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SCENE II.--A Street.
Per. It is no matter. By a woman cozened,
A real woman!
Caca. By a real devil. Per: Had I but lungs enough to bawl suffi- Plague of her jewels, and her copper chains, ciently,
How-rank they swell ! That all the queans in Christendom might hear Per. Sweet, cozened sir, let's see them. me,
I have been cheated, too; I would have you note That men might run away from the contagion,
that; I had my wish. Would it were made high treason, And lewdly cheated, by a woman also, Most infinite high, for any man to marry; A scurvy woman. I am undone, sweet sir; I mean, for a man, that would live handsomely, Therefore, I must have leave to laugh. And like a gentleman, in's wits and credit. Caca. Pray ye, take it; What torments shall I put her to?
You are the merriest undone man in Europe. Cut her in pieces, every piece will live still, What need we fiddles, bawdy songs, and sherry, And every morsel of her will do mischief. When our own miseries can make us merry ? They have so many lives, there's no hanging of Per. Ha, ha, ha! them.
I've seen these jewels: what a notable pennyThey are too light to drown, they're cork and worth feathers;
had! You will not take, sir,
Caca. Thou’rt deceived; I will take
Some any thing, some half ten, half a ducat.
Per. An excellent lapidary set these stones, Enter CACAFOGO, with a casket.
D'ye mark their waters? Caca. Be cozened by a thing of clouts! a she Caca. Quicksands choak their waters, moth,
And her's that brought them, too! but I shall That every silkman's shop breeds! To be cheated,
find her. And of a thousand ducats, by a whim-wham! Per. And so shall I, I hope : but do not hurt Per. Who is he, that's cheated ? Speak again,
had need of cozening, as you may have, But art thou cheated ? Minister some comfort. (For such gross natures will desire it often; Tell me, I conjure thee, art thou cheated brave- 'Tis, at sometimes too, a fine variety)
You cannot find, in all this kingdom, Come, prithee come; art thou so pure a cox A woman, that can cozen ye so neatly. comb,
She has taken half mine anger off with this trick. To be undone? Do not dissemble with me.
[Erit. Cacų. Then keep thy circle:
Caca. If I were valiant now, I'd kill this felFor I'm a spirit wild, that flies about thee;
low. And, whosoe'er thou art, if thou be'st human, I've money enough lies by me, at a pinch, I'd let thee plainly know, I'm cheated damnably. To pay for twenty rascals' lives, that vex me. Per. Ha, ha, ha!
I'll to this lady; there I shall be satisfied. Caca. Dost thou laugh? Dammably, I say,
[Erit. most damnably: Per. By whom, good spirit? Speak, speak! Ha,
SCENE III.- A street. ha, ha! Caca. I'll utter; laugh till thy lungs crack; by
Enter Perez and EstiFANIA, meeting. a rascal woman!
Per. Why, how dar’st thou meet me again, A lewd, abominable, and plain woman!
thou rebel, Dost thou laugh still?
And know'st how thou hast used me thrice, thou Per. I must laugh; prithce pardon me,
rascal? I shall laugh terribly.
Were there not ways enough to fly my venCaca. I shall be angry,
geance, Terribly angry; I have cause.
No holes nor vaults to hide thee from my fury, Per. That's it;
But thou must meet me face to face to kill thee? And 'tis no reason but thou shouldst be angry, I would not seek thee to destroy thee willingly, Angry at heart; yet I must laugh still at thee. But now thou com’st to invite me, com'st upon By a woman cheated! Art sure it was a woman? Caca. I shall break thy head; my valour Ilow like a sheep-biting rogue, taken in the manitches at thee,
And ready for a halter, dost thou look now? This place is full of charge, and full of hurry; Thou hast a hanging look, thou scurvy thing! No part of sweetness dwells about these cities. Hast ne'er a knife,
Mar. Whither you will, I wait uon your pleNor e'er a string to lead thee to Elysium;
sure ; Be there no pitiful 'pothecaries in this town, Live in a hollow tree, sir, I'll live with ye. That have compassion upon wretched women, Leon. Ay, now you strike a harmony, a true That dare administer a dram of ratsbane,
one, But thou mast fall to me?
your obedience waits upon your husband. Estif. I know you've mercy.
