fellow; I come among you as an officer, to list soldiers, not as a kidnapper, to steal slaves. Cost. Mind that, Tummas. Plume. I desire no man to go with me but as I went myself; I went a volunteer, as you, or you may do; for a little time carried a musket, and now I command a company. Tho. Mind that, Costar. A sweet gentleman! Plume. 'Tis true, gentlemen, I might take an advantage of you; the king's money was in your pockets; my serjeant was ready to take his oath you were listed; but I scorn to do a base thing; you are both of you at your liberty. Cost. Thank you, noble captain! -'icod! I can't find in my heart to leave him, he talks so finely. Tho. Aye, Costar, would he always hold in this mind! Plume. Come, my lads, one thing more I'll tell you you're both young tight fellows, and the army is the place to make you men for ever: every man has his lot, and you have yours: what think you of a purse of French gold out of a monsieur's pocket, after you have dashed out his brains with the butt-end of your fire-lock? eh? Cost. Wauns! I'll have it. Captain-give me a shilling; I'll follow you to the end of the world. Tho. Nay, dear Costar! do'na: be advised. Plume. Here, my hero; here are two guineas for thee, as earnest of what I'll do farther for thee. Tho. Do'na take it; do'na, dear Costar! [Cries, and pulls back his arm. Cost. I wull-I wull-Waunds! my mind gives me that I shall be a captain myselfI take your money, sir, and now I am a gentle man. Plume. Give me thy hand, and now you and I will travel the world o'er, and command it wherever we tread-Bring your friend with you, if you can. [Aside. Cost. Well, Tummas, must we part? Tho. No, Costar, I cannot leave thee-Come, captain, I'll e'en go along, too; and if you have two honester, simpler lads in your company, than we two have been, I'll say no more. Plume. Here, my lad. [Gives him money.]– Now, your name? Tho. Tummas Appletree. Cost. Costar Pearmain. Plume. Well said, Costar! Born where? lads Over the hills and far away. Kite, take care of them. Enter KITE. [Exit. SCENE I.-The Market-place. ACT III. Enter PLUME and WORTHY. Wor, I CANNOT forbear admiring the equality of our two fortunes: we love two ladies; they meet us half way, and just as we were upon the point of leaping into their arms, fortune drops in their laps, pride possesses their hearts, a maggot fills their heads, madness takes them by the tails; they snort, kick up their heels, and away they run. Plume. And leave us here to mourn upon the shore-a couple of poor melancholy monstersWhat shall we do? Wor. I have a trick for mine; the letter, you know, and the fortune-teller. Plume. And I have a trick for mine. Plume. I'll never think of her again. Wor. No! Plume. No; I think myself above administering to the pride of any woman, were she worth twelve thousand a-year, and I han't the vanity to believe I shall gain a lady worth twelve hundred. The generous, good-natured Sylvia, in her smock, I admire; but the haughty and scornful Sylvia, with her fortune, I despise-What! sneak out of town, and not so much as a word, a line, a compliment! 'Sdeath! how far off does she live? I' go and break her windows. Wor. Ha, ha, ha! aye, and the window-bars, too, to come at her. Come, come, friend; no more of your rough military airs. Enter KITE. Kite. Captain, captain! Sir, look yonder, she's a-coming this way. 'Tis the prettiest, cleanest, little tit! Plume. Now, Worthy, to shew you how much Enter Rose, followed by her brother BULLOCK, Plume. Come hither, pretty maid! Plume. Nay, Worthy, that's not fair; market for yourself Come, child, I'll buy all you have. Rose. Then all I have is at your service. [Curtesies. Wor. Then must I shift for myself, I find. [Exit WoR. Plume. Let me see; young and tender you say? [Chucks her under the chin. Rose. As ever you tasted in your life, sir. Plume. Come, I must examine your basket to the bottom, my dear! Rose. Nay, for that matter, put in your hand; feel, sir; I warrant my ware is as good as any in the market. Plume. And I'll buy it all, child, were it ten times more. Rose. I