you love sir Solomon, and lay up your tenderness | be the man that is to marry her, you know there for him. may be no harm done yet. Wish. Oh, ridiculous! How can so sad a wretch give you the least uneasy thought? I loath the very sight of him. Sir Sol. Damned, infernal strumpet!-I can bear no longer-Lights, lights, within there! [Siezes her. Wish. Ah! [Shrieks] Who's this? Help! murder! Sir Sol. No, traitress, don't think to escape me; for, now I've trapped thee in thy guilt, I could find in my heart to have thee flead alive, thy skin stuffed, and hung up in the middle of Guildhall, as a terrible consequence of cuckoldom to the whole city-Lights there! Enter LADY SADLIFE, with a light. Lady Sad. Oh, Heavens! what's the matter? [SIR SOLOMON looks astonished. Ha! what do I see? My servant on the floor, and sir Solomon offering rudeness to her! Oh, I I can't bear it! Oh! [Falls into a chair. Sir Sol. What has the devil been doing here? Lady Sad. This the reward of all my virtue Oh, revenge, revenge! Sir Sol. My dear, my good, virtuous, injured dear, be patient; for here has been such wicked doings Lady Sad. Oh, torture! Do you own it, too? 'Tis well my love protects you. But for this wretch, this monster, this sword shall do me justice on her. [Runs at WISHWELL with SIR SOLOMON's Sir Sol. Oh, hold, my poor mistaken dear! Lady Sad. How! I'm glad to find he dares not own 'twas his jealousy of me [Aside. Wish. [Kneeling.] Dear madam, I hope your ladyship will pardon the liberty I took in your absence, in bringing my lover into your ladyship's chamber; but I did not think you would come home from prayers so soon; and so I was forced Wish. Yes, it was he indeed, madam. Sir Sol. [Aside.] I must not let the jade be turned away, for fear she should put it in my wife's head that I hid myself to discover her ladyship, and then the devil would not be able to live in the house with her. you. Wish. Now, sir, you know what I can tell of [Aside to SIR SOL. Sir Sol. Mum-that's a good girl; there's a guinea for you. Lady Sad. Well, upon your intercession, my dear, I'll pardon her this fault. But pray, mistress, let me hear of no more such doings. I am so disordered with this fright-Fetch my prayerbook; I'll endeavour to compose myself. [Erit LADY SAD. and WISH. Sir Sol. Ay, do so; that's my good dearWhat two blessed escapes have I had! to find myself no cuckold at last, and, (which had been equally terrible,) my wife not know I wrongfully suspected her!- -Well, at length I am fully convinced of her virtue and now, if I can but cut off the abominable expence, that attends some of her impertinent acquaintance, I shall shew myself a Machiavel. Re-enter WISHWELL. Wish. Sir, here's my lady Dainty come to wait upon my lady. Sir Sol. I'm sorry for't, with all my heartWhy did you say she was within? Wish. Sir, she did not ask, if she was; but she's never denied to her. Sir Sol. Gadso! why, then, if you please to leave her ladyship to me, I'll begin with her now. WISHWELL brings in LADY DAINTY. Lady Dain. Sir Solomon, your very humble servant. Sir Sol. Yours, yours, madam. Sir Sol. Where your ladyship very seldom is— at prayers. Enter LADY SADLIFE. Lady Sad. My dear lady Dainty! Lady Dain. Dear madam, I am the happiest to hide him in that closet: but my master sus-person alive in finding your ladyship at home. pecting the business, it seems, turned him out unknown to me, and then put himself there, and so had a mind to discover whether there was any harm between us; and so, because he fancied had been naught with him Sir Sol. So, now for a torrent of impertinence. Lady Sad. Your ladyship does me a great deal of honour. Sir Sol. Ay, my dear; and the jade was so confoundedly fond of me, that I grew out of all patience, and fell upon her like a fury. Lady Sad. Horrid creature! And does she think to stay a minute in the family after such impudence? Sir Sol. Hold, my dear!—for, if this should Lady Dain. I am sure I do myself a great deal of pleasure. I have made at least twenty visits to-day. Oh, I'm quite dead! not but my coach is very easy-yet so much perpetual motion, you know Sir Sol. Ah, pox of your disorder! If I had the providing your equipage, odzooks, you should mble to your visits in a wheel-barrow. [Aside, Lady Sad. Was you at my lady dutchess's? 3 L Lady Dain. A little while. Lady Sad. Had she a great circle? Lady Dain. Extreme-I was not able to bear the breath of so much company. Lady Sad. You did not dine there? Lady Dain. Oh, I can't touch any body's dinner but my own!