페이지 이미지
PDF
ePub

tend you.

clothes. They are the very shape and size of Heart. Sir John, your servant. Raptures atBelinda and her aunt. Madem. So dey be inteed, matam.

Con. Adieu, ladies; make much of the genLady Fan. We'll slip into this close arbour, tleman. where we may hear all they say.

Lady Brute. Why, sure you won't leave us (Exeunt LADY FANCYFUL ́and MADEMOISELLE. in the hands of a drunken fellow to abuse us !

Ludy Brute. What, are you afraid of us, gen Sir John. Who do you call a drunken fellow, tlemen ?

you slut you? I'm a man of quality; the king Heart. Why, truly, I think we may, if appear- has made me a knight. ances don't lie.

Heart. Ay, ay, you are in good hands; adieu, Bel. Do you always find women what they adieu.

[HEARTFREE runs off! appear to be, sir?

Lady Brute. The devil's hands : Let me go, or Heart. No, forsooth; but I seldom find them I'll - For Heaven's sake, protect us. better than they appear to be.

[She breaks from him, runs to Constant, Bel. Then the outside's best, you think?

twitching off her mask, and clapping it Heart. 'Tis the honestest.

on again. Con. Have a care, Heartfree; you are re Sir John. I'll devil you, you jade you. I'll delapsing again.

molish your ugly face. Lady Brute. Why, does the gentleman use to rail at women ?

Re-enter HEARTFREE. BELINDA runs to him, Con. He has done formerly.

and shews her face. Bel. I suppose he had very good cause for it. Heart. Hold, thou mighty man! look ye, sir, They did not use you so well, as you thought you we did but jest with you. These are ladies of deserved, sir.

our acquaintance, that we had a mind to frighten Lady Brute. They made themselves merry at a little, but now you must leave us. your expence, sir.

Sir John. Oons, I won't leave you, not I. Bel. Laughed, when you sighed.

Heart. Nay, but you inust, though; and, there. Lady Brute. Slept, while you were waking. fore, make no words on't. Bel. Had your porter beat.

Sir John. Then, you are a couple of damned Lady Brute. And threw your billet-doux in uncivil fellows. And I hope your punks will the fire,

give you sauce ta

your mutton. Heart. Hey-day! I shall do more than rail

[Erit Sir John, presently.

Lady Brute. Oh, I shall never come to myself Bel. Why, you won't beat us, will you? again, I'm so frightened ! Heart. I don't know but I may.

Con. 'Tis a narrow escape, indeed. Con. What the devil's coming here ? Sir John Bel. Women must have frolics, you see, whatin a gown–And drunk, i'faith.

ever they cost them.

Heart. This might have proved a dear one, Enter Sir John.

though. Sir John. What a pox-here's Constant, Heart Lady Brute. You are the more obliged to us free-and two whores 'egad—0, you covetous for the risk we run upon your accounts. rogues! what, have you never a spare punk for Con. And I hope you'll acknowledge something your friend ?-But I'll share with you.

due to our knight-errantry, ladies. This is the (Ho scizes both the women. second time we have delivered you. Heart. Why, what the plague have you been Lady Brute. 'Tis true; and since we see fate doing, knight

has designed you for our guardians, 'twill make Sir John. Why, I have been beating the watch, us the more willing to trust ourselves in your and scandalizing the clergy.

hands. But you must not have the worse opinion Heart. A very good account, truly.

of us for our innocent frolic. Sir John. And what do you think I'll do next? Heart. Ladies, you may command our opiCon. Nay, that no man can guess.

nions in every thing, that is to your advantage. Sir John. Why, if you'll let me sup with you, Bel. Then, sir, I command you to be of opiI'll treat both your strumpets.

nion, that women are soinetimes better than they Lady Brute. (Aside.] O Lord, we're undone.

Heart. No, we can't sup together, because we [Lady Brute and Constant talk apart. have sume affairs elsewhere. But if you'll ac Heart. Níadam, you have made a convert of cept of these two ladies, we'll be so complaisant me in every thing. I'm grown a fool. I could to you, to resign our right in them.

be fond of a womau. Bel. (Aside.] Lord, what shall we do?

Bel. I thank you, sir, in the name of the whole Sir John. Let me see, their clothes are such sex. damned clothes, they won't pawn for the reckon Heart. Which sex, nothing but yourself could ing.

ever have atoned for.

appear to be.