can furnish you. Pume. Come, then, we won't quarrel about the price; they're fine birds-Pray, what's your name, pretty creature? home. one of these hussars eat up a ravelin for his breakfast, and afterwards pick his teeth with a palisado. Bul. Ay, you soldiers see very strange things; but pray, sir, what is a rabelin?" Kite. Why, 'tis like a modern minced pie, but the crust is confounded hard, and the plumbs are somewhat hard of digestion. Bul. Then your palisado-pray what may he be? Coine, Ruose, pray ha' done. Kite. Your palisado is a pretty sort of bodkin, about the thickness of my leg. Bul. That's a fib, I believe. [Aside.] Eh! where's Ruose? Ruose, Ruose! S'flesh! where's Ruose gone? Kite. She's gone with the captain. Bul. The captain! wouns! there's no pressing of women, sure. Kite. But there is, sure. Bul. If the captain shoul'd press Ruose, I should be ruined- Which way went she? Oh! the devil take your rabelins and palisadoes! [Exit BUL. Kite. You shall be better acquainted with them, honest Bullock, or I shall miss of my aim. Enter WORTHY. Wor. Why thou art the most useful fellow in nature to your captain; admirable in your way, I find. Kite. Yes, sir, I understand my business, I will say it. Wor. How came you so qualified? Kite. You must know, sir, I was born a gipsy, and bred among that crew, till I was ten years Rose. Rose, sir. My father is a farmer within old; there, I learned canting and lying: I was three short miles o' the town: we keep this mar-bought from my mother Cleopatra by a certain ket; I sell chickens, eggs, and butter, and my nobleman for three pistoles; there, I learned imbrother Bullock, there, sells corn. pudence and pimping: I was turned off for Bul. Come, sister, haste; we shall be late wearing my lord's linen, and drinking my lady's [Whistles about the stage. ratafia, and turned bailiff's follower; there, Plume. Kite! [Tips him the wink, he returns I learned bullying and swearing: I at last got it.] Pretty Mrs Rose-you have; let me see; into the army; and there, I learned whoring and how many? drinking-so that if your worship pleases to cast up the whole sum, viz. canting, lying, impudence, pimping, bullying, swearing, whoring, Bul. Come, Ruose; I sold fifty strake of bar-drinking, and a halberd, you will find the sum ley to-day in half this time; but you will higgle total amount to a recruiting serjeant. and higgle for a penny more than the commodity Wor. And pray, what induced you to turn is worth. soldier? Rose. A dozen, sir, and they are richly worth a crown. Kite. Hunger and ambition. The fears of Rose. What's that to you, ‘oaf? I can make as much out of a groat as you can out of four-starving, and hopes of a truncheon, led me along pence, I'm sure-The gentleman bids fair, and when I meet with a chapman I know how to make the best of him-And so, sir, I say, for a crown-piece, the bargain's yours. to a gentleman with a fair tongue, and fair periwig, who loaded me with promises; but, 'gad, it was the lightest load that ever I felt in my life- He promised to advance me, and indeed he did so-to a garret in the Savoy. I asked him why he put me in prison? he called me lying dog, and said I was in garrison; and indeed 'tis a garrison that may hold out till doom[Goes off, she follows him.sday before I should desire to take it again, Kite. So, sir, as I was telling you, I have seen But here comes Justice Balance, Plume. Here's a guinea, my dear! Rose. I can't change your money, sir. Plume. Indeed, indeed, but you can- my lodging is hard by, chicken! and we'll make change there. Enter BALANCE and BULLOCK. Bal. Here you, serjeant, where's your captain? here's a poor foolish fellow comes clamouring to me with a complaint, that your captain has pressed his sister. Do you know any thing of this matter, Worthy? Wor. Ha, ha, ha! I know his sister is gone with Plume to his lodging to sell him some chickens. Bal. Is that all? the fellow's a fool. Bul. I know that, an't like your worship; but if your worship pleases to grant me a warrant to bring her before your worship for fear of