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SCENE I.-A Street.
1 Nei. Sir, best to knock again, afore you break
it. Enter Lovewit and Neighbours. Love. Has there been such resort, say you?
Enter Face 1 Nei. Daily, sir.
Lore. I will. 2 Nei. And nightly, too.
Fuce. What mean you, sir? 3 Nei. Ay, some as brave as lords.
All Nei. Oh, here's Jeremy! 4 Nei, Ladies and gentlewomen.
Face. Good sir, come, from the door. 5 Nei. Citizens' wives, and knights in coaches. Love. Why, what's the matter? 2 Nei. Yes, and oyster-women,
Face. Yet farther; you are too near yet, 1 Nei. Beside other gallants.
Love. In the name of wonder, what means the 3 Nei, Sailor's wives.
fellow? 4 Nei. Tobacco-men.
Face. The house, sir, has been visited. 5 Nei. Another Pimlico !
Love. Stand thou, then, farther. Love. What device should he bring forth now? Face. No, sir, I had it not. I love a teeming wit as I love my nourishment. Love. Who had it then? I left Pray, Heaven, he have not kept such open house, None else but thee i' the house. That he hath sold my hangings and my bedding; Face. Yes, sir, my fellow, I left him nothing else. If he have eat them, The cat, that keeps the buttery, had it on her A plagne o' the mouth, say I.
A week before I spied it; but I got her When saw you him?
Convered away i' the night. And so I shut 1 Nei. Who, sir? Jeremy?
a month2 Nei. Jeremy, butler?
Love. How ! We saw him not this month.
Face. Purposing then, sir, Love. How !
To have burnt rose-vinegar, treacle, and tar, 4 Nei. Not these five weeks, sir.
And have made it sweet, that you should ne'er 6 Nei. These six weeks, at the least.
have known it. Love. Ye amaze me, neighbours !
Because I knew the news would but afflict you, 5 Nei. Sure, if your worship know not where sir. he is,
Love. Why, this is stranger ! He's slipped away.
The neighbours tell me all, here, that the doors 6 Nei. Pray, Heaven, he be not made away. Ilave still been open
[He knocks. Face. How, sir! Love. Ila! It is no time to question, then. Love. Gallants, men, and women, 6 Nei. About
And of all sorts, tag-rag, been seen to flock here Some three weeks since, I heard a doleful cry, In threaves, these ten weeks, as to a second hog'sAs I sat up, a mending my wife's stockings.
den, Love. This is strange, that none will answer ! In days of Pimlico and Eye-bright. Didst thou hear
Face. Sir, A crv, say'st thou?
Their wisdoms will not say so! 6 Nei. Yes, sir, like unto a man
Love. To-day, they speak That had been strangled an hour, and could not Of coaches and gallants; one in a French hood speak.
Went in, they tell me; and another was geen 2 Nei. I heard it, too, just this day three weeks, In a velvet gown, at the window; divers more at two o'clock
Pass in and out Next morning.
Face. They did pass through the doors, then, Love. These be miracles, or you make them Or walls, I assure their eye-sights, and their spec
tacles; A man an hour strangled, and could not speak, For here, sir, are the keys, and there have been, And you both heard him cry!
In this iny pocket, now above twenty days. 3 Nei. Yes, downward, sir.
For, on my faith to your worship, for these three Lore. Thou art a wise fellow. "Give me thy wecks, hand, I pray thee.
And upwards, the door has not been opened. What trade art thou?
Lote, Strange! 3 Nei. A smith, an't please your worship. 4 Nei. Good faith, I think I saw a coach. Love. A smith! then lend me thy help to get Love. Do you but think it now?
And but one coach? 3 Nei. That I will, presently, sir; but fetch 4 Nei. We cannot tell, sir; Jeremy
[Erit. Is a very honest fellow.
this door open.
Face. Did you see me at all?
O’ the confederacy. Come, let's get officers, 1 Nei. No; that we are sure on.
And force the door.
Sur. No, sir, we'll come with warrant.
