페이지 이미지

Iler little am'rous frauds all truths excel, Ah, that ogle, that ogle-Then, my own pious And make us happy, being deceived so well. example-Ah, that lip, that lip!

[Erit. Lure. Here's a religious rogue for you, now!Viz. The colonel my rival, too ! -How shall As I hope to be saved, I have a good mind to I manage? There is but one way

-him and beat the old monster. the knight will I set a tilting, where one cuts Smug. Madam, I have brought you about a t'other's throat, and the survivor's hanged : so hundred and fifty guineas (a great deal of money, there will be two rivals pretty decently disposed as times go) and of. Since honour may oblige them to play the Lure. Come, give them me. fool, why should not necessity engage me to play Smug. Ah, that hand, that hand! that pretty, the knave?

[Èrit. soft, white-I have brought it, you see; but

the condition of the obligation is such, that whereSCENE III.-LADY LUREWELL'S Lodgings. as that leering eye, that pouting lip, that pretty

soft hand, that--you understand me; you underEnter LUREWELL and Party.

stand ; I'm sure you do, you little

rogueLure. Has my servant brought me the money Lure. Here's a villain, now, so covetous, that from my merchant ?

he won't wench upon his own cost, but would Par. No, madam : he met alderman Smuggler bribe me with my own money. I'll be revenged. at Charing-Cross, who has promised to wait on (Aside.] Upon my word, Mr Ålderman, you make you himself immediately.

me blush,—what d'ye mean, pray? Lure. 'Tis odd that this old rogue should pre Smug. See here, madam. (Puts a piece of mo. tend to love me, and at the same time cheat me ney in his mouth.) Buss and guinea, buss and of my money.

guinea, buss and guinea. Par. 'Tis well, madam, if he don't cheat you Lure. Well, Mr Alderman, you have such of your estate; for you say the writings are in pretty winning ways, that I will, ha, ha, ha! his hands.

Smug. Will you, indeed, he, he, he! my litLure. But what satisfaction can I get of him tle cocket? And when, and where, and how? Oh, here he comes !

Lure. 'Twill be a difficult point, sir, to secure

both our honours; you must therefore be disEnter SMUGGLER.

guised, Mr Alderman. Mr Alderman, your servant; have you brought Smug. Pshaw ! no matter; I am an old fornime any money, sir?

cator; I'm not half so religious as I scem to be. SmügFaith, madam, trading is very dead; You little rogue, why, I'ın disguised as I am; what with paying the taxes, raising the customs, our sanctity is all outside, all hypocrisy: losses at sea abroad, and maintaining our wives Lure. No man is seen to come into this house at home, the bank is reduced very low.

after night-fall; you must therefore sneak in, Lure. Come, come, sir, these evasions won't when 'tis dark, in woman's clothes. serve your turn; I must have money, sir— I hope Smug. With all my heart--I have a suit on you don't design to cheat me?

purpose, my little cocket; I love to be disguised; Smug. Cheat you, madam !--have a care what'ecod, I make a very handsome woman; 'ecod, you say: I'm an alderman, madam- Cheat I do. you, madam! I have been an honest citizen these five-and-thirty years.

Enter Servant, who whispers LUREWELL, Lure. An honest citizen ! Bear witness, Parly -I shall trap him in more lies presently. Cone, Lure. Oh, Mr Alderman, shall I beg you to sir, though I am a woman, I can take a course. walk into the next room? Here are some stran

Smug. What course, madam? You'll go togers coming up. law, will ye? I can maintain a suit of law, be it Smug. Buss and guinca firstAh, my little right or wrong, these forty years, I am sure of cocket!

[Erit SMUGGLER. that, thanks to the honest practice of the courts. Lure. Sir, I'll blast your reputation, and so

Enter WildaiR. ruin your credit.

