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By St Iago, if I should find a man in the house,
I'd make mince-meat of him-

Enter Sir Jealous and his Servants. Mar. Mince-meat! Ah, poor Charles ! how I sweat for thee! Egad he's old-I fancy I might Sir Jeal. Are you sure you have searched every bully him, and make Charles have an opinion of where? my courage. Egad I'll pluck up, and have a Ser. Yes, from the top of the house to the bottouch with him.

tom. Sir Jeal. My own key shall let me in; I'll give Sir Jeal. Under the beds, and over the beds ? them no warning,

[Feeling for his key. Ser. Yes, and in them too, but found nobody, Mar. What's that you say, sir?

sir. [Going up to Sir JEAL. Sir Jeal. Why, what could this rogue mean? Sir Jeal. What's that to you, sir? [Turns quick upon him.

Enter ISABINDA and Patch. Mar. Yes, 'tis to me, sir; for the gentleman Patch. Take courage, madam; I saw him safe you threaten is a very honest gentleman. Look out.

[Aside to Isa. to't, for if he comes not as safe out of your house Isa. Bless me! what's the matter, sir? as he went in

Sir Jeal. You know best—Pray, where's the Sir Jeal. What, is he in, then?

man that was here just now? Mar. Yes sir, he is in then; and, I say, if he Isa. What man, sir? I saw none. does not come out, I have half a dozen myrmidons Patch. Nor I, by the trust you repose in me. hard by, shall beat your house about your ears. Do you think I would let a man come within

Sir Jeal. Ah! a combination to undo me—I'll these doors, when you are absent? myrmidon you, ye dog you !—Thieves ! thieves ! Sir Jeal. Ah, Patch ! she may be too cunning

( Beats MARPLOT all the while he cries thieves. for thy honesty: the very scout, that he had set

Mar. Murder! murder! I was not in your to give warning, discovered it to me--and threathouse, sir.

ened me with half a dozen myrmidons—but I

think I mauled the villain. These afflictions you Enter Servant.

draw upon me, mistress !

Isa. Pardon me, sir; 'tis your own ridiculous Ser. What's the matter, sir?

humour draws you into these vexations, and gives Sir Jeal. The matter, rascal! you have let a every fool pretence to banter you. man into my house; but I'll flea him alive. Fol Sir Jeal. No, 'tis your idle conduct, your coJow me; I'll not leave a mousehole unsearched. quettish flirting into the balcony-Oh! with what If I find him, by St Iago, I'll equip him. for the joy shall I resign thee into the arms of Don opera.

[Erit Sir Jeal. Diego Babinetto! Mar. A deuce of his cane! there's no trusting Isa. And with what industry shall I avoid him! to age-What shall I do to relieve Charles?

[ Aside. egad I'll raise the neighbourhood.Murder ! Sir Jeal. Certainly that rogue had a message murder !-(Charles drops down upon him from from somebody or other, but, being baulked by the balcony.] Charles ! faith I'ın glad to see iny coming, popped that sham upon me. Come thee safe out, with all my heart!

along, ye sots! let's see if we can find the dog Cha. A pox of your bawling! how the devil again. "Patch! lock her up, d’ye hear? came you here?

[Erit Sir JEAL. Mar. Egad it's very well for you that I was Patch. Yes, sir-Ay, walk till your heels ache; here; I have done you a piece of service: I told you'll find nobody, I promise you. the old thunderbolt that the gentleman that was Isa. Who could that scout be whom he talks gone in was

of? Cha. Was it you that told him, sir ? (Laying Patch. Nay, I can't imagine, without it was hold of him.] Šdeath! I could crush thee into Whisper.

[Erit CHA. Isa. Well, dear Patch! let's employ all our Mar. What! will you choke me for my kind thoughts how to escape this horrid Don Diego; ness ? Will my inquiring soul never leave search- my very heart sinks at his terrible name. ing into other people's affairs till it gets squeezed Patch. Fear not, madam; Don Carlo shall be out of my body? I dare not follow him now for the man, or I'll lose the reputation of contriving: my blood, he's in such a passion. I'll to Miran- and then, what's a chambermaid good for? da; if I can discover aught that may oblige sir Isa. Say'st thou so, my girl? then George, it may be a means to reconcile me again to Charles.

'Let dad be jealous, multiply his cares; Sir Jeal. [Within.] Look about! search! find • Whilst love instructs me to avoid the snares, him out!

