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SCENE I.-A room in Foresight's house. mily. I remember an old prophecy, written by
Messahalah the Arabian, and thus translated by Enter Foresight and Servant.
a reverend Buckinghamshire bard : Fore. HEY-DAY! What! are all the women of
• When housewives all the house forsake, my family abroad? Is not my wife come home?
. And leave good-men to brew and bake; nor my sister? nor my daughter?
• Withouten guile, then be it said, Ser. No, sir.
• That house doth stand upon its head; Fore. Mercy on us ! what can be the meaning • And when the head is set in ground, of it? Sure the moon is in all her fortitudes !
No mar'l, if it be fruitful found.'
Fruitful! the head fruitful! that bodes horns; the Fore. I believe you lie, sir.
fruit of the head is horns. Dear niece, stay at Ser. Sir?
bume-for, by the head of the house, is meant the Fore. I say, you lie, sir. "It is impossible that husband; the prophecy needs no explanation. any thing should be as I would have it; for I was Ang. Well, but I can neither make you a cucburn, sir, when the crab was ascending; and all kold, uncle, by going abroad; nor secure you from my affairs go backward.
being one, by staying at home. Ser. I can't tell, indeed, sir.
Fore. Yes, yes; while there's one woman left, Fore. No, I know you can't, sir. But I can the prophecy is not in full force. tell, and foretell, sir.
Ang. But my inclinations are in force. I have a mind to
won't lend me Enter Nurse.
your coach, I'll take a hackney, or a chair, and Nurse, where's your young mistress?
leave you to erect a scheme, and find who's in Nurse. Wee'st heart ! I know not; they're none conjunction with your wife. Why don't you keep of them coine home yet. Poor child, I warrant her at home, if you're jealous of her, when she's she's fond of seeing the town!Marry, pray abroad? You know my aunt is a little retrograde Heaven they have given her any dinner! Good (as you call it) in her nature. Uncle, I'm afraid lack-a-day, ha, ha, ha! O strange! Il vow and you are not lord of the ascendant! ha, ha, ha! swear now, ha, ha, ha! marry, and did you ever Fore. Well, jill-Airt, you are very pert--and see the like?
always ridiculing that celestial science. Fore. Why, how now, what's the matter? Ang. Nay, uncle, don't be angry. If you are,
Nurse. Pray Heaven send your worship good I'll reap up all your false prophecies, ridiculous luck! marry, and amen, with all my heart! for dreams, and idle divinations. I'It swear, you are you have put on one stocking with the wrong side a nuisance to the neighbourhood.---What a bustle outward.
did you keep against the last invisible eclipse, Fore. Ha, how? Faith and troth, I'm glad of laying in provision, as it were for a siege! What it; and so I have; that inay be good luck in a world of fire and candle, matches and tindertroth; in troth it inay, very good luck: nay, I boxes, did you purchase! One would have thought have had some omens. I got out of bed back- we were ever after to live under ground; or at wards, too, this morning, without premeditation; least make a voyage to Greenland, to inhabit pretty good that, too. But then, I stumbled co- there all the dark season. ming down stairs, and met a weasel; bad omens Fore. Why, you malapert slut! those! Some bad, some good : our lives are
you lend me your coach? or I'll go chequered ; inirth aod sorrow, want and plenty, on.-Nay, I'll declare how you prophesied popery niglit and dav, make up our time. But, in troth, was coming, only because the butler had mislaid I am pleased at my stocking--very well pleased some of the apostle spoons, and thought they at my stocking-Oh, here's my niece !-Sirrab, were lost. Away went religion and spoon-mcat go, tell sir Sanipson Legend I'll wait on bim, it together !--Indeed, uncle, I'll indite you for a he's at leisure. ---Tis now three o'clock; a very wizard. good hour for business: Mercury governs this Fore. How, hussy! was there ever such a prohour,
[Exit Servant. voking minx?
