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Smug. Oh, consider, madam, that I'm an alder- | honour, old satyr? Away with him! man!
(Hurry him of Lure. Consider, sir, that you're a compound Still may our sex thus frauds of men oppose ; of covetousness, hypocrisy, and knavery, and Still may our arts delude these tempting foes. must be punished accordingly. You must be in May honour rule, and never fall betrayed, petticoats, gouty monster! must ye? You must But vice be caught in nets for virtue laid. buss and guinea, too? you must tempt a lady's
Dar. Conduct him up. [Exit Servant.]
Daughter, I won't doubt your discretion.
(Erit Lady Darling. Dar. DAUGHTER, since you have to deal with a man of so peculiar a temper, you must not
Enter WILDAIR. think the general arts of love can secure him; Wild. Oh, the delights of love and Buryou may therefore allow such a courtier some gundy!
-Madam, I have toasted your ladyencouragement extraordinary, without reproach ship fifteen bumpers successively, and swallowto your modesty.
ed cupids like loches to every glass. Ang. I am sensible, madam, that a formal Ang. And what then, sir? nicety makes our modesty sit awkward, and Wild. Why, then, madam, the wine bas got inappears rather a chain to enslave, than a brace- to my head, and the cupids into my heart; and let to adorn us ; it should shew, when un- unless, by quenching quick my flatne, you kindly molested, easy and innocent as a dove, but ease the smart, I am a lost man, madam. strong and vigorous as a falcon, when assaulted. Ang. Drunkenness, sir Harry, is the worst
Dar. I'm afraid, daughter, you mistake sir pretence a gentleman can make for rudeness ;Harry's gaicty for dishonour.
for the excuse is as scandalous as the fault.Ang. Though modesty, madam, may wink, it Therefore, pray consider who you are so free must not sleep, when powerful enemies are with, sir; a woman of condition, that can call abroad. I must confess, that, of all men's, I half a dozen footmen upon occasion. would not see sir Harry Wildair's faults; nay, Wild. Nay, madam, if you have a mind to I could wrest his most suspicious words a thou- toss me in a blanket, half a dozen chambermaids sand ways, to make them look like honour. But, would do better service. Come, come, madam; madam, in spite of love, I must hate him, and though the wine makes me lisp, yet it has taught curse those practices which taint our nobility, me to speak plainer. By all the dust of my anand rob all virtuous women of the bravest cient progenitors
, I must this night rest in your men
Dar. You must certainly be mistaken, Ange- Ang. Nay, then- -who waits there? lica; for I'm satisfied sir Harry's designs are only
Enter Footmen. to court and marry you.
Ang. His pretence, perhaps, was such; but Take hold of that madman, and bind him. women, now, like enemies, are attacked; whether Wild. Nay, then, Burgundy's the word ; by treachery, or fairly conquered, the glory of slaughter will ensue. Hold-Do you know, the triumph is the same. Pray, madam, by what scoundrels, that I have been drinking victorious means were you made acquainted with his de- Burgundy?
Servants. We know you're drunk, sir. Dar. Means, child! Why, my cousin Vizard, Wild. Then, how bave you the i:npudence, who, l'ın sure, is your sincere friend, sent him. rascals, to assault a gentleman with a couple of He brought me this letter from my cousin. flasks of courage in his head? (Gives her the letter, which she opens.
Servants. We must do as our young
mistress Ang. Ha, Vizard !-then I'm abused in earnest commands us. -Would sir Harry, by his instigation, fix a base Wild. Nay, then, have among ye, dogs! affront upon me? No, I cannot suspect him of [Throws money among them; they scramble so ungenteel a crime-- This letter shall trace the and take it up: he, pelting them out, shuts truth. [Aside.My suspicions, madam, are the door, and returns.] much cleared, and I hope to satisfy your lady- Rascals, poltroons! I have charmed the dragon, ship in my management, when I next see sir and now the fruit's my own. Harry.
Ang. Oh, the mercenary wretches! This was
a plot to betray me. Enter Servant.
Wild. I have put the whole army to flight; Serv. Madam, here's a gentleman below, calls and now I'll take the general prisoner. himself Wildair,
(Laying hold on her. Vol. II.