the worst. Bal. Thou'rt mad, fellow; thy sister's safe enough. Kite. I hope so, too. [Aside. Wor. Hast thou no more sense, fellow, than to believe, that the captain can list women? Bul. I know not whether they list them, or what they do with them; but I'm sure they carry as many women as men with them out of the country. Bal. But how came you not to go along with your sister? Bul. Lord, sir, I thought no more of her going, than I do of the day I shall die but this gentleman here, not suspecting any hurt neither, I believe-you thought no harm, friend, did you? Kite. Lack-a-day, sir, not I—only that I believe I shall marry her to-morrow. Bal. I begin to smell powder. Well, friend, but what did that gentleman with you? Bul. Why, sir, he entertained me with a fine story of a great sea-fight between the Hungarians, I think it was, and the wild Irish. Kite. And so, sir, while we were in the heat of battle the captain carried off the baggage. Bal. Serjeant, go along with this fellow to your captain, give him my humble service, and desire him to discharge the wench, though he has listed her. Bul. Ay, and if she ben't free for that, he shall have another man in her place. Kite. Come, honest friend. You shall go to my quarters, instead of the captain's. [Aside. [Exeunt KITE and BULLOCK. Bal. We must get this mad captain his complement of men, and send him packing, else he'll over-run the country. Wor. You see, sir, how little he values your daughter's disdain. Bal. I like him the better: I was just such another fellow at his age-But how goes your affair with Melinda? Wor. Very slowly. My mistress has got a captain, too; but such a captain!—as I live, yonder he comes! Bal. Who, that bluff fellow in the sash? I don't know him. Wor. But I engage he knows you, and every body, at first sight; his impudence were a prodigy, were not his ignorance proportionable. He has the most universal acquaintance of any man living, for he won't be alone, and nobody will keep him company twice: then he's a Cæsar among the women—veni, vidi, vici, that's all. If he has but talked with the maid, he swears he has lain with the mistress: but the most surprising part of his character is his memory, which is the most prodigious, and the most trifling, in the world. Bal. I have known another acquire so much by travel, as to tell you the names of most places in Europe, with their distances of miles, leagues, or hours, as punctually as a post-boy; but, for any thing else, as ignorant as the horse that carries the mail. Wor. This is your man, sir; add but the traveller's privilege of lying, and even that he abuses: this is the picture; behold the life. Enter BRAZEN. Braz. Mr Worthy, I'm your servant, and so forth-Hark'e, my dear! Wor. Whispering, sir, before company, is not manners; and, when nobody's by, 'tis foolish. Braz. Company! mort de ma vie ! I beg the gentleman's pardon-who is he? Wor. Ask him.. Braz. So I will. My dear! I am your servant, and so forth-Your name, my dear! Bal. Very laconic, sir. Braz. Laconic! a very good name, truly! I have known several of the Laconics abroadPoor Jack Laconic! he was killed at the battle of Landen. I remember, that he had a blue ribband in his hat that very day, and after he fell, we found a piece of neat's tongue in his pocket. Bal. Pray, sir, did the French attack us, or we them, at Landen? Braz. The French attack us! Oons, sir, are you a jacobite ? Bal. Why that question? Braz. Because none but a jacobite could think that the French durst attack us-No, sir, we attacked them on the-I have reason to remember the time, for I had two-and-twenty horses killed under me that day. Wor. Then, sir, you must have rid mighty hard. Bal. Or, perhaps, sir, like my countrymen, you rid upon half a dozen horses at once. Braz. What do ye mean, gentlemen? I tell you they were killed, all torn to pieces by cannon-shot, except six I staked to death upon the enemy's chevaux de frise. Bal. Noble captain! may I crave your name? Bal. Oh, Brazen! a very good name. I have known several of the Brazens abroad. Wor. Do you know one captain Plume, sir? Braz. Is he any thing related to Frank Plume in Northamptonshire?