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SCENE I.-Stocks-Market.

Enter MATTHEW and BOBADIL.

ACT V.

Mat. I WONDER, captain, what they will say of my going away? ha!

Bob. Why, what should they say? but as of a discreet gentleman; quick, wary, respectful of nature's fair lineaments, and that is all.

Mat. Why so! but what can they say of your beating?

Bob. A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a kind of gross battery used, lain on strongly, borne most patiently, and that is all. But wherefore do I wake their remembrance? I was fascinated, by Jupiter! fascinated; but I will be unwitched, and revenged by law.

Mat. Do you hear? Is it not best to get a warrant, and have him arrested, and brought before justice Clement ?

Bob. It were not amiss; would we had it! Mat. Why, here comes his man; let us speak to him.

Bob. Agreed. Do you speak.

Enter BRAIN-WORM as FORMAL.

Mat. Save you, sir.

Brain. With all my heart, sir!

Mat. Sir, there is one Downright hath abused this gentleman and myself, and we determine to make ourselves amends by law; now, if you would do us the favour to procure a warrant to bring him before your master, you shall be well considered of, I assure you, sir.

Brain. Sir, you know my service is my living; such favours as these, gotten of my master, is his only preferment, and therefore you must consider me, as I may make benefit of my place.

Mat. How is that, sir?

Brain. Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, and the gentleman may be of great account. Yet, be what he will, if you will lay me down a brace of angels in my hand, you shall have it; otherwise not.

Mat. How shall we do, captain? He asks a brace of angels; you have no money?

Bob. Not a cross, by fortune.

Mat. Nor I, as I am a gentleman, but twopence left of my two shillings in the morning for wine and raddish. Let us find him some pawn.

Bob. Pawn! we have none to the value of his demand.

Mat. O, yes, I can pawn my ring here. Bob. And harkee, he shall have my trusty Tolcdo too. I believe I shall have no service for it

to-day.

Mat. Do you hear, sir? We have no store of money at this time, but you shall have good pawns; look you, sir, I will pledge this ring, and

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Kno. O here it is; I have found it now-Hoa, who is within here? [TB appears at the window. Tib. I am within, sir, what is your pleasure? Knɔ. To know who is within besides yourself. Tib. Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope? Kno. O, fear you the constable? Then I doubt not you have some guests within deserve that fear-I'll fetch him straight.

Tib. For Heaven's sake, sir

Kno. Go to, come tell me, is not young Kno'well here?

Tib. Young Kno'well! I know none such, sir, on my honesty.

Kno. Your honesty, dame! It flies too lightly from you. There is no way but fetch the constable.

Tib. The constable; the man is mad, I think.

Enter CASH and Dame KITELY, Cash. Hoa! who keeps house here? Kno. O, this is the female copesmate of my son. Now shall I meet him straight. Dame. Knock, Thomas, hard.

Cash. Hoa! good wife.

[Aside.

Tib. Why, what is the matter with you? Dame. Why, woman, grieves it you to ope the door? Belike you get something to keep it shut. Tib. What mean these questions, pray you? Dame. So strange you make it! Is not my husband here!

Kno. Her husband! [Aside. Dame. My tried and faithful husband, Master Kitely.

Tib. I hope he needs not be tried here. Dame. Come hither, Cash-I see my turtle coming to his haunts; let us retire. [They retire. Kno. This must be some device to mock me withal.

Soft-who is this !-Oh! 'tis my son disguised. I'll watch him and surprise him.

Enter KITELY, muffled in a cloak.

Kite. 'Tis truth, I see; there she skulks. But I will fetch her from her hold-I willI tremble so, I scarce have power to do the justice

Her infamy demands.

[As KITELY goes forward, Dame KITELY and KNO'WELL lay hold of him.] Kno. Have I trapped you, youth? You cannot 'scape me now.

Dame. O, sir! have I forestalled your honest market!

Found your close walks! You stand amazed
Now, do you? Ah, hide, hide your face, for shame!
I'faith, I am glad I have found you out at last.
What is your jewel, trow? In, come let's see her;
fetch

Forth the wanton dame-If she be fairer,
In any honest judgment, than myself,
I'll be content with it: but she is change;
She feeds you fat, she soothes your appetite,
And you are well. Your wife, an honest woman,
Is meat twice sod to you, sir. O, you treacher!
Kno. What mean you, woman? Let go your

hold.

Kite. Tut, tut, never speak; I see through every Veil you cast upon your treachery: but I have Done with you, and root you from my heart for

ever.

For you, sir, thus I demand my honour's due; Resolved to cool your lust, or end my shame. [Draws,

Kno. What lunacy is this! Put up your sword, and undeceive yourself-No arm, that e'er poised weapon, can affright me. But I pity folly, nor cope with madness.

