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SCENE III.-OLIVIA'S lodgings. Enter OLIVIA, with VARNISH booted and spurred, as just come off a journey.

Oliv. Lord bless me, my dear! you came upon me so unawares, you quite startled me-feel how my heart beats!

Var. Beats!—you seem startled, indeed! And yet, surely, you expected somebody, when you met me so kindly in the dark passage!

Oliv. Why, I thought it was your step, and could not refrain from coming out of my chamber; and yet I did not know how to believe it either, because it was so much sooner than your letters bid me look for you.

Var. And yet you began with upbraiding me for having staid beyond my time. Let me tell you, madam, this conduct is mysterious, and requires explanation.

Oliv. What explanation, my soul? you misunderstood my words. I upbraid you with having staid too long from me; and you shall never be absent so long from me again, you shan't indeed; by this kiss you shan't! But, my dearest, I have strange news to tell you-since you went, Manly's

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Var. I hope it has given him a surfeit of the shore, and will send him to sea again; be you sure only to keep our great secret: in the mean time, I will lead the easy fool by the nose, as I used to do; and, whilst he stays, rail with him at you; and, when he is gone, laugh with you at him. By that time, too, I shall have settled some affairs, which I have now on hand, and shall not care who knows of our marriage. As for the notes and jewels, which he left with you, if he should want to recover them by law, you may plead a gift; but I fancy we are pretty safe as to that, for I know the particularity of his temper so well

Oliv. Yet, let us be cautious, my love-Have you taken the thousand guineas, he lodged in my name, out of the banker's hand?

Var. No-where was the necessity?

Oliv. The greatest in the world. Do not confide too much in his generosity: I am well informed a much smaller sum would be acceptable to him at present; and, no doubt, his necessity

will make him ready enough to take money, wherever he can claim any thing like a property. Var. I believe you are in the right, and I will take care to remove them to-morrow.

Oliv. To-morrow! for Heaven's sake stay not till then; he may receive them before to-morrow. Go this night—immediately.

Var. You advise well, and I will only stay to rest myself a little.

Oliv. Rest yourself, when you come back. Pray, dear Varnish, don't trifle upon such an important occasion. Go this very instant!

Var. Well, well, I'll go now directly—a hackney coach will take me to Fleet-street, and back again, in an hour.

Oliv. If you stay till midnight, no matter. Make haste, dearest! I am impatient till you are out of the house. [Exit VAR.

I shan't recover myself a good while, this unexpected visit has so flurried me! Who could have thought of his coming-a beast!--And at so critical a juncture!-And yet, if he had stayed a few moments longer, he might have taken me still more at a disadvantage-My conduct is mysterious, and requires explanation! Sure he intends to give himself the airs of being jealous→→ I wish I had never married him! He is of a cruel and dangerous temper; and, had I not luckily thought of the money, as an expedient to send him out again, I know not what might have happened, had he and my young friend met

Ah, heavens!

Enter FIDELIA.

Fide. I hope I don't frighten you, madam. Oliv. Oh, is it you? No, no; but I am the strangest timorous creature!-Well, you can excuse a woman's weakness; indeed I have given you too great proofs of mine-I hope you are not one of those capricious conquerors who despise a victory for being too easily gained! Fide. I hope, madam

Oliv. Nay, I know you will say to the contrary, and I shall believe you: though the hurry you were in to leave me, and your unkind behaviour, in hardly speaking to me, might make one of a less jealous temper suspect

Fide. Upon iny word, madam!

Oliv. I am satisfied; you will tell me, no doubt, your letter contained a sufficient apology for that; and, to convince you I desire no other, if you are as sincere as I am, I will, this moment, put into your possession what, in many parts of the world, will be a magnificent fortune. short, I am ready to forsake friends, country, reputation, and fly with you

In

Fide. This offer, madam, does me so great an honour

Oliv. Honour! Why will you make use of that cold expression? But methinks you look grave upon it! must I have the mortification to find that your passion is less violent than mine?

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Fide. Indeed, madam, you don't do well to speak so disrespectfully of the captain.

Oliv. Why, you dear, friendly creature, you could not be a greater advocate for him, if you were one of his mistresses stept into breeches!

Fide. His mistresses, madam? I don't know what you mean. To be sure, I have great obligations to the captain, and don't like to hear him abused-but

Oliv. Come, come, let us talk no more of him, that is the best way-What say you, shall we go sit in the next room? I have prepared a little collation there.

Fide. Are we not better here, madam? Oliv. No, no; I'll conduct you; give me your hand.

Fide. I would rather stay where we are, if you please, madam.

Oliv. Why so?

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Fide. How, madam! Where? Oliv. Ask no questions, but get out the back way as fast as you can; my husband's coming! Fide. Your husband, madam!