Ang. I conjure you, sir, by the sacred name prayer-book for your virtue; a hundred guineas of honour, by your dead father's name, and the will buy a hundred fine things, and fine things fair reputation of your mother's chastity, that are for fine ladies, and fine ladies are for fine you offer not the least offence. Already you gentlemen, and fine gentlemen are- -'Egad, have wronged me past redress.
this Burgundy makes a man speak like an angel ! Wild. Thou art the most unaccountable crea- Come, come, madam, take it, and put it to what
use you please. Ang. What madness, sir Harry, what wild Ång. I'!I use it as I would the base unworthy dream of loose desire, cou prompt you to at- giver, thustempt this baseness ? View me well—the bright- (Throws down the purse, and stamps upon it. ness of my mind, methinks, should lighten out- Wild. I have no mind to meddle in state afwards, and let you see your mistake in my beha- fairs; but these women will make me a parliaviour. I think it shines with so much innocence ment-man in spite of my teeth, on purpose to in my face, that it should dazzle all your vicious bring in a bill against their extortion. She tramthoughts. Think not I am defenceless, because ples under foot that deity which all the world alone. Your very self is guard against yourself; adores Oh, the blooming pride of beautiful I'ın sure there's something generous in your soul : eighteen !
-Pshaw! I'll talk to her no longer; my words shall search it out, and eyes shall fire l'il make my market with the old gentlewoman; it for my own defence.
she knows business better - [Goes to the door.] Wild. (Mimicking.] Tal tidum, tidum, tal ti Here, you, friend : pray, desire the old lady to didi didum. A million to one, now, but this girl walk in -Hark'e, 'egad, madam, I'll tell your ✓ is just come flush from reading the Rival Queens! mother.
-'Egad, I'll at her in her own çant-Oh, my
Enter LADY DARLING. me-behold thy heau in buskins.
Lady Dar. Well, sir Harry, and how d’ye like Ang. Behold me, sir ; view me with a sober my daughter, pray? thought, free from those fumes of wine that Wild. Like her, madam Hark'e, will you throw ą mist before your sight, and you shall take it?-Why, faith, madam-Take the money, find that every glance from my reproaching eyes I say, or, egad, all's out. is armed with sharp resentment, and with a vir- Ang. All shall out-Sir, you're a scandal to tuous pride that looks dishonour dead.
the name of gentleman. Wild. This is the first whore in heroics that I Wild. With all my heart, madam-In short, have met with. (Aside.] Look ye, madam, as to madam, your daughter has used me somewhat that slender particular of your virtue, we sha'u't too familiarly, though I have treated her like a quarrel about it; you may be as virtuous as any woman of quality. woman in England, if you please; you may say Lady Dar. How, siri your prayers all the time. But, pray, madam, Wild. Why, madam, I have offered her a hunbe pleased to consider, what is this same virtue dred guineas. that you make such a mighty noise about, Lady Dar. A hundred guineas ! Upon what Can
your virtue bespeak you a front row in the boxes? No! for the players cannot live upon Wild. Upon what score! Lord, lord, how virtue. Can your virtue keep a coach and six. these old women love to hear bawdy! Why, No, no; your virtuous women walk on foot.-- | 'faith, madam, I have never a double entendre Can your virtue hire you a pew in the church? | ready at present; but I'll sing you a song. Why, the very sexton will tell you, No. Can
Behold the goldfinches, tal al de rall, your virtue stake for you at picquet? No. Then, what business has a woman with virtue? Come,
And a mun of my inches, tal al de rall,
You shall take them, believe me, tal all de rall, come, madam, I offered you fifty guineas ;there's a hundred- -The devil!
If you will give me your tall al de rall.
-virtuous still !Why, it is a hundred, five score, a hun- A modish minuçt, madam, that's all. dred guineas!
Lady Dar. Sir, I don't understand you. Ang. Oh, indignation! Were I a man, you Wild. Aye, she will have it plain terms durst not use me thus. But the mean, poor Then, madam, in downright English, I otiered abuse you throw on me, reflects upon yourself : your daughter a hundred guineas toour sex still strikes an awe upon the brave, and Ang. Hold, sir! stop your abusive tongue, too only cowards dare affront a woman.
loose for modest ears to bear Madam, I did Wild. Affront ! 'Sdeatlı, madam, a hundred before suspect that his designs were base; now guineas will set you up a bank at basset; a hun- they're too plain. This knight, this mighty man of dred guineas will furnish out your lodging with wit and humour, is made a tool to a huarechina ; a hundred guineas will give you an air of Vizard has sent hini on a bully's errand to afquality; a hundred guineas will buy you a rich es- front a woman; but ! scorn the abuse, and hun critoire for your billet-doux, or a fine common- that offered it.