Wild. My life, my soul, my all that Heaven Smug. Blast my reputation ! he, he, he! Why, can give! I'm a religious man, madam; I have been very Lure. Death's life with thee, without thee, instrumental in the reformation of manners. Ruin death to live. my credit! Ab, poor woman! There is but one Welcome, my dear sir Ilarry-I see you got way, madam-you have a sweet leering eye.

my directions. Lure. You instrumental in the reformation! Wild. Directions ! in the most charming manHow?

ner, thou dear Machiavel of intrigue. Smug. I whipped all the whores, cut and long Lure. Still brisk and airy, I fiud, sir Harry. tail, out of the parish—Ah, that leering eye ! Wild. The sight of you, madam, exalts my Then, I voted for pulling down the playhouse-air, and makes joy lighten in my face.

Lure. I have a thousand questions to ask you, Lure. 'Tis yonr business, then, to acquit yoursir Harry. How d’ye like France ?

self publickly; for he spreads the scandal everyWild. Ah! c'est le plus beau païs du monde. where. Lure. Then, what made you leave it so soon? Wild. Acquit myself publicly !-Here, sirrah,

Wild. Madam, vous voyez que je vous suive my coach; I'll drive instantly into the city, and par-tout.

cane the old villain round the Royal Exchange; Lure. Oh, monsieur, je vous suis fort obligée. he shall run the gauntlet through a thousand But, where's the court now?

brushed beavers, and formal cravats, Wild. At Marli, madam.

Lure. Why, he's in the house now, sir. Lure. And where my count La Valier?

Wild. What, in this house ? Wild. His body's in the church of Notre Dame; Lure. Ay, in the next room. I don't know where his soul is.

Wild. Then, sirrah, lend me your cudgel. Lure. What disease did he die of?

Lure. Sir Harry, you won't raise a disturbance Wild. A duel, madam; I was his doctor. in my house? Lure. How d'ye mean?

Wild. Disturbarsce, madam! no, no, I'll beat Wild. As most doctors do; I killed him. him with the temper of a philosopher. Here,

Lure. En cavalier, my dear knight-errant, Mrs Parly, shew me the gentleman. Well, and how, and how: what intrigues, what

[Erit with Party, gallantries are carrying on in the beau monde ? Lure. Now shall i get the old monster well

Wild. I should ask you that question, madam, beaten, and sir Harry pestered next term with since your ladyship makes the beau-monde where bloodsheds, batteries, costs and damages, soliciever you come.

tors and attornies; and if they don't tease him Lure. Ah, sir Harry, I've been almost ruined, out of his good huinour, I'll never plot again. pestered to death here, by the incessant attacks

[Erit. of a mighty colonel; he has besieged me as close as our army did Namur.

SCENE IV.-Changes to another room in the Wild. I hope your ladyship did not surrender,

same house, though. Lure. No, no; but was forced to capitulate.

Enter SMUGGLER. But since you are come to raise the siege, we'll Smug. Oh, this damned tide-waiter ! A ship dance, and sing, and laugh

and cargo worth tive thousand pounds! Why, 'tis Wild. And love, and kiss -Montrez moi richly worth five hundred perjuries. votre chambre? Lure. Attendez, attendez, un peu

I remem

Enter WILDAIR. ber, sir Harry, you promised me, in Paris, never to ask that impertinent question again.

Wild. Dear Mr Alderman, I'm your most deWild. Pshaw, madam! that was above two voted and humble servant. months ago : besides, madam, treaties made in Smug. My best friend, sir Harry, you're welFrance are never kept.

coine to England. Lure. Would you marry me, sir Harry? Wild. I'll assure you, sir, there's not a man in

Wild. Oh! la marriage est un grand mal—But the king's dominions I am gladder to meet, dear, I will marry you.

dear Mr Alderman !