Mam. Aye, and then
We shall have
[Ereunt Surly and MAMMON. 1 Nei. Oh, yes; you may leave your tools; Love. What means this? We were deceived; he says he has had the keys, Face. I cannot tell, sir. And the door has been shut these three weeks. 1 Nei. These are two o' the gallants, 3 Nei. Like enough,
That we do think we saw.
hence, you changelings! Face. Two of the fools!
You talk as idly as they. Good faith, sir, And Mammon made acquainted! They'll tell all. I think the moon hath crazed them all! Oh, me, How shall I beat them off? What shall I do? The angry boy come too! He'll make a noise, Nothing's more wretched than a guilty conscience. And ne'er away till he have betrayed us all.
[Aside. Enter Surly and MAMMON. Sur. No, sir, he was a great physician. This,
Enter KASTRIL. It was no bawdy-house, but a mere chancel. Kas. What rogues, bawds, slaves! you'll open You knew the lord and his sister.
the door anon.
[KASTRIL knocks. Mum. Nay, good Surly
Punk, cockatrice, my suster. By this light Sur. The happy word, be rich
I'll fetch the marshall to you. Mam. Play not the tyrant.
Face. Who would you speak with, sir? Sur. Should be to-day pronounced to all your Kas. The bawdy doctor, and the cozening capfriends.
tain, And where be your andirons, now,
puss, my suster.
Love. This is something, sure ! That should have been golden flaggons, and great Face. Upon my trust, the doors were never
wedges ? Mum. Let me but breathe. What, they have Kas. I have heard all their tricks told me twice
By the fat kuight, and the lean gentleman. Sur. Aye, now, 'tis holiday with them.
Love. Here comes another. Mam. Rogues,
Face. Ananias too! Cozeners, impostors, bawds !
And his pastor !
[Aside. Face. What mean you, sir? (Mammon and Surly knock.
Enter ANANIAS and TRIBULATION. Mam. To enter, if we can.
Ana. Come forth, you seed of sulphur, sons of Face. Another man's house!
fire; Here is the owner, sir; turn to him,
Your stench is broke forth: abomination And speak your business.
Is in the house. Mum. Are you, sir, the owner?
Kas. Aye, my suster's there.
Ana. The place Mum. And are those knaves within your Is become a cage of unclean birds. cheaters?
Kas. Yes, I will fetch the scavenger and the Love. What knaves, what cheaters?
constable. Mam. Subtle, and his Lungs.
Trib. You shall do well.
Kas. You will not come, then, punk device, my sir,
Ana. Call her not sister. She's a harlot, ve
Kas. I'll raise the street. Face. Yes, sir; I am the housekeeper,
Love. Good gentlemen, a word-
Ana. Satan, avoid, and hinder not our zeal.
Face. These are all broke loose
1 Nei. All these persons
shut their doors,
Love. Yes, sir.
Within these doors, upon my word.
Sur. Your word! Groom arrogant.
Sur. You rascal! this is one
2 Nei. Yes, indeed, sir.
SCENE II.-A Chamber. 3 Nei. These were the parties. Face. Peace, you drunkards. Sir,
Enter SUBTLE, DAPPER, and Dol. I wonder at it! Please you to give me leave
Sub. How! ha' you eaten your gag? To touch the door : I'll try an' the lock be chan Dap. Yes, faith, it crumbled ged.
Away in my mouth. Love. It amazes me !
Sub. You ha' spoiled all then.
Sub. Your aunt's a gracious lady; but, in troth, [Dapper cries out within. You were to blame. Dap. Master captain, master doctor.
Dap. The fume did overdome me, Love. Who's that?
And I did do't to stay my stomach. Pray you, Face. Our clerk within, that I forgot! (Aside.] So satisfy her grace.
I know not, sir.
Face. How now! Is his mouth down? Face. Ha !
Sub. Ay, he has spoken. Illusions, some spirit o' the air ! -His
is Face. A pox! I beard him, and you toom IIc's melted,
undone, then And now he sets out the throat. (Aside. I have been fain to say the house is haunted Dap. I'm almost stifled.
With spirits, to keep churl back. Face. Would you were altogether! [Aside. Sub. And hast thou done it? Love. 'Tis in the house.
Face. Sure, for this night. Ha ! list
Sub. Why, then, triumph and sing Face. Believe it, sir, in the air.
Of Face so famous, the precious king
Of present wits !