Why, now I doat upon you, love ye dearly; Per. If I had tons of mercy, thou deservist And my rough nature falls, like roaring streams,
Clearly and sweetly into your embraces. What new tricks now a-foot, and what new Oh, what a jewel is a woman excellent, houses
A wise, a virtuous, and a noble woman! Have you in the air? What orchards in appari- When we meet such, we bear our stamps on both tion?
sides, What can’st thou say for thy life?
And through the world we' hold our current virEstif. Little or nothing. I know you'll kill me, and I know 'tis useless Alone, we are single medals, only faces, To beg for mercy. Pray, let me draw my book And wear our fortunes out in useless shadows. out,
Command you now, and ease me of that trouble ; And pray a little.
I'll be as humble to you as a servant. Per. Do, a very little ;
Bil whom you please, invite your noble friends, For I have a farther business than thy killing. They shall be welcome all, now experience I have money yet to borrow. Speak when you Has bound you fast unto the chain of goodness. are ready.
[Clashing swords, a cry within-Down with their Estif. Now, now sir, now [Shews a pistol. swords !). Come on. Do you start off from me?
What noise is this? what dismal cry? Do you sweat, great captain? Have you seen a
Mar. "Tis loud too. spirit?
Sure there's some mischief done in the street; Per. Do you wear guns?
Look out there ! Estif. I am a soldier's wife, sir,
Leon. Look out, and help. And by that privilege I may be armed.
Enter a Servant. Now, what's the news ? And let's discourse more friendly,
Ser. Oh, sir, the duke MedinaAnd talk of our affairs in peace.
Leon. What of the duke Medina ? Per. Let me see,
Ser. Oh, sweet gentleman! he's almost slain! Prithee let me see thy gun; 'tis a very pretty Mar. Away, away, and help him!
All the house help.
[E.rit Serdant. Estif. No, no, sir, you shall feel.
Leon. How! slain? Why, Margaritta, Per. Hold, hold, ye villain! what, would you Wife, sure some new device they have afoot again, Kill your own husband?
Some trick upon my credit; I shall meet it. Estif. Let mine own husband, then,
I'd rather guide a ship imperial, Be in his own wits. There, there's a thousand Alone, and in a storm, than rule one woman.
ducats. Who must provide for you? And yet you'll kill one!
Enter Duke, Sanchio, Alonzo, aud Servant. Per. I will not hurt thee for ten thousand Mar. How came you hurt, sir? millions.
Duke. I fell out with my friend, the noble coEstif. When will you redeem your jewels? I
lonel. have pawned them,
My cause was naught, for 'twas about your honYou see for what we must keep touch.
our; Per. I'll kiss thee;
And he, that wrongs the innocent, ne'er prospers, And get as many more. I'll make thee famous. And he has left me thus ; for charity, Had we the house now!
Lend me a bed to ease my tortured body, Estif. Come along with me;
That, ere I perish, I may shew my penitence, If that be vanished, there be more to hire, sir. I fear I'm slain. Per. I see I am an ass, when thou art near Leon. Help, gentlemen, to carry him.
[Exeunt. There shall be nothing in this house, my lord, SCENE IV.-A chamber.
But as your own.
Duke. I thank ye, noble sir.
Leon. To bed with him; and, wife, give your Leon. Come, we'll away unto your country
[Exeunt Duke, Sanchio, Alonzo, MargarITTA, And there we'll learn to live contentedly.
By your own nobleness
Leon. Beware, beware -have you no fetch Leon. Afore me, Tis rarely counterfeited.
Mar. No, by my repentance, no.
Leon. And art thou truly, truly honest?
