Sir Geo. Oh, I honour men of the sword! And, I presume, this gentleman is lately come from Spain or Portugal-by his scars. Mar. No, really, sir George, mine sprung from civil fury Happening last night into the groom porter's I had a strong inclination to go ten guineas with a sort of a, sort of a-kind of a milksop, as I thought. A pox of the dice! he flung out, and my pockets being empty, as Charles knows they often are, he proved a surly North Briton, and broke my face for my deficiency. Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! and did not you draw? Mar. Draw, sir! Why, I did but lay my hand upon my sword, to make a swift retreat, and he roared out-Now the deel a ma saul, sir, gin ye touch yer steel Ise whip mine through yer wem. Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! Cha. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Safe was the word. So, you walked off, I suppose. Mar. Yes, for I avoid fighting, purely to be serviceable to my friends, you know Sir Geo. Your friends are much obliged to you, sir: I hope you'll rank me in that number. Mar. Sir George, a bow from the side-box, or to be seen in your chariot, binds me ever yours. Sir Geo. Trifles; you may command them, when you please. Cha. Provided he may command you. Mar. Me! Why, I live for no other purpose -Sir George, I have the honour to be caressed by most of the reigning toasts of the town: I'll tell them you are the finest gentleman Sir Geo. No, no; prithee, let me alone to tell the ladies my parts-Can you convey a letter upon occasion, or deliver a message with an air of business, ha? Mar. With the assurance of a page, and the gravity of a statesman. Sir Geo. You know Miranda? Mar. What! My sister ward? Why, her guardian is mine; we are fellow-sufferers. Ah, he is a covetous, cheating, sanctified, curmudgeon : that sir Francis Gripe is a damned old-hypocritical Cha. Hold, hold; I suppose, friend, you forget that he is my father? Mar. Egad, and so I did, Charles—I ask your | pardon, Charles, but it is for your sake I hate him. Well, I say the world is mistaken in him; his out-side piety makes him every man's executor, and his inside cunning makes him every heir's gaoler. Egad, Charles, I'm half persuaded that thou'rt some ward, too, and never of his getting -for never were two things so unlike as you and your father; he scrapes up every thing, and thou spendest every thing; every body is indebted to him, and thou art indebted to every body. · Cha. You are very free, Mr Marplot. Mar. Aye, I give and take, Charles-you may be as free with me, you know. Sir Geo. A pleasant fellow. He is would be no enduring his impertinence. pressing to be employed, and willing to execute; but some ill fate generally attends all he undertakes, and he oftener spoils an intrigue than helps it. Mar. I have always your good word; but if I miscarry, 'tis none of my fault; I follow my instructions. Cha. Yes, witness the merchant's wife. Mar. Nay, Charles, now, don't expose your friend. Cha. Why, you must know, I had lent a certain merchant my hunting horses, and was to have met his wife in his absence. Sending him along with my groom to make the compliment, and to deliver a letter to the lady at the same time; what does he do, but gives the husband the letter, and offers her the horses! Mar. Why, to be sure, I did offer her the horses, and I remember you was even with me, for you denied the letter to be yours, and swore I had a design upon her, which my bones paid for. Cha. Come, sir George, let's walk round, if you are not engaged, for I have sent my man upon a little earnest business, and I have ordered him to bring me the answer into the Park. Mar. Business! and I not know it! Egad I'll watch him. Sir Geo. I must beg your pardon, Charles; I am to meet your father. Cha. My father! Sir Geo. Aye, and about the oddest bargain, perhaps, you ever heard of; but I'll not impart till I know the success. Mar. What can his business be with Sir Francis? Now would I give all the world to know it! Why the devil should not one know every man's concerns? Aside. Cha. Prosperity to it, whatever it be: I have private