Bel. Now has my vanity a devilish itch to know Lady Brule. But, can a husband's faults rein what my merit consists.

lease my duty ? Heart. In your hunility, madam, that keeps Con. In equity, without doubt. And, where you ignorant it consists at all.

laws dispense with equity, equity should dispense Bel. One other compliment, with that serious with laws. face, and I hate you for ever after.

Lady Brute. Pray, let's leave this dispute; for Heart. Some women love to be abused : Is you men have as much witchcraft in your arguit that you would be at?

ments, as women have in their eyes. Bel. No, not that neither : But I'd have men Con. But, whilst you attack me with your talk plainly what's fit for women to hear; with charms, 'tis but reasonable I assault you with out putting them either to a real, or an affected mine. blush.

Lady Brute. The case is not the same. What Heart. Why, then, in as plain terms as I can mischief we do, we can't help, and therefore are find to express myself, I could love you even to to be forgiven. matrimony itself a-most, egad.

Con. Beauty soon obtains pardon for the pain Bel. Just as Sir John did her ladyship there. that it gives, when it applies the balm of compasWhat think you? Don't you believe one month's sion to the wound: but a fine face, and a hard time might bring you down to the same indiffer- heart, is almost as bad as an ugly face, and a soft ence, only clad in a little better manners, per-one; both very troublesome to many a poor genhaps? Well, you men are unaccountable things ! tleman. mad, till you have your mistresses, and then stark Lady Brute. Yes, and to many a poor gentlemad, till you are rid of them again. Tell me ho- woman, too, I can assure you. But pray, which nestly, is not your patience put to a much severer of thein is it, that most attricts you? trial after possession than before?

Con. Your glass and conscience will inform Heart. With a great many, I must confess it you, madam. But, for Heaven's sake, (for now I is, to our eternal scandal; but I-dear creature, must be serious) if pity, or if gratitude can move do but try me!

you; [Taking her hand.]—If constancy and Bel. That's the surest way, indeed, to know, truth have power to tempt you; if love, if adobut not the safest. [To LADY BRUTE.] Madam, ration can affect you, give me at least some hopes, are not you for taking a turn in the great walk ? that tiine may do, what you, perhaps, mean never It is alınost dark, nobody will know us.

to perform; 'twill ease my sufferings, though not Lady Brute. Really, I find myself something quench my flame. idle, Belinda : Besides, I doat upon this little Lady Brute. Your sufferings eased, your flame odd private corner. But don't let my lazy fancy would soon abate : and that I would preserve,

not quench it, sir. Con. (Aside. So, she would be left alone with Con. Would you preserve it, nourish it with me, that's well.

favours: for that's the food it naturally requires. Bel. Well, we'll take one turn, and come to Lady Brute. Yet on that natural food 'twould you again. (To HEARTFREE.] Come, sir, shall we surfeit soon, should I resolve to grant all you go pry into the secrets of the garden? Who knows would ask. what discoveries we may make?

Con. And in refusing all, you starve it. ForHeart. Madam, I'm at your service.

give me, therefore, since my hunger rages, if I at Con. (To HEARTFREE, Aside.] Don't make too last grow wild, and in my frenzy force at least much haste back; for, d'ye hear— I may be busy. this from you. [Kissing her hand.). Or, if you Heart. Enough.

would have my flame soar higher still, then grant [Ereunt BELINDA and HEARTFREE. me this, and this, and thousands more; [Kissing Lady Brute. Sure you think me scandalously first her hand, then her neck.] [Aside.] For free, Mr Constant; I'm afraid I shall lose your now's the time she melts into coinpassion. good opinion of me.

Lady Brute. O Heavens ! let me go. Con. My good opinion, madam, is like your Con. Aye, go, aye: where shall we go, my cruelty, ne'er to be removed.

charming angel—into this private arbour-nay, Lady Brute. Indeed, I doubt you much: why, let's lose no tiine-moments are precious. suppose you had a wife, and she should entertain Lady Brute. And lovers wild. Pray, let us a gallant?

stop here; at least for this time. Con. If I gave her just cause, how could I Con. 'Tis impossible: he, that has power over justly condemn her?

you, can have none over himself. Lady Brute. Ah! but you differ widely about [As he is forcing her into the arbour, LADY just causes.

FANCIFUL and MadeMOISELLE bolt out upCon. But blows can bear no dispute.

on them, and run over the stage. Lady Brute. Nor ill manners much, truly. Lady Brute. Ah, l'ın lost !

Con. Then no woman upon earth has so just a Lady Fan. Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe! cause as you have.