Nurse. () merciful father, how she talks! Enter ANGELICA.
Ang. Yes, I can make oath of your unlawful Ang. Is it not a good hour for pleasure, too, midnight practices; you, and the old nurse there. uncle? Pray, lend ine your coach ; mine's out Nurse. Marry, Heaven defend !--I at midof order.
night practices !--- Lord, what's here to do?-Fore. What! would you be gadding, too? Suret in unlawful doings with my master's worship !--all females are inad tu-day! It is of evil por- Why, did you ever hear the like now ?---Sir, did tent, and bodes unischief to the master of a la- ever I do any thing of your midnight concerns Vol. II.
but warm your bed, and tuck you up, and set the fit to receive him; I shall scarce recover myself candle and your tobacco-box, and now and then before the hour be past. Go, nurse; teli sir rub the soles of your feet?-0 Lord, I !--- Sampson, I'm ready to wait on him. Ang. Yes, I saw you together, through the Nurse. Yes, sir.
(Exit NURSE, keyhole of the closet, one night, like Saul and Fore. Well-why, if I was born to be a cuckthe witch of Endor, turning the sieve and sheers, old, there's no more to be said !-He is here aland pricking your thumbs, to write poor innocent ready. servants' names in blood, about a little nutmeg
Enter Sir SAMPSON LEGEND with a paper. grater, which she had forgot in the caudle-cup.-Nay, I know something worse, if I would speak Sir Sam. Nor no more to be done, old boy ; of it!
that is plain---here it is, I have it in my hand, Fore. I defy you, hussy; but I'll remember old Ptolemy; I'll make the ungracious prodigal this. I'll be revenged on you, cockatrice ; I'll know who begat him; I will, old Nostrodamus. hamper you--You have your fortune in your own What! I warrant, my son thought nothing behands—but I'll find a way to make your lover, longed to a father, but forgiveness and affection ; your prodigal spendthrift gallant, Valentine, pay no authority, no correction, no arbitrary power for all, I will.
-nothing to be done, but for him to offend, and Ang. Will you? I care not; but all shall out me to pardon! I warrant you, if he danced till then.
doomsday, he thought I was to pay the piper. Fore. I will have patience, since it is the will Well, but here it is under black and white, sigof the stars I should be thus tormented—this is natum, sigillatum, and deliberatum—that, as soon the effect of the malicious conjunctions and op as my son Benjamin is arrived, he is to make positions in the third house of my nativity; there over to him his right of inheritance. Where's my the curse of kindred was foretold.---But I will daughter that is to be---ha! old Merlin? Body of have my doors locked up~-I'll punish you; not a me, I'm so glad I'm revenged on this undutiful man shall enter my house.
Ang. Do, uncle, lock them up quickly, before Fore. Odso, let me see; let me see the paper. my aunt comes home--you'll have a letter for ali- Ay, faith and troth, here it is, if it will but hold mony to-morrow morning !---But let me be gone ---I wish things were done, and the conveyance first; and then let no mankind come near the made. When was this signed? what hour? Odso, house : but converse with spirits and the celestial you should have consulted me for the time. Well, signs, the bull, and the ram, and the goat. Bless but we'll make haste. me, there are a great many horned beasts among Sir Sam. Haste! ay, ay, haste enough; my the twelve signs, uncle ! But cuckolds go to Hea- son Ben will be in town to-night--I have ordered ven!
my lawyer to draw up writings of settlement and Fore. But there's but one virgin among the jointure-all shall be done to-night. No matter twelve signs, spit-fire !---but one virgin ! for the time; prithee, brother Foresight, leave
Ang. Nor there had not been that one, if she superstition. Pox o' the time; there's no time had had to do with any thing but astrologers, un but the time present; there's no more to be said cle! That makes my aunt go abroad.
