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a month or two hence, I may do you a small fav- Lure. Answer me first : did not you receive

[Erit. this ring about twelve years ago ? Lure. Grant me some wild expressions, Hea- Stand. I did. vens, or I shall burst ! Woman's weakness, man's Lure. And were not you about that time enfalsehood, my own shame, and love's disdain, at tertained two nights at the house of sir Oliver once swell up my breast-Words, words, or I Manly, in Oxfordslite? shall burst!.

[Going Stand. I was, I was. (Runs to her, and em

braces her.] The blest remembrance fires my soul Enter STANDARD.

with transport I know the rest—you are

the charming she, and I the happy man. Stand. Stay, madam, you need not shun my Lure. How has blind fortune stumbled on the sight; for, if you are perfect woman, you have right! But, where have you wandered since ? confidence to outface a crime, and bear the 'Twas cruel to forsake me. charge of guilt without a blush.

Stand. The particulars of my fortune are too Lure. The charge of guilt! What, making a tedious now: but, to discharge myself from the fool of you? I've done it, and glory in the act : stain of dishonour, I must tell you, that immethe height of female justice were to make you diately upon my return to the university, my elder all hang or drown : dissembling to the prejudice brother and I quarrelled: my father, to prevent of men is virtue; and every look, or sign, or farther mischief, posts me away to travel : I smile, or tear, that can deceive, is meritorious. wrote to you from London, but fear the letter

Stand. Very pretty principles, truly! If there came not to your hands. be truth in woman, 'tis now in thee. Come, Lure. I never had the least account of you by madam, you know that you're discovered, and, letter or otherwise. being sensible that you cannot escape, you Stand. Three years I lived abroad, and at my would now turn to bay. That ring, madam, pro- return found you were gone out of the kingdom, claims you guilty.

though none could tell me whither : missing you Lurë. o, monster, villain! perfidious villain! thus, I went to Flanders, served my king till the Has he told you?

peace commenced; then, fortunately going on Stand. I'll tell it you, and loudly, too. board at Amsterdam, one ship transported us

Lure. O, name it not !-Yet, speak it out; 'tis both to England. At the first sight I loved, though so just a punishment for putting faith in man, ignorant of the hidden cause that I will bear it all; and let credulous inaids, member, madam, that, talking once of marriage, that trust their honour to the tongues of men, I told you I was engaged; to your dear self i thus hear the shame proclaimed. Speak now, meant. what his busy scandal, and your improving ma- Lure. Then, men are still most generous and lice, both dare utter.

brave—and, to reward your truth, an estate of Stand. Your falsehood can't be reached by ma- three thousand pounds a-year waits your accept-. lice nor by satire ; your actions are the justest ance; and, if I can satisfy you in my past conlibel on your fame; your words, your looks, your duct, and the reasons that engaged me to deceive tears, I did believe in spite of common fame. all men, I shall expect the honourable performNay, 'gainst mine own eyes, I still maintained ance of your promise, and that you will stay with your truth. I imagined Wildair's boasting of me in England. your favours to be the pure result of his own va- Stand. Stay! Nor fame nor glory e'er shall nity : at last he urged our taking presents of part us more. My honour can be nowhere more him; as a convincing proof of which, you yester- concerned than here. day, from him, received that ring, which ring, that I might be sure he gave it, I lent him for that Enter WildAIR, ANGELICA, and both Clixpurpose. Lure. Ha !

you

lent it him for that purpose ! Oh! sir Harry, fortune has acted miracles toStand. Yes, yes, madam, I lent it him for that day : the story's strange and tedious, but all purpose No denying it-I know it well, for amounts to this that woman's mind is charmI have worn it long, and desire you now, madam, ing as her person, and I am made a convert, to restore it to the just owner.

too, to beauty. Lure. The just owner! Think, sir, think but Wild. I wanted only this to make my pleasure of what importance 'tis to own it: if you have perfect. And now, madam, we may dance and love and honour in your soul, 'tis then most just- sing, and love and kiss in good carnest. ly yours ; if not, you are a robber, and have stolen it basely.

A dance here. After the dance, enter SMUGStand. Ha !-your words, like meeting fints, have struck a light to shew me something strange Smug. So, gentlemen and ladies, I'm glad to

-But tell me instantly, is not your real name find you so merry; is my gracious nephew among Manly!

You may re

CHERS.

GLER.

ye?