. I'll, spite of all his Spanish caution, show Mar. Oh, the devil! there's old Crabstick • How inuch for love a British maid can do.' again! (E.rit Mar.



your ifs?

marry thee!

SCENE IV.-Sir Francis Gripe's house.

in the Temple, to settle matters just to you lik

ing. You are to give your consent to my marEnter Sir Francis and MIRANDA meeting. riage, which is to yourself you know: but, mum,

Mir. Well, Gardy, how did I perform the you must take no notice of that. So then I will, dumb scene?

that is, with your leave, put my writings into his Sir Fran. To admiration—Thou dear little hands; then, to-morrow, we come slap upon them rogue ! let me buss thee for it: nay, adad I will, with a wedding that nobody thought on, by which Chargy, so muzzle, and tuzzle, and hug thee; I will, you seize me and my estate, and I suppose make i'faith, I will. (Hugging and kissing her. a bonfire of your own act and deed.

Mir. Nay, Gardy, don't be so lavish. Who Sir Fran. Nay, but Chargy, ifwould ride post when the journey lasts for life? Mir. Nay, Gardy, no its -Have I refused

Sir Fran. Ah wag, ah' wag! I'll buss thee three northern lords, two British peers, and half again for that. Oh, I'm transported! When, a score knights, to have you put in when, my dear, wilt thou convince the world of Sir Fran. So thou hast indeed, and I will the happy day! when shall we marry, ha? trust to thy management. 'Od, I'm all of a fire!

Mir. There's nothing wanting but your con Mir. 'Tis a wonder the dry stubble does not sert, sir Francis,


(Aside. Sir Fran. My consent! what does my


Enter MARPLOT. er mean?

Mir. Nay, 'tis only a whim; but I'll have Sir Fran. How now, who sent for you, sir? every thing according to form—therefore, when What, is the hundred pound gone already? you sign an authentic paper, drawn up by an

Mar. No, sir; I don't want money, now, able lawyer, that I have your leave to marry, Gardy. the next day makes me yours, Gardy.

Sir Fran. No, that's a miracle! but there's Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! a whim indeed! why, one thing you want I'm sure. is it not demonstration I give my leave, when I Mar. Ay, what's that?

Sir Fran. Manners! What, had I no servants Mir. Not for your reputation, Gardy; the without ? malicious world will be apt to say you trick me

Mar. None that could do my business, guar. into marriage, and so take the merit from my dian, which is at present with this lady. choice : : now, I will have the act my own, to let Mir. With me, Mr Marplot! what is it, I bethe idle fops see how much I prefer a man loaded seech you? with years and wisdom.

Sir Fran. Ay, sir, what is it? any thing that Sir Fran. Humph! Prithee leave out years, relates to her may be delivered to me. Chargy; I'm not so old, as thou shalt find. Adad Mar. I deny that. I'm young: there's a caper for ye ! [Jumps. Mir. That's more than I do, sir.

Mlir. Oh, never excuse it; why, I like you the Mar. Indeed, madam! Why, then, to probetter for being old--but I shall suspect you ceed: Fame says-you know best whether she don't love me,

if you refuse me this formality. lies or not—that you and my most conscionable Sir Fran. Not love thee, Chargy! Adad 'I do guardian here have designed, contrived, plotted, love thee better than, than, than, better than-- and agreed, to chouse a very civil, honest, honouwhat shall I say? egad better than money; i'faith rable gentleman out of a hundred pounds : GuilI do

Mir. That's false, I'm sure. [Aside.] To prove Mir. That I contrived it! it, do this, then.

Mar. Ay, you-you said never a word against Sir Fran. Well, I will do it, Chargy, provided it; so far you are guilty. I bring a licence at the same time.

Sir Fran. Pray tell that civil, honest, honourMir. Ay, and a parson, too, if you please. able gentleman, that if he has any more such Ha, ha, ha! I can't help laughing to think how sums to fool away, they shall be received like the all the young coxcombs about town will be mor- last; ha, ha, ha! Choused, quotha ! But hark ye, tified when they hear of our marriage !

let him know at the same time, that if he dare to Sir Fran. So they will, so they will; ha, ha, ha! report I tricked him of it, I shall recommend a

Mir. Well, I fancy I shall be so happy with lawyer to him shall shew him a trick for twice as my Gardy

much. D'ye hear? tell him that. Sir Fran. If wearing pearls and jewels, or Mar. So, and this is the way you use a gentleeating gold, as the old saying is, can make thee man, and my friend ! happy, thou shalt be so, my sweetest, my lovely, Mir. Is the wretch thy friend? my charming, my-verily' I know not what to Mar. The wretch! look ye, madam, don't call call thec.

names; egad I won't take it. Mir. You must know, Gardy, that I am so Mir. Why, you won't beat me, will you? Ha, eager to have this business concluded, that I have ha! employed my woman's brother, who is a lawyer Mar. I don't know whether I will or no.

ty or not?