Oliv. Ay, ay; he came in just before you did; I thought he was gone abroad again, but I saw him this moment cross the hall, and he followed me up stairs-Oh, heavens, here he is!-This way. [Exit.

Fide. Hold, madam !-She has clapt the door after her, and the bolt is shot! What will become of me?

Enter VARNISH.

Var. So, now I am somewhat of a more decent figure to go abroad; while the fellow has been getting me a coach, I have made a shift to alter my dress a little.-Ha! who have we here! Nay, by the Lord, you shan't slip by me!

Fide. Pray, sir, do not be rude.

Var. Rude, you rascal! Who are you? And what brings you into this house?

Fide. I did not come to do you any harm, sir. Var. You come here to do no good, I am cer tain. But now I see who it was my wife expected, and what occasioned her extraordinary trepidation. Damn you, sirrah, I have a mind to cut your throat. Come, draw!

Fide. Oh, pray sir, don't draw your swordpray, sir, don't!

Var. How, a coward! yet dare to do a man the greatest injury in the world! but your want of courage shall not save your life.

Fide. Hold, sir, hold! Do not terrify me, and I will satisfy you I could not injure you. Var. Now, quickly, then! What have you to

say?

Fide. I am a woman, sir; a very unfortunate woman!

Var. Ha! a very handsome one, I am sure. It is so-1 -But why in this masquerade?—Well, no matter.

Fide. I hope, sir, you are so much a man of honour as to let me go, now I have satisfied you. Var. Let you go, madam!

Fide. Yes, sir; you may guess my misfortune to be love, by my disguise; and I dare swear, you will not urge me further on secrets, which concern my honour.

Var. Oh, no, madam, by no means—But I thought I saw my wife turn short upon the stairs just now, and run up in a great hurry before me. Has she not been with you?

Fide. Yes, sir.

Var. Well, and where is she gone?
Fide. Out of the house, I believe, sir.
Var. And why so, madam?

Fide. I know not, sir: perhaps, because she would not be forced to discover me to you; or, to guard me from suspicions, that you might not discover me yourself.

Var. Well, madam, at any rate I am obliged

to her for having left me alone with so charming a creature. Lovely, bewitching woman! Fide. What do you mean? Help, ho! Var. 'Tis in vain to cry out-no one dares to help you; I am lord here.

Fide. Tyrant here!-But, if you are the master of this house, which I have taken for a sanctuary, do not violate it yourself.

Var. No, I'll preserve you in it, and nothing shall hurt you: I will be as true to you as your disguise, but you must trust me.

Fide. You don't look like a villain, sir-Help! help!

Enter FOOTBOY.

Var. You saucy rascal, how durst you !→→→ Boy. I come, sir, to let you know the coach is at the door.

Var. Damn the coach!--Well, madam, I shall leave you for a little while; perhaps, when I come back, I shall find you in a better humour. Here, sir, help me in with this fellow, this dishonourer of my family.

Boy. Fellow! Your honour said she was a

woman.

Var. No matter, sir; must you prate?

Fide. Oh, Heavens! Is there

Vur. Come, madam, since you will yield to me no other way, you shall, at least, be my prisoner till I have leisure to examine you further -In there, in-I will know you better before I part with you, my pretty masquerader, or you shall have more strength and cunning than I think you have. [Exeunt.

ACT V.

SCENE I.-ELIZA's Lodgings. Enter OLIVIA, ELIZA, and LETTICE. Oliv. А, cousin! nothing troubles me, but that I have given the malicious world its revenge, and reason now to talk as freely of me as I used to do of it,

Eliz. Faith, then, let not that trouble you : for to be plain, cousin, the world cannot talk worse of you than it did before.

Oliv. How, cousin! I'd have you to know, before this faux-pas, this trip of mine, the world could not talk of me.

Lett. Oh, Lud, madam, here is my master! Oliv. Whither shall I run? Save, protect me from him!

Enter VARNISH,

Var. Nay, nay, come!
Oliv. Oh, sir! forgive me.

Var. Yes, yes, I can forgive your being alone with a woman in man's clothes, but have a care of a man in woman's clothes!

Oliv. A woman in man's clothes! What does he mean! [Aside.]

Var. Come, come, you need not have lain out of your house for this: but perhaps you were afraid, when I was warm with suspicions, you must have discovered who she was.

Oliv. Who she was! Sure he dissembles only to get me into his power; or perhaps my young spark has imposed upon him! [Aside.]

Var. Come, what's the matter with you? If I must not know who she was, I am satisfied without-Come hither.

Oliv. Sure you do know her; she has told you herself, I suppose.