About the door!
Sub. Yes, and I dwindled with it. Face. Or you will else, you rogue.
Face. Shew him, his aunt, and let him be disLove. Oh, is it so ? Then you converse with patched : spirits.
I'll send her to you.
And bid him fetch a parson presently.
Say, he shall marry the widow. What shall I do? I am catched. [Aside.
(Ereunt Dapper and SUBILE. Love. Good neighbours,
Now, queen Dol,
The lady Pliant ?
Re-enter SUBTLE. (But here's no place to talk on't in the street.) Give me but leave to make the best of my for Sub. Here's your Hieronymo's cloak and hat. tune,
Face. Give me them. And only pardon me the abuse of your house; Sub. And the ruff, too. 'Tis all I beg. I'll help you to a widow,
Face. Yes ; I'll come to you presently. (Erit, In recompense, that you shall give me thanks Sub. Now is he gone about his project, Dol, for,
I told you of, for the widow. Will make you seven years younger, and a rich
Dol. 'Tis direct
Against our articles. 'Tis but your putting on a Spanish cloak;
Sub. Well, we'll fit him, wench. I have her within. You need not fear the house; Hast thou gulled her of her jewels, or her braceIt was not visited.
lets? Love. But by me, who came
Dol. No, but I will do't. Sooner than you expected.
Sub. Soon at night, my Dolly, Face. It is true, sir.
When we are shipped, and all our goods aboard, Pray you, forgive me.
Eastward for Ratcliff, we will turn our course Love. Let's see your widow. (Ereunt. To Brainford, westward, if thou say'st the word,
And take our leave of this o'erweening rascal, Dol. Pox upon you, rogue :
Would I had but time to beat theel [E.cit Dol. Dol. Content; I'm weary of him.
Face. Subtle, Sub. We'll tickle it at the pigeons,
Let's know where you set up next: PN send you When we have all, and may unlock the trunks, A customer, now and then, for old acquaintAnd say, this is mine and thine, and thine and mine.
[They kiss. What new course have you?
Sub. Rogue, I'll hang myself,
That I may walk a greater devil than thou,
And haunt thee i' the flock-bed, and the buttery. Sub. Yes, a little exalted,
Exit. In the good passage of our stock affairs. Face. Come, my venturers,
SCENE HI.-A street before Lovewit's house. You ha' packed up all? Where be the trunks ? Bring forth.
LOVEWIT above. Enter Officers, MAMMON, SUR Sub. Here.
LY, Face, KaŞTRIL, ANANIAS, und TRIBUFace. Let us see them. Where's the money?
LATION Sub. Here.
Love. What do you mean, my masters? Face. The brethren's money, this. Drugger's Mam. Open your door, and Dapper's in this,
Cheaters, bawds, conjurers. Mammon's ten pounds: eight score before. Offi. Or we'll break it open. Where be the French petticoats,
Love. What warrant have you? And girdles, and hangers ?
Offi. Warrant enough, sir, doubt not. Sub. Here i' the trunk,
Love. Is there an officer there? And the bolts of lawn.
Offi. Yes, two or.three for failing. Face. Is Drugger's damask there?
Love. Have but patience, Sub. Yes.
And I will open it straight. Face. Give me the keys.
Face. Sir, have you done? Dol. Why you the keys ?
Is it a marriage ? perfect? Sub. No matter, Dol; because
Love. Yes, my brain. We shall not open them, before he comes. Face. Of with your ruff, and cloak then; be Face. 'Tis true, you shall not open them, in yourself, sir. deed;
Sur. Down with the door. Nor have them forth. Do you see? Not forth, Kas. 'Slight, ding it open. Dol.
Love. Hold, Dol. No!
Hold, gentlemen! what means this violence ? Face. No, my smock-rampant. The right is, Mam. Where is this collier? my master
Sur. And my captain Face?
Sur. That are birding in men's purses.
Ana. Locusts of the foul pit.
Trib. Prophạne as Bell and the Dragon. Determines the indenture tripartite,
Ana. Worse than the grashoppers, or the lice 'Twixt Subtle, Dol, and Face. All I can do,
of Egypt. Is to help you over the wall, o' the backside; Love. Good gentlemen, hear me. Are you ofOr lend you a sheet to save your
ficers, and Dol.