—and I have almost killed myself this week, for want of my usual glass of Tokay, after my ortolans and Muscovy duck eggs. Sir Sol. 'Sbud, if I had the feeding of you, I'd bring you, in a fortnight, to neck-beef, and a pot of plain hub. [Aside. Lady Dain. Then I have been so surfeited with the sight of a hideous entertainment to-day, at my lady Cormorant's, who knows no other happiness, or way of making one welcome, than eating or drinking: for, though she saw I was just fainting at her vast limbs of butcher's meat, yet the civil savage forced me to sit down, and heaped enough upon my plate to victual a fleet for an East India voyage. Lady Sad. How could you bear it? Ha, ha! Does your ladyship never go to the play? marry me, depend upon it. Do that, and I'll trouble you no more. Sir Sol. This fellow's abominable! He'll certainly have her. [Aside. Lady Dain. There's no depending upon your word, or else I might; for the last time I saw you, you told me then, you would trouble me no more. Care. Ay, that's true, madam; but to keep one's word, you know, looks like a tradesman. Sir Sol. Impudent rogue! But he'll have her. [Aside. Care. And is as much below a gentleman as paying one's debts. Sir Sol. If he is not hanged first. [Aside. Care. Besides, madam, I considered that my absence might endanger your constitution, which is so very tender, that nothing but love can save it; and so I would e'en advise you to throw away your juleps, your cordials, and slops, and take me all at once. Lady Dain. No, sir; bitter potions are not to be taken so suddenly. Care. Oh, to choose, madam; for, if you stand my-making of faces, and kicking against it, you'll but increase your aversion, and delay the cure. Come, come; you must be advised. Lady Dain. Never, but when I bespeak it self; and, then, not to mind the actors; for it's common to love sights. My great diversion is, in a reposed posture, to turn my eyes upon the galleries, and bless myself to hear the happy savages laugh; or when an aukward citizen crowds herself in among us, 'tis an unspeakable pleasure to contemplate her airs and dress and they never 'scape me; for I am as apprehensive of such a creature's coming near me, as some people are when a cat is in the room. But the play is begun, I believe; and, if your ladyship has an inclination, I'll wait upon you. Lady Sad. I think, madam, we can't do better; and here comes Mr Careless most opportunely to squire us. [Pressing her. Lady Dain. What mean you, sir? Care. To banish all your ails, and be myself your universal medicine. [Aside. Sir Sol. Well said! he'll have her. Lady Dain. Impudent, robust man! I protest, did not I know his family, I should think his pa rents had not lived in chairs and coaches, but had used their limbs all their lives! Hu! hu! but I begin to be persuaded health is a great blessing. [Aside. Care. My limbs, madam, were conveyed to me before the use of chairs and coaches; and it Sir Sol. Careless! I don't know him; but my might lessen the dignity of my ancestors, not to wife does, and that's as well. Enter CARELESS. Care. Ladies, your servant. Seeing your coach at the door, madam, made me not able to resist this opportunity to-to-you know, madam, there's no time to be lost in love. Sir Solomon, your servant. use them as they did. Lady Dain. Was ever such a rude understanding, to value himself upon the barbarism of his forefathers! Indeed, I have heard of kings, that were bred to the plough, and, I fancy, you might descend from such a race; for you court as if you were behind one-Huh! huh! huh! To treat a woman of quality like an Exchange wench, and express your passion with your arms-unpolish Sir Sol. Oh, yours, yours, sir!- -A very im-ed man! pudent fellow; and I'm in hopes will marry her. Aside. Lady Dain. The assurance of this creature almost grows diverting all one can do, can't make him the least sensible of a discouragement. Lady Sad. Try what compliance will do; perhaps that may fright him. Lady Dain. If it were not too dear a remedy -One would almost do any thing to get rid of his company. Care. Which you never will, madam, till you Care. I was willing, madam, to take from the vulgar the only desirable thing among them, and shew you-how they live so healthy-for they have no other remedy. Lady Dain. A very rough medicine! huh! huh! Care. To those that never took it, it may seem so Lady Dain. Abandoned ravisher! Oh! Sir Sol. He has her! he has her strugg [Aside. Lady Dain. Leave the room, and see my face to one man, you see; and if we should both no more. Care. [Bows, and is going.] Lady Dain. And, hark