Madem. Fe, fé, fé, fé, fe !

contine you.

Con. Death and furies ! who are these?

Enter Belinda and HEARTFREE. Lady Brute#0 Heavens, I'm out of my wits ! if they knew me, I am ruined.

Oh ! 'tis well you are come; I'm so frightened, Con. Don't be frightened: ten thousand to my hair stands on end. Let's he gone, for Heaone, they are strangers to you.

ven's sake! Lady Brute. Whatever they are, I won't stay Bel. Lord! what's the matter? here a moment longer.

Lady Brute. The devil's the matter! here's a Con. Whither will you go?

couple of women have done the most impertiLady Brute. Home, as if the devil were in me; nent thing—away, away, away, away, away! Lord! where's this Belinda now?

Erit running

ACT V.

the company.

SCENE I.-LADY FANCIFUL's house. The moment you give us the signal, we sha'nt fail

to make our retreat. Enter LADY FANCIFUL and MADEMOISELLE.

Lady Brute. Upon those conditions, then, let Lady Fan. Well, mademoiselle; did you us sit down to cards. dodge the filthy things? Madem. O que ouy, madame.

Enter LOVEWELL. Lady Fun. And where are they?

Love. () Lord, madam! here's my master just Madem. Au logis.

staggering in upon you; he has been quarrelLady Fan. What, men and all ?

some, yonder, and they have kicked him out of Madem. Tous ensemble. Lady Fan. O confidence! what! carry their Lady Brute. Into the closet, gentlemen, for fellows to their own house?

Heaven's sake! I'll wheedle him to bed, if posMadem. C'est que le mari n'y est pas.

sible. Ludy Fan. No, so I believe, truly. But he [Constant and IlEARTFREE run into the shall be there, and quickly, too, if I can find him

closet. out. Well, 'tis a prodigious thing, to see when men and women get together, how they fortify

Enter Sir John, all dirt and bloody. one another in their impudence. But if that drunken fool, her husband, be to be found in Lady Brute. Ah-ah-he's all over blood ! e'er a tavern in town, I'll send him amongst Sir John. What the plagne does the woman them; I'll spoil their sport.

squall for? Did you never see a man in pickle Madem. En vérité, madame, ce seroit domage. before?

Lady Fan. 'Tis in vain to oppose it, mademoi Lady Brute. Lord, where have you been? selle ; therefore, never go about it. For I am Sir John. I have been at-cuffs. the steadiest creature in the world, when I have Lady Brute. I fear that is not all. I hope determined to do mischief. So, come along. you are not wounded ?

[Ereunt. Sir John. Sound as a roach, wife.

Lady Brufe. I'm mighty glad to hear it. SCENE II.-Sir John Brute's house.

Sir John. You know I think

you

lie.

Lady Brute. You do me wrong to think so. Enter Constant, HEARTFREE, LADY BRUTE,

For, Heaven's my witness, I had rather see my BELINDA, and LOVEWELL.

own blood trickle down, than yours.

Sir John. Then will I be crucified. Lady Brute. But are you sure you don't mis Lady Brute. "Tis a hard fate I should not be take, Lovewell?

believed. Love. Madam, I saw them all go into the ta Sir John. 'Tis a damned atheistical age, wife. vern together, and my master was so drunk he Lady Brute. I am sure I have given you a could scarce stand.

thousand tender proofs, how great my care is of Lady Brute. Then, gentlemen, I believe we But, spite of all your cruel thoughts, I'll may venture to let you stay, and play at cards till persist, and, at this moment, if I can, perwith us, an hour or two : for they'll scarce part, suade you to lie down and sleep a little. till morning,

Sir John. Why, do you think I am drunk, you Bel. I think, 'tis pity they should ever part. slut, you? Con. The company that's here, madam? Lady Brute. Heaven forbid I should: but I

Lady Brute. Then, sir, the company, that's am afraid you are feverish. Pray, let me feel here, must remember to part itself in time.

your pulse. Con. Madam, we don't intend to forfeit your Sir John. Stand off, and be damned ! future favours by an indiscreet usage of this. Lady Brute. Why, I see your distemper in

[ocr errors]

your very eyes. You are all on fire. Pray, go are cool, you will understand reason better. So, to bed; let me intreat you.

then, I shall take the pains to inform you. It Sir John. Come, kiss me, then,

not--I wear a sword, sir, and so good-bye-t’ye. Lady Brute. (Kissing him.)-There : now go. Come along, Heartfree. -[Aside.)---He stinks like poison !