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Sir Fran. Sir, I shall make a servant shew Sir Fran. Oh, monstrous! Why, Chargy, did you out at the window if you are saucy.

he use to come to the garden-gate? Mar. I am your most humble servant, guar Mir. The gardener described just such another dian; I design to go out the same way I came man that always watched his coming out, and in. I would only ask this lady one question; fain would have bribed him for his entrance don't you think he's a fine gentleman?

Tell him he shall find a warm reception if he Sir Fran. Who's a fine gentleman?

comes this night. Mar. Not you, Gardy; not you! Don't you Mar. Pistols avd blunderbusses ! Egad! a think in your soul that sir George Airy is a very warm reception indeed! I shall take care to infine gentleman?

form him of your kindness, and advise him to Mir. He dresses well.

keep farther off. Sir Fran. Which is chiefly owing to his tailor Mir. I hope he will understand my meaning and valet de chambre.

better than to follow your

advice. [Aside. Mar. Well! and who is your dress owing to, Sir Fran. Thou hast signed, sealed, and ha? There's a beau, ma'am-do but look at him ! taken possession of my heart for ever, Chargy, Sir Fran. Sirrah!

ha, ha, ha! and for you, Mr Saucebox, let me Mir. And if being a beau be a proof of his have no more of your messages, if ever you being a fine gentleman, he may be so.

design to inherit your estate, gentleman. Mar. He may be so ! Why, ma'am, the judi Mar. Why, there 'tis now. Sure I shall be cious part of the world allow him wit, courage, out of your clutches one day—Well, Guardian, I gallantry, ay, and economy, too; though I say no more : but if you be not as arrant a think he forfeited that character, when he flung cuckold as e'er drove bargain upon the exchange, away a hundred pounds upon your dumb lady or paid attendance to a court, I am the son of ship

a whetstone; and so your humble servant. Sir Fran. Does that gall him? Ha, ha, ha!

[Going. Mir. So, sir George, remaining in deep discon Mir. Mr Marplot, don't forget the message : tent, has sent you, his trusty squire, to utter his ha, ha, ha, ha! complaint. Ha, ha, ha!

Mar. Nang, nang, nang!

Erit. Mar. Yes, madam; and you, like a cruel hard Sir Fran. I am so provoked—'tis well he's hearted Jew, value it no more-than I would gone. your ladyship, were I sir George; you, you, Alir. Oh, mind him not, Gardy, but let's siga you

articles, and then Mir. Oh, don't call names : I know you love Sir Fran. And then-Adad I believe I am to be employed, and I'll oblige you, and you metamorphosed; my pulse beats high, and my shall carry him a message from me.

blood boils, methinksMar. According as Ülike it. What is it?

[Kissing and hugging her. Mir. Nay, a kind one, you may be sure Mir. Oh, fie, Gardy! be not so violent: conFirst, tell him I have chose this gentleman, to sider the market lasts all the year.- Well; I'll bave and to hold, and so forth.

in, and see if the lawyer be come: you'll follow? (Clapping her hand into Sir Francis's.

[Erit. Mar. Much good may do you !

Sir Fran. Ay, to the world's end, my dear! Sir Fran. Oh, the dear rogue ! how I dote on Well, Frank, thou art a lucky fellow in thy old her!

[Aside. age, to have such a delicate morsel, and thirty Mir. And advise his impertinence to trouble thousand pounds, in love with thee. I shall be me no more, for I prefer sir Francis for a hus- the envy of bachelors, the glory of married men, band before all the fops in the universe. and the wonder of the town. Some guardians

Mar. Oh Lord, oh Lord ! she's bewitched, would be glad to compound for part of the that's certain. Here's a husband for eighteen-estate at dispatching an heiress, but I engross the here's a titbit for a young lady-here's a shape, whole. O! mihi præteritos referet si Jupiter an air, and a grace—here's bones rattling in a

[Exit. leathern bag- [Turning Sir Francis about.}Here's buckram and canvas to scrub you to re SCENE V.-Changes to a tavern. pentance. Sir Fran. Sirrah, my cane shall teach you re

Discovers Sir GEORGE and Charles with wine pentance presently.

before them, and Whisper waiting. Mar. No, faith; I have felt its twin brother Sir Geo. Nay, prithee, don't be grave,

Charles: from just such a whithered hand too lately. misfortunes will happen. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis some

Mir. One thing more; advise him to keep comfort to have a companion in our sufferings. from the garden-gate on the left hand; for if he Cha. I am only apprehensive for Isabinda; ber dare to saunter there, about the hour of eight, as father's humour is implacable; and how far his he used to do, he shall be saluted with a pistol or jealousy may transport him to her undoing, a blunderbuss.

shocks my soul to think. Vol. II.