-Honest Frank! many, many a dry bottle have we cracked hand to fist. You must have known his brother Charles, that was concerned in the India Company; he married the daughter of Old Tonguepad, the master in Chancery, a very pretty woman, only she squinted a little; she died in child-bed of her first child, but the child survived: 'twas a daughter; but whether it was called Margaret or Margery, upon my soul I can't remember. [Looking on his watch. But, gentlemen, I must meet a lady, a twenty thousand pounder, presently, upon the walk by the water-Worthy, your servant; Laconic, yours. [Exit BRAZ Bal. If you can have so mean an opinion of Melinda as to be jealous of this fellow, I think she ought to give you cause to be so. Wor. I don't think she encourages him so much for gaining herself a lover, as to set up a rival. Were there any credit to be given to his words, I should believe Melinda had made him this assignation. I must go see, sir; you'll pardon me. [Exit WOR. Bal. Ay, ay, sir; you're a man of businessBut what have we got here? Enter Rose, singing. Rose. And I shall be a lady, a captain's lady, and ride single upon a white horse with a star, upon a velvet side-saddle; and I shall go to London, and see the tombs, and the lions, and the king and queen. Sir, an please your worship, I have often seen your worship ride through our grounds a hunting, begging your worship's pardon. Pray, what may this lace be worth a-yard? [Shewing some lace. Bal. Right Mechlin, by this light! Where did you get this lace, child? Rose. No matter for that, sir; I came honestly by it. Bal. I question it much. [Aside. Rose. And see here, sir, a fine Turkey-shell snuff-box, and fine mangere: see here. [Takes snuff affectedly.] The captain learnt me how to take it with an air. Bal. Oh ho! the captain! now the murder's out. And so the captain taught you to take it with an air? Rose. Yes, and give it with an air, too. Will your worship please to taste my snuff? [Offers the box affectedly. Bal. You are a very apt scholar, pretty maid! And pray, what did you give the captain, for these fine things? Rose. He's to have my brother for a soldier, and two or three sweethearts I have in the country; they shall all go with the captain. Oh, he's the finest man, and the humblest withal. Would you believe it, sir? he carried me up with him to his own chamber, with as much fam-mam mil-yararality as if I had been the best lady in the land. Bal. Oh! he's a mighty familiar gentleman as can be. Enter PLUME, singing. Plume. But it is not so With those that go My maid with the milking-pail. [Takes hold of ROSE. How, the justice! then I'm arraigned, condemn | ed, and executed. Bal. Oh, my noble captain! Rose. And my noble captain, too, sir. Plume. 'Sdeath! child, are you mad?—Mr Balance, I am so full of business about my recruits, that I han't a moment's time to-I have just now three or four people to—— Bal. Nay, captain, I must speak to you— Rose. And so must I too, captain. Plume. Any other time, sir-I cannot for my life, sir Bal. Pray, sir Plume. Twenty thousand things-I wouldbut-now, sir, pray-Devil take me-I cannot -I must Bal. Nay, I'll follow you. [Breaks away. [Exit. BAL [Exit. SCENE II.-The walk by the Severn side. Enter MELINDA, and her maid Lucy. Mel. And, pray, was it a ring, or buckle, or pendents, or knots? or in what shape was the almighty gold transformed, that has bribed you so much in his favour? Lucy. Indeed, madam, the last bribe I had from the captain was only a small piece of Flanders' lace for a cap. Mel. Ay, Flanders' lace is as constant a present from officers to their women, as something else is from their women to them. They every pear bring over a cargo of lace to cheat the king of his duty and his subjects of their honesty. Lucy. They only barter one sort of prohibited goods for another, madam. Mel. Has any of them been bartering with you, Mrs Pert, that you talk. so like a trader? Lucy. One would imagine, madam, by your concern for Worthy's