The British Drama: Comedies. 2 v

Where I saw twenty drunk, most of them soldiers.

There I had great hope to find you disguised, too; From hence to the dicing-house; there I found quarrels

Needless and fenceless, swords, pots, and candlesticks,

Tables, and stools, and all in one confusion,
And no man knew his friend. I left this chaos,
And to the surgeon's went: he willed me stay,
For, says he, learnedly, if he be tippled,
Twenty to one he whores, and then I hear of
him;

If he be mad, he quarrels, then he comes, too.
I sought ye where no safe thing would have ven-
tured,

Amongst diseases, base and vile, vile women;
For I remembered your old Roman axiom,
The more the danger, still the more the honour.
Last, to your confessor I came, who told me,
You were too proud to pray; and here I've
found ye.

Per. She bears up bravely, and the rogue is witty,

But I shall dash it instantly to nothing.
Here leave we off our wanton languages,
And now conclude we in a sharper tongue.
Why am I cozened?

Estif. Why am I abused?

Per. Thou most vile, base, abominable-
Estif. Captain.

Here's a shoeing-horn chain gilt over; how it scenteth,

Worse than the dirty mouldy heels it served for! And here's another of a lesser value;

So little, I would shame to tie my dog in it.
These are my jointure; blush and save a labour,
Or else these will blush for ye.

Per. A fire subtle ye! are ye so crafty?
Estif. Here's a goodly jewel!

Did not you win this at Goletta, captain?
Or took it in the field from some brave bashaw?
See how it sparkles!-Like an old lady's eyes;
And fills each room with light, like a close lan-
thorn.

This would do rarely in an abbey window,
To cozen pilgrims.

Per. Prithee leave prating.

Estif. And here's a chain of whitings' eyes for pearls ;

A mussel-monger would have made a better. Per. Nay, prithee wife, my clothes, my clothes. Estif. I'll tell ye,

Your clothes are parallels to these, all counter

feit.

Per. Thou stinking, over-stewed, incorrigi- Put these and them on, you are a man of copper,

ble

Estif. Captain.

Per. Do you echo me?

Estif. Yes, sir, and go before ye,

And round about ye! Why do you rail at me, For that was your own sin, your own knavery? Per. And brave me, too?

Estif. You'd best now draw your sword, captain !

Draw it upon a woman, do, brave captain,
Upon your wife, Oh, most renowned captain!
Per. A plague upon thee, answer me directly;
Why didst thou marry me?

Estif. To be my husband;

I thought you had had infinite, but I am cozened.

Per. Why didst thou flatter me, and shew me wonders?

A house and riches, when they are but shadows; Shadows to me!

Estif. Why did you work on me, (It was but my part to requite you, sir) With your strong soldier's wit, and swore you'd bring me

So much in chains, so much in jewels, husband, So much in right rich clothes?

Per. Thou hast them, rascal;

I gave them to thy hands, my trunks and all,
And thou hast opened them, and sold my trea-

sure.

VOL. II.

A kind of candlestick,

A copper, a copper captain! these you thought,

my husband,

To have cozened me withal; but I am quit with

No plate nor hangings

Estif. There are none, sweet husband. Shadow for shadow is as equal justice.

[PEREZ sings-ESTIFANIA sings. Can you rail now? Pray, put your fury up, sir, And speak great words! you are a soldier; thunder!

Per. I will speak little; I have played the fool, And so I am rewarded.

Estif. You have spoke well, sir; And now I see you're so comfortable, I'll heighten you again. Go to your house; They're packing to be gone; you must sup there; I'll meet you, and bring clothes and clean linen after,

And all things shall be well. I'll colt you once

It was my plot; alas, my credulous husband!

The lady told you, too—

Per. Most strange things of thee.

And view them right

Caca. To doubt them is an heresy.

Estif. A thousand ducats; 'tis upon necessity

Estif. Still 'twas my way, and all to try your Of present use; her husband, sir, is stubborn.

suffrance.

And she denied the house?

Per. She knew me not,

No, nor title that I had.

Estif. 'Twas well carried;

No more, I am right and straight.

Per. I would believe thee,

Caca. Long may he be so.

Estif. She desires, withal,

A better knowledge of your parts and person,

And when you please to do her so much ho

nour

Caca. Come, let's dispatch.

Estif. In truth I've heard her say, sir,

But Heaven knows how my heart is; will ye Of a fat man she has not seen a sweeter.

follow me?