of what's past; and all that is to come will hapFore. How! how! is that the reason? Come, pen. If the sun shine by day, and the stars by you know something; tell me, and I'll forgive night---why, we shall know one another's faces you; do, good niece.-Come, you shall have my without the help of a candle; and that's all the coach and horses---faith and troth, you shall.- stars are good for. Does my wife complain! Come, I know women Fore. How, how, sir Sampon? that all ! Give tell one another.--She is young and sanguine, bas me leave to contradict you, and tell you, you are a wanton hazel eye, and was born under Gemini, ignorant. which may incline her to society; she has a mole Sir Sam. I tell you, I am wise : and sapiens upon her lip, with a moist palm.
dominabitur astris; there's Latin for you to prove Ang. Ha, ha, ha!
it, and an argument to confound your ephemeris. Fore. Do you laugh ?-Well
, gentlewoman, I'l! | ignorant !--I tell you, I have travelled, old Fercu; -But come, be a good girl, don't perplex your and know the globe. I have seen the antipodes, poor uncle ! Tell me—won't you speak? Odd, where the sun rises at mid-night, and sets at noonI'll
day. Enter Servant.
Fore. But I tell you, I have travelled, and tra
velled in the celestial spheres; know the signs Ser. Sir Sampson is coming down, to wait upon and the planets, and their houses; can judge of
(Erit Servant. motions direct and retrograde, of sextiles, quaAng. Good by'e, uncle. Call me a chair. I'll rates, trines and oppositions, fiery trigons, and find out my aunt, and tell her she must not come aquatical trigons; know whether life shall be home.
[E.rit ANGELICA.ong or short, happy or unhappy; whether disFore. I am so perplexed and vexed, I am not eases are curable or incurable; if journies shall
be prosperous, undertakings successful, or goods Sir Sam. Well, sir.
Enter VALENTINE. China's foot; have kissed the Great Mogul's slip Jer. He is here, sir. per; and rid a hunting upon an elephant with the Val. Your blessing, sir ! cham of Tartary. Body o' me, I have made a Sir Sum. You've had it already, sir; I think I cuckold of a king; and the present majesty of sent it you to-day in a bill of four thousand Bantam is the issue of these loins.
pounds. A great deal of money, brother ForeFore. I know when travellers lie or speak truth, sight! when they don't know it themselves.
Fore. Ay, indeed, sir Sampson, a great deal of Sir Sam. I have known an astrologer made a money for a young man; I wonder what he can cuckold in the twinkling of a star; and seen a
do with it! conjuror, that could not keep the devil out of his Sir Sam. Body o' me, so do I. Hark
lentine, if there be too much, refund the superFore. What does he twit me with my wife, too? fuity; dost hear, boy? I must be better informed of this. [Aside.) Do Val. Superfluity, sir! it will scarce pay my you mean my wife, sir Sampson? Îhough you debts. I hope you will have more indulgence, made a cuckold of the king of Bantam, yet, by than to oblige me to those hard conditions, which the body of the sun
my necessity signed to. Sir Sam. By the horns of the moon, you would Sir Sam. Sir! how! I beseech you, what were say, brother Capricorn.