affairs, too: over a bottle, we'll compare Mar. Curst! What's curst, Charles? Cha. Come along with me; my heart feels pleasure at her name. Sir George, your's; we'll Cha. The dog is diverting, sometimes, or there meet at the old place the usual hour. Sir Geo. Agreed. I think I see sir Francis yonder. [Exit SIR GEORGE. Cha. Marplot, you must excuse me, I am engaged. [Exit CHARLES. Mar. Engaged! Egad, I'll engage my life I'll know what your engagement is. [Exit MARPLOT. Enter MIRANDA, coming out of a chair. Mir. Let the chair wait. My servant that dogged sir George said he was in the Park. Enter PATCH. Ha! Miss Patch alone! Did not you tell me you had contrived a way to bring Isabinda to the Park? Patch. But is it true, madam? Mir. That's not absolutely necessary. Patch. I thought it was only the old strain, coaxing him still for your own, and railing at all the young fellows about town: in my mind, now, you are as ill plagued with your guardian, madam, as my lady is with her father. Mir. No, I have liberty, wench; that she wants: what would she give now to be in this deshabille in the open air, nay more, in pursuit of the young fellow she likes? for that's my case, I assure vou. Patch. As for that, madam, she's even with you; for, though she can't come abroad, we have a way to bring him home in spite of old Argus. Mir. Now, Patch, your opinion of my choice, for here he comes. Ha! my guardian with him! what can be the meaning of this? I'm sure sir Francis can't know me in this dress. Let me observe them. [They withdraw. Patch. Oh, madam, your ladyship cannot imagine what a wretched disappointment we have met with! Just as I had fetched a suit of my clothes for a disguise, comes my old master into his closet, which is right against her chamber door: this struck us into a terrible fright-At length I put on a grave face, and asked him if he was at leisure for his chocolate? in hopes to draw him out of his hele; but he snapped my nose off: no, I shall be busy here, these two Sir Fran. Verily, sir George, thou wilt repent hours. At which my poor mistress, seeing no throwing away thy money so; for I tell thee sinway of escape, ordered me to wait on your lady-cerely, Miranda, my charge, does not like a ship with the sad relation. young fellow; they are all vicious, and seldom make good husbands: in sober sadness, she can't abide them. Mir. Unhappy Isabinda! Was ever any thing so unaccountable as the huinour of Sir Jealous Traffick? Enter SIR FRANCIS GRIPE and SIR GEORGE Mir. [Peeping.] In sober sadness, you are mistaken-What can this mean? Patch. Oh, madam, it's his living so long in Spain. He vows he'll spend half his estate, but Sir Geo. Look'e, sir Francis; whether she can he'll be a parliament-man, on purpose to bring in or cannot abide young fellows, is not the busia bill for women to wear veils, and other odiousness: will you take the fifty guineas? Spanish customs-he swears it is the height of impudence to have a woman seen barefaced, even at church, and scarce believes there's a true begotten child in the city. Patch. Aye, and he expects him by the next fleet, which drives his daughter to melancholy and despair. But, madam, I find you retain the same gay cheerful spirit you had when I waited on your ladyship. My lady is mighty good-humoured, too; and I have found a way to make sir Jealous believe I am wholly in his interest, when my real design is to serve her; he makes me her gaoler, and I set her at liberty. Mir. I knew thy prolific brain would be of singular service to her, or I had not parted with thee to her father. Patch. But, madam, the report is that you are going to marry your guardian! Sir Fran. In good truth I will not-for I knew thy father; he was a hearty wary man; and I cannot consent that his son should squander away what he saved to no purpose. Mir. [Peeping.] Now, in the name of wonder, what bargain can he be driving about me for fifty guineas? Patch. I wish it be not for the first night's lodging, madam. Sir Geo. Well, sir Francis, since you are so conscientious for my father's sake, then permit me the favour gratis. Mir. [Peeping.] The favour! O' my life I believe 'tis as you said, Patch! Sir Fran. No verily; if thou dost not buy thy experience thou wilt never be wise; therefore, give me a hundred, and try thy fortune. Sir Geo. The scruples arose, I find, from the scanty sum.