(Bowing very low, Lure. Your word, sir, is not to be relied on: Smug. Oh, lord, sir, you travellers have the if a gentleman will forfeit his honour in dealings most obliging ways with you! of business, we may reasonably suspect bis fide Wild. There is a business, Mr Alderman, lity in an amour.

fallen out, which you may oblige me infinitely by Wild. My honour in dealings of business ! -I ain very sorry that I am forced to be trouWhy, madain, I never had any business in all bleso.ne; but necessity, Mr Alderinan

Smug. Ay, sir, as you say, necessity — But, Lure. Yes, sir Harry, I have heard a very odd upon my word, sir, I am very short of money at story, and am sorry that a gentleman of your fi- present; butgure should undergo the scandal.

Wild. That's not the matter, sir; I'm above an Wild. Out with it, madam.

obligation that way: but the business is, I'm reLure. Why, the merchant, sir, that transmit- duced to an indispensable necessity of being obted your bills of exchange to you in France, com- liged to you for a beating -Here, take this plains of some indirect and dishonourable deal- cudgel. ings.

Smug. A beating, sir Harry! ha, ha, ha! I Wild. Who, old Smuggler?

beat a knight-baronet ! an alderman turn cudgelLure. Ay, ay, you know bim, I find. plaver !-Ha, ha, ha!

Wild. I have some reason, I think; why; the Wild. Upon my word, sir, you must beat me, rogue has cheated me of above five hundred or I cudgel you ; take your choice. pounds within these three years.

Smug. Pshaw, pshaw! you jest.

my life.


Wildl. Nay, 'tis sure as fate--So, alderman, I Smug. Oh, for charity's sake, madam, rescue a hope you'll pardon my curiosity. (Strikes him. poor citizen!

Smug. Curiositv! Deuce take your curiosity, Lure. Oh, you barbarous man !-Hold, hold! sir !What d've mean?

Frappez, plus rudement! Frappez -I wonder Wild. Nothing at all; I'm but in jest, sir. you are not ashamed. (Holding WILD.] A poor,

Smug. Oh, I can take any thing in jest! but a reverend, honest elder-Helps Surg. up] It man might imagine, by the smartness of the stroke, makes me weep to see hin in this condition, that you were in downright earnest.

poor man "low, the devil take you, sir Harry Wild. Not in the least, sir; [Strikes him.] not --For not beating him harder-Well, my dear, in the least, indeed, sir.

you shall come at night, and I'll make you amends. S.rug. Pray, good sir, no more of your jests;

[Here Sır Harry takes snuti. for whey are the buntest ets that ever I knew, Smug. Madam, I will have amends before I

Hild. [Strikes. I heartly beg your pardon leave the place-Sir, how durst you use ine with all my heart, sir,

thus? Smug. Pardon, sir! Well, sir, that is satisfac Tild. Sir? tion enough from a gentleman. But, seriously Smug. Sir, I say that I will have satisfaction. Dow, if

you pass any more of your jests upon me Ilild. With all my heart. I shall grow angry.

[Throws snuff into his eyes. Hild. I humbly beg your permission to break Smug. Oh, murder, blindness, tire! Oh, madam,

[Strikes hin. madam, get me some water. Water, fire, fire, Smug. Oh, lord, sir, you'll break my bones ! | water !

[Erit with LUREWELL. Are you mad, sir? murder, felony, manslaughter! Hild. Ilow pleasant is resenting an injury

Wildair knocks him down without passion! Tis the beauty of revenge. Wild, Sir, I beg you ten thousand pardons; Let statesmen plot, and under business groan, but I am absolutely compelled to it, upon my And, settling public quiet, lose their own; honour, sir : nothing can be more averse to my Læt soldiers drudge and fight for pay or fame, inclinations, than to jest with my honest, dear, For when they're shot, I think 'tis much the loving, obliging friend, the Alderman.

[Striking him all this while: Smuggler tumbles Let scholars vex their brains with mood and

over and over, and shakes out his pocket-book tensc,
on the floor ; LưREWELL enters, and takes And, mad with strength of reason, fools com-
it up.]

