Duke. I thank ye, lady. I am bold to visit ye, Old Wom. Little better, gentleman :

Once more to bless mine eyes with your sweet I dare not say she is so, sir, because

beauty. She's

yours, sir: these five years she has firked It has been a long night, since you left the court, A pretty living.

For, till I saw you now, no day broke to me. Per. She has firked me finely.

Mar, Bring in the duke's meat. A whore and thief; two excellent moral learn San. She's most excellent. ings

Juan. Most admirable fair, as e'er I looked on; In one she saint. I hope to see her legend.

I rather would command her than my regiment.
Have I been feared for my discoveries,

Caca. I'll have a fling; 'tis but a thousand du-
And been courted by all women to conceal them; cats,
Have I so long studied the art of this sex,

Which I can cozen up in ten days.
And read the warning to young gentlemen;

Enter Leon.
Have I professed to tame the pride of ladies,
And make them bear all tests; and am I tricked Mar. Why, where's this dinner?

Leon. Tis not ready, madam,
Caught in my own noose? Here's a rial left yet; Nor sball.it be, until I know the guests too,
There's for your lodging, and your meat for a Nor are they fairly welcome till I bid them.

Juan. Is not this my Alferes? he looks another
A silk-worm lives at a more plentiful ordinary,

thing; And sleeps in a sweeter box.

Are miracles a-foot again? Farewell, great grandmother;

Mar. Why, sirrah; why, sirrah, you! If I do find you were an accessary,

Leon. I hear you, saucy woman; 'Tis but the cutting off two smoaking minutes ! And, as you are my wife, command your abI'll hang ye presently,

sence, Old Wom. And I deserve it-I tell you truth, And know your duty; 'tis the crown of muodesty. Per. Not I, I am an ass, mother.

Duke. Your wife! Old Wom. O the rogue, the villain! Is this Leon. Yes, good my lord, I am her husband, usage for the fair sex.

[Exeunt. And, pray, take notice, that I claim that honour,

And will maintain it.
SCENE V.-A grand apartment.

Caca. If thou be'st her husband,

I am determined thou shalt be my cuckold;
Enter the DUKE OF MEDINA, JUAN DE Castro, I'll be thy faithful friend.
Alonzo, Saxcuro, CACAFOGO, and Attendants.

Leon. Peace, dirt and 'dunghill !
Duke. A goodly house.

I will not lose my anger on a rascal.
Juan. And richly furnished too, sir.

Provoke me more, I'll beat thy blown-up body,
Alon. Hung wantonly; I like that preparation; Till thou rebound'st again like a tennis-ball.
It stirs the blood into a hopeful banquet,

Caca. I'll talk with you another time. [Erit,
And intimates the mistress free and jovial ; Alon, This is miraculous !


you, sir?



San. Is this the fellow

Juan. Prave! a strange conversion; thou shalt That had the patience to become a fool,

lead A fluttered fool, and, on a sudden, break,

In chief now. As if he would shew a wonder to the world, Duke. Is there no difference betwixt her and Both in bravery and fortune too? I am astonished!

Leon. Not now, my lord; my fortune makes Mar. I'll be divorced immediately.

me éven, Leon. You shall not.

And, as I am an honest man, I'm nobler.
You shall not have so much will to be wicked. Mar. Get me my coach.
I am more tender of your honour, lady.

Leon. Let me see who dares get it,
You took me for a shadow,

Till I command ; I'll make him draw your coach, You took me to gloss over your discredit, And eat your coach too (which will be hard diet), To be vour fool.

That executes your will; or, take your coach, You had thought you had found a coxcomb.

lady; I'ın intiocent of any foul dishonour I mean to ye; I give you liberty; and take your people, Only I will be known to be your lord now, Which I turn off'; and take your will abroad with And be a fair one, too, or I will fall for it. Mar. I do comitand ye from me, thou poor Take all these freely, but take me no more; fellow,

And so, farewell. Thou cozened fool !

Duke. Nay, sir, you shall not carry it Leon. Thou cozened fool!

So bravely off; you shall not wrong a lady, I will not be commanded: I'm above ye. In a high huffing strain, and think to bear it. You may divorce me from your favour, lady, We shall not stand by, as bawds to your brave But from your 'state you never shall. I'll hold fury, that,

To see a lady weep

-Draw, sir. And hold it to my use; the law allows it.

Leon. They're tears of anger, And then maintain your wantonness, I'll wink Wrung from her rage, because her will prevails

at it. Mar. Am I braved thus in mine own house? She would even now swoon, if she could not cry, Leon. 'Tis mine, madam !

Else they were excellent, and I should grieve, You are deceived, I'm lord of it, I rule it,

too; And all that's in it; you've nothing to do here, But falling thus, they shew nor sweet nor orient madam,

Put up, my lord ! this is oppression, But as a servant to sweep clean the lodgings, And calls the sword of justice to relieve me, And at my farther will to do me service; The law to lend her hand, the king to right me; And so I'll keep it.

All which shall understand how you provoke me. Mar. 'Tis well.

In mine own house to brave me, is this princely? Leon. It shall be better.

Then to my guard; and if I spare your grace, Mar. As you love me, give way.

And do not make this place your monument, Leon. I will give none, madam;

Too rich a tomb for such a rude behaviour, I stand upon the ground of my own honour, Mercy forsake me!

