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Val. She does me the favour-I mean, of a | demned, like other bad painters, to write the visit sometimes. I did not think she had grant
naine at the bottom. ed more to any body.
Tatt. Well, first, thenScand. Nor I, faith. But Tattle does not use to belie a lady; it is contrary to his character.—
Enter Mrs FRAIL. How one may be deceived in a woman, Valen- o unfortunate ! she's come already. Will you tine !
have patience till another time? I'll double the Tatt. Nay, what do you mean, gentlemen? number. Scand. I'm resolved i'll ask her.
Scand. Well, on that conditiou-take heed Tatt. O barbarous! Why, did you not tell me? you don't fail me. Scand. No, you told us.
Mrs Fruil. I shall get a fine reputation, by Tatt. And bid me ask Valentine?
coming to see fellows in a morning! Scandal, Val. What did I say? I hope you won't bring you devil, are you here, too? Oh, Mr Tattle, me to confess an answer, when you never asked every thing is safe with you, we know. me the question?
Scand. Tattle! Tutt. But, gentlemen, this is the most inhu- Tatt. Mum- -O madam, you do me too man proceeding.
much honour. Val. Nay, if you have known Scandal thus Val. Well, lady Galloper, how does Angelong, and cannot avoid such a palpable decoy as lica ? this was, the ladies have a fine time, whose re- Mrs Frail. Angelica ? Manners ! putations are in your keeping.
Val. What, you will allow an absent lover
Mrs Frail. No, I'll allow a lover present with Enter JEREMY.
his mistress to be particular- -but otherwise, I
think his passion ought to give place to his manJer. Sir, Mrs Frail has sent to know, if you are stirring.
Val. But what if he has more passion than Val. Shew her up when she comes.
[Exit JEREMY. Mrs Frail. Then let him marry, and reform. Tatt. I'll be gone.
Val. Marriage, indeed, may qualify the fury Val. You'll meet her.
of his passion; but it very rarely mends a man's Tætt. Is there not a back way?
Val. If there were, you have more discretion Mrs Frail. You are the most mistaken in the than to give Scandal such an advantage ; why, world; there is no creature perfectly civil, but a your running away will prove all that he can tell husband : for in a little time he grows only rude her.
to his wife; and that is the highest good-breedTatt. Scandal, you will not be so ungenerous ? ing, for it begets his civility to other people. 0, I shall lose my reputation of secrecy for ever. Well, I'll tell you news; but, I suppose, you I shall never be received but upon public days; heard your brother Benjamin is landed. And and my visits will never be admitted beyond a my brother Foresight's daughter is come out of drawing-room : I shall never see a bed-chamber the country--I assure you, there's a match talkagain; never be locked in a closet, nor run bebinded of by the old people. Well, if he be but as a screen, or under a table; never be distinguish- great a sea-beast, as she is a land-monster, we ed among the waiting women by the name of shall have a most amphibious breed--the protrusty Mr Tattle, more. You will not be so cruel ? geny will be all otters : he has been bred at sea,
Val. Scandal, have pity on him; he'll yield to and she has never been out of the country. any conditions.
Val. Pox take them ! their conjunction bodes Tatt. Any, any terms.
me no good, I'm sure. Scand. Come, then, sacrifice half a dozen wo- Mrs Frail. Now you talk of conjunction, my men of good reputation to me presently. Come, brother Foresight has cast both their nativities, where are you familiar? -And see that they and prognosticates an adıniral and an eminent are women of quality, too, the first quality. justice of the peace to be the issue-male of their
Tatt. 'Tis very hard. Won't a baronet's lady two bodies. 'Tis the most superstitious old fool! pass?
He would have persuaded me, that this was an Scand. No, nothing under a right honourable. unlucky day, and would not let me come abroad:
Tatt. O inhuman! You don't expect their but I invented a dream, and sent him to Artenames?
nidorus for interpretation, and so stole out to Scand. No, their titles shall serve.
see you. Well, and what will you give me now? Tatt. Alas! that is the same thing. Pray, Come, I must have something. spare me their titles ; I'll describe their persons. Val. Step into the next room,
and I'll give you Scund. Well, begin, then. But take notice, if something. you are so ill a painter, that I cannot know the Scand. Ave, we'll all give you something. person by your picture of her, you must be con- Ars Fruil. Well, wbat will you give me?
Val. Mine's a secret.
Mrs Frail. So! Mrs Frail. I thought you would give me some- Scand. Then I have a lady burning brandy, in thing that would be a trouble to you to keep. a cellar, with a hackney coachman.