3 X



a fault!

Sir Geo. But since you escaped undiscovered Enter WHISPER, with pen, ink, and paper. by him, his rage will quickly lash into a calm ; never fear it.

Mar. You'd say it was no good sign, if you Cha. But who knows what that unlucky dog, knew all. Marplot, told him; nor can I imagine what Sir Geo. Why, prithee ! brought him hither : that fellow is ever doing Mar. Hark'e, sir George, let me warn you; mischief; and yet, to give him his due, he never pursue your old haunt no more; it may be dandesigns it. This some blundering adventure gerous. wherein he thought to shew his friendship, as he

(CHARLES sits down to write. calls it! a curse on him!

Sir Geo. My old haunt! what do you mean? Sir Geo. Then you must forgive him. What Mar. Why, in short, then, since you will have said he?

it, Miranda vows, if you dare approach the garCha. Said ! nay, I had more mind to cut his den-gate at eight o'clock, as you used, you shall throat, than to hear his excuses.

meet with a warm reception. Sir Geo. Where is he?

Sir Geo. A warm reception ! Whis. Sir, I saw him go into sir Francis Gripe's Mar. Aye, a very warm reception-you shall just now.

be saluted with a blunderbuss, sir. These were Cha. Oh! then he's upon your business, sir her very words: nay, she bid me tell you so, George : a thousand to one but he makes some mistake there, too!

Sir Geo. Ha! the garden gate at eight, as I Sir Geo. Impossible, without he huffs the lady used to do! There must be meaning in this. Is and makes love to sir Francis.

there such a gate, Charles?

Mar. Is there such a gate, Charles ?
Enter Drawer.

Cha. Yes, yes; it opens into the Park: I supDraw. Mr Marplot is below, gentlemen, and pose her ladyship has made many a scamper desires to know if he may have leave to wait through it. upon ye.

Sir Geo. It must be an assignation, then. Ha! Chá. How civil the rogue is when he has done my heart springs for joy; 'tis a propitious omen.

My dear Marplot ! Let me embrace thee; thou Şir Geo. Ho ! desire him to walk up. Prithee, art my friend, my better angel. Charles, throw off this chagrin, and be good com Mår. What do you mean, sir George? pany:

Sir Geo. No matter what I mean, Here, take Cha. Nay, hang him, I'm not angry with him. a bumper to the garden-gate, you dear rogue Whisper, fetch me pen, ink, and paper.

you ! Whisp. Yes, sir.

(Exit WuisPER. Mar. You have reason to be transported, sir

George ; I have saved your life.

Sir Geo. My life! thou hast saved my soul,

Charles, if thou dost not pledge this Cha. Do but mark his sheepish look, sir health, may'st thou never taste the joys of love! George.

Cha. Whisper, be sure you take care how you Mar. Dear Charles ! don't overwhelm a man deliver this.—[Gives him the letter.}-Bring me already under insupportable affliction. I'm sure the answer to my lodgings. I always intend to serve my friends; but if my Whis. I warrant you, sir. malicious stars deny the happiness, is the fault Mar. Whither does that letter go? Now, dare mine?

I not ask for my blood-That fellow knows more Sir Geo. Never mind him, Mr Marplot ; secrets than I do. he's eat up with spleen. But tell me, what says

[Erit WHISPER. Miranda?

Cha. Now I'm for you. Mar. Says !-nay, we are all undone there, Sir Geo. To the garden-gate at the hour of too.

eight, Charles : along; huzza ! Cha. I told you so; nothing prospers that he Cha. I begin to conceive you. undertakes.