Var. No, I might have known her better, but I was obliged to go to the banker's; and so locked her into your chamber, with a design to exVOL. II

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Oliv. I am glad on't-otherwise you had been rude with her. But how durst you go so far, as to make her believe you would? Let me understand that, sir! What! there is guilt in your face! You blush, too!-Nay, then, I see how things have happened—Oh, you base fellow ! Eliz. So, so !

Var. Nay, hear me !-Prithee-I swear

Oliv. I have heard already too many of your false oaths and vows, especially your last in the church: Wicked man! and wretched woman that I am!

Var. My dear!

Oliv. My devil!—

Var. Come, prithee be appeased--and go home: I have been so uneasy all day, not knowing where to find you-I'll give you every satisfaction.

Oliv. Satisfaction!

Var. Yes, do but go home, and I'll thoroughly satisfy you-and then, too, we'll have a fit of laughing at Manly, whom I am going to find at the King's Arms, where I hear he dined-Go, dearest, go home.

Eliz. A very pretty turn indeed, this!

Var. Now, cousin, since, by my wife, I have the honour and privilege of calling you so, I have something to beg of you, too; which is, not to take notice of our marriage to any person whatever yet a while, for some reasons very import

X

ant to me; and, next, that you will do my wife the honour to go home with her, and me the favour to use that power, you have with her, in our reconcilement.

Eliz. That, I dare promise, sir, will be no hard matter. Your servant. [Exeunt VARNISH and LETTICE.]—————Well, cousin, this I confess was a reasonable hypocrisy; you were the better for it. Oliv. What hypocrisy?

Eliz. Why, this last deceit of your husband was lawful, since in your own defence.

Oliv. What decent? I would have you to know I never deceived my husband.

Eliz. You do not understand me: I say this was an honest come off, and a good one. But what sort of a gallant must this be, who could so dexterously pass himself for a woman?

Oliv. What do you mean by a gallant, and passing for a woman?

Eliz. What do you mean? You see your husband took him for a woman.

Oliv. Whom?

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Oliv. My secret! I'd have you to know, I have no need of confidantes, though you value yourself on being a good one,

Eliz. Admirable confidence!

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very I have to make should be public, and before a number of witnesses-she must be made as infamous as she is guilty.

Free. Well, I am your man at any mad work; so here's my service to you-but I must now go look a little after my charge; I have disposed of him in the next room, with lord Plausible, and Mr. Novel, who have been here to day, at the expence of a young Creole, at a turtle feast.

Man. Go your ways, then, I won't detain you; but, I say, you know Olivia's house, and will be sure not to let slip the hour.

Free. I warrant you.

Man. And come straight up to her chamber, without more ado; and bring your charge, and my fellow Oakum, and whoever else you please; the greater your company the better. Here, take the watch-Tis now five o'clock, and at half an hour after seven precisely

Free. You need not doubt my diligence; I am an old blood, and can naturally beat up a wench's quarters that won't be civil to my friend-Shan't we break her windows, too?

Man. No, no; be punctual only.

Enter VARNISH.

[Exit FREEMAN.

How!-Nay, here's a friend indeed! And he, that has him in his arms, can know no wants.

Var. Dear sir! and he, that is in your arms, is secure from all fears whatever: nay, our nation is secure by your defeat at sea; and the French, that fought against you, have proved enemies to themselves only, in bringing you back to us.

Man. Fie, fie-this from a friend? And yet, from any other 'twere insufferable. I thought I should never have taken any thing ill from you.

Var. A friend's privilege is to speak his mind, though it be ill taken.

Man. But your tongue need not tell me you Oliv. Confidence! Is this language to me? think too well of me; I have found it from your Nay, then, I'll never see your face again! Let-heart, which spoke in actions, your unalterable tice, where are you? Let us be gone from this heart. But Olivia is false, my friend; which I censorious, ill woman. [Exit OLIV. suppose is no news to you. Eliz. Your very humble servant, my sweet, good cousin! [Exit.

SCENE II.-A Tavern. MANLY and FREEEMAN discovered, drinking at a table.

Free. What, then, you were going to her yesterday evening?

Man. I did, as I tell you, intend it; but, being detained on the way by an old ship-mate, just as I had got to the corner of the street, I met the volunteer, breathless, and almost frightened out of his wits, who gave me this whimsical relation of his adventure with her husband. Free. Whimsical indeed! Damn it-the fellow must be an ideot!

Man. I am not sorry the affair has happened, however; for, upon second thoughts, the disco

Var. Why, no-it is not.