Val. And Scandal shall give you a good name. Mrs Frail. O devil! Well, but that story is
Mrs Frail. That's more than he has for him- not true. self. And what will you give me, Mr Tattle? Scand. I have some hieroglyphics, too. I have Tatt. I? my soul, madam.
a lawyer, with a hundred hands, two heads, and Mrs Frail. Pooh! no, I thank you, I have but one face; a divine, with two faces, and one enough to do to take care of my own. Well; head. And I have a soldier, with his brains in but I'll come and see you one of these mornings: his belly, and his heart where his head should be. I hear you have a great many pictures.
Mrs Frail. And no head? Tatt. I have a pretty good collection, at your Scand. No head. service; some originals.
Mrs Frail. Pooh, this is all invention. Have Scand. Hang him, he has nothing but the Sea- you never a poet ? sons and the Twelve Cæsars, paltry copies; and Scand. Yes, I have a poet, weighing words, and the Five Senses, as ill represented as they are in selling praise for praise : and a critic picking his himself : and he himself is the only original you pocket. I have another large piece, too, reprewill see there.
senting a school; where there are huge-proporMrs Frail. Ay, but I hear he has a closet of tioned critics, with long wigs, laced coats, Steinbeauties.
kirk-cravats, and terrible faces; with catcalls in Scand. Yes, all that have done him favours, if their hands, and horn-books about their necks. I you will believe him.
have many more of this kind, very well painted, Mrs Frail. Ay, let me see those, Mr Tattle. as you shall see.
Tatt, Oh, madam, those are sacred to love and Mrs Frail. Well, I'll come, if it be but to discontemplation. No man but the painter and my- prove you. self was ever blest with the sight. Mrs Frail. Well, but a woman
Enter JEREMY. Tatt. Nor woman, till she consented to have her picture there, too--for then she is obliged to keep Jer. Sir, here's the steward again from your the secret.
father. Scand. No, no! come to me, if you'd see pic- Val. I'll come to him. Will you give me tures.
leave? I'll wait on you again presently. Mrs Frail. You?
Mrs Frail. No, I'll be gone. Come, who Scand. Yes, faith, I can shew you your own squires me to the Exchange? I must call on my picture, and most of your acquaintance, to the sister Foresight there. life, and as like as Kneller's.
Scand. I will : I have a mind to your sister. Mrs Frail. O lying creature Valentine, Mrs Frail, Civil! does not he lie?-I can't believe a word he says. Tatt. I will; because I have a tender for your
Val. No, indeed, he speaks truth now : for, as ladyship. Tattle has pictures of all that have granted hiin Mrs Frail. That's somewhat the better reafavours, he has the pictures of all that have re- son, to my opinion fused hiin-if satires, descriptions, characters, Scand. Well, if Tattle entertains you, I have and lampoons, are pictures.
the better opportunity to engage your sister. Scand. Yes, mine are most in black and wbite Val. Tell Angelica, I am about makin bard --and yet there are some set out in their true conditions, to come abroad, and be at liberty to colours, both men and women. I can shew you see her. pride, folly, affectation, wantonness, inconstancy, Scand. I'll give an account of you and your covetousness, dissimulation, malice, and ignor- proceedings. If indiscretion be a sign of love, ance, all in one piece. Then I can shew you you are the most a lover of any body that I know. lying, foppery, vanity, cowardice, bragging, and You fancy that parting with your estate will help ugliness, in another piece: and yet one of these you to your mistress-In my mind, he is a is a celebrated beauty, and t’other a professed thoughtless adventurerbeau. I have paintings too, some pleasant enough. Who hopes to purchase wealth by selling land, Mrs Frail. Come, let's hear them.
Or win a unistress with a losing hand. Scand. Why, I have a beau in bagnio, cupping
(Ereunt. for a complexion, and sweating for a shape.
SCENE I.-A room in Foresight's house. mily. I remember an old prophecy, written by
Messahalah the Arabian, and thus translated by Enter Foresight and Servant.
a reverend Buckinghamshire bard : Fore. HEY-DAY! What! are all the women of
• When housewives all the house forsake, my family abroad? Is not my wife come home?
. And leave good-men to brew and bake; nor my sister? nor my daughter?
• Withouten guile, then be it said, Ser. No, sir.
• That house doth stand upon its head; Fore. Mercy on us ! what can be the meaning • And when the head is set in ground, of it? Sure the moon is in all her fortitudes !