Kite. I will have proofs-I will-so you, good wife-bawd, Cob's wife; and you, that make your husband such a monster; and you, young pander, and old cuckold maker, I'll have you every one before the justice-Nay, you shall answer it; I charge you go. Come forth, thou bawd.

[Goes into the house and brings out TIB. Kno. Marry, with all my heart, sir; I go wil lingly.

Though I do taste this as a trick upon me,
To punish my impertinent search; and justly;
And half forgive my son for the device.
Kite. Come, will you go?

Dame. Go! to thy shame, believe it.
Kite. Though shame and sorrow both my

heart

betide, Come on-I must, and will be satisfied. [Exeunt.

SCENEȚII.-Stocks Market.

Enter BRAINWORM.

Brain. Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself; being in this serjeant's gown. A man of my present profession never counterfeits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, he arrests him; for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we arc, cuck-bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a young artichoke, that always carries pepper and

I see the counterfeit—I am his father, and claim him as my own.

Kite. [Discovering himself.] I am your
old, and claim my vengeance.

Dame. What, do you wrong me, and insult me salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I

too?

Thou faithless man!

Kite. Out on thy more than strumpet's impudence!

Steal'st thou thus to thy haunts? And have I

taken

Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion, This hoary-headed letcher, this old goat,

undergo by this exploit; pray Heaven I come well off!

Enter BOBADIL and Master MATTHEW. Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his gown. Save you, friend; are not you here by appointment of justice Clement's man?

Brain. Yes, an't please you, sir, he told me

Close at your villany, and would'st thou 'scuse it two gentlemen had willed him to procure a war

With this stale harlot's jest, accusing me?
O, old incontinent, dost thou not shame
To have a mind so hot; and to entice,
And feed the enticement of a lustful woman?
Dame. Out, I defy thee, thou dissembling
wretch!

Kite. Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander here;

Can he deny it, or that wicked elder?

Kno. Why, hear you, sir―

Cash. Master, 'tis in vain to reason, while these passions blind you-I'in grieved to see you thus. VOL. II.

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Master Stephen; you do not well to arrest me, I | SCENE IV-A hall in Justice CLEMENT's house. tell you truly. I am in nobody's bonds or books, I would you should know it. A plague on you heartily, for making me thus afraid before my time.

Brain. Why now are you deceived, gentlemen?

Bob. He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us. But see, here he comes, indeed! this is

he, officer.

Enter DoWNRIGHT.

Down. Why, how now, Signor Gull! are you turned filcher of late? Come, deliver up my cloak.

Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now in open market.

Brain. Master Downright, I have a warrant I must serve upon you, procured by these two gentlemen.

Down. These gentlemen! these rascals! Brain. Keep the peace, I charge you, in her majesty's naine.

Down. I obey thee. What must I do, officer? Brain. Go before Mr Justice Clement, to answer what they can object against you, sir. will use you kindly, sir.

I

Mat. Come, let us before, and make the justice, captain

Bob. The varlet is a tall man, before heaven!

Down. Gull, you'll gi' me my cloak ? Step. Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it. Down. You will?

Step: Aye, that I will.

[Erit.

[Exit.

Down. Officer, there is thy fee, arrest him. Brain. Master Stephen, I must arrest you. Step. Arrest me! I scorn it; there, take your cloak, I'll none on it.

Down. Nay, that shall not serve your turn, now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the justi

ce's. Bring him along. Step. Why, is not here your cloak? what would you have?

Down. I'll ha' you answer it, sir. Brain. Sir, I'll take your sword, and this gentleman's too, for his appearance.

Down. I'll ha' no words taken. Bring him along.

Brain. So, so, I have made a fair mash on't. Step. Must I go?

Brain. I know no remedy, master Stephen. Down. Come along before me here. I do not love your hanging look behind.

Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me for it. Can he, fellow?

Brain. I think not sir. It is but a whipping matter, sure!

Enter CLEMENT,KNO'WELL, KITELY, Dame KITELY, TIB, CASH, COв, and Servants. Clem. Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave. My chair, sirrah. You, master Kno'well, say you went thither to meet your son.

Kno. Ave, sir.

Clem. But who directed you thither ?
Kno. That did mine own man, sir.
Clem. Where is he?

Kno. Nay, I know not now; I left him with your clerk and appointed him to stay for me. Clem. My clerk! About what time was this? Kno. Marry, between one and two, as I take

it.

Clem. And what time came my man with the false message to you, master Kitely? Kite. After two, sir.