Wild. Sir, he dares not shew his face among , merchandising; among the rest, the counterpart such honourable company; for your gracious ne- of an agreement with a correspondent at Bourphew is

deaux, about transporting French wine in SpaSmug. What, sir ? Have a care what you say. nish casks. First, return this lady all her writWild. A villain, sir.

ings; then I shall consider whether I shall lay Smug. With all my heart. I'll pardon you the your proceedings before the parliament or not, beating me for that very word. And pray, sir whose justice will never suffer your smuggling to Harry, when you see him next, tell him this go unpunished. news from me, that I have disinherited him- Smug. Oh, my poor ship and cargo ! that I will leave him as poor as a disbanded

.quar

Clin. sen. Hark'e, master, you had as good ter-master. And this is the positive and stiff re- come along with me to the Jubilee now. solution of threescore and ten; an age that sticks Ang. Come, Mr Alderman, for once let a as obstinately to its purpose, as to the old fashion woman advise : Would you be thought an honest of its cloak.

man, banish covetousness, that worst gout of age:. Wild. You see, madam, [To Angel.) how avarice is a poor, pilfering quality of the soul, industriously fortune has punished his offence to and will as certainly cheat, as a thief would steal. you.

Would you be thought a reformer of the times, Ang. I can scarcely, sir, reckon it an offence, be less severe in your censures, less rigid in your considering the happy consequence of it. precepts, and more strict in your example.

Smug. Oh, sir Harry, he is as hypocritical- Wild. Right, madam; virtue flows freer from

Lure. As yourself, Mr Alderman. low fares imitation than compulsion; of which, colonel, my good old nurse, pray, sir?

your conversion and mine are just examples. Smug. O, madam, I shall be even with

you

be- In vain are musty morals taught in schools, fore I part with your writings and money, that I By rigid teachers, and as rigid rules, have in my hands.

Where virtue with a frowning aspect stands, Stand. A word with you, Mr Alderinan; do And frights the pupil from its rough commands: you know this pocket-book?

But womanSmug. O lord, it contains an account of all my Charming woman can true converts make, secret practices in trading. [Aside.] How came We love the precept for the teacher's sake. you by it, sir?

Virtue in them appears so bright, so gay, Stand. Sir Harry, here, dusted it out of your We hear with transport, and with pride obey. pocket at this lady's house yesterday. It con

[Exeunt omneșe bains an account of some secret practices in your

THE

INCONSTANT:

OR,

THE WAY TO WIN HIM.

BY

FARQUHAR,

DRAMATIS PERSONE.

son.

MEN.

WOMEN. OLD MIRABELL, an aged gentleman, of an odd | Oriana, a lady contracted to MIRABELL, who

compound, between the peevishness incident to would bring him to reuson. his years, and his fatherly fondness towards his BISARRE, a whimsical lady, friend to ORIANA,

admired by DU RETETE. Young MIRABELL, his son, the Inconstant. LAMORCE, a woman of contrivance. CAPTAIN DURETETE, an honest good-natured Four Bravoes, two Gentlemen, and two Ladies,

fellow, that thinks himself a greater fool than Soldiers, Servants, and Attendants.

he is. Dugard, brother to ORIANA. Petit, servant to DUGARD, afterwards to his

sister.

Scene-Paris.

ACT I.

SCENE I.-The Street.

Pet. And I four. Enter Dugard, and his man Petit, in riding miliarity! When abroad, you had some freedom

Dug. How now, sir, at your old travelling fahabits.

for want of better company; but among my Dug. SIRRAH, What's a clock ?

friends at Paris, pray remember your distancePet. Turned of eleven, sir.

Begone, sir! [Exit Petit.) This fellow's wit was Dug. No more! We have rid a swinging pace necessary abroad, but he's too cunning for a dofrom Nemours, since two this morning! Petit, mestic; I must dispose of him some way else. run to Rousseau's, and bespeak a dinner at a Who's here? Old Mirabell, and my sister! my louis-d'or a-head, to be ready by one.

dearest sister! Pet. How many will there be of you,

sir?

Enter Old MIRABELL and ORIANA. Dug. Let me see; Mirabell one, Duretete two, myself, three

Ori. My brother ! Welcome,

you with

Dug. Monsieur Mirabell! I'm heartily glad to strong as Hercules, life and spirit in abundance. see you.

Before Gad, I don't wonder at these men of quaOld Mir. Honest Mr Dugard ! by the blood of lity, that their own wives can't serve them. A the Mirabells, I'm your most humble servant. Louis-d'or a head ! 'Tis enough to stock the

Dug: Why, sir, you've cast your skin, sure; whole nation with bastards, 'tis faith. Mr Dugard, you're brisk and gay; lusty health about you; no I leave

your

sister. [Erit Old Min. sign of age but your silver hairs.

