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SCENE I.-An Inn in Madrid.

ACT. I.

Enter TRAPPANTI, alone, talking to himself. INDEED, my friend Trappanti, thou'rt in a very thin condition; thou hast neither master, meat, nor money: not but, couldst thou part with that unappeaseable itch of eating, too, thou hast all the ragged virtues that were requisite to set up an ancient philosopher: contempt and poverty, kicks, thumps, and thinking, thou hast endured with the best of them; but-when fortune turns thee up to hard fasting, that is to say, positively not eating at all, I perceive thou art a downright dunce, with the same stomach, and no more philosophy, than a hound upon horse-flesh-Fasting's the devil!--Let me see-this, I take it, is the most frequented inn about Madrid, and if a keen guest or two should drop in now-Hark!

Host. [Within.] Take care of the gentlemen's horses there; see them well rubbed and littered. Trap. Just alighted! if they do but stay to eat now! Impudence assist me. Ha! a couple of pretty young sparks, faith!

VOL. II.

Enter HYPOLITA and FLORA in men's habits, a Servant with a portmanteau.

Trap. Welcome to Madrid, sir; welcome, sir! Flo. Sir, your servant!

Ser. Have the horses pleased your honour? Hyp. Very well indeed, friend. Prithee, set down the portmanteau, and see that the poor creatures want nothing: they have performed well, and deserve our care.

Trap. I'll take care of that, sir. Here, ostler! [Exeunt TRAP. and Servant. Flo. And pray, madam, what do I deserve, that have lost the use of my limbs to keep pace with you? 'Sheart! you whipped and spurred like a foxhunter its a sign you had a lover in view: I'm sure my shoulders ache as if I had carried my horse on them.

Hyp. Poor Flora! thou art fatigued indeed! but I shall find a way to thank thee for't.

Flo. Thank me, quotha! Egad, I shan't be able to sit this fortnight. Well, I'm glad our journey's at an end, however; and now, madam,

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pray, what do you propose will be the end of our journey?

Hyp. Why, now, I hope the end of my wishes -Don Philip, I need not tell you how far he is in my heart.

Flo. No, your sweet usage of him told me that long enough ago; but now, it seems, you think fit to confess it: and what is it you love him for, pray?

Hyp. His manner of bearing that usage.

Flo. Ah, dear pride! how we love to have it tickled! But he does not bear it, you sec, for he's coming post to Madrid to marry another woman; nay, one he never saw.

Hyp. An unknown face cannot have very far engaged him.

Flo. How came he to be engaged to her at all?

Hyp. Why, I engaged him.

Flo. To another!

Flo. Well said again! that was a clincher.Ah, had not you better been at confession?

Hyp. Why, really, I might have saved a long journey by it. To be short, when I came from church, Don Philip had left this letter at home for me, without requiring an answer- -Read it

Flo. [Reads.] Your usage has made me justly despair of you, and now, any change must better my condition; at least, it has reduced 'me to the necessity of trying the last remedy, marriage with another; if it prove ineffectual, I only wish you may, at some hours, remember 'how little cause I have given you to have made me for ever miserable. PHILIP.?

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Poor gentleman! very hard, by my conscience! Indeed, madam, this was carrying the jest a little too far.

Hyp. Ah, by many a long mile, Flora; but Hup. To my whole sex, rather than own I lo- what would you have a woman do, when her

ved him.

Flo. Ah, done like a woman of courage!

Hyp. I could not bear the thought of parting with my power; besides, he took me at such an advantage, and pressed me so home to a surrend-| er, I could have torn him piece-meal.

Flo. Ay, I warrant you, an insolent-agrecable puppy. Well, but to leave impertinence, madam, pray how came you to squabble with him? Hyp. I'll tell thee, Flora: you know Don Philip wants no charms that can recommend a lover; in birth and quality, I confess him my superior; and it is the thought of that has been a constant thorn upon my wishes. I never saw him in the humblest posture, but still I fancied he secretly presumed his rank and fortune might deserve me. This always stung my pride, and made me overact it: nay, sometimes, when his sufferings have almost drawn tears into my eyes, I have turned the subject with some trivial talk, or hummed a spiteful tune, though I believe his heart was breaking.