No mar'l, if it be fruitful found.'
Fruitful! the head fruitful! that bodes horns; the Fore. I believe you lie, sir.
fruit of the head is horns. Dear niece, stay at Ser. Sir?
bume-for, by the head of the house, is meant the Fore. I say, you lie, sir. "It is impossible that husband; the prophecy needs no explanation. any thing should be as I would have it; for I was Ang. Well, but I can neither make you a cucburn, sir, when the crab was ascending; and all kold, uncle, by going abroad; nor secure you from my affairs go backward.
being one, by staying at home. Ser. I can't tell, indeed, sir.
Fore. Yes, yes; while there's one woman left, Fore. No, I know you can't, sir. But I can the prophecy is not in full force. tell, and foretell, sir.
Ang. But my inclinations are in force. I have a mind to
won't lend me Enter Nurse.
your coach, I'll take a hackney, or a chair, and Nurse, where's your young mistress?
leave you to erect a scheme, and find who's in Nurse. Wee'st heart ! I know not; they're none conjunction with your wife. Why don't you keep of them coine home yet. Poor child, I warrant her at home, if you're jealous of her, when she's she's fond of seeing the town!Marry, pray abroad? You know my aunt is a little retrograde Heaven they have given her any dinner! Good (as you call it) in her nature. Uncle, I'm afraid lack-a-day, ha, ha, ha! O strange! Il vow and you are not lord of the ascendant! ha, ha, ha! swear now, ha, ha, ha! marry, and did you ever Fore. Well, jill-Airt, you are very pert--and see the like?
always ridiculing that celestial science. Fore. Why, how now, what's the matter? Ang. Nay, uncle, don't be angry. If you are,
Nurse. Pray Heaven send your worship good I'll reap up all your false prophecies, ridiculous luck! marry, and amen, with all my heart! for dreams, and idle divinations. I'It swear, you are you have put on one stocking with the wrong side a nuisance to the neighbourhood.---What a bustle outward.
did you keep against the last invisible eclipse, Fore. Ha, how? Faith and troth, I'm glad of laying in provision, as it were for a siege! What it; and so I have; that inay be good luck in a world of fire and candle, matches and tindertroth; in troth it inay, very good luck: nay, I boxes, did you purchase! One would have thought have had some omens. I got out of bed back- we were ever after to live under ground; or at wards, too, this morning, without premeditation; least make a voyage to Greenland, to inhabit pretty good that, too. But then, I stumbled co- there all the dark season. ming down stairs, and met a weasel; bad omens Fore. Why, you malapert slut! those! Some bad, some good : our lives are
you lend me your coach? or I'll go chequered ; inirth aod sorrow, want and plenty, on.-Nay, I'll declare how you prophesied popery niglit and dav, make up our time. But, in troth, was coming, only because the butler had mislaid I am pleased at my stocking--very well pleased some of the apostle spoons, and thought they at my stocking-Oh, here's my niece !-Sirrab, were lost. Away went religion and spoon-mcat go, tell sir Sanipson Legend I'll wait on bim, it together !--Indeed, uncle, I'll indite you for a he's at leisure. ---Tis now three o'clock; a very wizard. good hour for business: Mercury governs this Fore. How, hussy! was there ever such a prohour,
[Exit Servant. voking minx?
Nurse. () merciful father, how she talks! Enter ANGELICA.
Ang. Yes, I can make oath of your unlawful Ang. Is it not a good hour for pleasure, too, midnight practices; you, and the old nurse there. uncle? Pray, lend ine your coach ; mine's out Nurse. Marry, Heaven defend !--I at midof order.
night practices !--- Lord, what's here to do?-Fore. What! would you be gadding, too? Suret in unlawful doings with my master's worship !--all females are inad tu-day! It is of evil por- Why, did you ever hear the like now ?---Sir, did tent, and bodes unischief to the master of a la- ever I do any thing of your midnight concerns Vol. II.
but warm your bed, and tuck you up, and set the fit to receive him; I shall scarce recover myself candle and your tobacco-box, and now and then before the hour be past. Go, nurse; teli sir rub the soles of your feet?-0 Lord, I !--- Sampson, I'm ready to wait on him. Ang. Yes, I saw you together, through the Nurse. Yes, sir.