Leon. I take you up, and wear you next my As though we purposed apger: that same scratch
heart; On's hand he took, to colour all, and draw com
be worth it.
Enter ALTEA. ningly. I must not stay; stand now, and you're a brave Now, what with you? fellow,
Alt. I come to tell my lady, Leon. I thank ye, noble colonel, and I hon- There is a fulsome fellow would fain speak with our ye.
her. Never be quiet?
[Exit JUAN. Leon. 'Tis Cacafogo; keep him from the
duke, Enter MARGARITTA.
The duke frons him; anon he'll yield us laughMar. He's most desperate ill, sir;
Alt. Where is it, please you, that we shall deI do not think these ten months will recover him.
tain him? Leon. Does he bire my house to play the fool He seems at war with reason, full of wine. in,
Leon. To the ceilar with him ; 'tis the drunkOr does it stand on fairy ground? We're haunt ard's den, ed.
Fit cover for such beasts. Should he be resty, Are all men and their wives troubled with dreams Say I am at home; unwieldy as he is, thus ?
He'll creep into an augre-hole to shun me. Mar. What ail you, sir?
Alt. I'll dispose him there.
[Erit. Leon. Nay, what ail you, sweet wife,
Leon. Now, Margaritta, comes your trial on : To put these daily pastimes on my patience ? The duke expects you; acquit yourself to him; What dost thou see in me, that I should suffer I put you to the test ; you have my trust, this?
My confidence, my love. Mar. Alas, I pity ye.
Mar. I will deserve them.
[Erit. Leon. Thou'lt make me angry ;
Leon. My work is done, and now my heart's at Thou never saw'st me mad yet. Mar. You are always;
I read in every look, she means me fairly; You carry a kind of bedlam still about ye. And nobly shall my love reward her for’t. Leon. If thou pursuest me farther, I run stark He, who betrays his rights, the husband's rights, mad.
To pride and wantonness; or who denies If you have more hurt dukes, or gentlemen,
Affection to the heart he has subdued, To lie here on your cure, I shall be desperate. Forteits the claim to manhood and humanity. I know the trick, and you shall feel I know it ;
[Exit. Are ye so hot, that no hedge can contain ye? I'll have thee let blood in all the veins about SCENE V.-A chamber. Duke discovered in a
night gown. I'll have thy thoughts found, too, and have them opened,
Duke. Why, now, this is most excellent invenThy spirits purged, for those are they that fire ye. tion. The maid shall be thy mistress, thou the maid, I shall succeed, spite of this huffing husband. And all her servile labours thou shalt reach at,
I can but smile to think most wary spouses And go through cheerfully, or else sleep empty:
The soonest are deceived.
Who's there, my
love? Mar. I've lost myself, sir,
Mar. 'Tis 1, my lord.
Kneels. Mur. Alone, and come to enquire how your My wantonness, my stubbornness, I've lost too.
wounds are. And now, by that pure good faith good wives Duke. I have none, lady; not a hurt about are crowned with,
My damages I did but counterfeit,
He swears he'll have admittance to my lady, And feigned the quarrel to enjoy you, lady. And reels about, and clamours most outrageI am as lusty, and as full of health,
ously. As high in blood
Leon. Let him come up wife, here's another Mar. As low in blood, you mean:
suitor, Dishonest thoughts debase the greatest birth; We forgot; he has been sighing in the cellar, The man, that acts unworthily, though ennobled, Making my casks his mistresses. Sullies his honour.
Will your grace permit us to produce a rival? Duke. Nay, nay, my Margaritta;
Duke. No more on that theme, I request, don Come to my couch, and there let's lisp love's lan Leon. guage.
Leon. Here comes the porpus; he's devilish Mar. Would you take that, which I've no right drunk. to give?
Let me stand by.