Flo. A very tender principle, truly! Hyp. Well, I don't know, it was in my nature. But to procced-this, and worse usage, continued a long time; at last, despairing of my heart, he then resolved to do a violence on his own, by consenting to his father's commands of marrying a lady of considerable fortune here in Madrid.The match is concluded, articles are sealed, and the day is fixed for his journey. Now, the night before he set out, he came to take his leave of in hopes, I suppose, I would have staid him. I need not tell you my confusion at the news; and though I could have given my soul to have deferred it, yet, finding him, unless I bade him stay, resolved upon the marriage, I (from the pure spirit of contradiction) swore to myself I would not bid him do it; so called for my veil, and told him I was in haste, begged his pardon, your servant, and so whipped to prayers.

me,

hand's in?

Flo. Nay, the truth of it is, we never know the difference between enough and a surfeit; but, love be praised, your proud stomach's come down for it.

Hyp. Indeed, it is not altogether so high as it was. In a word, his last letter set me at my wit's end; and when I came to myself, you may remember you thought me bewitched; for I immediately called for my boots and breeches, a straddle we got, and so rode after him.

Flo. Why, truly, madam, as to your wits, I have not much altered my opinion for them, for I cannot see what you propose by it.

Hyp. My whole design, Flora, lies in this portmanteau, and these breeches. Flo. A notable design, no doubt! but, pray, let's hear it.

Hyp. Why, I do propose to be twice married between them. Flo. How

twice?

Hyp. By the help of the portmanteau, I intend to marry myself to Don Philip's new mistress; and then-I'll put off my breeches, and marry bim.

Flo. Now, I begin to take ye: but, pray, what's in the portmanteau, and how came you by it?

Hyp. I hired one to steal it from his servant at the last inn we lay at in Toledo. In it are jewels of value, presents to my bride, gold good store, settlements, and credential letters, to certify, that the bearer (which I intend to be myself) is Don Philip, only son and heir of Don Fernando de las Torres, now residing at Seville, whence we came,

Flo. A very smart undertaking, by my troth! And, pray, madam, what part am I to act?

Hyp. My woman still; when I cannot lie for myself, you are to do it for me, in the person of a cousin-german.

Flo. And my name is to beHyp. Don Guzman, Diego, Mendez, or what you please be your own goodfather.

Flo. 'Egad, I begin to like it mightily! this may prove a very pleasant adventure, if we can but come off without fighting, which, by the way, I don't easily perceive we shall; for, to be sure, Don Philip will make the devil to do with us when he finds himself here before he come h ther.

sir; why, they'll let you starve if you don't stir and call, and that like thunder, too— -Hey!

[Knocks. Hyp. Ha! you eat here sometimes, I presume, sir?

Trap. Umph! Aye, sir, that's as it happens→→ I seldom eat at home, indeed-things are genenerally, you know, so out of order there, thatDid you hear any fresh news upon the road, sir? Hyp. Only, sir, that the king of France lost a

Hyp. Oh, let me alone to give him satisfac-great horse-match upon the Alps t'other day. tion.

Flo. I'm afraid it must be alone, if you do give him satisfaction; for my part, I can push no more than I can swim.

Hyp. But can you bully upon occasion?
Flo. I can scold, when my blood's up.
Hyp. That's the same thing: bullying would
be scolding in petticoats.

Flo. Say ye so? Why, then, Don, look to yourself; if I don't give you as good as you bring, I'll be content to wear breeches as long as I live, though I lose the end of my sex by it. Well, madam, now you have opened the plot, pray, when is the play to begin?

Hyp. I hope to have it all over in less than four hours: we'll just refresh ourselves with what the house affords, comb out our wigs, and wait upon my father-in-law-How now! what would this fellow have?

Enter TRAPPANTI.

Trap. Servant, gentlemen; I have taken nice eare of your nags; good cattle they are, by my troth! right and sound, I warrant them; they deserve care, and they have had it, and shall have it, if they stay in this house. I always stand by, sir; see them rubbed down with my own eyes- -Catch me trusting an ostler-I'll give you leave to fill for me, and drink for me, too. Flo. I have seen this fellow somewhere. Trap. Hey-day! what, no cloth laid? was ever such attendance! Hey, house! tapster! landlord! hey! [Knocks.] What was it you bespoke, gentlemen?

Hyp. Really, sir, I ask your pardon; I have almost forgot you.

Trap. Pshaw! dear sir, never talk of it; I live here hard by-I have a lodging-I cannot call it a lodging, neither-that is, I have a―― Sometimes I am here, and sometimes I am there; and so, here and there, one makes shift, you know. Hey! will these people never come? [Knocks. Hyp. You give a very good account of yourself, sir.