Man. But could not you keep her true to me?
Var. Not for my life, sir.

before I went? Could she so deceive us both?
Man. But could you not perceive it at all

Var. I must confess, the first time I knew it, was three days after your departure, when she received the money you had left in Fleet-street, in her name; and her fears, it seems, did not hinder her from counting it. You must trust her with all, like a true, generous lover! Man. And she, like a meanVar. Jilting

Man. Traitorous-
Var. Base-

Man. Damned

Var. Mercenary strumpet!

Man. Ay, a mercenary strumpet, indeed! for

she made me pay her before I had her. Var. How!-Why, have you had her? Man. Have I!

Var. Nay, she deserves you should report it. Man. Report it !-By Heaven, 'tis true! Var. How?-sure not!

Man. I do not use to lie, nor you to doubt me. Var. When?

Man. The night before last.

Var. Confusion!

Man. Oh, a very buzzard! Did you ever hear so ridiculous a circumstance? Var. Never, never.

Man. Well, but, my dear friend, I must be gone immediately, in order to meet Olivia again to-night.

Var. To-night! It cannot be, sure?

Man. 'Tis not two hours since I made my young man write to her for that purpose; and she appointed half an hour after seven precisely

Man. But, what-you wonder at it! nay, you-In short, I am, and I am not, to meet her.— seem to be angry too.

Var. I cannot but be enraged against her, for her usage of you;-damned, infamous, common jade!

Man. But you do not, for so great a friend, take pleasure enough in your friend's revenge, methinks!

Var. Yes, yes, I am glad to know it, since it is so. Man. You cannot tell who that rascal, her cuckold, is?

Var. No.

Man. She would keep it from you, I suppose.
Var. Yes, yes.

Man. You would laugh, if you knew but all the circumstances of my gaining her: come, I'll tell you.

It is a riddle, but shall be explained.

Var. But don't you apprehend the husband?— Man. He, snivelling gull, a thing to be feared! -A husband-the tamest of creatures! Var. Very fine!

Man. But I must go to my appointment; you'll meet me here at supper, and then we'll have our laugh out. [Exit.

VARNISH alone.

Ay, I will meet with you, but it shall be at Olivia's-Sure, it cannot be! she behaves so calmly, with that honest, modest assurance, it cannot be true-And yet he does not use to lie-But then, the woman in man's clothes, whom he calls a man- -Well, but I know her to have been a woman

Var. Damn her! I don't care to hear any-But then, again, his appointment from her to more of her.

Man. Well, you shall hear it presently, then; and, in the mean time, prithee go to her, but not from me, and try if you can get her to lend me an hundred pounds of my money; which I am at present in great want of. You may, perhaps, have some influence with her; and I suppose there is no recovering it by law.

Var. Not any; think not of it; nor by this way neither.

Man. What have you in your head, that makes you seem so unquiet?

Var. Only this base, impudent woman's falsehood.

Man. Oh, my dear friend, be not you too sensible of my wrongs, for then I shall feel them, too, with more pain, and think them insufferable.

Var. But why can't you go to Olivia yourself? methinks she, that granted you the last favour, as they call it, should not deny you any thing.—I understand not that point of kindness, I confess. Man. No, you do not understand it, and I have not time to let you know all now: but anon, at supper, we'll laugh at leisure together at Olivia's cuckold, who took a young fellow, that goes betwixt his wife and me, for a woman.

Var. Ha!

Man. Senseless, easy rascal! 'twas no wonder the chose him for a husband. She thought him, I thank her, fitter than me for that blind, bearing office.

Var. Take a young fellow for a woman, say you?-'Sdeath, 'tis impossible I could be mistaken! [aside] Sure, he must be a dolt indeed!

meet with him to -night: I am distracted more with doubt than jealousy. Well, I have no way but to go home immediately, put on a riding-suit, and pretend, to my wife, the same business, which carried me out of town last, requires me to go post to Oxford again to-night: then, if the appointment he boasts of be true, it is sure to hold; and I shall have an opportunity either of clearing her, or revenging myself on both.

[Exit.

SCENE III.-Another room in the same tavern. Tables and chairs.

Enter MAJOR OLDFOX, MRS BLACKACRE, and

afterwards COUNSELLOR QUILLET.

Old. But how is it possible, madam, that you can prove your son has no right to his father's estate?

Mrs Black. Let me alone for that, sir; I will get a lawyer shall prove black's white, if occasion be. But suppose I prove it by his father's will; I have a will, sir; or can have one made: and how is it he can help himself?

Old. Nay, then, indeed

Mrs Black. Yes, yes, I will shew the villain, that he took the wrong sow by the car, when he meddled with me: I will lead him such a dance, major, as he never was led in his life; and make him pay the piper into the bargain. Come, counsellor, we shall be quite snug here.-Major, you are sure it was at this house the villain appointed us to meet him?

Old. Yes, yes, madam, I am very sure; and have left orders below accordingly.

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