Lady Dar. How, sir, come to affront us ! Ang. Consider what à tender flower is woo D'ye know who we are, sir?
man's reputation, which the least air of foul de Wild. Know who you are! Why, your daugh- traction blasts. ter there, is Mr Vizard's-cousin, I suppose. Wild. Yes, madam. (Bows to the other. And for you, madam- Now, to call her pro- Lady Dar. Call, then, to mind your rude and curess à-la-mode de France.—[ Aside.]J'estime scandalous behaviour. votre occupation
Wild. Right, madam:
[Bows again. Lady Dar. Pray, sir, speak English.
Ang. Reinember the base price you offered Wild. Then, to define her office á-la-mode de
[Erit. Londres. [Aside.] I suppose your ladyship to be Wild. Very true, madam. Was ever man so one of those civil
, obliging, discreet old gentle Ycatechized ? women, who keep their visiting days for the en- Lady Dar. Then, think, that Vizard--the villain tertainment of their presenting friends, whom Vizard-caused all this, yet lives: that's all : they treat with imperial tea, a private room, and farewell. a pack of cards. Now I suppose you do under- Wild. Stay, madam, [TO DARLING.) one stand me?
word; is there no other way to redress your Lady Dar. This is beyond sufferance! But wrongs, but by fighting? say, thou abusive man, what injury have you ever Lady Dar. Only one, sir; which, if you can received from me, or mine, thus to engage you think of, you may do; you know the business I in this scandalous aspersion ?
entertained you for. Ang. Yes, sir, what cause, what motives could Wild. I understand you, madam. [E.rit Darinduce you thus to debase yourself below your LING.] Here am I brought to a very pretty dirank?
lemma. I must commit murder, or commit maWild. Hey-day! Now, dear Roxana, and you, trimony; which is the best now? a licence froin my fair Statira, be not so very heroic in your Doctors Commons, or a sentence from the Old style: Vizard's letter may resolve you, and answer Bailey? --If I kill my man, the law hangs me; all the impertinent questions you have made me. if I marry iny woman, I shall hang myself
Lady Dar. & Ang. We appeal to that. But, damn it cowards dare fight :-I'll marry;
Wild. And I'll stand to it; he read it to me, that's the most daring action of the two___So, and the contents were pretty plain, I thought. my dear cousin Angelica, have at you. [Erit.
Ang. Here, sir, peruse it, and see how much we are injured, and you deceived.
SCENE II.- Newgate. Wild. [Opening the letter.] But, hold, madam, [To DARLING.] before I read I'll make
CLINCHER senior, solus. some conditions : Mr Vizard says here, that I Clin. sen. How severe and melancholy are won't scruple thirty or forty pieces. Now, ma- Newgate reflections ! Last week my father died; dam, if you have clapt in another cypher to the yesterday I turned beau; to-day I am laid by account, and made it threc or four hundred, the heels; and to-morrow shall be hung by the 'egad I'll not stand to it.
neck- - I was agreeing with a bookseller about Ang. Now, I cannot tell whether disdain or printing an account of my journey through France anger be the most just resentment for this in- and Italy; but now the history of my travels jury.
must be through Holborn to Tyburn-The Lady Darł. The letter, sir, shall answer you. last dying speech of beau Clincher, that was
Wild. Well, then—[Reads.]— Out of my ear- going to the Jubilee Come, a halfpenny anest inclination to serve your ladyship, and my piece'- A sad sound, a sad sound, faith ! 'Tis cousin Angelica -Aye, aye, the very words, I one way to have a man's death make a great can say it by heart— I have sent sir Harry noise in the world. Wildair toWhat the devil's this? Sent sir
Enter SMUOGLER and Guoler. Harry Wildair to court my cousin'—He read to me quite a different thing– He's a gentleman of Smug. Well, friend, I have told you who I am: great parts and fortune-He's a son of a whore so, send these letters into Thaines Street, as diand a rascal — And would make your daughter rected: they are to gentlemen that will bail me. very
happy (Whistles.) in a husband.'-[ Looks (Erit Gaoler.] Eh ! this Newgate is a very pofoolish and hums a song ] Oh! poor sir Harry, pulous place! here's robbery and repentance in what have thy angry stars designed !
every corner- -Well, friend, what are you? Ang. Now, sir, I hope you need no instigation a cut-throat or a bum-bailiff! to redress our wrongs, since eveu the injury Clin. sen. What are you, mistress, a bawd or points the way,
a witch ? Hark'e, if you are a witch, d’ye see,
I'll Lady Dar. Think, sir, that our blood for many give you a hundred pounds to mount me on a generations has run in the purest chaunel of un- broom-staff
, and whip me away to the Jubilee. sullied honour.
Smug. The Jubilee ! O, you young rake-hell, Wild. Ay, madam
[Boas to her. what brought you here?