Lure. The old rogue's pocket-book; this may | Losing their wits in searching after sense;.
be of use. [ Aside.] Oh, lord, Sir Ilarry's murder- Their summum bonum they must toil to gain,
ing the poor old man.

And, seeking pleasure, spend their life in pain. Smug. Oh, dear madam, I was beaten in jest, I make the most of lite, no hour mispend; till I am murdered in good earnest.

Pleasure's the mean, and pleasure is my end. Lure. Well, well, I'll bring you off, Senior- No splecu, no trouble shall my time destrov: Frappez, frapper !

Life's but a span ; I'll ev'ry inch enjoy. (Exit.

one or two more.

[ocr errors][ocr errors]


[ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors]


va me tocate

, ta cirallenreiz I hope you don't

SCENE I.-The Street,

of a bride-groom, repeating these lines:

A mistress ne'er can pall her lover's jovs,
Enter STANDARD und Vizand.

Whose wit can wbet, whene'er her beauty cloys.

Stand. A mistress ne'er can pall! By all my Stanil. I BRING hin word where she lodg wrongs he whores her, and I am made their ed; I the civilest rival in the world? 'Tis im- property!- Vengeance-lizard, you must carry possible.

a note for me to Sir Ilarry. l'iz. I shall urge it no farther, sir. I only thought, sir, that my character in the world design to fight. might add authority to my words, without so Stand. What, wear the livery of my king, many repetitions.

and pocket an affront? Twere an abuse to Stand. Pardon me, dear Vizard. Our belief bis sacred Majesty: a soldier's sword, l'izard, struggles hard, before it can be brought to yield should start of itself to redross its master's to the disadvantage of what we love; 'tis so great an abuse to our judgment, that it mahes the Piz. However, sir, I think it not proper

for faults of our chvice our own failing. But what

me to carry any such message between friends. said sir Harry?

Stund. I have ne'er a servant here; what shall l'iz. lle piticed the poor credulous colonel, I do? laughed heartily, flew away with all the raptures Tiz. There's Tom Errand, the porter, that


[ocr errors][ocr errors]
[ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors]

say 1.

[ocr errors]


[ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors]

plies at the Blue Posts, one who knows Sir Harry , ball--for I'll be a mighty beau. Then, as I said, and his haunts very well; you may send a note go to some ball, or some bear-baiting—'tis all by him.

one, you know then, comes a tine Italian Stand. Here, you, friend!

[Calling. bona roba, and plucks me by the sleeve : Signior l'iz. I have now some business, and must take angie, Signior Angle-She's a very fine lady, obmy leave ; I would advise you, nevertheless, serve that -- Signior Angle, says she ignora, against this affair.

says I, and trips after her to the corner of a Stand. No whispering now, nor telling of street, suppose it Russel-street, here, or any other friends, to prevent us.

He that disappoints a street; then, you know, I must invite her to the man of an honourable revenge, may love him fool- tavern; I can do no less --There up comes ishly like a wife, but never value him as a friend. her bravo; the Italian grows saucy, and I give l'iz. Nay, the devil take him that parts you,

inim an English dowse o' the face : I can box, {È.cit. sir, box tightly; I was a 'prentice, sir-But,

then, sir, he whips out his stilev, and I whips Enter Porter, running.

out my buil-dog-slaps him through, trips down Err. Did your honour call porter?

stairs, turus the corner of Russel-street again, Stand. Is your name Tom Errand ?

and whips me into the auubassador's train, and Err. People call me so, an't like your worship. there I'm safe as a beau beluind the scenes. Stand. D'ye know sir Harry Wildair?

Hitd. Is your pistol charged, sir ! Err. Ay, very well, sir; he's one of my best Clm. sen. Only a brace of bullets, that's all, masters; many a round halt-crown have I had of his worship; he's vewly come home from

Wild. 'Tis a very fine pistol, truly; pray, let
France, sir,

me see it.
Stund. Go to the next cofiee-house, and wait Cun, sen. With all my heart, sir.
for me.