absence, that you should use him better when he's with you. Mel. Who told you, pray, that I was concerned for his absence? I'm only vexed that I have had nothing said to me these two days: as one may love the treason and hate the traitor. Oh! here comes another captain, and a rogue that has the confidence to make love to me; but, indeed, I don't wonder at that, when he has the assurance to fancy himself a fine gentleman. Lucy. If he should speak o' the assignation, I should be ruined. [Aside. Enter BRAZEN. Braz. True to the touch, faith! [Aside.] Madam, I am your humble servant, and all that, madam. A fine river this same Severn-Do you love fishing, madam? Mel. 'Tis a pretty melancholy amusement for lovers. Reason still keeps its throne, but it nods a little that's all. Wor. Then you're just fit for a frolic. Plume. As fit as close pinners for a punk in v the pit. Wor. There's your play, then; recover me that vessel from that Tangerine. Plume. She's well rigged; but how is she manned? Wor. By captain Brazen, that I told you of Braz. I'll go buy hooks and lines prescutly; to-day; she is called the Melinda, a first rate, I for you must know, madam, that I have served can assure you; she sheered off with him just in Flanders against the French, in Hungary a- now, on purpose to affront me; but, according gainst the Turks, and in Tangier against the to your advice, I would take no notice, because Moors, and I was never so much in love before; I would seem to be above a concern for her beand, split me, madam, in all the campaigns Ihaviour; but have a care of a quarrel. ever made I have not seen so fine a woman as your ladyship. Mel. And from all the men I ever saw, I never had so fine a compliment: but you soldiers are the best bred men; that we must allow. Braz. Some of us, madam; but there are brutes among us, too; very sad brutes; for my own part, I have always had the good luck to prove agreeable. I have had very considerable offers, madam-I might have married a German princess worth fifty thousand crowns a-year; but her stove disgusted me. The daughter of a Turkish bashaw fell in love with me, too, when I was a prisoner among the infidels; she offered to rob her father of his treasure, and make her escape with me; but I don't know how, my time was not come hanging and marriage, you know, go by destiny: Fate has reserved me for a Shropshire lady worth twenty thousand pounds. Do you know any such person, madam? Mel. Extravagant coxcomb! [Aside.] To be sure, a great many ladies of that fortune would be proud of the name of Mrs Brazen. Braz. Nay, for that matter, madam, there are women of very good quality of the name of Brazen. Enter WORTHY. Mel. Oh, are you there, gentleman!-Come, captain, we'll walk this way. Give me your hand. Plume. No, no: I never quarrel with any thing in my cups, but an oysterwench or a cookmaid; and if they ben't civil, I knock them down. But, hark'e, my friend, I'll make love, and I must make love-I tell you what, I'll make love like a platoon. Wor. Platoon! how's that? Plume. I'll kneel, stoop, and stand, faith: most ladies are gained by platooning. Wor. Here they come; I must leave you. [Exit Wor. Plume. So! now must I look sober and de Braz. My hand, heart's blood, and guts, are Plume. I have served at home, sir, for ages at your service. Mr Worthy, your servant, my served this cruel fair, and that will serve the turn, dear! [Exit, leading MELINDA. sir. Wor. Death and fire! this is not to be borne! Enter PLUME. Plume. No more it is, faith! Plume. The March beer at the Raven. I have been doubly serving the king; raising men, and raising the excise. Recruiting and elections are rare friends to the excise. Wor. You an't drunk? Plume. No, no; whimsical only. I could be mighty foolish, and fancy myself mighty witty. VOL. II. Mel. So, between the fool and the rake, I shall bring a fine spot of work upon my hands! I see Worthy yonder; I could be content to be friends with him, would he come this way. Braz. Will you fight for the lady, sir? Thou peerless princess of Salopian plains, 30 |