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SCENE I.--A dressing room.
Boy. Madam, here's the gentleman to wait on Oliv. Oh! liorrid, abominable! Peace, cousin Eliza, or your discourse will be my aversion, But Oliv. On me, you little blockhead! Do you you cannot be in earnest, sure, when you say you know what like the filthy world!
Boy. Yes, ma'am, 'tis the gentleman, that Elz. You cannot be in carnest, sure, when comes every day to you. you say you dislike it? Come, come, cousin Oli Oliv. Hold your tongue, you little beedless avia, I will never believe, that a place, wbich has nimal, and get out of the room. This country such a variety of charms for other women, should boy, cousin, takes my music-master, mercer, and have none for you! Pray, what do you think of spruce milliner, for visitors
. (Novel speaks within. dressing and fine clothes?
Lett. No, madam, 'tis Mr Novel, I am sure, by Oliv. Dressing! it is, of all things, my aver-his talking so loud; I know his voice, too, madam. sion: I hate dressing : and I declare solemnly Oliv. You know nothing, you stupid creature ! Nercy on us! Come hither, you dowdy-liea- You would make my cousin believe I receive vens! what a figure you have made of my head visits-However, if it be your Mr.10-day !-Oh, hideous! I can't bear it! Did Lett. Mr Novel, madam, ever see any thing so frightful?
Oliv. Peace, will you! I'll hear no more of Eliz. Well enough, cousin, if dressing be your bim-But if it be your Mr.— I cannot think aversion.
of his name again—I supposed he followed my Oliv. It is so; and for variety of rich clothes, cousin hither. they are more my aversion.
Eliz. No, cousin, I will not rob you of the hoLett. That's because you wear them too long, nour of the visit; it is to you, cousin, for I know Madam.
him not. Oliv, Insatiable creature! I take my death I Oliv. Nor I neither, upon my honour, cousin ! have not wore this gown above three times; and Besides, have not I told you that visits, and the I have made up six or seven more within these business of visits, flattery and detracțion, are my two months.
aversion? Do you then think I would admit Eliz. Then your aversion to them is not alto- such a coxcomb as he; the scandal-carrier of the gether so great.
whole town! more impudently scurrilous than a Oliv. Alas! cousin, it is for my woman I party libeller, who abuses every person and every wear them.
thing, and piques himself upon his talents for Eliz. But what do you think of visits--balls? ridicule! Olio. Oh! I detest them !
Eliz. I find you know bim, cousin; at least Eliz. Of plays ?
have heard of himn. Oliv. I abominate them-Filthy, obscene, hi Oliv. Yes, now I remember, Ihave heard of him. deous things!
Eliz. Well, but if he is such a dangerous cox. Eliz. What say you to the opera in winter, comb, for heaven's sake let him not come up! and to Ranelagh and Vauxhall in summer! or, if tell him, Mrs Lettice, your lady is not at home. these want attractions to engage you, what say Oliv. No, Lettice, tell him my cousin is here, you to the court?
and that he may come up: for, notwithstanding Olin. The court, cousin ! the court! my aver I detest the sight of him, you may like his consion! my aversion of all aversions !
versation; and I will not be rude to you in my Eliz. Well, but prithee
own house. Since he has followed you hither, Oliv. Nay, don't attempt to defend the court; let him come up, I say. for, if you do, you will make me rail against it. Eliz, Very fine ! Let hiin go and be hanged, I
Eliz. To come nearer to the point, then— say, for me!' I know him not, nor desire it. pray, what think you of a rich young husband ? Send him away, Mrs Lettice. [Erit LETTICE.
Oliv. Oh, rueful! marriage! What a plea Oliv. Upon my word, she shall not; I must dissure you have found out! I nauseate the very obey your commands, to comply with desires. thoughts of it.
Mr Novel! Mr Novel ! Lett. Mayhap, ma'am, my lady would rather like a generous, handsome, young lover !
Enter Novel. Oliv. What do mean, Mrs Impertinence, by Nov. I beg ten thousand pardons, madam! talking such stuff in my hearing ? A handsome perhaps you are busy; I did not know you had young lover! A lover, indeed! I hate men of all company, things; and I declare soleinnly I would not let Eliz. Yet he comes to me, cousin. one into my doors.
Oliv. Chairs there! Pray, sir, be seated.