Clem. Very good : but, Mrs Kitely, how chance it that you were at Cob's? Ha! Dame. An' please you, sir, I'll tell you. My brother Well-bred told me, that Cob's house was a suspected place

Clem. So it appears, methinks: but on. Dame. And that my husband used thither daily.

Clem. No matter, so he used himself well, mistress.

Dame. True, sir; but you know what grows by such haunts, oftentimes.

Clem. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, mistress Kitely. But, did you find your husband there, in that case, as you suspected?

Kite. I found her there, sir.

Clem. Did you so? That alters the case.Who gave you knowledge of your wi ́e's being there?

Kite. Marry, that did my brother Well-bred. Clem. How! Well-bred first tell her, than tell you after? Where is Well-bred ?

Kite. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not whither.

Clem. Why, this is a mere trick, a device; you are gulled in this most grossly, all! Alas, poor wench, wert thou suspected for this?

Tib. Yes, an' it please you.

Clem. I smell mischief here, plot and contrivance, master Kitely. However, if you will step into the next room with your wife, and think coolly of matters, you'll find some trick has been played you-I fear there have been jealousies on both parts, and the wags have been merry with

you.

Kite. I begin to feel it-I'll take your counsel-Will you go in, dame?

Dame. I will have justice, Mr Kitely.

[Exit KITELY and Dame. Clem. You will be a woman, Mrs Kitely, that [Exeunt. I see-How now, what's the matter?

Step. Why, then, let him do his worst, I am resolute.

Enter Servant.

You

Clem. Well, let this breathe a-while. that have cause to complain there, stand forth.

Serv. Sir, there's a gentleman i' the court with- Had you my warrant for this gentleman's appreout, desires to speak with your worship. hension? Clem. A gentleman! What is he? Serv. A soldier, sir, he says.

Clem. A soldier! My sword, quickly. A soldier speak with me! Stand by, I will end your matters, anon-Let the soldier enter. Now, sir, what ha' you to say to me?

Enter BOBADIL and MATTHEW, Bob. By your worship's favour

Clem. Nay, keep out, sir, I know not your pretence; you send me word, sir, you are a soldier. Why, sir, you shall be answered here; here be them have been among soldiers. Sir, your pleasure?

Bob. Aye, an't please your worship.

Clem. Nay, do not speak in passion so. Where had you it?

Bob. Of your clerk, sir.

Clem. That's well, an' my clerk can make warrants, and my hand not at them! Where is the warrant officer, have you it?

Brain. No, sir, your worship's man, master Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, and he would be my discharge.

Clem. Why, Mr Downright, are you such a novice to be served, and never see the warrant! Dow. Sir, he did not serve it on me,

Clem. No, how then?

Dow. Marry, sir, he came to ine, and said he must serve it, and he would use me kindly, and

SO

Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and myself have been most uncivilly wronged and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow about the town here; and, for my own part, I Clem. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? He must protest, being a man in no sort given to this fil-serve it? Give me a warrant, I must serve one thy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me too-you knave, you slave, you rogue, do you say in the way of my peace; despoiled me of mine ho- you must, sirrah? Away with him to the goal! nour; disarmed me of my weapons; and rudely I will teach you a trick for your must, sir. laid me along in the open streets; when I not so much as once offered to resist him.

Clem. O, god's precious! Is this the soldier? Lie there, my sword, 'twill make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up a blow.

Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound to the peace.

Clem. Why, an' he were, sir, his hands were not bound, were they?

Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, sir, has brought two gentlemen here, one upon your worship's warrant,

Clem. My warrant !

Serv. Yes, sir, the officer says, procured by these two.

Clem. Bid him come in. Set by this picture. What, Mr Downright! are you brought at Mr Freshwater's suit here?

Enter DOWNRIGHT, STEPHEN, and BRAIN

WORM.

Brain. Good sir, I beseech you be good to me. Clem. Tell him, he shall go to the goal; away with him, I say.

Brain. Aye, sir, if you will commit me, it shall be for cominitting more than this. I will not lose by my travel any grain of my fame certain. [Throws off his disguise.

Clem. How is this!

Kno. My man, Brain-worm! Step. O, yes, uncle, Brain-worm has been with my cousin Edward and I, all this day.

Clem. I told you all there was some device. Brain. Nay, excellent Justice, since I have laid myself thus open to you, now stand strong for me, both with your sword and your balance.

Clem. Body o' me, a merry knave! Give me a bowl of sack. If he belongs to you, Master Kno'well, I bespeak your patience.

Brain. That is it I have most need of. Sir, if you will pardon me only, I will glory in all the rest of my exploits.