you pleased to intimate, concerning indulgence ? Fore. Capricorn in your teeth, thou modern Val. Why, sir, that you would not go to the Mandeville! Ferdinand Mendez Pinto was but a extremity of the conditions, but release me at type of thee, thou liar of the first magnitude! least from some part. Take back your paper of inheritance; send your
Sir Sam. 0, sir, I understand you—that's all, son to sea again. I'll wed my daughter tó an ha? Egyptian mummy, ere she shall incorporate with Val. Yes, sir, all that I presume to ask-But a contemner of sciences, and a defamer ot virtue. what you, out of fatherly fondness, will be pleased
Sir Sam. Body o' me, I have gone too far I to add, will be doubly welcome. must not provoke honest Albumazar.–An Egyp
Sir Sam. No doubt of it, sweet sir; but your tian mummy is an illustrious creature, my trusty filial piety and my fatherly fondness would fit hieroglyphic; and may have significations of fu- like two tallies-Here's a rogue, brother Foreturity about him. Odsbud, I would my son were sight, makes a bargain under hand and seal in an Egyptian mummy for thy sake. What, thou the morning, and would be released from it in art not angry for a jest, my good Haly?- reve the afternoon : here's a rogue, dog; here's conrence the sun, moon, and stars, with all my science and honesty ! This is your wit now, this heart. What! I'll make thee a present of a is the morality of your wit! You are a wit, and mummy. Now, I think on't, body o' me, I have have been a beau, and may be a -Why, sirrah, a shoulder of an Egyptian king, that I purloined is it not here under hand and seal ? — Can you from one of the pyramids, powdered with hiero-deny it? glyphics; thou shalt have it brought home to thy ľal. Sir, I don't deny it. house, and make an entertainment for all the Sir Sam. Sirrah, you'll be hanged; I shall live Philomaths, and students in physic and astrology, to see you go up Holborn-hill---Has he not a in and about London.
-Speak, brother; you underFore. But what do you know of my wife, sir stand physiognomy; a hanging look to me-of Sampson?
all my boys the most unlike me. He has a Sir Sam. Thy wife is a constellation of virtues; damned Tyburn face, without the benefit of the she is the moon, and thou art the man in the clergy. moon; nay, she is more illustrious than the Fore. Hum !truly, I don't care to discourage moon; for she has her chastity, without her in a young man—he has a violent death in his face; continency: 'sbud, I was but in jest.
but I hope no danger of hanging.
Val. Sir, is this usage for your son ?---For that Enter JEREMY.
old weather-headed fool, I know how to laugh Sir Sam. How now? who sent for you, ha? | at him; but you,
sirwhat would you have?
Sir Sum. You, sir! and
you, sir !--Why, who Fore. Nay, if you were but in jest !-Who's are you, sir? that fellow I don't like his physiognomy,
Val. Your son, sir. Sir Sam. (TO JEREMY.] My son, sir? what son, Sir Sam. That's more than I know, sir: and sir? my son Benjamin, ha!
I believe not. Jer. No, sir; Mr Valentine, my master;—it Val. Faith, I hope not. is the first time he has been abroad, since his Sir Sam. What would you have
your mother a confinement, and he comes to pay his duty to whore? Did you ever hear the like ? did you ever you.
bear the like? body o'me-
Val. I would have an excuse for your bar Jer. Yes, I have a reasonable good ear, sir, as barity and unnatural usage.
to jiggs, and country dances, and the like; I don't Sir Sam. Excuse ? -Impudence! Why, sirrah, much matter your solos or sonatas; they give mayn't I do what I please ? are not you my me the spleen. slave? did not I beget you ? and might not I Sir Sam. The spleen? ha, ha, ha! a pox conhave chosen whether I would have begot you found you !-Solos or sonatas ? Oons, whose son or no? Oons, who are you? whence caine you? are you? how were you engendered, muckworm ? what brought you into the world? how came you Jer. I am, by my father, the son of a chairhere, sirhere, to stand here, upon those two man; my mother sold oysters in winter, and legs, and look erect with that audacious face, cucumbers in summer : and I came up stairs hah ? Answer me that.
into the world; for I was born in a cellar. volunteer into the world? or did I, with the Fore. By your looks you shall go up stairs out lawful authority of a parent, press you to the of the world too, friend. service?
Sir Sam. And if this rogue were anatomized Val. I know no more why I came, than you now, and dissected, he bas h s vessels of digesdo why you called me. But here I am; and if tion and concoction, and so forth, large enough you don't mean to provide for me, I desire you for the inside of a cardinal; this son of a cucumwould leave me as you found me.
ber !—These things are unaccountable and unSir Sam. With all my heart. Come, uncase, reasonable.--Body o'me, why was I not a bear, strip, and go naked out of the world as you came that my cubs might have lived upon sucking their into it.
paws? Nature has been provident only to bears Val. My clothes are soon put off-but you and spiders : the one has its nutriment in its own must also divest me of my reason, thought, pas hands; and the other spins its habitation out of sions, inclinations, affections, appetites, senses,
its own entrails. and the huge train of attendants, that you begot Val. Fortune was provident enough to supply along with me.
all the necessities of my nature, if I had my Sir Sam. Body o'me, 'what a many-headed right inheritance. monster have I propagated!