Noo. I should have waited on you yesterday Oliv. I draw from the life, cousin; paint every i evening, according to appointment, but I dined one in their
proper colours. at a place, where there is always such a profusion Eliz. Oh! cousin, I perceive you hate detracof good cheer, and so hearty a welcome, that tion! one can never get away, while one has either ap Oliv. But, Mr Novel, who had you besides at petite or patience lett—You know that surfeit-dinner? ing piece of hospitality, lady Autumn? Ha, ha, Nov. Ladies, I wish you a good morning! ha!' the nauseous old fury at the upper end of Oliv. 'Psha! how can you be șo provoking? her table
Nay, I take my death you shall not go, till you tell Olio. Revives the ancient Grecian custom of us the rest of the company! (Ștopping Novey] serring up a death's head with their banquets! who rises.] Come, sit down again : I long to hear Ob, God! I detest her hollow cherry cheeks ! who your men were; for I am sure I am acShe looks like an old coach new painted, affecting quainted with some of them. an unseenly smugness, while she is ready to drop Nov. We had no men there at all, madam. in pieces.
Oliv. What! was not sir Marmaduke GimNov. Excellent and admirable simile upon my crack with you? I'll lay fifty pounds on it! for I soul! But do, madam, give me leave to paint know he is courting one of her ladyşlıip's crookher out to you a little, because I ain intimately ed nieces. acquainted with the family. You must know she Nov. Pray, ma'am, let me go. is horridly angry, if I don't dine at her house Oliv. Nay, I know another of your company, three times a-week.
I hold you a wager of it. Come, my lord PlayOliv. Nay, for that matter, any one is wel-sible dined with you, too, who is, cousincome to partake of her victuals, who will be Eliz. You need not tell me what he is, cousin; content to listen to her stories of herself, when for I know him to be a civil, good-natured gentleshe was a young woman, and used to go with her man, who talks well of all the world, and is ngfat Flanders mares, in her father's great gilt cha ver out of humour. riot, to take the air in Hyde Park. Oh, cousin ! Oliv. Hold, cousin ! I hate detraction : but I I must tell you
you he is a tiresome, insipid coxcoinb, Noo. What, Madam! I thought I was going without either sense to see faults, or wit to exto tell the lady; but, perhaps, you think nobody pose them; iu fine, he is of all things my averhas wit enough to draw characters but yourself; sion, and I never admit his visits beyond my in which case, I have done.
hall. Oliv. Nay, I swear, you shall tell us who you Nov. No! he visit you! damn hiin! he's ne. had there at dinner.
ver admitted to any one but worn-out dowagers, Nov. With all my heart, madam, if you will and superannuated maidens, who want to be condescend to listen to me.
flattered into conceit with themselves; he has Oliv. Most patiently, sir : pray speak. often strove to scrape acquaintance with me, but
Noo. In the first place, then, we had her I always took caredaughter, whom, I suppose, you have seen.
Enter Lord PLAUSIBLE. Oliv. Seen! oh, I see her now! the very disgrace to good clothes, which she always wears to Ha! my dear, my dear lord ! let me embrace heighten her deformity, not mend it; for she is you.. still most splendidly, gallantly ugly! and looks Eliz. Well, this is pleasant ! like an ill piece of daubing in a rich frame. L. Plau, Your most faithful, humble servant,
Nov. Very well, madam! Have you done with generous Mr Novel; and, madam, I am your her? And can you spare her a little to me? eternal slave, and kiss your fair hands, which I Olio. If you please, sir.
had done sooner, according to your ordersNov. In my opinion, she is like
Oliv. No excuses, my lord, I know you must Olio. She is, you would observe, like a great divide yourself; your company is too general a city bride; the greater fortune, but not the great-good to be engrossed by any particular triçud. er beauty, for her dress.
Eliz. You hate fattery, cousin ! Nov. Yet have you done, madam?
L. Plau. Oh lord, madam! my company! Oliv. Pray, sir, proceed.
your most obliged, faithful, humble servant! But Nov. Then, she
I might have brought you good company, indeed; Oliv. I was just going to say so-she. for I parted just now at your door with two of
Eliz. I find, cousin, one may have a collection the most sensible, worthy inenof all one's acquaintance's pictures at your house, Oliv. Who are they, my lord? as well as at sir Joshua Reynolds's, with this differ Nov. Who do you call the most sensible, worence only, that his are handsome likenesses; to say thy men? the truth, you are the first of the profession of L. Plau. Oh, sir, two of the brightest characportrait-painters I ever knew without fattery. ters of the present age; men of such honour and VOL. II.
ne! I tell you
virtue. Perhaps, you may know them-Count
MANLY and footboy speak within.