Trap. Oh, nothing at all, sir. Lord, sir—was it fish or flesh, sir?

Flo. Really, sir, we have bespoke nothing yet. Trap. Nothing! for shame! it's a sign you are young travellers. You don't know this house,

Trap. Ha! a very odd place for a horse-race but the king of France may do any thing-did you come that way, gentlemen? or-Hey!

Enter HOST.

Host. Did you call, gentlemen?

[Knocks.

Trup. Yes, and bawl, too, sir. Here, the gentlemen are almost famished, and nobody comes near them. What have you in the house, now, that will be ready presently?

Host. You may have what you please, sir.
Hyp. Can you give us a partridge?
Host. Sir, we have no partridges; but we'll
get you what you please in a moment. We have

a very good neck of mutton, sir; if you please, it
shall be clapped down in a moment.

Hyp. Have you no pigeons or chickens? Host. Truly, sir, we have no fowl in the house at present; if you please, you may have any thing else in a moment.

Hyp. Then, prithee, get us some young rab

bits.

Host. Upon my word, sir, rabbits are so scarce, they are not to be had for money. Flo. Have you any fish?

Host. Fish, sir! I drest yesterday the finest dish that ever came upon a table; I am sorry we have none left, sir; but if you please, you may have any thing else in a moment.

Trap. Pox on thee! hast thou nothing but any thing else in the house?

Host. Very good mutton, sir.
Hyp. Prithee get us a breast, then.

Host. Breast! don't you love the neck, sir?
Hyp. Have ye nothing in the house but the

neck?

Host. Really, sir, we don't use to be so unprovided; but at present we have nothing else left.

Trap. Faith, sir, I don't know but a nothing else may be very good meat, when any thing else is not to be had.

Hyp. Then, prithee, friend, let's have thy neck of mutton before that is gone, too.

Trap. Sir, he shall lay it down this minute; I'll see it done, gentlemen; I'll wait upon ye presently; for a minute I must beg your pardon, and leave to lay the cloth myself. Hyp. By no means, sir.

it.

Trup. No ceremony, dear sir! Indeed I'll do [Exeunt HOST and TRAPPANTI.

Hyp. What can this familiar puppy be? Flo. With much ado, I have recollected his face. Don't you remember, madam, about two or three years ago, Don Philip had a trusty servant, called Trappanti, that used now and then to slip a note into your hand as you came from church?

Hyp. Is this he, that Philip turned away for saying I was as proud as a beauty, and homely enough to be good humoured?

Flo. The very same I assure ye; only, as you see, starving has altered his air a little.

Hyp. Poor fellow! I am concerned for him. What makes him so far from Seville?

Flo. I am afraid all places are alike to him. Hyp. I have a great mind to take him into my service; his assurance may be useful, as my case stands.

Flo. You would not tell him who you are? Hyp. There's no occasion for it—I'll talk with him.

Enter TRAPPANTI.

Trap. Your dimmer's upon the spit, gentlemen, and the cloth is laid in the best room-Are you not for a whet, sir? What wine? what wine? hey!

Flo. We give you trouble, sir.

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Enter HOST.

Come, fill out-hold-let me taste it first-Ye blockhead, would ye have the gentleman drink before he knows whether it be good or not? [Drinks.] Yes, 'twill do-Give me the bottle, I'll fill myself. Now, sir, is not that a glass of right wine? Hyp. Extremely good, indeed-But, sir, as to my question.

Trap. I'm afraid, sir, that mutton won't be enough for us all.

Hyp. Oh, pray sir, bespeak what you please. Trap. Sir, your most humble servant—— Here, master! prithee, get us a-ha! ay, get us a dozen of poached eggs-a dozen, dy'e hear-just to-pop down a little.

Host. Yes, sir. Trap. Friend

[Going.

-let there be a little slice of

bacon to every one of them. Hyp. But, sir

Trap. 'Odso! I had like to have forgot▬▬ here a-Sancho, Sancho! Ay, is not your name Sancho?

Host. Diego, sir.

Trap. Oh, ay, Diego; that's true, indeed, Diego. Umph!

Hyp. I must e'en let him alone; there's no putting in a word till his mouth's full.

Trap. Come, here's to thee, Diego-[Drinks

Trap. Not in the least, sir-Hey! [Knocks. and fills again.] That I should forget thy name,

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Hyp. No ceremony, dear sir! upon my word you shall.

Trap. Upon my soul you'll make me leave gentlemen.

ye,

Hyp. Come, come, no words; prithee, you shall.