[Ereunt CONSTANT and HEARTFREE. Sir John. I see it goes damnably against your Sir John. Wear a sword, sir!--and what of all stomach. And therefore--kiss me again. that, sir? he comes to my house; eats my meat;

Lady Brute. Nay, now you fool me. lies with my wife; dishonours my family; gets a Sir John. Do it, I say.

bastard to inherit my estate--and when I ask a Lady Brute. (Aside.] --Ab, Lord have mercy civil account of all this—sir, says he, I wear a upon me! Well; there : now, will

you go?

sword-wear a sword, sir? Yes, sir, says he, I Sir John. Now, wife, you shall see my grati- wear a sword. It may be a good answer to tude. You gave me two kisses—I'll give you cross purposes; but 'tis a damned one to a man two hundred.

in my whimsical circumstances-sir, says he, I [Kisses and tumbles her. wear a sword ! [To LADY BRUTE] And what Lady Brute. O Lord ! pray, sir John, be quiet. do you wear, now? ha! tell me.—Sitting down Heavens, what a pickle am I'in !

in a great chair.}What, you are inodest, and Bel

. (Aside. If I were in her pickle, I would can't—why, then, I'll tell you, you slut, you. You call my gallant out of the closet, and he should wear-an impudent lewd face-a damned, decudyel him soundly.

signing heart-and a tail-and a tail full of Sir John. So, now, you being as dirty and as

[He falls fast asleep, snoring. nasty as myself, we may go pig together. But Lady Brute. So, thanks to kind Heaven, he's first, I must have a cup of your cold tea, wife. fast for some hours.

(Going to the closet. Bel. 'Tis well he is so, that we may have time Lady Brute. Oh, I am ruined ? There's none to lay our story handsomely; for we must lie like there, my dear.

the devil to bring ourselves off. Sir John. I'll warrant you, I'll find some, my Lady Brute. What shall we say, Belinda? dear.

Bel. (Musing.] I'll tell you : it must all light Lady Brute. You can't open the door, the upon Heartfree and me. We'll

say

he has courtlock's spoiled; I have been turning and turning ed me some time, but, for reasons unknown to the key, this half hour, to no purpose. I'll send us, has ever been very earnest the thing might be for the smith to-morrow.

kept from sir John. That, therefore, hearing Sir John. There's ne'er a sinith in Europe can him upon the stairs, he run into the closet, open a door with more expedition than I can do though against our will, and Constant with him,

-as for example—now.-[He bursts open the to prevent jealousy. And, to give this a good door with his foot.}-How now! what the devil impudent face of truth, (that I may deliver you have we got here? Constant !- Heartfree!- from the trouble you are in) I'll even, if he and two whores again, l'gad !--this is the worst pleases, marry him. cold tea that ever I met with in my life

Lady Brute. I am beholden to you, cousin ;

but that would be carrying the jest a little too Enter Constant and HEARTFREE,

far, for your own sake: you know he's a younger Lady Brute. (Aside.)-0 Lord, what will be brother, and has nothing. come of us?

Bel. 'Tis true : but I like him, and have forSir John. Gentlemen, I am your very humble tune enough to keep above extremity: I can't servant-l give you many thanks—I see you take say, I would live with him in a cell, upon love, care of my family—I shall do all I can to return and bread and butter : hut I had rather have the the obligation.

man I love, and a middle state of life, than that Con. Sir, how oddly soever this business may gentleman in the chair, there, and twice your laappear to you, you would have no cause to be dyship's splendour. uneasy,

if
you

knew the truth of all things; your Lady Brute. In truth, niece, you are in the lady is the most virtuous woman in the world, right on't : but 'tis late : let's end our discourse and nothing has past but an innocent frolic. for to-night, and, out of an excess of charity, take

Heart. Nothing else, upou my honour, sir. a small care of that nasty drunken thing there

Sir John. You are both very civil gentlemen-do but look at him, Belinda. and my wife, there, is a very civil gentlewoman; Bel. Ah, 'tis a savoury dish! therefore, I don't doubt but many civil things Lady Brute. As savoury as 'tis, I am cloyed have past between you. Your very humble ser with it. Prithee, call the butler to take away

Bel. Call the butler! call the scavenger! (To Lady Brute. (Aside to Constant.] Pray be a servant within.] Who's there? Call Razor! gone: he's so drunk he can't hurt us to-night, Let him take away his master, scour him clean and to-morrow morning you shall hear from us. with a little soap and sand, and so put him to

Con. I'll obey you, madam. Sir, when you bed. Vol. II.