Man. Not at home! Not see me
-let her such a wretch company, my lord?
know my name is Manly. L. Plau. Oh seriously, inadam, you are too Boy. Well, but your honour, my lady's sick, I severe: he is highly carest by every body. dare not go to her.
Oliv. Carest, my lord! why he was never Man. Well, then, I'll go to her. three times in company in his life, without being Boy. Help, Mrs Lettice! help! here's the sea twice kicked out of it.
gentleinan! Nov. And for sir Richard !
Oliv. What noise is that? L. Plau. He is nice in his connections, and loves to chuse those he converses with.
Enter MANLY. Oliv. He loves a lord, indeed
Man. My Olivia ! 'Sdeath, what do I see! In Nov. Or any thing with a title
close conversation with these ! Oliv. Though he borrows his money, and ne Oliv. Ha, Manly! this is somewhat unexpectver pays him again. Nay, he carries his passion ed: however, I am prepared for him. (Aside. for quality so far, that they say the creature has L. Plau. Most noble and heroic captain, your an intrigue ainong them; and half starves his most obliged, faithful, very humblepoor wife and family, by keeping a correspon Nov. Captain Manly, your servant. dence with that overgrown piece of right honour Man. Away! Madamable tilthiness, lady Bab Clumsey.
Oliv. Sir! L. Plau. Oh, madam, he frequents her house Man. It seems, madam, as if I was an unwel. because it is the tabernacle-gallant, the meet come guest here: your footboy would hardly aling-house for all the fine ladies and people of low me admittance; at first he told me you were fashion about town.
not at home. Indeed, I did not expect to find Nov. Mighty fine ladies ! There is first you in such good company. Oliv. Her honour, as fat as a hostess !
Oliv. I suppose, sir, my servant had orders for L. Plau. She is somewhat plump, indeed! a what he did. woman of a noble and majestic presence.
L. Plau. Perhaps, madam, Mr Novel and I Nov. Then there's Miss what dye call her incommode you ; the captain and you may have
Oliv. As sluttish and slatternly as an Irish wo- something to say, so we'll retire. man bred in France.
Oliv. Upon my honour, my lord, you shan't L. Plau. She has a prodigious fund of wit; stir; the captain and I have nothing to say to and the handsomest heel, elbow, and tip of an one another, assure yourself, nor ever shall : 'tis ear, you ever saw.
only one of his mad freaks, for which you will Nov. Heel and elbow! Ha, ha, ha!
make allowances; salt-water lovers, you know, Eliz. I find you see all faults with lover's eyes, will be boisterous now and then.
Man. Confusion ! L. Plau. Oh, Madam, your most obliged, Nov. We shall have a quarrel here presently: faithful, very humble servant, to command ! I see she's going to use him damnably.
Nov. Pray, my lord, are you acquainted with Man. What am I to think of this behaviour, lady Sarah Dawdle?
Madam? L. Plau. Yes, sure, sir, very well, and extreme Oliv. Even what you please, good captain. ly proud I am of the great honour; for she is a Man. And is this the reception I meet with afperson whose wit, beauty, and conduct, nobody ter an absencecan call in question.
Oliv. And is this behaving like a gentleman, Oliv. No!
to force into a lady's apartment contrary to her Nov. No! pray, madam, let me speak. inclinations? I suppose it is Wapping breeding :
Oliv. In the first place, can any one be called however, you are fitted for ill manners. handsome that squints ?
Man. I am fitted for believing you could not L. Plau. Her eyes languish a little, I own. be fickle, though you were young; could not disNov. Languish! ha, ha, ha!
semble love, though it was for your interest; nor Oliv. Languish!
be vain, though you were handsome; nor break Eliz. Well, this is to be borne no longer : cou- your promise, though to a parting lover. But I sin, I have some visits to make this morving, and take not your contempt of me worse than your will take my leave.
keeping company with and encouraging these Oliv. You will not, sure! nay, you shall not things here. venture my reputation, by leaving me with two Nov. Things ! men here. You'll disoblige me for ever
L. Plau. Let the captain rally a little. Eliz. If I stay! your servant.
Man. Yes, things. "Dare you be angry, you [Exit. thing?