ye, sir, no bribe; no mediations to my woman. Care. [Bows, and sighs.] Lady Dain. Thou profligate! to hug! to clasp ! to embrace, and throw your robust arms about me, like a vulgar and indelicate-Oh, I faint with apprehension of so gross an address! [She faints, and CARE, catches her. Care. Oh, my offended fair! [Exeunt SIR SOL, and LADY SAD. Enter CLARINDA and SYLVIA. Cla. Well, cousin, what do you think of your gentleman now? Syl. I fancy, madam, that would be as proper a question to ask you: for, really, I don't see any great reason to alter my opinion of him yet. Cla. Now I could dash her at once, and shew it her, under his own hand, that his name's Standfast, and he'll be here in a quarter of an hour. [Aside.] I vow I don't think I ought to refuse you any service in my power; therefore, if you think it worth your while not to be out of countenance when the colonel comes, I would advise you to withdraw now; for, if you dare take his own word for it, he will be here in three minutes, as this may convince you. [Gives a letter. Syl. What's here? a letter from colonel Standfast? Really, cousin, I have nothing to say to him-Mr Freeman's the person I'm concerned for, and I expect to see him here in a quarter of an hour. Cla. Then you don't believe them both the same person? Syl. Not by their hands or style, I can assure you, as this may convince you. [Gives a letter. Cla. Ha! the hand is different indeed-I scarce know what to think—and yet I'm sure my eyes were not deceived. Syl. Come, cousin, let's be a little cooler; 'tis not impossible but we may have both laughed at one another to no purpose-for I am confident they are two persons. Cla. I can't tell that, but I'm sure here comes one of them. Enter ATALL as COLONEL STANDFAST. Atall. Hey! Bombard, (there they are, faith!) bid the chariot set up, and call again about one or two in the morning- You see, madam, what 'tis to give an impudent fellow the least encouragement: I'm resolved now to make a night on't with you. Cla. I'm afraid, colonel, we shall have much ado to be good company, for we are two women have fancy to have you particular, I doubt you'd make but bungling work on't. Atall. I warrant you we will pass our time like gods: two ladies and one man! the prettiest set for Ombre in the universe--- Come, come! Cards, cards, cards! and tea-that I insist upon. Cla. Well, sir, if my cousin will make one, I won't baulk your good humour. [Turning SYL. to face him. Atall. Is the lady your relation, madam ?— I beg the honour to be known to her. Cla. Oh, sir, that I'm sure she can't refuse you-Cousin, this is colonel Standfast. [Laughs. Aside.] I hope now she's convinced. Atall. Your pardon, madam, if I am a little particular in my desire to be known to any of this lady's relations. [Salutes Syl. You'll certainly deserve mine, sir, by being always particular to that ladyAtall. Oh, madam !-Tall, lall. [Turns away, and sings. Syl. This assurance is beyond example. [Aside. Cla. How do you do, cousin? Syl. Beyond bearing-but not incurable. Aside. Cla. [Aside.] Now can't I find in my heart to give him one angry word for his impudence to me this morning! the pleasure of seeing my rival mortified, makes me strangely good-natured. Atall. [Turning familiarly to CLA.] Upon my soul, you are provokingly handsome to-day! Ay, Gad! why is not it high treason for any beautiful woman to marry? Cla. What, would you have us lead apes? Atall. Not one of you, by all that's lovely !— Do you think we could not find you better employment?Death! what a hand is here?—— Gad, I shall grow foolish! Cla. Stick to your assurance, and you are in no danger. Atall. Why, then, in obedience to your commands, prithee, answer me sincerely one que stion: How long do you really design to make me dangle thus? Cla. Why, really, I can't just set you a time; but when you are weary of your service, come to me with a sixpence and modesty, and I'll give you a discharge. Atall. Thou insolent, provoking, handsome tyrant! Cla. Come, let me go--this is not a very civil way of entertaining my cousin, methinks. Atall. I beg her pardon indeed. [Bowing to SYL.] But lovers, you know, madam, may plead a sort of excuse for being singular, when the favourite fair's in company-But we were talking of cards, ladies. Cla. Cousin, what say you? Syl. I had rather you would excuse me; I am a little unfit for play at this time. Atall. But pray, madam, why may you ask? Syl. I am too much disordered now to tell you. But, if I'm not deceived, I'm miserable! [Weeps. Atall. This is strange- How her concern transports