(Exit NURSE, keyhole of the closet, one night, like Saul and Fore. Well-why, if I was born to be a cuckthe witch of Endor, turning the sieve and sheers, old, there's no more to be said !-He is here aland pricking your thumbs, to write poor innocent ready. servants' names in blood, about a little nutmeg
Enter Sir SAMPSON LEGEND with a paper. grater, which she had forgot in the caudle-cup.-Nay, I know something worse, if I would speak Sir Sam. Nor no more to be done, old boy ; of it!
that is plain---here it is, I have it in my hand, Fore. I defy you, hussy; but I'll remember old Ptolemy; I'll make the ungracious prodigal this. I'll be revenged on you, cockatrice ; I'll know who begat him; I will, old Nostrodamus. hamper you--You have your fortune in your own What! I warrant, my son thought nothing behands—but I'll find a way to make your lover, longed to a father, but forgiveness and affection ; your prodigal spendthrift gallant, Valentine, pay no authority, no correction, no arbitrary power for all, I will.
-nothing to be done, but for him to offend, and Ang. Will you? I care not; but all shall out me to pardon! I warrant you, if he danced till then.
doomsday, he thought I was to pay the piper. Fore. I will have patience, since it is the will Well, but here it is under black and white, sigof the stars I should be thus tormented—this is natum, sigillatum, and deliberatum—that, as soon the effect of the malicious conjunctions and op as my son Benjamin is arrived, he is to make positions in the third house of my nativity; there over to him his right of inheritance. Where's my the curse of kindred was foretold.---But I will daughter that is to be---ha! old Merlin? Body of have my doors locked up~-I'll punish you; not a me, I'm so glad I'm revenged on this undutiful man shall enter my house.
Ang. Do, uncle, lock them up quickly, before Fore. Odso, let me see; let me see the paper. my aunt comes home--you'll have a letter for ali- Ay, faith and troth, here it is, if it will but hold mony to-morrow morning !---But let me be gone ---I wish things were done, and the conveyance first; and then let no mankind come near the made. When was this signed? what hour? Odso, house : but converse with spirits and the celestial you should have consulted me for the time. Well, signs, the bull, and the ram, and the goat. Bless but we'll make haste. me, there are a great many horned beasts among Sir Sam. Haste! ay, ay, haste enough; my the twelve signs, uncle ! But cuckolds go to Hea- son Ben will be in town to-night--I have ordered ven!
my lawyer to draw up writings of settlement and Fore. But there's but one virgin among the jointure-all shall be done to-night. No matter twelve signs, spit-fire !---but one virgin ! for the time; prithee, brother Foresight, leave
Ang. Nor there had not been that one, if she superstition. Pox o' the time; there's no time had had to do with any thing but astrologers, un- but the time present; there's no more to be said cle! That makes my aunt go abroad.
of what's past; and all that is to come will hapFore. How! how! is that the reason? Come, pen. If the sun shine by day, and the stars by you know something; tell me, and I'll forgive night---why, we shall know one another's faces you; do, good niece.-Come, you shall have my without the help of a candle; and that's all the coach and horses---faith and troth, you shall.-- stars are good for. Does my wife complain! Come, I know women Fore. How, how, sir Sampon? that all ! Give tell one another.--She is young and sanguine, bas me leave to contradict you, and tell you, you are a wanton hazel eye, and was born under Gemini, ignorant. which may incline her to society; she has a mole Sir Sam. I tell you, I am wise : and sapiens upon her lip, with a moist palm.
dominabitur astris; there's Latin for you to prove Ang. Ha, ha, ha!
it, and an argument to confound your ephemeris. Fore. Do you laugh ?-Well
, gentlewoman, I'l! | ignorant !--I tell you, I have travelled, old Fercu; -But come, be a good girl, don't perplex your and know the globe. I have seen the antipodes, poor uncle ! Tell me—won't you speak? Odd, where the sun rises at mid-night, and sets at noon1'll
day. Enter Servant.
Fore. But I tell you, I have travelled, and tra
velled in the celestial spheres; know the signs Ser. Sir Sampson is coming down, to wait upon and the planets, and their houses; can judge of
(Erit Servant. motions direct and retrograde, of sextiles, quaAng. Good by'e, uncle. Call me a chair. I'll rates, trines and oppositions, fiery trigons, and find out my aunt, and tell her she must not come aquatical trigons; know whether life shall be home.
[E.rit ANGELICA.ong or short, happy or unhappy; whether disFore. I am so perplexed and vexed, I am not eases are curable or incurable; if journies shall
be prosperous, undertakings successful, or goods Sir Sam. Well, sir.