Noo. No, since my lord says you speak in rail- | Swagger-huff! and be saucy with your mistress, lery.
like a true captain ; but be civil to your rivals Man. And pray, madam, let me ask you, what and betters; and do not threaten any thing but is it you find about them to entertain you. For ine here; no, not so much as my windows: do example, this spark here: is it the merit of his not think yourself in the lodgings of one of your fashionable impudence, the briskness of his noise, suburb mistresses beyond the tower. the wit of his laugh, or his judgment and fancy Man. Do not you give me the cause to think in his solitaire, that engages your esteem? so! for those less infamous women part with
Nov. Very well, sir! Egad, thiese captains of their lovers, just as you did from me, with unships
forced vows of constancy, and floods of willing İlan. Then, for this gentle piece of tame cour tears; but the same winds bear away their lotesy
vers and their vows; and for their griefs, if the Olio. Good, jealous captain, no more of credulous, unexpected fools return, they find your
new comforters, such as I found here; the merL. Plau. No, madam, let him go on; for, per- cenary love of these women, too, suffers shiphaps, he may make you laugh; and I would con wreck with their lovers' fortune : you have tribute to your pleasure any way.
hcard, that chance has used me indifferently, Man. Obliging coxcomb!
and you do so too. Well, persevere in your Oliv. No, noble captain, you cannot think any ingratitude, falsehood, and disdain ; be constant thing would tempt me more than that beroic ti- in something; and I promise to be as just to tle of yours, captain! for you know we women your real scorn, as I was to your feigned love; love honour inordinately.
and henceforward despise, loath, and detest you Noo. Ha, ha, ha! I cannot hold; I must laugh most faithfully. at you, faith, Mr Manly!
Olio. I'll wait upon you again in a minute. 1. Plau. And i'faith, dear captain, I beg your
[Erit. pardon, and leave to laugh at you, too; though I
Enter Fidelia and FREEMAN. protest I mean you no hurt
Man. Peace, you buffoons! And be not you Free. How now, captain ! vain, that these laugh on your side; for they will Man. Pray keep out of my way; dont speak laugh at their own dull jests : but no more of to me. them; for I will only now suffer this lady to be Fide. Dear sir, what's the matter? witty.
Man. Blockhead! Oh, Freeman! I have been Oliv. You would not have your panegyric in so cheated, so abused, by this perfidiousterrupted! I go on, then, to your honour. Is Free. Nay, sir, you need not tell us, for we there any thing more ayreeable than the pretty have been for some time within hearing in the oddity of that? Then the greatness of your cou
But now, I hope, you will act as berage! which most of all appears in your spirit of comes you. contradiction: for you dare give all mankind the Man. I hope so, too. lye; and your opinion is your only mistress; for Fide. Do you but hope it, sir ? you renounce that, too, when it becomes another Man. She has restored my reason with my man's.
heart. L. Plau. Ha, ha, ha!
Free. But there are other things, captain, Nov. Ha, ha, ha!
which, next to a man's heart, he would not part Man. Why, you impudent, pitiful wretches ! with, and, methinks, she ought to restore, too; I You presume, sure, upon your effeminacy, to mean your money and jewels, sir; which, I unurge me; for you are all things so like women, it derstand, she has. might be thought cowardice to chastise you. Man. What's that to you, sir? Olio. No hectoring, good captain !
Free. Pardon me; whatever belongs to
I Man. Or, perhaps, you think this lady's pre- have a share in, I ain sure, which I will not lose sence secures you; but have a care; she hath for want of asking; though you may be too getalked herself out of all the respect I had for her; nerous, or too angry, now, to do it yourself. and, by using me ill before you, hath given me a Fide. Nay, then I'll make bold, tooprivilege of using you so before her therefore, Man. Hold, you impertinent, officious—how begone immediately!
have I been deceived ! Nov. Begone! what! L. Plau. Nay, worthy, noble, generous cap
Enter OLIVIA. tain ! Man. Begone, I say!
Free. Madam, excuse this liberty—but we are Nov. Well, Madam, we'll step into the next captain Manly's friends, and have accidentally room; you will not stay long with him I suppose. been witnesses to your disagreement. Fal, lal! [Exeunt LORD PLAUSIBLE and Novel. Oliv. And what am I to infer from thence, sir?