Dug. Well, sister, I need not ask you how you Old Mir. Silver hairs ! Then, they are quick- do, your looks resolve me; fair, tall, well-shaped; silver hairs, sir. Whilst I have golden pockets, you're almost grown out of my remembrance. let my hairs be silver an they will. Adsbud, sir, Ori. Why, truly, brother, I look pretty well, I can dance, and sing, and drink, and---no, i thank nature and my toilet; I have 'scaped the can't wench. But, Mr Dugard, no news of my jaundice, green-sickness, and the small-pox; I sou Bob in all your travels ?

eat three meals a day, am very merry, when up, Dug. Your son's come home, sir.

and sleep soundly, when I'm down. Old Mir. Come home! Bob conie home! By Dug. But, sister, you remember, that upon my the blood of the Mirabells, Mr Dugard, what say ye? going abroad, you would chuse this old gentleOri. Mr Mirabell returned, sir !

man for your guardian; he's no more related to Dug. He's certainly come, and you may see

our family, than Prester John, and I have no reahim within this hour or two.

son to think you mistrusted my management of Old Mir. Swear it, Mr Dugard; presently your fortune: therefore, pray be so kind as to swear it.

tell me, without reservation, the true cause of Dug. Sir, he came to town with me this morn-making such a choice? ing; I left him at the Bagnieurs, being a little Orii Look'e, brother, you were going a rambdisordered after riding, and I shall see him again ling, and 'twas proper, lest I should go a rambpresently.

ling too, that somebody should take care of me. Old Mir. What! And he was ashamed to ask Old monsieur Mirabell is an honest gentleman, a blessing with his boots on? A nice dog! Well, was our father's friend, and has a young lady in and how fares the young rogue, ha?

his house, whose company I like, and who has Duy. A fine gentleman, sir. He'll be his own chosen him for her guardian, as well as I. messenger.

Dug. Who, mademoiselle Bisarre? Old Mir. A fine gentleman! But is the rogue Ori. The saine; we live merrily together, like me, still?

without scandal or reproach; we make much of Dug. Why, yes, sir; he's very like his mo- the old gentleman between us, and he takes care ther, and as like you as most modern sons are to of us; we eat what we like; go to bed, when we their fathers.

please; rise, when we will; all the week we Old Mir. Why, sir, don't you think that I be- dance and sing, and, upon Sundays, go first to gat him?

church, and then to the play. Now, brother, Dug: Why, yes, sir; you married his mother, besides these motives for chusing this gentleman and be inherits your estate. He's very like you, for my guardian, perhaps I had some private reaupon my word.

Ori. And pray, brother, what's become of his Dug. Not so private as you imagine, sister; honest companion, Duretete?

your love to young Mirabell's no secret, I can Dug. Who, the captain? the very same, he assure you, but so public, that all your friends went abroad; he's the only Frenchman I ever are ashamed on't. knew, that could not change. Your son, Mr Mi- Ori. O' my word, then, my friends are very rabell, is more obliged to nature for that fellow's bashful; thongh I'm afraid, sir, that those peocomposition, than for his own: for he's more ple are not ashamed enough at their own crimes, happy in Duretete's folly, than his own wit. In who have so many blushes to spare for the faults short, they are as inseparable as finger and of their neighhours. thumb; but the first instance in the world, I be- Dug. Aye, but, sister, the people say lieve, of opposition in friendship.

Ori. Pshaw, hang the people! they'll talk Old Mir. Very well; will he be home to din treason, and prophanie their Maker; inust we, ner, think ye?

therefore, infer, that our king is a tyrant, and reDug. Sir, he has ordered me to bespeak a din-ligion a cheat? Look'e, brother, their court of fer for us at Rousseau's, at a Louis-d'or a head. enquiry is a tavern, and their informer, claret:

Old Mir. A Louis-d'or a head! well said, they think as they drink, and swallow reputaBob; by the blood of the Mirabells, Bob's im- tions like loches; a lady's health goes briskly proved. But, Mr Dugard, was it so civil of Bob round with the glass, but her honour is lost in the to visit Monsieur Rousseau before his own natural toast. father? Eh! harkee, Oriana, what think you, Dug. Aye, but, sister, there is still sonienow, of a fellow, that can eat and drink ye a thingwhole Louis-d'or at a sitting? He must be as Ori. If there be something, brother, 'tis none Vol. II.