Trap. Psha! but why this among friends, now? Here have ye any right Galicia?"

Host. The best in Spain, I warrant it.

Trap. Let's taste it; if it be good, set us out half a dozen bottles for dinner.

Host. Yes, sir. [Exit HOST. Flo. Who says this fellow's a starving now? On my conscience, the rogue has more impudence than a lover at midnight.

Hyp. Hang him, 'tis inoffensive; I'll humour him- -Pray, sir, (for I find we are like to be better acquainted, therefore, I hope you won't take my question ill

Trap. Oh, dear sir!

Hyp. What profession may you be of?

Trap. Profession, sir-I-I-'Ods me? here's wine.

though.

Host. No great harm, sir.

Trap. Diego, ha! a very pretty name, faith -I think you are married, are you not, Diego? Host. Ay, ay, sir.

Trap. Ha! how many children?

Host. Nine girls and a boy, sir.

Trap. Ha! nine girls-Come, here's to thee again, Diego-Nine girls! a stirring woman, I dare say; a good housewife, ha, Diego? Host. Pretty well, sir.

Trap. Makes all her pickles herself, I warrant ye- -Does she do olives well?

Host. Will you be pleased to taste them, sir? Trap. Taste them! hum! prithee, let's have a plate, Diego.

Host. Yes, sir.

Hyp. And our dinner as soon as you please, sir: when it's ready, call us. Host. Yes, sir. [Erit HOST. Hyp. But, sir, I was asking you of your profession.

Trap. Profession! really, sir, I don't use to profess much I am a plain-dealing sort of a man: if I say I'll serve a gentleman, he may depend upon me.

Flo. Ilave you ever served, sir?
Trap. Not these two last campaigns.
Hyp. How so?

Trap. Some words with my superior officer; I was a little too free in speaking my mind to him. Hyp. Don't you think of serving again, sir?

Trap. If a good post fall in my way. Hyp. I believe I could help you-Pray, sir, when you served last, did you take pay or wages? Trap. Pay, sir!Yes, sir, I was paid, cleared, subsistence and arrears, to a farthing.

Hyp. And your late commander's name was—
Trap. Don Philip de las Torres.
Hyp. Of Seville?
Trap. Of Seville.

You

Hyp. Sir, your most humble servant. need not be curious, for I am sure you don't know me, though I do you, and your condition, which, I dare promise you, I'll mend upon our better acquaintance: and your first step to deserve it, is to answer me honestly to a few questions. Keep your assurance still; it may do me service; I shall like you better for it. Come, here's to encourage you. [Gives him money. Trap. Sir, my humble service to you. Hyp. Well said.

Flo. Nay, I'll pass my word he sha'n't dwindle into modesty.

Trap. I never heard a gentleman talk better in my life. I have seen such sort of a face before; but where--I don't know, nor I don't care. It's your glass, sir.

Hyp. Grammercy! here, cousin. [Drinks to Flora.] Come now, what made Don Philip turn you out of his service? why did you leave him? Trap. 'Twas time, I think; his wits had left him-the man was mad. Hyp. Mad!

Trap. Ay, stark mad――in love.
Hyp. In love! how, pray?

Trap. Very deep-up to the ears-over head -drowned by this time-he would in-I would have had him stopped when he was up to the middle.

Hyp. What was she he was in love with?
Trap. The devil.

Hyp. So, now for a very ugly likeness of my own face. [Aside.] What sort of a devil? Trap. The damning sort

Hyp. Had she no name?

a woman.

Trap. Her Christian name was Donna Hypolita, but her proper name was Shittlecock.

Flo. How dy'e like that?

[Aside to HYP.

Hyp. Pretty well. [Aside to FLO.] Was she

handsome?

Trap. Umph

-So, so.

Flo. How dy'e like that?

[To HYP.

Hyp. Umph-so, so. [To FLo.] Had she

wit?

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[Exit TRAP.

{They retire.

Flo. You seem concerned; who is it? Hyp. My brother Octavio, as I live!-Come this way.

Enter OCTAVIO and a Servant.

Oct. Jasper, run immediately to Rosara's woman; tell her I am just come to town; slip that note into her hand, and stay for an answer. Flo. 'Tis he!

Re-enter HOST, conducting Dox PHILIP.

Host. Here, sir, please to walk this way.
Flo. And Don Philip, by Jupiter!

D. Phi. When my servant comes, send him to me immediately.

Host. Yes, sir.

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