Olio. Iurn hither your rage, good captain Free. Why, then, Madam, there are certain
appurtënáncês to a lover's heart, called jewels, to attack her—and, if you will take my advice, which always go along with it.
you'll stay too; if it be only to see this major Fide. And with lovers, madam, have no value, Oldfox, her supernumerary 'squire, her occasional but from the heart they come with-our cap- gentleman usher: he is a character, I assure you. tain's, it seems, you scorn to keep; much more Man. No; confound him, he is as bad as the those worthless things without it, I am confi- cockatrice herself, whom I would avoid as a sinkdent.
ing ship, and the whole sex, for ever. Olio. I understand you, gentlemen. Captain,
[Erit with FIDELIA. pour young friend, here, has a very persuading face, I must confess; but you might have asked
Enter Mrs BLACK ACRE, JERRY, and MAJOR me yourself for those trifles you left with me,
OldFox, which-hark you a little--for I dare trust you
Mrs Black. 'Tis an arrant sea-ruffian ! I with a secret, you are a man of so much honour thought he would have pushed us down, major. I am sure—I say, then, considering the chance of Jerry, where's my paper of memorandums? Give war, the danger of the seas, and being in doubt it me. So! where's iny cousin Olivia, now—my whether you might ever return again, I have de- kind relation? livered your jewels and money to
Free. Here's one that would be
your Man. Whom?
lation, madam. Oliv. My husband.
Mrs Black. Hcy day! who this wild rude Man. Your husband !
fellow? Oliv. Aye, my husband. For, since you could Jer. Why, dont you know him? It's the man, leave me, I am lately and privately married to that wanted to fall aboard you at Captain Manone, who is a man of so much honour and expc-ly's this morning. rience, that I dare not ask him for your things Old. Pray be civil to the lady, Mr
she again, to restore them to you, lest he should con- is a person of quality—a person, that is, no perclude you never would have parted with them to me on any other score than the exchange of my Free. Yes, but she is a person, that is, a widow. virtue ; which, rather than you would bring into Be you civil to ber; because you are to pretend suspicion
only to be her 'squire, to arm her to her lawyer's Man. Triumphant impudence ! Married! chambers : but I will be impudent and forward;
Oliv. There's no resisting one's destiny, or for she must love and marry nie. love, you know.
Mrs Black. Marry come up; you saucy, fa. Man. Damnation !
miliar puppy! Marry you! God forgive me ! Oliv. Oh, dont swear ! 'Tis true, my husband now-a-days, every idle young rascal, with a laced is now absent in the country; however, he re-waistcoat, and a bit of black ribbon in his hat, turns shortly; therefore I beg, for your own ease thinks to carry away any widow of the best deand quiet, and my reputation, you will never scegree.
Old. No, no, soft! you are a young man, and Man. I wish I never had seen you!
not fit; besides, others have laid in their claims Oliv. You may perceive, by this, how great a dependance: I have upon your friendship: I am Free. Not you, I hope ! sensible every man might not be talked to in the Old. Why, not I, sir? Sure I am a much more game manner; but your uncommon delicacy of proportionable match for her than you, şir; 1, thinking ill, I am sure, feel for a person in my who am a person rank and means in the nice circumstances.
world, and of equal yearsMan. True, perfect woman! and if I could Mrs Black. Ilow's that? you unmannerly-I say any thing more injurious to you I would-would have you to know I was born in ann, seLeave me; go! lest I should be tempted to do cun Georgii priin-something, which may hereafter make me think Old. Your pardon, madam, your pardon; be ás meanly of myself, as I do now of you. not offended--but I say, sir, you are a beggarly
Oliv. Sir, it is a maxim with me never to stay | younger brother; twenty years younger than she; in any place, where my company is disagreeable : without any land or stock, but your great stock I obey you with all willingness--young gentle- of impudence: therefore, what pretensions can man, your servant.
(Erit OLIVIA. you have to her?
Mrs Black. And what pretensions have you,
major? Go and solicit a brevet for Chelsea HosBoy. Here are Madam Blackacre, and Major pital, you old mummy! Air yourself there under Oldfox, to wait on my lady.
the cloisters; smoke your pipe, and make love Män. Do you hear that? Let's be gone before I to your laundress : you shall have a widow withi he comes.
three thousand pounds a year, you shall, you barFree. Excuse me; the widow is the very game barous brute ! I have in view; I wanted just such an opportunity Old. How, madam!