-Let me see-a hundred guineas— [Takes them out of a purse, and chinks them.] Ha! they have a very pretty sound, and a very pleasing look-But then, Miranda--but if she should be cruel Mir. [Peeping.] As ten to one I shall Sir Fran. Ay, do; consider on't. He, he, he! Patch. Do't! what, whether you will or no, madam? Sir Geo. Come, to the point; here's the gold; sum up the conditions [SIR FRAN. pulling out a paper.] have you committed against the god of love, that he should revenge them so severely, to stamp husband on your forehead? Sir Geo. For my folly, in having so often met you here, without pursuing the laws of nature, -But I resolve, Mir. [Peeping.] Ay, for Heaven's sake do, for and exercising her commandmy expectation is on the rack! Sir Fran. Well, at your peril be it. Sir Fran. Imprimis, you are to be admitted into my house in order to move your suit to Miranda, for the space of ten minutes, without let or molestation, provided I remain in the same room. Sir Geo. But out of earshot. Sir Fran. Well, well, I don't desire to hear what you say; ha, ha, ha! in consideration I am to have that purse and a hundred guineas. Sir Geo. Take it- [Gives him the purse. Mir. [Peeping.] So! 'tis well it's no worse: I'll fit you both Sir Geo. And this agreement is to be performed to-day. ere we part now, to know who you are, where you live, what kind of flesh and blood your face is; therefore, unmask, and don't put me to the trouble of doing it for you. Mir. My face is the same flesh and blood with my hand, sir George, which, if you'll be so rude to provoke Sir Geo. You'll apply it to my cheek—the ladies' favours are always welcome, but I must have that cloud withdrawn.-[Taking hold of her.]—Remember you are in the Park, child; and what a terrible thing would it be to lose this pretty white hand! Mir. And how will it sound in a chocolatehouse, that sir George Airy rudely pulled off a lady's mask, when he had given her his honour that he never would, directly or indirectly, en Patch. I wish we were safe out. Sir Fran. Ay, ay; the sooner the better.deavour to know her till she gave him leave? Poor fool! how Miranda and I shall laugh at him!-Well, sir George, ha, ha, ha! take the last sound of your guineas, ha, ha, ha! [Chinks them.] [Exit. Mir. [Peeping.] Sure he does not know I am Miranda. Sir Geo. A very extraordinary bargain I have made truly, if she should be really in love with this old cuff now!--Psha! that's morally impossible.But then, what hopes have I to succeed? I never spoke to her Mir. [Peeping.] Say you so? then I am safe. Sir Geo. What though my tongue never spoke? my eyes said a thousand things, and my hopes flattered me her's answered them. If I'm lucky -If not, it is but a hundred guineas thrown [MIRANDA and PATCH come forward. away. Mir. Upon what, sir George? Sir Geo. Ha! my incognita-upon a woman, madam. Mir. They are the worst things you can deal in, and damage the soonest; your very breath destroys them, and, I fear, you'll never see your return, sir George, ha, ha, ha! Sir Geo. Were they more brittle than china, and dropped to pieces with a touch, every atom of her I have ventured at, if she is but mistress of thy wit, balances ten times the sum. Prithee, let me see thy face! Mir. By no means; that may spoil your opinion of my sense Sir Geo. Rather confirm it, madam. Patch. So, rob the lady of your gallantry, sir. Sir Geo. No, child; a dish of chocolate in the morning never spoils my dinner: the other lady I design a set meal; so there's no danger. Sir Geo. But, if that lady thinks fit to pursue, and meet me at every turn, like some troubled | spirit, shall I be blamed if I inquire into the reality? I would have nothing dissatisfied in a female shape. [Pauses. Sir Geo. Aye, prithee, consider; for thou shalt find me very much at thy service. Mir. What shall I do? Patch. Suppose, sir, the lady should be in love with you? Sir Geo. Oh! I'll return the obligation in a moment. Patch. And marry her? Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! that's not the way to love her, child. Mir. If he discovers me I shall die-Which way shall I escape? Let me see Sir Geo. Well, madam [Pauses. Mir. I have it-Sir George, 'tis fit you should allow something; if you'll excuse my face, and turn your back, (if you look upon me I shall sink, even masked as I am) I will confess why I have engaged you so often, who I am, and where I live. Sir Geo. Well, to shew you I'm a man of honour, I accept the conditions: let me but once know those, and the face won't be long a secret to me. Patch. What mean you, madam? Sir Geo. 'Tis something indecent to turn one's back upon a lady; but you command, and I obey. [Turns his back.] Come, madam, begin Mir. First, then, was my unhappy lot to see you at Paris [Draws back a little way, and speaks.], at a ball upon a birthday; your shape expects I should comfort her; and, to do her The bold and resolute in love and war ACT II. Enter SIR FRANCIS GRIPE and MIRANDA. Mir. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, I shall die with laughing the most romantic adventureHa, ha, ha! What does the odious young fop mean? A hundred pieces to talk ten minutes with me! ha, ha, ha, ha! Sir Fran. And I am to be by too; there's the jest! adad, if it had been in private, I should not have cared to trust the young dog. [Exit. with my own money! Which way shall I get out Mir. I must not pretend to banter: he knows my tongue too well. [Aside.] No, Gardy, I have thought of a way will confound him more than all I could say, if I should talk to him seven years. Sir Fran. How's that? oh! I'm transported, I'm ravished, I'm mad !———— Mir. It would make you mad if you knew all: Gar-[Aside.] I'll not answer him a word, but be dumb to all he says. Mir. Indeed and indeed but you might, dy-Now, methinks, there's nobody handsomer than you so neat, so clean, so good-humoured, and so loving Sir Fran. Pretty rogue, pretty rogue! and so thou shalt find me, if thou dost prefer thy Gardy before these caperers of the age: thou shalt outshine the queen's box on an opera night; thou shalt be the envy of the ring, (for I will carry thee to Hyde-Park) and thy equipage shall surpass the what d'ye call them, ainbassadors. Mir. Nay, I am sure the discreet part of my sex will envy me more for the inside furniture, when you are in it, than my outside equipage. Sir Fran. A cunning baggage i'faith thou art, and a wise one too! and, to shew thee that thou hast not chose amiss, I'll this moment disinherit my son, and settle my whole estate upon thee. Sir Fran. Dumb! good; ha, ha, ha! Excellent! ha, ha, ha, ha! I think I have you now, Sir George. Dumb! he'll go distracted-well, she's the wittiest rogue. Ha, ha, dumb! I can't but laugh, ha, ha! to think how damned mad he'll be when he finds he has given his money away for a dumb show; ha, ha, ha! Mir. Nay, Gardy, if he did but know my thoughts of him, it would make him ten times madder; ha, ha, ha, ha! Sir Fran. Ay, so it would, Chargy, to hold him in such derision, to scorn to answer him, to be dumb! ha, ha, ha! Enter CHARLES. Sir Fran. How now, sirrah! who let you in? Sir Fran. Your necessities are very impertinent, and ought to have sent before they entered. Cha. Sir, I knew 'twas a word would gain ad Mir. There's an old rogue now! [Aside.] No, Gardy, I would not have your name be so black in the world. You know my father's will runs, that I am not to possess my estate, without your consent, till I am five-and-twenty; you shall onlymittance nowhere. abate the odd seven years, and make me mistress of my estate to-day, and I'll make you master of my person to-morrow. Sir Fran, Humph! that may not be safeNo, Chargy, I'll settle it upon thee for pin-money,I and that will be every bit as well, thou know'st. Mir. Unconscionable old wretch! bribe me Sir Fran. Then, sirrah, how durst you rudely thrust that upon your father, which nobody else would admit? Cha. Sure the name of a son is a sufficient plea. ask this lady's pardon if I have intruded. Sir