That people had compassion on, it looked so!
The next sir Palmerin. Here's fine proportion!
An ass, and then an elephant. Sweet justice!
There's no way left to come at her now, no cra-
ving;

If money could come near, yet I would pay him;
I have a mind to make him a huge cuckold,
And money may do much; a thousand ducats!
'Tis but the letting blood of a rank heir.
Estif. Pray you, hear me.

But in this business, sir

Caca. Let's do it first,

And then dispute; the lady's use may long for it.
Estif. All secrecy she would desire. She told me
How wise you are.

Caca. We are not wise to talk thus.
Carry her the gold, I'll look her out a jewel
Shall sparkle like her eyes, and thee another.
Come, prithee come, I long to serve the lady;
Long monstrously. Now, valour, I shall meet ye,
You, that dare dukes.
[Exeunt.

SCENE II-A Chamber.

Enter the Duke, SANCHIO, JUAN, and ALONZO.
Duke. He shall not have his will, I shall pre-
vent him.

I have a toy here, that will turn the tide,
And suddenly and strangely. Here, Don Juan,
Do you present it to him.

[Exit.

Juan. I am commanded.
Duke. A fellow founded out of charity,
And moulded to the height, contemn his maker,
Curb the free hand that framed him!
It must not be.

San. That such an oyster-shell should hold a
pearl,

Caca. I know thou hast some wedding-ring to And of so rare a price, in prison !

pawn now,

Of silver gilt, with a blind posy in it:

Or thy child's whistle, or thy squirrel's chain.

I'll none of them. I would she did but know me!
Or would this fellow had but use of money,

That I might come in any way.

Estif. I am gone, sir;

And I shall tell the beauty sent me to ye,
The lady Margaritta-

Caca. Stay, I prithee.

What is thy will? I turn me wholly to ye;

And talk now till thy tongue ache, I will hear ye. And all the world will grumble at your patience,

Estif. She would intreat you, sir

Caca. She shall command, sir;

If she be ravished thus.

Duke. Ne'er fear it, Sanchio;

Let it be so; I beseech thee, my sweet gentle- We'll have her free again, and move at court

woman,

Do not forget thyself.

Estif. She does command, then,

This courtesy, because she knows you're noble.
Caca. Your mistress by the way?

Estif. My natural mistress.

Upon these jewels, sir, they're fair and rich,

In her clear orb. But one sweet handsomeness

To bless this part of Spain, and have that slub

bered!

Alon. 'Tis every good man's cause, and we must stir in it.

Duke. I'll warrant ye, he shall be glad to please us,

And let her see how much the king has honoured me;

Bid her be lusty, she must make a soldier.
Go, take down all the hangings,

And pack up all my clothes, my plate and jewels,
And all the furniture, that's portable.
Sir, when we lie in garrison, 'tis necessary
We keep a handsome port, for the king's honour.
And, do you hear? let all your lady's wardrobe
Be safely placed in trunks; they must along too.
Ser. Whither must they go, sir?
Leon. To the wars, Lorenzo.
Ser. Must my mistress go, sir?

Leon. Ay, your mistress, and you, and all must

Mar. No sooner love ye,

Love ye entirely, sir, brought to consider
The goodness of your mind and mine own duty,
But lose you instantly, be divorced from ye!
This is a cruelty. I'll to the king,

And tell him 'tis unjust to part two souls,
Two minds so nearly mixed.

Leon. By no means, sweet-heart.

Mar. If he were married but four days, as I amLeon. He'd hang himself the fifth, or fly his

country.

[Aside. Mar. He'd make it treason for that tongue, that durst

But talk of war, or any thing to vex him.
You shall not go.

Leon. Indeed I must, sweet wife.
What, should I lose the king for a few kisses?
We'll have enough.

Mar. I'll to the duke, my cousin; he shall to the king.

Leon. He did me this great office;

I thank his grace for it: should I pray him now To undo it again? Fie, 'twere a base discredit. Mar. Would I were able, sir, to bear you company!

How willing should I be then, and how merry! I will not live alone

Leon. Be in peace, you shall not.

[Knocking within. Mar. What knocking's this? Oh, Heaven, my head! Why, rascal,

I think the wars begun in the house already. Leon. The preparation is, they are taking down

And packing up the hangings, plate and jewels, And all those furnitures, that shall befit me, When I ́lic in garrison.