Sir Sam. Again! Oons, han't you four thouVal. I am, of myself, a plain, easy, simple sand pounds ?-If I had it again I would not give creature, and to be kept at small expence: thee a groat.-What, wouldst thou have me turn but the retinue, that you gave me, are crav- pelican, and feed thee out of my own vitalsing and invincible; they are so many devils, Odsheart, live by your wits- you were always that you have raised, and will have employ- fond of the wits.--Now let's see if you have wit ment.
enough to keep yourself.— Your brother will be Sir Sam. Oons! what had I to do to get in town to-night, or to-morrow morning; then children? -can't a private man be born with look you perform covenants, and so your friend out all these followers ? Why, nothing under and servant.-Cowe, brother Foresight. an emperor should be born with appetites— why, (Exeunt Sur Sampson and FORESIGHT. at this rate, a fellow, that has but a groat in his Jer. I told you what your visit would come pocket, may have a stomach capable of a ten shilling ordinary
Val. 'Tis as much as I expected- I did not Jer. Nay, that's as clear as the sun; I'll come to see him : I came to see Angelica; but make oath of it before any justice in Middle- since she was gone abroad, it was easily turned
another way, and at least looked well on my Sir Sam. Here's a cormorant, too ! -'Sheart, side. What's here? Mrs Foresight and Mrs Frail! this fellow was not born with you?—I did not | They are earnest-I'll avoid them.--Come this beget him, did I?
and go and inquire when Angelica will reJer. By the provision that's made for me, turn.
[Exeunt, you might have begot me, too.—Nay, and to tell your worship another truth, I believe you
Enter Mrs Foresight and MRS FRAIL. did; for I find I was born with those same whoreson appetites, too, that my master speaks Mrs Frail. What have you to do to watch of.
me? 'Slife, I'll do what I please. Sir Sam. Why, look you there now ! -I'll Mrs Fore. You will? maintain it, that by the rule of right reason, Mrs Fruil. Yes, marry, will I. A great piece this fellow ought to have been born without a of business to go to Covent-garden, to take a turn palate.—'Sheart, what should he do with a dis- in a hackney-coach with one's friend! tinguishing taste?-I warrant now, he'd rather Mrs Fore. Nay, two or three turns, I'll take cat a pheasant, than a piece of poor John—and my oath. smell, now; why I warrant he can smell, and Mrs Frail. Well, what if I took twenty! I loves perfumes above a stink-why there's it; warrant, if you had been there, it had only been and music-don't you love niusic, scoundrel? innocent recreation! Lord, where's the comfort
of this life, if we can't have the happiness of con- | wounded, let us do, what is often done in duels, versing where we like?
take care of one another, and grow better friends Mrs Fore. But can't you converse at home? | than before. I own it, I think there's no happines like conver Mrs Fruil. With all my heart. Well, give me sing with an agreeable man; I don't quarrel at your hand, in token of sisterly secrecy and affecthat, nor I don't think but your conversation was tion. very innocent. But the place is public; and to Mrs Fore. Here it is, with all my heart. be seen with a man in a hackney-coach, is scan Mrs Fruil. Well, as an earnest of friendship dalous. What if any body else should have seen and contidence, I'll acquaint you with a design you alight, as I did? How can any body be happy, that I have. I'm afraid the world have observed while they are in perpetual fear of being seen and us more than we have observed one another. censured? Besides, it would not only reflect upon You have a rich husband, and are provided or : you, sister, but on me.