Enter VALENTINE. China's foot; have kissed the Great Mogul's slip- Jer. He is here, sir. per; and rid a hunting upon an elephant with the Val. Your blessing, sir ! cham of Tartary. Body o' me, I have made a Sir Sum. You've had it already, sir; I think I cuckold of a king; and the present majesty of sent it you to-day in a bill of four thousand Bantam is the issue of these loins.
pounds. A great deal of money, brother ForeFore. I know when travellers lie or speak truth, sight! when they don't know it themselves.
Fore. Ay, indeed, sir Sampson, a great deal of Sir Sam. I have known an astrologer made a money for a young man; I wonder what he can cuckold in the twinkling of a star; and seen a
do with it! conjuror, that could not keep the devil out of his Sir Sam. Body o' me, so do I. Hark
lentine, if there be too much, refund the superFore. What does he twit me with my wife, too? fuity; dost hear, boy? I must be better informed of this. [Aside.) Do Val. Superfluity, sir! it will scarce pay my you mean my wife, sir Sampson? Îhough you debts. I hope you will have more indulgence, made a cuckold of the king of Bantam, yet, by than to oblige me to those hard conditions, which the body of the sun
my necessity signed to. Sir Sam. By the horns of the moon, you would
Sir Sam. Sir! how! I beseech you, what were say, brother Capricorn.
you pleased to intimate, concerning indulgence ? Fore. Capricorn in your teeth, thou modern Val. Why, sir, that you would not go to the Mandeville! Ferdinand Mendez Pinto was but a extremity of the conditions, but release me at type of thee, thou liar of the first magnitude! least from some part. Take back your paper of inheritance; send your
Sir Sam. 0, sir, I understand you—that's all, son to sea again. I'll wed my daughter tó an ha? Egyptian mummy, ere she shall incorporate with Val. Yes, sir, all that I presume to ask-But a contemner of sciences, and a defamer ot virtue. what you, out of fatherly fondness, will be pleased
Sir Sam. Body o' me, I have gone too far I to add, will be doubly welcome. must not provoke honest Albumazar.–An Egyp
Sir Sam. No doubt of it, sweet sir; but your tian mummy is an illustrious creature, my trusty filial piety and my fatherly fondness would fit hieroglyphic; and may have significations of fu- like two tallies-Here's a rogue, brother Foreturity about him. Odsbud, I would my son were sight, makes a bargain under hand and seal in an Egyptian mummy for thy sake. What, thou the morning, and would be released from it in art not angry for a jest, my good Haly?- reve- the afternoon : here's a rogue, dog; here's conrence the sun, moon, and stars, with all my science and honesty ! This is your wit now, this heart. What! I'll make thee a present of a is the morality of your wit! You are a wit, and mummy. Now, I think on't, body o' me, I have have been a beau, and may be a- -Why, sirrah, a shoulder of an Egyptian king, that I purloined is it not here under hand and seal ? — Can you from one of the pyramids, powdered with hiero-deny it? glyphics; thou shalt have it brought home to thy ľal. Sir, I don't deny it. house, and make an entertainment for all the Sir Sam. Sirrah, you'll be hanged; I shall live Philomaths, and students in physic and astrology, to see you go up Holborn-hill---Has he not a in and about London.
-Speak, brother; you underFore. But what do you know of my wife, sir stand physiognomy; a hanging look to me-of Sampson?
all my boys the most unlike me. He has a Sir Sam. Thy wife is a constellation of virtues; damned Tyburn face, without the benefit of the she is the moon, and thou art the man in the clergy. moon; nay, she is more illustrious than the Fore. Hum !truly, I don't care to discourage moon; for she has her chastity, without her in- a young man—he has a violent death in his face; continency: 'sbud, I was but in jest.
but I hope no danger of hanging.
Val. Sir, is this usage for your son ?---For that Enter JEREMY.
old weather-headed fool, I know how to laugh Sir Sam. How now? who sent for you, ha? | at him; but you,
sirwhat would you have?
Sir Sum. You, sir! and
you, sir !--Why, who Fore. Nay, if you were but in jest !-Who's are you, sir? that fellow I don't like his physiognomy,
Val. Your son, sir. Sir Sam. (TO JEREMY.] My son, sir? what son, Sir Sam. That's more than I know, sir: and sir? my son Benjamin, ha!
I believe not. Jer. No, sir; Mr Valentine, my master;—it Val. Faith, I hope not. is the first time he has been abroad, since his Sir Sam. What would you have
your mother a confinement, and he comes to pay his duty to whore? Did you ever hear the like ? did you ever you.
bear the like? body o'me-