Enter LORENZO.

Lor. Must the coach go too, sir?

Leon. How will your lady pass to the sea else easily?

We shall find shipping for't there to transport it. Mar. I go? Alas!

Leon. I'll have a main care of ye:

I know you are sickly; he shall drive the easier,
And all accommodation shall attend ye.

Mar. Would I were able!
Leon. Come, I warrant ye.

Am not I with ye, sweet? Are her clothes packed up,

And all her linen? Give your maids direction: You know my time's but short, and I'm commanded.

Mar. Let me have a nurse,
And all such necessary people with me;
An easy bark.

Leon. It shall not trot, I warrant ye;
Curvet it may sometimes.

Mar. I am with child, sir.

Leon. At four days warning! This is something speedy.

Do you conceive as our jennets do, with a west | To such a desolation and discredit, as

wind?

My heir will be an errant fleet one, lady.

Her weakness and your hot will would work her to.

Mar. You must provide a cradle, and what a Fie, fie, for shame!

trouble's that!

Leon. The sea shall rock it;

'Tis the best nurse; 'twill roar and rock together.

A swinging storm will sing you such a lullaby! Mar. Faith let me stay: I shall but shame you, sir.

Leon. An you were a thousand shames you
shall along with me:

At home I'm sure you'd prove a million.
Every man carries the bundle of his sins
Upon his back: you are mine; I'll sweat for ye.

Enter Duke, ALONZO, and SANCHIQ.

Duke. What, sir, preparing for your noble journey?

Tis well, and full of care.

I saw your mind was wedded to the war,
And knew you'd prove some good man for your

Enter PEREZ.

What mask is this now?

More tropes and figures to abuse my sufferance!
What cousin's this?

Juan. Michael Van Owle, how dost thou?
In what dark barn, or tod of aged ivy,
Hast thou lain hid?

Per. Things must both ebb and flow, colonel,
And people must conceal and shine again.
You're welcome hither, as your friend may say,
gentlemen;

A pretty house, ye see, handsomely seated, Sweet and convenient walks, the waters crystal. Alon. He's certain mad.

Juan. As mad as a French tailor, that Has nothing in his head but ends of fustians. Per. I see you're packing now, my gentle cousin,

And my wife told me I should find it so; 'Tis true I do : you were merry, when I was last here:

But 'twas your will to try my patience, madam. I'm sorry, that my swift occasions

Can let you take your pleasure here no longer; Yet I would have you think, my honoured cousin, This house, and all I have, are all your servants. Leon. What house, what pleasure, sir? what do you mean?

Per. You hold the jest so stiff, 'twill prove discourteous.

This house I mean; the pleasures of this place. Leon. And what of them?

Per. They're mine, sir, and you know it: My wife's, I mean, and so conferred upon me. The hangings, sir, I must entreat your servants, That are so busy in their offices,

Again to minister to their right uses.

I shall take view of the plate anon, and furnitures, That are of under place, You're merry still,

And all within it. I will not bait you an ace on't.
Can't you receive a noble courtesy,

| And quietly and handsomely as ye ought, coz,
But you must ride o' the top on't?
Leon. Canst thou fight?

Per. I'll tell ye presently: I could have done,

sir.

Leon. For you must law and claw before ye get it.

Juan. Away, no quarrels.

Leon. Now I am more temperate,

I'll have it prov'd, you were ne'er yet in bedlam; Never in love, for that's a lunacy;

No great state left ye, that ye never looked for, Nor cannot manage, that's a rank distemper; That you were christened, and who answered for you.

And then I yield—Do but look at him.

Per. He has half persuaded me, I was bred i'

the moon:

To try your jealousy, upon entreaty, And saving of your wife.

Leon. All this not moves me,

Nor stirs my gall, nor alters my affections.
You have more furniture, more houses, lady,
And rich ones, too; I will make bold with those;
And you have land in the Indies, as I take it;
Thither we'll go, and view awhile those climates,
Visit your factors there, that may betray ye.
'Tis done; we must go.

Mar. Now thou'rt a brave gentleman;
And, by this sacred light, I love thee dearly:
Hark ye, sir;

The house is none of yours; I did but jest, sir;
You are no coz of mine; I beseech ye, vanish.
I tell you plain, you have no more right than he
Has, that senseless thing. Your wife has once
more fooled ye, sir.

Go ye and consider.

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