Kno. Sir, you know I love not to have my fa

Dow. I'faith, sir. And here's another, brought vours come hard from me. You have your parat my suit. Clem. What are you,

sir?

Step. A gentleman, sir. O, uncle!
Clem. Uncle! Who, Mr Kno'well?

Kno. Aye, sir, this is a wise kinsman of mine. Step. God's my witness, uncle, I am wronged here monstrously; he charges me with stealing of his cloak, and would I might never stir, if I did not find it in the street by chance.

Dow. O, did you find it, now? You said you bought it ere-while.

Step. And you said I stole it. Nay, now my uncle is here, I will do well enough with you.

don; though I suspect you shrewdly for being of counsel with my son against me.

Brain. Yes, faith, I have, sir; though you retained me doubly this morning for yourself; first, as Brain-worm, after, as Fitz-Sword. I was your reformed soldier. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's upon the errand without end,

Kno. Is it possible? Or that thou should'st disguise thyself so as I should not know thee?

Brain. O, sir! this has been the day of my metamorphoses; it is not that shape alone, that I have run through to-day. I brought Master Kitely a message too, in the form of Master Jus

tice's man here, to draw him out of the way, as well as your worship; while Master Well-bred might make a conveyance of Mrs Bridget to my young master.

Kno. My son is not married, I hope?

Brain. Faith, sir, they are both as sure as love, a priest, and three thousand pounds, which is her portion, can make them; and by this time are ready to bespeak their wedding supper at the Windmill, except some friend here prevents them, and invite them home.

Clem. Marry, that will I; I thank thee for putting me in mind on't. Sirrah, go you and fetch them hither upon my warrant. Neither's friends have cause to be sorry, if I know the young couple aright. But I pray thee, what hast thou done with my man Formal?

Brain. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, as making him drunk, first with story, and then with wine, but all in kindness, and stripping him to his shirt; I left him in that cool vein, departed, sold your worship's warrant to these two, pawned his livery for that varlet's gown to serve it in; and thus have brought myself, by my activity, to your worship's consideration.

Clem. And I will consider thee in a cup of sack. Here's to thee; which having drank off, this is my sentence, pledge me. Thou hast done, or assisted to nothing, in my judgment, but deserves to be pardoned for the wit of the offence. Go into the next room; let Master Kitely into this whimsical business, and, if he does not forgive thee, he has less mirth in him than an honest man ought to have. How now, who are these?

Enter EDWARD KNO'WELL, WELL-BRED, and BRIDGET.

O, the young company. Welcome, welcome. Give you joy. Nay, Mrs Bridget, blush not! you: are not so fresh a bride, but the news of it has come hither before you. Master Bridegroom, I have made your peace, give me your hand. So will I for the rest, ere you forsake my roof.

All. We are the more bound to your humanity, sir.

Clem. Only these two have so little of man in them, they are no part of my care. Step. And what shall I do?

Clem. Oh! I had lost a sheep, an' he had not bleated. Why, sir, you shall give Mr Downright his cloak; and I will entreat him to take it. A trencher and a napkin you shall have in the buttery, and keep Cob and his wife company here : whom I will entreat first to be reconciled; and you to endeavour with your wit to keep them so. Step. I will do my best.

Clem. Call Master Kitely, and his wife, there.

Enter KITELY and DAME KITELY.

Did I not tell you there was a plot against you? Did I not smell it out, as a wise magistrate ought? Have not you traced, have you not found it, eh, Master Kitely?

Kite. I have-I confess my folly, and own I have deserved what I have suffered for it. The trial has been severe, but it is past. All I have to ask now, is, that, as my folly is cured, and my persecutors forgiven, my shame may be forgotten.

Clem. That will depend upon yourself, Master Kitely; do not you yourself create the food for mischief, and the mischievous will not prey upon you. But come, let a general reconciliation go round, and let all discontents be laid aside. You, Master Downright, put off your anger. You, Master Kno'well, your cares. And do you, Master Kitely, and your wife, put off your jealousies.

Kite. Sir, thus they go from me: kiss me, my

wife.

See, what a drove of horns fly in the air, Winged with my cleansed, and my credulous breath;

Watch them, suspicious eyes, watch where they fall!

See, see, on heads, that think they have none at all.

O, what a plenteous world of this will come! When air rains horns, all may be sure of some.

Clem, 'Tis well, 'tis well. This night we will dedicate to friendship, love, and laughter. Master Bridegroom, take your bride, and lead every one a fellow. Here is my mistress, Brain-worm! to whom all my addresses of courtship shall have their reference: whose adventures this day, when our grand-children shall hear to be made a table, I doubt not but it shall find both spectators and applause. [Exeunt omnes.

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