I am at a loss, and have no great stock either of Mrs Frail. Pooh, here's a clutter! Why should fortune or reputation, and therefore must look it reflect upon you? I don't doubt but you have sharply about ine. Sir Sampson has a son, that thought yourself happy in a hackney-coach before is expected to-might; and, by the account I have now! If I had gone to Knightsbridge, or to Chel- heard of bis education, can be no conjurer. The sea, or to Spring-garden, or to Barn-elms, with a estate, you know, is to be made over to him. man alone—something might have been said. Now, if I could wheedle him, sister, ha? you un
Mrs Fore. Why, was I ever in any of those derstand me? places? What do you mean, sister?
Mrs Fore. I do; and will help you, to the utMrs Frail. Was I? What do you mean? most of my power. And I can tell you one thing Mrs Fore. You have been at a worse place. that falls out luckily enough; my awkward daugh
Mrs Frail. I at a worse place, and with a ter-in-law, who, you know, is designed to be his man?
wife, is grown fond of Mr Tattle; now, if we can Mrs Fore. I suppose you would not go alone improve that, and make her have an aversion for to the World's-end.
the booby, it may go a great way towards his likMrs Frail. The World's-end! What, do you ing you. Here they come together; and let us mean to banter me?
contrive some way or other to leave them togeMrs Fore. Poor innocent! you don't know ther. that there is a place called the World's-end? I'll swear, you can keep your countenance purely;
Enter TATTLE and Miss PRUE. you'd make an admirable player!
Mrs Fruil. I'll swear you have a great deal of Miss Prue. Mother, mother, mother! look you confidence, and, in my inind, too much for the here? stage.
Mrs Fore. Fie, fie, miss, how you bawl! BeMrs Fore. Very well, that will appear who has sides, I have told you, you must not call me mo
You never were at the World's-end? ther. Mrs Frail. No.
Aliss Prue. What must I call you, then? are Mrs Fore. You deny it positively to my face? you not my father's wife? Mrs Frail. Your face! what's your face? Mrs Fore. Madain; you must say madam. By Mrs Fore. No matter for that; it's as good a my soul, I shall fancy myself old indeed, to have
this great girl call me mother. Well, but, niiss, Mrs Frail. Not by a dozen years wearing. what are you so overjoyed at? But I do deny it positively to your face, then. Miss Prue. Look you here, madam, then, what
Mrs Fore. I'll allow you now to find fault with Mr Tattle has given me. Look you here, cousin; my face; for I'll swear your impudence has put here's a snufi-box; nay, there's snuff in't-here, me out of countenance. But look you here now, will you have any? Oh good! how sweet it is ! —where did you lose this gold bodkin? Oh, sis- Mr Tatile is all over sweet; his peruke is sweet, ter, sister!
and his gloves are sweet, and his handkerchiet is Mrs Frail. My bodkin!
sweet, pure sweet, sweeter than roses-smell Mrs Fore. Nay, 'tis yours; look at it.
bin), mother--madani, I mean. He gave me this Mrs Frail
. Well, if you go that, where did you ring, for a kiss. find this bodkin?-Oh, sister, sister! sister every Tatt. () he, miss! you must not kiss, and tell, way!
Miss Prue. Yes; I may tell my mother-and Mrs Fore. O, devil on't! that I could not dis- he says he'll give me something to make me cover, without betraying myself! [Aside. smell so. Oh, pray, lend me your handkerchiet,
Mrs Frail. I have heard gentlemen say, sister, Smell, cousin; he says, he'll give me something, that one should take great care, when one makes that will make my smocks smell this way. Is not a thrust in fencing, not to lay open one's self. it pure? It's better than lavender, mun. I'm re
Mrs Fore. It is very true, sister. Well, since solved I won't let nurse put any more lavender all's out, and, as you say, since we are both among iny smocks--ha, cousin?
face as yours.