-Oh, woman, woman, how blessed is Mud. Ilark'e, Mr Jubilee, can you digest a man when favoured by your smiles, and how

brace of buliets?
accursed when all those smiles are found but Clin. sen, Oh, by no means in the world, sir.
wanton baits to sooth us to destruction !

Il vid. I'll try the strength of your stomach,
Thus, our chief joys with buse allays are cursed, however. Sir, you're a dead man.
And our best things, when once corrupted, worst.

[Presenting the pistot to his breust, [Errunt.

Clin. sen. Consider, dear sir, I am going to Enter Wilpair, and Clincuen senior following dead man at your service.

the Jubilee : when I come home agam, I am a Clin. sen. Sir, sir, sir! having some business Wild. Oh, very well, sir; but take heed you of importance to cominunicate to you, I would are not choleric for the future. beg your attention to a iritling affair that I would Chn. sen. Choleric, sir! Uons, I design to impart to your understanding.

shoot seven Italians in a week, sir, Wild. What is your tritling business of impor

Ilird. Sir, you won't have provocation. tance, pray, sweet sir?

Clin. sen. Provocation, sir? Zauns, sir, I'll kill Clin. sen. Pray, sir, are the roads deep be any man for treading upon my corns; and there tween this and Paris ?

will be a devilish throng of people there; they Wild. Why that question, sir?

say that all the princes of Italy will be there. Clin. sen. Berause I design to go to the Ilid. And all the tops and tiddlers in EuJubilee, sir; I understand that you ve a traveller, rope.

-But the use of your swimming-girdle,
sir; there is an air of travel in the tie op
your cravat, sir; there is indeed, sirul sup Clin. sen. Oh, lord, sir, that's easy. Suppose
pose, sir, you bought this face in Flanders? the ship's cast away; now, whilst other foolish

Bild. No, sir, this lace was made in Norway, people are busy at their prayers, I wip on my
Clin, sen. Norway, sir?

swimming-utrdie, clap a monthi's provision Wild. Yes, sir, of the shavings of deal-boards. my pochet, and sails me away, like an egg in a Clin. sen. That's very strange now, faith

duck's belly--- And harhee, sir, I bave a new proLace made of the shavings of deal boards ! 'Eyad, ject in my head : where d'ye link my swimmingsir, you travellers see very strange things abroad, girdle shall carry me upon this occasion? 'Tis a very incredible things abroad, indeed. Well, I'll new project: have a cravat of the very same lace before I Wild. Where, sir? come home.

Clin. sen. To Civita Vecchia, faith and troth, Wild. But, sir, what preparations have you and so save the charges of my passage. Well, made for your journey?

sir, you must pardon me now; I'm going to sce Clin. sen. A case of por ket-pistols for the bra- my mistress.

Erit, voes, and a swimming-girdle.

lled. This fellow's an accomplished ass before Wild. Why these, sir?

he goes abroad. Well, this Angelica has got into Clin. sen. Oh, lord, sir, I'll tell you ---Sup- ny leart, and I can't get her out of my head.pose us in Rome, now; away goes I to some I inust pay her t’other visit.


[ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors]

pray, sir?

[ocr errors][merged small]


[ocr errors]

SCENE II.-LADY DARLING's house. this seal my pardon; (Kisses her hand.] and this

(Aguin.] initiate me to farther happiness. Enter ANGELICA,

Ang. Hold, sir--one question, sir Harry, and Ang. Unhappy state of woman! whose chief pray, answer plainly—D'ye love me? virtue is but ceremony, and our much boasted Wild. Love you! Does fire ascend? Do hymodesty but a slavish restraint. The strict con- pocrites dissemble? Usurers love gold, or great finement on our words makes our thoughts ram men flattery? Doubt these, then question that I ble more; and what preserves our outward love. fame, destroys our inward quiet. 'Tis hard that Ang. This shews your gallantry, sir, but not love should be denied the privilege of hatred; your love. that scandal and detraction should be so much Wild. View your own charms, madam, then indulged, yet sacred love and truth debarred our judge my passion; your beauty ravishes my eye, conversation.

your voice my ear, and your touch has thrilled Enter DARLING, Clincher junior, and Dicky.

my melting soul.