2 X

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of the people's something; marriage is my thing, here's ten guineas for thee; get thyself a drugget and I'll stick to't.

suit, and a puff wig, and so I dub thee gentleDug. Marriage! Young Mirabell marry! man-usher. 'Sister, I must put myself in repair ; lle'll build churches sooner. Take heed, sister, you may expect me in the evening-wait on your though your honour stood proof to his home- lady home, Petit. bred assaults : you must keep a stricter guard

[Exit DUGARD. for the future : he has now got the foreign air, Pet. A chair, a chair, a chair ! and the Italian softness; his wit's improved by Ori. No, no; I'll walk home, 'tis but next converse ; his behaviour finished by observation; door. and his assurance confirmed by success. Sister,

[Ereunt. I can assure you, he has made his conquests ; and 'tis a plague upon your sex, to be the soonest SCENE II.-A tavern, discovering young Mideceived by those very men, that you know have

RABELL and DU RETETE rising from table. been false to others.

Ori. Then why will you tell me of his con- Mir. Welcome to Paris once more, my dear quests? for, I must confess, there is no title to a captain; we have eat heartily, drank roundly, woman's favour so engaging as the repute of a paid plentifully, and let it go for once. I liked handsome dissimulation; there is something of every thing but our women, they looked so lean a pride to see a fellow lie at our feet, that has and tawdry, poor creatures ! 'tis a sure sign the triumphed over so many; and then, I don't army is not paid. Give me the plump Venetian, know, we fancy he must have something extraor- brisk and sanguine, that smiles upon me like the dinary about him to please us, and that we have glowing sun, and meets my lips like sparkling something engaging about us to secure him; so wine, her person shining as the glass, and spirit we can't be quiet till we put ourselves upon the like the foaming liquor. lay of being both disappointed.

Dur. Ah, Mirabell! Italy I grant you ; but for Dug. But then, sister, he's as fickle

our women here in France, they are such thin Ori. For God's sake, brother, tell me no more brawn-fallen jades, a man may as well make a of his faults ; for, if you do, I shall run mad for bed-fellow of a cane chair. him: say no more, sir; let me but get him into Mir. France! A light unseasoned country, the bands of matrimony, I'll spoil his wandering, nothing but feathers, foppery, and fashions; I warrant him; I'll do his business that way, ne- we're fine indeed, so are our coach-horses: men ver tear.

say we're courtiers; inen abuse us; that we are Dug. Well, sister, I won't pretend to under- wise and politic, non credo seigneur : that our stand the engagements between you and your women have wit; parrots, mere parrots. Assulover; I expect, when you have need of my rance and a good memory sets them up: there's counsel or assistance, you will let me know inore nothing on this side the Alps worth my humble of your affairs. Mirabell is a gentleman, and, as service t'ye-Ha, Poma la Santa! Italy for my far as my honour and interest can reach, you money; their customs, gardens, buildings, paintmay command me to the furtherance of your ings, music, policies, wine and women! the parahappiness: in the mean time, sister, I have a dise of the world; not pestered with a parcel of great mind to make you a present of another precise, old gouty fellows, that would de bar their humble servant; a fellow, that I took up at Ly- children every pleasure, that they themselves are

who has served me honestly ever since. past the sense of: commend me to the Italian Ori. Then, why will you part with him? familiarity: Here, son, there's fifty crowns, go pay

Dug. He has gained so insufferably on my your whore her week's allowance. good humour, that he's grown too familiar; but Dur. Aye, these are your fathers for you, that the fellow's cunning, and may be serviceable to understand the necessities of young men; not you in your affair with Mirabell. Here he like our musty dads, who, because they cannot

fish themselves, would muddy the water, and spoil the sport of them that can.

But now you Enter Petit.

talk of the plump, what d'ye think of a Dutch

woman? Well , sir, bave you been at Rousseau's ?

Mir. A Dutch woman's too compact; nay, Pet. Yes, sir; and who should I find there, every thing among them is so. A Dutch man is buit Mr Mirabell and the captain, hatching as thick; a Dutch woman is squab; a Dutch horse warmly over a tub of ice, as two hen-pheasants is round; a Dutch dog is short; a Dutch ship is over a brood—they would not let me bespeak broad-bottomed ; and, in short, one would swear any thing, for they had dined before I came. the whole product of the country were cast in

Dug. Come, sir, you shall serve my sister; I the same mould with their cheeses. shall still continue kind to you; and, if your la- Dur. Aye, but, Mirabell, you have forgot the dy recoinmends your diligence upon trial, i'll use English ladies. my interest to advance you; you have sense Mir. The women of England were excellent, enough to expect preferment. Here, sirrah, I did they not take such insufferable pains to ruin

ons,

comes.

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