me! Cla. Her fears have touched me, and half persuade me to revenge them-Come, cousin, be easy: I see you are convinced he is the same, and now I'll prove myself a friend. Syl. I know not what to think -my senses are confounded: their features are indeed the same; and yet there's something in their air, their dress, and manner, strangely different: but, be it as it will, all right to him in presence I disclaim, and yield to you for ever. Cla. No, cousin, believe it, both our senses cannot be deceived; he's individually the same; and, since he dares be base to you, he's miserable indeed, if flattered with a distant hope of me : I know his person and his falsehood both too well; and you shall see I will, as becomes your friend, resent it. Atall. What means this strangeness, madam? Cla. I'll tell you, sir; and, to use few words, know then, this lady and myself have borne your faithless insolence and artifice too long: but that you may not think to impose on me, at least, I desire you would leave the house, and from this moment never see me more. Atall. Madam! What! what is all this? For the devil take me For ever from thee, If I can divine what this riddle can be! Syl. Not moved! I'm more amazed. Atall. Pray, madam, in the name of common sense, let me know, in two words, what the real meaning of your last terrible speech was; and if I don't make you a plain, honest, reasonable answer to it, be pleased, the next minute, to blot my name out of your table-book, never more to be enrolled in the senseless catalogue of those vain coxcombs, that impudently hope to come into your favour. Cla. This insolence grows tedious: what end can you propose by this assurance? Atall. Hey-day! Syl. Hold, cousin- -one moment's patience : I'll send this minute again to Mr Freeman, and if he does not immediately appear, the dispute will need no farther argument. Atall. Mr Freeman! Who the devil's he? What have I to do with him? Syl. I'll soon inform you, sir. [Going, meets WISHWELL entering. Wish. Madam, here's a footman mightily out of breath, says he belongs to Mr Freeman, and desires very earnestly to speak with you. Syl. Mr Freeman! Pray bid him come inWhat can this mean? Atall. You'll see presently. Re-enter WISHWELL with FINDER. Cla. Ha! [Aside. Syl. Come hither, friend: do you belong to M Freeman? Fin. Yes, madam, and my poor master gives his humble service to your ladyship, and begs your pardon for not waiting on you, according to his promise; which he would have done, but for an unfortunate accident. Syl. What's the matter? Fin. As he was coming out of his lodgings to pay his duty to you, madam, a parcel of fellows set upon him, and said they had a warrant against him; and so, because the rascals began to be saucy with him, and my master knowing that he did not owe a shilling in the world, he drew to defend himself, and, in the scuffle, the bloody villains run one of their swords quite through his arm; but the best of the jest was, madam, that as soon as they got him into a house, and sent for a surgeon, he proved to be the wrong person; for their warrant, it seems, was against a poor scoundrel, that happens, they say, to be very like him, one Colonel Standfast. Atall. Say you so, Mr Dog?- -If your master had been here, I would have given him as much. [Gives him a box on the ear. Fin. Oh. Lord! pray, madam, save me--I did not speak a word to the gentleman.-Oh, the devil! this must be the devil in the likeness of my master. Syl. Is this gentleman so very like him, say you? Fin. Like, madam! ay, as one box on the ear is like to another; only I think, madam, my master's nose is a little, little higher. Atall. Now, ladics, I presume the riddle's solved.- -Hark you, where is your master, rascal? Fin. Master, rascal! Sir, my master's name's Freeman, and I'm a free-born Englishman; and I must tell you, sir, that I don't use to take such arbitrary socks of the face from any man that does not pay me wages; and so my master will tell you too, when he comes, sir. Syl. Will he be here, then? Fin. This minute, madam; he only stays to have his wound dressed. Atall. I'ın resolved I'll stay that minute out, if he does not come till midnight. Fin. A pox of his mettle!-when his hand's in, he makes no difference between jest and earnest, I find.-If he does not pay me well for this, 'egad he shall tell the next for himself. [Aside.] Has your ladyship any commands to my master, madam? Syl. Yes; pray give him my humble service; say I'm sorry for his misfortune; and if he thinks 'twill do his wound no harm, I beg, by all means, he may be brought hither immediately. Fin. 