Enter CACAFOGO drunk.
here. Why, I dont fear snap dragons--impotenDuke. Leave these dull thoughts to mortifying tial, powerfully potioned-I can drink with Hecpenance ;
tor, and beat him, too. Then, what care I for Let us, while love is lusty, prove its power. captains! I'm full of Greek wine; the true, anMar. Ill wishes, once, my lord, my mind de tient courage. Sweet Mrs Margaritta, let me based :
kiss thee-your Lisses shall pay me for his kickYou found my weakness, wanted to ensnare it: ing. Shameful I own my fault, but 'tis repented.
Leon. What would you?
Caca. Sir !
Duke. Most filthy figure, truly.
Caca. Filthy! Oh, you're a prince; yet I can Pure as esteem can offer. lle has won me; buy all of you, your wives and all. I owe him all my heart.
Juan. Sleep, and be silent. Duke. Indeed, fair lady,
Caca. Speak you to your creditors, good capThis jesting well becoines a sprightly beauty.
tain half-pay; Love prompts to celebrate sublimer rights. I'll not take thy pawn in. No more memento's; let me press you to me, Leon. Which of the butts is thy mistress ? And stifle with my kisses
Caca. Butt in thy belly. Mar. Nay, then, within, there !
Leon. There are two in thine, I'm sure, it is
grown so monstrous, Enter Leox, JUAN, Alonzo, and Saxchio.
Caca. Butt in thy face. Leon. Did you call, my wife? or you, my Leon. Go, carry him to sleep; [Erit Caça. lord?
When he is sober, let him out to rail,
Enter Perez and EstIFANIA.
Per. Good sir, 'tis very good : would I had a Duke. More hurt than ever; spare your re
house, too, proach;
For there's no talking in the open air. I feel too much already.
You have a pretty seat, you have the luck on't, Leon. I see it, sir--and now your grace shall A pretty lady, too, I have missed both; know,
My carpenter built in a mist, I thank him. I can as readily pardon as revenge.
Do me the courtesy to let me see it, Be comforted; all is forgotten.
See it once more.
But I shall cry for anger. Duke. I thank you, sir.
I'll bire a chandler's shop close under ye, Leon. Wife, you are a right one;
And, for my foolery, sell soap and whip-cord. And now, with unknown nations, I dare trust ye. Nay, if you do not laugh now, and laugh hearJuan. No more feigned fights, my lord; they tily, never prosper.
You are a fool, cəz.
Leon. I must laugh a little;
And now I've done. Coz, thou shalt live with Lor. Please you, sir,
me, Ve cannot keep this gross fat man in order : My merry coz; the world shall not divorce us: Vol. II.
Thou art a valiant man, and thou shalt never I have two ties, mine own blood, and my mistress.
Mar. Is she your sister? Will this content thee?
Leon. Yes, indeed, good wife, Per. I'll cry, and then be thankful;
And my best sister; for she proved so, wench, Indeed I will, and I'll be honest to ye;
When she deceived you with a loving husband. I'd live a swallow here, I must confess,
Alt. I would not deal so, truly, for a stranger. Wife, I forgive thee all
, if thou be honest, Mar. Well, I could chide ye, but it must be And, at thy peril, I believe thee excellent.
lovingly, Estif. If I prove otherwise, let me beg first. And like a sister. Mar. Hold, this is yours, some recompense I'll bring you on your way, and feast ye nobly, for service;
For now I have an honest heart to love ye, Use it to nobler ends than he, that gave
it. And then deliver you to the blue Neptune. Duke. And this is yours, your true commis Juan. Your colours you must wear, and wear sion, sir.
them proudly, Now you're a captain.
Wear them before the bullet, and in blood, too. Leon. You're a noble prince, sir ;
And all the world shall know we're virtue's serAnd now a soldier.
vants. Juan. Sir, I shall wait upon you through all Duke. And all the world shall know, a noble fortunes.
mind Alon. And I.
Makes women beautiful, and envy blind. Alt. And I must needs attend my mistress. Leon. All you who mean to lead a happy life, Leon. Will you go, sister?
First learn to rule, and then to have a wife. Alt. Yes, indeed, good brother,