[Draws. And will maintain it; you shall know me now I have a cause will kill a thousand of

ye. To be an understanding, feeling man,

Juan. Hold, fair sir, I beseech ye ! And sensible of what a woman aims at; The gentleman but pleads his own right nobly. A young proud woman, that has will to sail with; Leon. He, that dares strike against the huse A wanton woman, that her blood provokes too. band's freedom, I cast my cloud off, and appear myself,

The busband's curse stick to him, a tamed cucThe master of this little piece of mischief,

kold! And I will put a spell about your feet, lady ; His wife be fair and young; but most dishonest, They shall not wander, but where I give way Most impudent, and he have no feeling of it,

No conscience to reclaim her from a monster; Duke. Is this the fellow, that the people point- Let her lie by him like a flattering ruin,

And, at one instant, kill both name and honour: For the mere sign of man, the walking image? Let him be lost, no eye to weep his end, He speaks wondrous highly.

And find no earth, that's base enough to bury him! Leon. As a husband ought, sir,

Now, sir, fall on, I'm ready to oppose ye. In his own house; and it becomes me well, too. Duke. I've better thought. I pray, sir, use your I think your grace would grieve, if you were put wife well, to it,

Leon. Mine own humanity will teach me that, To have a wife or servant of your own, (For wives are reckoned in the rank of servants) And now, you're welcome all, and we'll to dinner; L’nder your owo roof to command ye,

This is my wedding-day.


ed at,


Duke. I'll cross your joy, yet.

She's yours now, why should I look after her? Juan. I've seen a iniracle; hold thine own, sol. Since that first hour I came I never saw her. dier!

Per. I saw her later--would the devil had had Sure they dare fight in fire, that conquer women.


It is all true, I find; a wild-fire take her!
Enter Perez.

Juan. Is thy wife with child, Don Michael ?
Per. 'Save ye, which is the lady of the house? Thy excellent wife.
Leon. That's she, sir, that good-natured pretty Art thou a man yet?

Alon. When shall we come and visit thee? If you'd speak with her.

San. And eat some rare fruit? Thou hast adJuan, Don Michael !

mirable orchards. Per. Pray do not know me, I am full of busi- You are so jealous now! Pox on your jealousy, siness.

How scornfully you look!
When I have more time I'll be merry with ye.

Per. Prithee leave fooling.
It is the woman. Good madam, tell me truly, I'm in no humour now to fool and prattle,
Had you a maid called Estifania?

Did she ne'er play the wag with you?
Mar. Yes, truly had I.

Mar. Yes, many times,
Per. Was she a maid do


So often that I was ashamed to keep her.
Mar. I dare not swear for her;

But I forgave her, sir, in hopes she'd mend still; For she had but a scant fame.

And had not you o' the instant married her, Per. Was she your kinswoman?

I'd put her off.
Mar. Not that I ever knew; now I look better, Per. I thank ye; I am blest still;
I think you married her; give you much joy, sir. Which way soe'er I turn I'm a madé man.
Per. Give me a halter.

Miserably gulled beyond recovery.
Mar. You may reclaim her; 'twas a wild young Juan. You'll stay and dine ?

Per. Certain I cannot, captain. Per. Is not this house mine, madam?

Hark in thine ear, I am the arrantest puppy, Was not she owner of it? Pray, speak truly. The miserablest ass! But I must leave ye. Mar. No, certainly, I'm sure my money paid I am in haste, in haste. Bless you, good madam, for it,

And may you prove as good as my wife!
And ne'er remember yet I gave,


Leon. What then, sir?
Per. The hangings and the plate, too?

Per. No matter, if the devil had one to fetch Mar. All are mine, sir,

the other.

[Exit PEREZ. And every thing you see about the building; Leon. Will you walk in, sir? will your grace She only kept my house, when I was absent;

but honour me, And so I'll keep it, I was weary of her.

And taste our dinner? You are nobly welcome. Per. Where is your maid?

All anger's past, I hope, and I shall serve ye. Mar. Do you not know, that have her?




SCENE I.-A street.

I'm glad I have found ye; for, in truth, I am

weary, Enter Perez.

Weary and lame with looking out your lordship. Pcr. I'll to a conjurer, but I'll find this pole Per. I have been in bawdy houses

Estif. I believe you, and very lately, too.
This pilfering whore. A plague of veils, I cry, Per. 'Pray yo, pardon me;
And covers for the impudence of women ! To seek your ladyship, I have been in cellars,
Their sanctity in show will deceive devils. In private cellars, where the thirsty bawds
It is my evil angel ! let me bless me.

Hear your confessions; I have been at plays,
To look you out amo:g the youthful actors;

At puppet-shows, you are mistress of the mo:
Enter Estijania, with a casket.

tions; Estif. 'Tis he! In caught. I must stand to At last, I went to church to seek you out; it stoutly,

'Tis so long since you were there, they have forAnd show no shake of fear. I see he's angry,

got you. Vexed at the uttermost.

Estit. You had a pretty progress; I'll tell Per. My worthy wife,

mine now. I have been looking of your modesty

To look you out, I went to twenty tavernsAll the town over.

Per. And are you sober? Estif. My most noble husband,

Estif. Yes, I reel not yet, sir;

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