'Shah! his wound, madam! I know he does not value it of a rush; for he'll have the devil and all of actions against the rogues for false imprisonment, and smart-money- --Ladies, I kiss your bands▬▬Sir, I—nothing at all-[Exit. At. [Aside.] The dog has done it rarely! for a lie upon the stretch, I don't know a better rascal in Europe. Enter an Officer. confident rake in him to please me; but there is a modest sincerity in the other's conversation that's irresistible. Cla. For my part, I'm almost tired with his impertinence either way, and could find in my heart to trouble myself no more about him; and yet, methinks, it provokes me to have a fellow outface my senses. Sul. Nay, they are strangely alike, I own; but yet, if you observe nicely, Mr Freeman's features are more pale and pensive than the colonel's. Cla. When Mr Freeman comes, I'll be closer in my observation of him-in the mean time, let me consider what I really propose by all this rout I make about him: suppose (which I can never believe) they should prove two several men at last, I don't find that I'm fool. enough to think of marrying either of them; nor (whatever airs I give myself) am I yet mad enough to do worse with them-Well, since I don't design to come to a close engagement myself, then why should Offi. Ay! now I'm sure I'm right-Is not I not generously stand out of the way, and make your name Colonel Standfast, sir? At. Yes, sir; what then? Offi. Then you are my prisoner, sirAt. Your prisoner! who the devil are you? a bailiff? I don't owe a shilling. Offi. I don't care if you don't, sir; I have a warrant against you for high treason, and I must have you away this minute. At. Look you, sir, depend upon't, this is but some impertinent, malicious prosecution: you may venture to stay a quarter of an hour, I'm sure; I have some business here till then, that concerns me nearer than my life. Cla. Have but so much patience, and I'll satisfy you for your civility. Offi. I could not stay a quarter of an hour, madam, if you'd give me five hundred pounds. Sul. Can't you take bail, sir? Offi. Bail! no, no. Cla. Whither must he be carried! room for one that would? No, I can't do that, neither I want, methinks, to convict him first of being one and the same person, and then to have him convince my cousin that he likes me better than her-Ay, that would do! and to confess my infirmity, I still find (though I don't care for this fellow) while she has assurance enough to nourish the least hope of getting him from ine, I shall never be heartily easy till she's heartily mortified. [Aside. Syl. You seem very much concerned for the colonel's misfortune, cousin. Cla. His misfortunes seldom hold him long, as you may see; for here he comes. Enter ATALL as MR FREEMAN. Syl. Bless me! At. I am sorry, madam, I could not be more punctual to your obliging commands; but the accident that prevented my coming sooner, will, I Offi. To my house, till he's examined before the hope, now give me a pretence to a better welcouncil. Cla. Where is your house? Offi. Just by the secretary's office; every body knows Mr Lockum the messenger-Come, sir. At. I can't stir yet, indeed, sir. [Lays his hand on his sword. Offi. Nay, look you, if you are for that play— Come in, gentlemen; away with him. Enter Musqueteers, and force him off. Syl. This is the strangest accident: I am extremely sorry for the colonel's misfortune; but I am heartily glad he is not Mr Freeman. Cla. I'm afraid you'll find him so—I shall never change my opinion of him, till I see them face to face. Syl. Well, cousin, let them be two or one, I'm resolved to stick to Mr Freeman; for, to tell you the truth, this last spark has too much of the come than my last; for now, madam, [To CLAR.] your mistake's set right, I presume, and, I hope, you won't expect Mr Freeman to answer for all the miscarriages of Colonel Stand fast. Cla. Not in the least, sir; the colonel's able to answer for himself, I find; ha, ha! At. Was not my servant with you, madam? [To SYL. Syl. Yes, yes, sir, he has told us all. [Aside.] And I am sorry you have paid so dear for a proof of your innocence. Come, come, I'd advise you to set your heart at rest; for what I design, you'll find, I shall come to a speedy resolution in. At. Oh, generous resolution! Cla. Well, madam, since you are so tenacious of your conquest, I hope you'll give me the same liberty: and not expect, the next time you fall a crying at the colonel's gallantry to me, that my good nature should give you up my pretensions |