Fran. Ay, ay; ask her pardon and her blessing, too, if you expect any thing from ine. Mir. I believe yours, Sir Francis, in a purse of guineas, would be more material. Your son may have business with you; I'll retire. Sir Fran. I guess his business; but I'll dispatch him; I expect the knight every minute: you'll be in readiness? Mir. Certainly: my expectation is more upon the wing than yours, old gentleman. [Aside. Exit. Sir Fran. Well, sir? Cha. Nay, it is very ill, sir; my circumstances are, I'm sure. Sir Fran. And what's that to me, sir? your management should have made them better." Cha. If you please to entrust me with the management of my estate, I shall endeavour it, sir. Sir Fran. What, to set upon a card, and buy a lady's favour at the price of a thousand pieces; to rig out an equipage for a wench, or, by your carelessness, to enrich your steward; to fine for sheriff, or put up for a parliament-man? Cha. I hope I should not spend it this way: however, I ask only for what my uncle left me; yours you may dispose of as you please, sir. Sir Fran. That I shall, out of your reach, I assure you, sir. Adad, these young fellows think old men get estates for nothing but them to squander away in dicing, wenching, drinking, dressing, and so forth! Cha. I think I was born a gentleman, sir; I'm sure my uncle bred me like one. Sir Fran. From which you would infer, sir, that gaming, whoring, and the pox, are requisites for a gentleman. Cha. Monstrous! when I would ask him only for a support, he falls into these unmannerly reproaches. I must, though against my will, employ invention, and, by stratagem, relieve myself. [Aside. Sir Fran. Sirrah, what is it you mutter, sirrah? ha! [Holds up his cane.] I say you sha'nt have a groat out of my hands, till I please—and may be I'll never please; and what's that to you? Cha. Nay, to be robbed, or have one's throat cut, is not much Sir Fran. What's that, sirrah? would you rob me, or cut my throat, ye rogue? Cha. Heaven forbid, sir!-I said no such thing. Sir Fran. Mercy on me! what a plague it is to have a son of one-and-twenty, who wants to elbow one out of one's life to edge himself into the estate! Mar. Pogh! for a hundred things-I can't, for my life, tell you for what. Cha. Sir, I suppose I have received all the answer I am like to have. Mar. Oh, the devil! if he gets out before me, I shall lose him again. Sir Fran. Ay, sir; and you may be marching as soon as you please-I must see a change in your temper, ere you find one in mine. Mar. Pray, sir, dispatch me; the money, sir; I'm in mighty haste. Sir Fran. Fool, take this, and go to the cashier. I sha'nt be long plagued with thee. [Gives him a note Mar. Devil take the cashier! I shall certainly have Charles gone before I come back. [Runs out. Cha. Well, sir, I take my leave-but remember, you expose an only son to all the miseries of wretched poverty, which too often lays the plan for scenes of mischief. Sir Fran. Stay, Charles; I have a sudden thought come into my head, may prove to thy advantage. Cha. Ha! does he relent? Sir Fran. My Lady Wrinkle, worth forty thousand pounds, sets up for a handsome young husband; she praised thee t'other day; though the matchmakers can get twenty guineas for a sight of her, I can introduce thee for nothing, Cha. My lady Wrinkle, sir! why, she has but one eye. Sir Fran. Then she'll see but half your extravagance, sir. Cha. Condemn me to such a piece of deformity! a toothless, dirty, wry-necked, hunchbacked hag! Sir Fran. Hunch-backed! so much the better; then she has a rest for her misfortunes, for thou wilt load her swingingly. Now, I warrant, you think this is no offer of a father! forty thousand pounds is nothing with you! Cha. Yes, sir, I think it is too much; a young, beautiful woman, with half the money, would be more agreeable.-I thank you, sir; but you chuse better for yourself, I find. Sir Fran. Out of my doors, you dog! you pretend to meddle with my marriage, sirrah! Cha. Sir, I obey: but- Sir Fran. But me no buts-Begone, sir! dare to ask me for money again—refuse forty thousand pounds! Out of my doors, I say, without reply! [Exit Cus. 3 U |