2 E

[ocr errors]

vant.

ter.

me, Razor.

Lady Brute. Come, Belinda, I'll e'en lie with | (Razor peeps in ; and, seeing Lady Fanciful you to-night: and, in the morning, we'll send for

gone, runs to MADEMOISELLE, takes her about our gentlemen, to get this matter even.

the neck, and kisses her.] Bel. With all my heart. Ludy Brute. Good night, my dear.

Madem. How now, confidence ! [Making a low courtesy to Sir John. Ras. How now, modesty ! Both. Ha, ha, ha!

Mudem. Who make you so familiar, sirrah? (Exeunt LADY BRUTE and BELINDA. Raz. My impudence, hussy.

Madem. Stand off, rogue face!
Enter Razor.

Ruz. Ah, mademoiselle! great news at our

house. Raz. My lady there's a wagmommy master Madem. Why, vat be de matter? there's a cuckold. Marriage is a slippery thing kaz. The matter? why, uptails all's the mat-women have depraved appetites my lady's a wag; I have heard all; I have seen all; I un Madem. Tu te mocque de moi. derstand all; and I'll tell all; for my little Raz. Now, do you long to know the particuFrenchwoman loves news dearly. This story lars : the time when : the place where: the manwill gain her heart, or nothing will.-[ To his mas ner how. But I won't tell you a word more. ter.}-Come, sir, your head's too full of fumes at Maden. Nay, den dou kill present, to make room for your jealousy; but I kaz. Come, kiss me, then. reckon we shall have rare work with you, when

[Clapping his hands behind, your pate's empty. Come to your kennel, you Madem. Nay, pridee tell me. cuckoldy, drunken sot, you.

Raz. Good-by-t’ye !

[Going (Curries him out on his back. Madem. Hold, hold: I will kiss dee.

[Kissing him.

Raz. So, that's civil : why now, my pretty SCENE III.-LADY FANCIFUL's house. poll; my goldfinch; my little waterwagtail-you

must know, that--come, kiss me again.

Mudem. I won't kiss de no more. Enter Lady FANCIFUL and MADEMOISELLE.

Raz. Good-by-t’ye.

[Going. Lady Fan. But, why did you not tell me be Madem. Douceinent; dere; es tu content? fore, mademoiselle, that Razor and you were

[Kissing him. fond ?

Raz. So: now I'll tell thee all. Why, the Madem. De modesty hinder me, matam. news is, that cuckoldom, in folio, is newly print

Lady Fan. Why, truly, modesty does often ed; and matrimony, in quarto, is just going into hinder us from doing things, we have an extrava the press. Will you buy any books, mademoigant mind to. But does he love you well enough selle? yet, to do any thing you bid him? Do you think, Madem. Tu parle comme un libraire; de deto oblige you, he would speak scandal?

vil no understand dee. Madem. Matam, to oblige your ladyship, he Raz. Why, then, that I may make myself inshall speak blasphemy:

telligible to a waiting-woinan, i'll speak like a Lady Fan. Why, then, mademoiselle, I'll tell valet de chambre. My lady has cuckolded my you what you

shall do. You shall engage him to master. tell his master all that past at Spring Garden : Madem. Bon. I have a mind he should know what a wife and a Raz. Which we take very ill from her hands, niece he has got.

I can tell her that. We can't yet prove matter Madem. Il le fera, madame,

of fact upon her.

Madein. N'importe. Enter a Footman, who speaks to MADEMOISELLE

Raz. But we can prove, that matter of fact

had like to have been upon her. apart.

Madem. Quy-da. Foot. Mademoiselle, yonder's Mr Razor de Raz. For we have such terrible circumstances sires to speak with you.

Madem. Sans doute. Madem. Tell him, I come presently. (Exit Raz. That any man of parts may draw tickling Footman.] Razor be dere, matam.

conclusions from them, Lady Fun. That's fortunate : well, I'll leave Madem. Fort bien. you together. And if you find him stubborn, Ruz. We found a couple of tight, well-built mademoiselle-hark you—don't refuse him a few gentlemien, stuft into her ladyship's closet. little reasonable liberties, to put him into hu Madem. Le diable !

Ruz. And I, in my particular person, have disMadem. Laissez moi faire.

covered a most damnable plot, how to persuade (Exit Lady FANCIFUL. any poor master, that all this hide and seek, this

mour.

« 이전계속 »