Clin. sen. Ah, you old rogue, what brought | SCENE III.—Changes to LADY DARLING's you here, if you go to that?
house. Smug. I knew, sir, what your powdering, your prinking, your dancing, and your frisking, would
Enter WiLDAIR, with letters ; Servants follow
ing. Clin. sen. And I knew what your cozening, your extortion, and your smuggling would come to. Wild. Here, fly all around, and bear these as
Smug. Ay, sir, you must break your inden- directed; you to Westminster, you to St. James's, tures, and run to the devil in a full-bottom wig, and you into the city. Tell all my friends, a bridemust you?
groom's joy invites their presence. Look all of Clin. sen. Ay, sir, and you must put off your ye like bridegrooins also : all appear with hosgravity, and run to the devil in petticoats- pitable looks, and bear a welcome in your faces. You design to swing in masquerade, master, d'ye? Tell them I am married. If any ask to whom,
Smug. Ay, you must go to the plays, too, sir- make no reply; but tell them, that I'm married; rah: Lord, lord ! what business has a 'prentice that joy shall crown the day, and love the night. at a play-house, unless it be to hear his master Begone, fly! made a cuckold, and his mistress a whore? It is
Enter Standar.D. ten to one now, but some malicious poet has my character upon the stage within this month : 'tís A thousand welcomes, friend; my pleasure's now a hard matter, now, that an honest sober man complete, since I can share it with my friend : cannot sin in private for this plaguy stage. I gave brisk joy shall bound from me to you: then back an honest gentleman five guineas myself towards again; and, like the sun, grow warmer by rewriting a book against it; and it has done no flection, good, we see.
Stand. You're always pleasant, sir Harry; Clin. sen. Well, well, master, take courage ! but this transcends yourself: whence proceeds Our comfort is, we have lived together, and shall it? die together; only with this difference, that I Wild. Canst thou not guess, my friend? have lived like a fool, and shall die like a knave, Whence flows all earthly joy? What is the life and you have lived like a knave, and shall die of man, and soul of pleasure? Woman.like a fool.
What fires the heart with transport, and the Smug. No, sirrah! I have sent a messenger soul with raptures ?-Lovely woman. What for my clothes, and shall get out immediately, is the master-stroke and smile of the creation, and shall be upon your jury by and by
but charming, virtuous woman?--When nature, prayers, you rogue, to prayers.
[Erit. in the general composition, first brought woman Člin. sen. Prayers ! 'it is a hard taking when a forth, like a flushed poet, ravished with his fancy, man must say grace to the gallows--Ah, this with ecstasy it blest the fair production !cursed intriguing! Had I swung handsomely in a Methinks, my friend, you relish not my joy. What silken garter now, I had died in my duty; but is the cause to hang in hemp, like the vulgar, it is very un- Stund. Canst thou not guess ?-What is the genteel.
hane of man, and scourge of life, but woman?
What is the heathenish idol man sets up, and is Enter Tom ERRAND,
damned for worshipping? Treacherous woman.A reprieve! a reprieve! thou dear, dear- What are those, whose eyes, like basilisks, shine damned rogue. Where have you been? Thou beautiful for sure destruction, whose smiles are art the most welcomc-son of a whore-dangerous as the grin of fiends, but false, deluwhere's my clothes ?
ding woman ?-Woman, whose composition inErr. Sir, I see where mine are. Come, sir, verts humanity; their bodies heavenly, but their strip, sir, strip!
souls are clay. Člin. sen. What, sir, will you abuse a gentle- Wild. Come, come, colonel, this is too much : man?
I know your wrongs received from Lurewell may Err. A gentleman! Ha, ha, ha !-d'ye know excuse your resentment against her. But it is where you are,
sir? We're all gentlemen here. 1 unpardonable to charge the failings of a single stand up for liberty and property. Newgate's a woman upon the whole sex,
I have found one, commonwealth. No courtier has business among whose virtues us. Come, sir.
Stand. So have I, sir Harry; I have found Clin. sen. Well, but stay; stay till I send for one whose pride's above yielding to a prince. my own clothes : I shall get out presently. And if lying, dissembling, perjury and falsehood,
Err. No, no, sir, I'll ha' you into the dun- be no breaches in a woman's honour, she is as geon, and uncase you.
innocent as infancy. Clin. sen. Sir, you cannot master me, for I Wild. Well, colonel, I find your opinion grows am twenty thousand strong.
stronger by opposition; I shall now, therefore, [Ercant, struggling. wave the argument, and only beg you, for this
day, to make a shew of complaisance at least. | brother, or devil, I will go to the Jubilee, by Here comes my charming bride.