Mar. That's more than I do, egad -To the Mur. Why, can I help her having chose your garden-gate, huzza -Drinks.-But, I hope, father for better for worse?

you design to keep far enough off out, sir Cha. So; there's another of Fortune's strokes. George? I suppose I shall be edged out of my estate with Sir Geo. Aye, aye; never fear that; she shall twins every year, let who will get them.

see I despise her frowns; let her use the blunSir Geo. What! is the woman really possess-derbuss against the next fool; she sha'nt reach ed?

me with the smoke, I warraut her; ha, ha, ha! Mar. Yes, with the spirit of contradiction : Mar. Ah, Charles ! if you could receive a disshe railed at you most prodigiously.

appointment thus en cavalier, one should have Sir Geo. That's no ill sign.

some comfort in being beat for you. 3


Cha. The fool comprehends nothing.

Cha. Come, you shall go home with me. Sir Geo. Nor would I have him. Prithee, take Mar. Shall I! And are we friends, Charles ? him along with thee.

I am glad of it. Cha. Enough.

Cha. Come along.
Sir Geo. I kiss both

And now

(Exit Sir Charles for the garden gate!

Mar. Egad, Charles' asking me to go home

with him, gives me a shrewd suspicion there's 'Tis beauty gives the assignation there, more in the garden-gate than I comprehend.“ And love too powerful grows to admit of fear. Faith, I'll give him the drop, and away to Gar[Erit Sir George. I dy's, and find it out.



SCENE I.—The outside of Sir JEALOUS TRAF saw Patch's tail sweep by: that wench may be a Fick's house, Patcu peeping out of the door. slut, and, instead of guarding my honour, betray

it. I'll find it out, I'm resolved -Who's Enter WHISPER.

there? Whis. Ha! Mrs Patch, this is a lucky minute,

Enter Servant. to find you so readily; iny master dies with impatience.

What answer did you bring from the gentlemen Patch. My lady imagined so; and, by her or I sent you to invite? ders, I have heen scouting this hour in search of Ser. That they'd all wait on you, sir, as I told you, to inform you, that sir Jealous has invited you before; but I suppose you forgot, sir? some friends to supper with him to-night, which Sir Jea. Did I so, sir? but I sha'nt forget to gives an opportunity to your master to make use break your head, if any

of them come, sir. of his ladder of ropes. The closet window shall Ser. Come, sir! Why, did not you send me be open, and Isabinda ready to receive him. Bid to desire their


sir? him come immediately.

Sir Jea. But I send you now to desire their abWhis. Excellent! he'll not disappoint her, I war sence. Say, I have something extraordinary falrant him. But hold, I have a letter here, which len out, which calls me abroad, contrary to exI'm to carry an answer to. I cannot think what pectation, and ask their pardon ; and, d’ye hear, language the direction is.

send the butler to me. Patch, Pho! 'tis no language, but a character Ser. Yes, sir.

[Erit. which the lovers invented to avert discovery

Enter Butler. Ha! I hear my old master coming down stairs; it is impossible you should have an answer : Sir Jea. If this paper has a meaning, I'll find away, and bid him come himself for that. Be-it-Lay the cloth in my daughter's chamber, gone! we're ruined, if you're seen, for he has and bid the cook send supper thither, presently. doubled his care since the last accident.

But. Yes, sir. Hey-day! What's the matter, Whis. I go, I go.

(Exit Butler. [Erit WHISPER. Sir Jea. He wants the eyes of Argus, that has Patch. There, go thou into my pocket.—[Puts a young, handsome daughter, in this town; but it beside, and it falls down.}-Now, I'll up the my comfort is, I shall not be troubled long with back-stairs, lest I meet him-Well, a dexterous her. He, that pretends to rule a girl once in her chambermaid is the ladies' best utensil

, I say, teens, had better be at sea in a storm, and in less

[Exit Patch. danger, Enter Sir Jealous, with a letter in his hand.

For let him do, or counsel all he can, Sir Jea. So, this is some comfort; this tells me She thinks, and dreams of nothing else, but that signior Don Diego Babinetto is safely arri

[Erit. ved. He shall marry my daughter the minute he comes-Ha! What's here ! [Takes up

SCENE II.-ISABINDA's chamber. the letter Patch dropped.)—A letter! I don't know what to make of the superscription. I'll

Enter ISABINDA and Patch. see what's within-side.(Opens it.}--Humph'tis Hebrew, I think. What can this mean? - Isa. Are you sure nobody saw you speak to There must be some trick in it. This was cer- Whisper ? tainly designed for my daughter; but I don't Patch. Yes, very sure, madam; but I heard know that she can speak any language but her sir Jealous coming down stairs ; so clapt this letmother tongue. No matter for that; this may ter into my pocket. [Feels for the letter. be one of love's hieroglyphicks; and I fancy I Isa. A letter! give it me quickly.



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