And cannot stay this violence? Here will be officers presently; bethink you Offi. Keep the peace. Of some course suddenly to 'scape the dock; Love. Gentlemen, what is the matter! Whom For thither you'll come else. Hark you ! thunder. do you seek
(Some knock. Mam. The chymical cozener. Sub. You are a precious fiend !
Sur. And the captain pander. Offi. Open the door.
Outside. Kas. The pun, my suster. Face. Dol, I am sorry for thee i'faith. But, Mam. Madam Rabbi. hear'st thou?
Ana. Scorpions and caterpillars. It shall go hard, but I will place thee some Love. Fewer at once, I pray you. where :
Offr. One after another, gentlemen, I charge Thou shalt have my letter to mistress Amo.
you. Dol. Hang you
By virtue of my staff.
Ana. They are the vessels
Of pride, lust, and the cart.
Or any formal writ out of a court, Love. Good zeal, lie still
That you did cozen yourself, I will not hold A little while.
them. Trib. Peace, deacon Ananias.
Mam. I'll rather lose them. Love. The house is mine here, and the doors Love. That you shall not, sir, are open:
By me, in troth. Upon these terms they are If there be any such persons you seek for,
yours. Use your authority;
What should they ha' been, sir? turned into gold I am but newly come to town, and finding
all ? This tumult 'bout my door (to tell you true)
Mam. No. It somewhat ʼmazed me; till my man here, fear- I cannot tell
. It may be they should. What ing
then ? My more displeasure, told me had done
Love. What a great loss in hope have you susSomewhat an insolent part, let out my house
tained ! To a doctor, and a captain'; who, what they are, Mam. Not I, the commonwealth has. Or where they be, he knows not.
I will go mount a turnip-cart, and preach Mam. Are they gone? [They enter. The end o' the world, within these two months, Love. You may go in and search, sìr. Here, I Surly, what! in a dream? find
Sur. Must I needs cheat myself, The empty walls worse than I left them, smoked, With that same foolish vice of honesty! A few cracked pots and glasses, and a furnace; Come, let us go, and hearken out the rogues. The ceiling filled with poesies of the candle : That Face I'll mark for mine, if I e'er meet him. Only one gentlewoman, I met here,
[Ereunt. That is within, that said she was a widow
Face. If you get off the angry child, now, sirKas. Aye, that's my suster. I'll go thump her. Where is she?
(Exit. Love. And should ha' married a Spanish count, Kas. Come on, you ewe, you have matched but he,
most sweetly, ha' you not? When he came to't, neglected her so grossly,
[To his sister. That I, a widower, am gone through with her. Did I not say, I would never ha' you tupped Sur. How! Have I lost her, then?
But by a dubbed boy, to make you a Lady-Tom? Love. Were you the Don, sir !
'Slight, you are a mammet! Oh, I could touse Good faith, now, she does blame you extremely,
Love. You lie, boy!
Love. Come, will you quarrel? I will seize
you, And then did nothing. What an oversight,
Kas. God's light !
Love. What! do you change your copy now?
Here stands my dove; stoop at her if you dare. Mam. The whole nest are fled !
Kas. 'Slight, I must love him! I cannot chuse, Love. What sort of birds were they?
i' faith! Mam. A kind of choughs,
An' I should be hanged for't. Suster, I protest, Or thievish daws, sir, that have picked my purse I honour thee for this match. Of eight score and ten pounds, within these five Love. Oh, do you so, sir? weeks,
Kas. Yes, an' thou canst take tobacco, and Beside my first materials, and my goods,
drink, old boy, That lie i' the cellar, which I am glad they ha' I'll give her five hundred pounds more, to her left.
marriage, I may have them home yet.
Than her own 'state. Love. Think you so, sir?
Love. Fill a pipe-full, Jeremy,
Face. Yes, but go in, and take it, sir.
I will be ruled by thee in any thing, Jeremy. Love. Sir, I can take no knowledge,
That master, That they are yours, but by public means.
That had received such happiness by a servant, If you can bring certificate, that you were gulled In such a widow, and with so much wealth, of them,
Were very ungrateful, if he would not be