Ang. If your words be real, 'tis in your power Lady Dar. This is my daughter, cousin. to raise an equal fame in me. Dick. Now, sir, remember your


scrapes. Wild. Nay, then, I seize.ca Clin. jun. (saluting ANGELICA.] One, two, Ang. Hold, sir ! 'tis also possible to make me three, your humble servant. Was not that right, detest and scorn you worse than the most protiiDicky?

gate of your deceiving sex. Dick. Aye 'faith, sir; but why don't you Wild. Ha! A very odd turn this ! I hope, speak to her?

madam, you only affect anger, because you know Clin. jun. I beg your pardon, Dicky; I know your frowns are becoming. my distance. Would you have me speak to a dng. Sir Harry, you being the best judge of lady at the first sight?

your own designs, can best understand whether Dick. Aye, sir, by all means; the first aim is my anger should be real or dissembled ; think the surest.

what strict modesty should bear, then judge of Clin. jun. Now, for a good jest, to make her my resentment. laugh heartily-By Jupiter Ammon, I'll go Wild. Strict modesty should bear! Why, faith, give her a kiss.

[Goes towards her. madam, I believe, the strictest modesty may bear Enter WILDAIR, interposing.

fifty guineas, and I don't believe 'twill bear one

farthing more. Wild. 'Tis all to no purpose; I told you so Ang. What d’ye mean, sir? before; your pitiful five guineas will never do. Wild. Nay, madam, what do you mean, if You may go; I'll outbid you.

you go to that? I think, now, fifty guineas is a fine Clin. jun. What, the devil! the madman's here offer for your strict modesty, as you call it. again.

Ang. "I'is more charitable, sir Harry, to charge Lady Dar. Bless me, cousin, what d'ye mean? the impertinence of a man of your figure on his Affront a gentleman of his quality in my house? defect in understanding, than on his want of

Clin. jun. Quality Why, madam, I don't manners—I am afraid you're mad, sir. know what you mean by your madmen, and your Wild. Why, madam, you're enough to make beaux, and your quality--they're all alike, I be- any man mad. 'Sdeath, are you not alieve.

Ang. What, sir? Ludy Dar. Pray, sir, walk with me into the Wild. Why, a lady of-strict modesty, if you

will have it so. (Exit Lady Darling, leading CLINCHER. Ang. I shall never hereafter trust common reDicky following.)

port, which represented you, sir, a man of honour, Ang. Sir, if your conversation be no more a- wit, and breeding; for I find you very deficient greeable than 'twas the last time, I would advise in them all three.

Erit ANGELICA. you to make yonr visit as short as you can.

Wild. Now I find that the strict pretenWild. The offences of my last visit, madam, ces which the ladies of pleasure make to strict bore their punishment in the commission; and modesty, is the reason why those of quality are have made me as uneasy till I receive pardon, asy ashamed to wear it. your ladyship can be till I sue for it. Ang. Sir Harry, I did not well understand the

Enter VIZARD. offence, and must therefore proportion it the Viz. Ah, sir Harry! have I caught you? greatness of your apology; if you would, therc- Well, and what success? fore, have me think it light, take no great pains

Wild. Success ! 'Tis a shame for you young in an excuse.

fellows in town here to let the wenches grow so Wild. How sweet must the lips be that guard saucy. I offered her fifty guineas, and she was that tongue ! Then, madam, no more of past of- in hicr airs presently, and flew away in a huff. fences; let us prepare for joys to come. Let I could have had a brace of countesses in Paris

next room.

« 이전계속 »