Stand. Go to the jubilee! go to the bear-garEnter LADY DARLING and ANGELICA,
den.—The travel of such fools as you doubly Stand. [Saluting Angelica.] I wish you, injures our country : you expose our native madam, all the joys of love and fortune, follies, which ridicule us among strangers, and Enter Clincher junior.
return fraught only with their vices, which you
vend here for fashionable gallantry: a travelling Clin, Gentlemen and ladies, I'm just upon fool is as dangerous as a home-bred villain. Get the spur, and have only a minute to take you to your native plough and cart, con
verse with animals like yourselves, sheep and Wild. Whither are you bound, sir?
oxen : men are creatures you don't understand. Clin. Bound, sir! I am going to the Jubilee, Wild. Let them alone, colonel, their folly will sir.
be now diverting. Come, gentlemen, we'll disLady Dar. Bless me, cousin! how came you pute this point some other time; I hear some by these clothes ?
fiddles tuning ; let's hear how they can entertain Clin. Clothes ! ha, ha, ha! the rarest jest ! us. [A servant enters, and whispers WILDAIR. ha, ha, ha! I shall burst, by Jupiter Ammon, I Wild. Madam, shall I beg you to entertain shall bursta
company in the next room for a moment? Lady Dar. What's the matter, cousin ?
[TO LADY DARLING. Clin. The matter! ha, ha, ha! Why an ho- Lady Dar. With all my heart-Come, gentlenest porter, ha, ha, ha! has knocked out my
[Exeunt all but WildAIR. brother's brains, ha, ha, ha!
Wild. A lady to inquire for me! Who can Wild. A very good jest, i'faith, ha, ha, ha! this be?
Clin. Ay, sir, but the jest of all is, he knocked out his brains with a hammer, and so he is as
Enter LUREWELL. dead as a door-nail, ha, ha, ha!
Oh, madam, this favour is beyond my expectaLady Dar. And do you laugh, wretch ? tion- to come, uninvited, to dance at my
Clin. Laugh! ha, ha, ha! let me see e'er a wedding.- What d'ye gaze at, madam? younger brother in England that won't laugh at Lure. A monster-If thou'rt married, thou'rt such a jest.
the most perjured wretch that e'er avouched Ang. You appeared a very sober, pious gentle- deceit. man some hours ago.
Wild. Ileyday! Why, madam, I'm sure I never Clin. Pshaw! I was a fool then : but now, swore to marry you: I made, indeed, a slight madam, I'm a wit; I can rake now. As for promise, upon condition of your granting me a your part, madam, you might have had me small favour; but you would not consent, you once; but now, madam, if you should fall to know. eating chalk, or gnawing the sheets, it is none Lure. How he uphraids me with my shame! Can of my fault. Now, madam—I have got an estate, you deny your binding vows, when this appears and I must go to the Jubilee.
a witness against your falsehood? (Shews a ring:]
Methinks the motto of this sacred pledge should Enter CLINCHER senior in a blanket.
flash confusion in your guilty face-Read, read Clin. sen. Must you so, rogue, must ye? You here, the binding words of Love and Honour ! will go to the Jubilee, will you?
words not unknown to your pertidious tongue, Clin. jun. A ghost ! a ghost! Send for the though utter strangers to your treacherous heart. dean and chapter presently.
Wild. The woman's stark staring mad, that's Clin. sen. A ghost! No, no, sirrah, I'm an certain. elder brother, rogue.
Lure. Was it maliciously designed to let me Clin. jun. I don't care a farthing for that ; I'm find my misery when past redress; to let me sure you're dead in law.
know you, only to know you false? Had not Clin. sen. Why so, sirrah, why so ?
cursed chance shewed me the surprising motto, Clin. jun. Because, sir, I can get a fellow to I had been happy-The first knowledge I swear he knocked out your brains.
had of you was fatal to me, and this second Wild. An odd way of swearing a man out of worse. his life!
Wild. What the devil is all this ! Madam, l'ın Clin. jun. Smell him, gentlemen; he has a not at leisure for raillery at present, I have deadly scent about him. —
weighty affairs upon my hands ; the business Clin. sen. Truly the apprehensions of death may of pleasure, madam : any other timehave made me savour a little. O, lord ! the colo
(Going nel! The apprehension of him may make the sa- Lure. Stay, I conjure you, stav. Pour worse, I'ın afraid.
Wild. 'Faith, I can't, my bride expects me; Clin. jun. In short, sir, were you a ghost, or but hark'e, when the honey-moon is over, about