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Lady True. Harmless, d’ye call it? It beats love in this house any more. I have now only hard by us, as if it would break through the the conjurer to deal with. I don't question but wall.

I shall make his reverence scamper as fast as the Tin. What a devil had I to do with a white lover; and then the day's my own. But the sersheet?

vants are coming; I must get into my cup-board. [Scene opens, and discovers FANTOME.

(He goes in. Mercy on us, it appears ! Lady True. Oh, 'tis he! 'tis he himself ! 'tis

Enter ABIGAIL and Servants. sir George ! 'tis my husband ! [She fuints.

Tin. Now, would I give ten thousand pounds Abi. Oh, my poor lady! This wicked drum has that I were in town.--[Fantome advances to frighted Mr Tinsel out of his wits, and my lady him, drumming.)-I beg ten thousand pardons : into a swoon. Let me bend her a little forward I'll never talk at this rate any more.—[FANTOME -She revives---Here, carry her into the fresh still advances, drumming.}-By my soul, sir air, and she'll recover.—[ They carry her off]--George, I was not in earnest.-(Falls on his This is a little barbarous to my lady'; but 'iis all knees.|--Have compassion on my youth, and for her good : and I know her so well, that she consider I am but a coxcomb.—[FANTOME points would not be angry with me, if she knew what I to the door. 1-But see, he waves me off-Aye, was to get by it. And, if any of her friends with all my heart-What a devil had I to do should blame me for it hereafter, with a white sheet? [He steuls off the stage, mending his pace as

I'll clap my hand upon my purse, and tell 'em, the drum beats.

'Twas for a thousand pounds, and Mr Vellum. Fan. The scoundrel is gone, and has left his

[Erit. mistress behind hiin. I'm mistaken if he makes




know I went with you last night into the garden,

when the cook-maid wanted a handful of parsley. Enter Sir George in his conjurer's habit ; the

But. Why, you don't think I'll stay with the Butler murching before him, with two large conjurer by myself? candles; and the two Scrvants coming after

Gard. Come, we'll all three go, and fetch the him, one bringing a little table, and another a

pen and ink together. chair.

[Ereunt Servants.

Sir Geo. There's nothing, I see, makes such But. Ax's plcase your worship, Mr Conjurer, strong alliances as fear. These fellows are all the steward has given all of us orders to do what- entered into a confederacy against the ghost.soever you shall bid and to pay you the same There must be abundance of business done in respect as if you were our master.

the family, at this rate.

But here comes the Sir Geo. Thou say'st well.

triple-alliance. Who could have thought these Gard. An't please your conjurership's worship, three rogues could have found each of them an shall I set the table down here?

employment in fetching a peu and ink? Sir Geo. Here, Peter.

Gard. Peter! He knows my name by his Enter Gardener with a sheet of paper, Coacha learning

[ Aside.

man with a stundish, and Butler with a pen. Coach. I have brought you, reverend sir, the largest elbow-chair in the house; 'tis that the Gard. Sir, there is your paper. steward sits in, when he holds a court.

Couch. Sir, there is your standish. Sir Geo. Place it there.

But. Sir, there is your crow-quill pen- -I'm But. Sir, will you please to want any thing glad I have got rid on't.

[Aside. else?

Gard. [Aside.]-He forget's that he's to make Sir Geo. Paper, and pen and ink.

a circle

-Doctor, shall I help you to a bit of But. Sir, I believe we have paper that is fit chalk ? for your purpose; my lady's mourning paper,

Sir Geo. It is no matter. that is blacked at the edges. Would you choose But. Look ye, sir, I shewed you the spot, to write with a crow-quill?

where he's heard oftenest. If your worship can Sir Geo. There is none better.

but ferret him out of that old wall in the next But. Coachman, go fetch the paper and standish out of the little parlour..

Sir Geo. We shall try. Coach. (To GARDENER.}Peter, prithee, do Gard. That's right, John. His worship must thou go along with me -I'm afraid ---You I let ny all his learning at that old wall. Vol. II.

4 E


But. Sir, if I was worthy to advise you, I Sir Geo. Speak. would have a bottle of good October by me.- Gard. The butler and I, Mr Doctor, were Shall I set a cup of old stingo at your

elbow? both of us in love, at the same time, with a cer Sir Geo. I thank thee- -We shall do with tain person. out it.

Sir Geo. A woman. Gard. John, he seems a very good-natured Gard. How could he know that? [Aside. man for a conjurer.

Sir Geo. Go on. But. I'll take this opportunity of inquiring af- Gard. This woman has lately had two chilter a bit of plate I have lost. I fancy, whilst he dren at a birth. is in iny lady's pay, one may hedge in a question Sir Geo. Twins. or two into the bargain. Sir, sir, may I beg a Gard. Prodigious! Where could be hear word in your ear?


[Aside. Sir Geo. What wouldst thou?

Sir Geo. Proceed. But. Sir, I know I need not tell you, that I Gard. Now, because I used to meet her some lost one of my silver spoons last week.

times in the garden, she has laid them bothSir Geo. Marked with a swan's neck

Sir Geo. To thee. But. My lady's crest! He knows every thing. Gard. What a power of learning he must have! [Aside.]—Ilow would your worship advise me to he knows every thing.

[Aside. recover it again?

Sir Geo. Hast thou done? Sir Geo. Hum

Gard. I would desire to know, whether I am But, What must I do to come at it?

really father to them both? Sir Geo. Drink nothing but small-beer for a

Sir Geo. Stand before me: let me survey thee fortnight

round. Bui. Small-beer! rot-gut!

[Lays his wand upon his head, and makes him Sir Geo. If thou drink'st a single drop of ale

turn about. before fifteen days are expired--it is as much- Coach. Look yonder, John, the silly dog is as thy spoon-is worth.

turning about under the conjurer's wand. If he But. I shall never recover it that way- I'll has been saucy to bim, we shall see him puffed e'en buy a new one.

[Aside. off in a whirlwind immediately. Coach. D'ye mind how they whisper?

Sir Geo. Twins, dost thou say? Gard. I'll be hanged if he be not asking him

[Still turning him. something about Nell

Gard. Aye; are they both mine, d'ye think? Coach. I'll take this opportunity of putting a Sir Geo. Own but one of them. question to him about poor Dobbin. I fancy he Gard. Aye, but Mrs Abigail will have me take could give me better counsel than the farrier. care of them both-she's always for the butler.

But. [To GARDENER.]-A prodigious man! If my poor master, sir George, had been alive, He knows every thing. Now is the time to find he would have made him go halves with me. out thy pick-axe.

Sir Geo. What, was sir George a kind masGard. I have nothing to give him. Does not ter? he expect to have his hand crossed with silver? Gard. Was he ! Aye, my fellow servants will Coach. [To Sir George.—Sir, may a man

bear me witness. venture to ask you a question?

Sir Geo. Did ve love sir George? Sir Geo. Ask it.

But. Every body loved him. Coach. I have a poor horse in the stable, that's Coach. There was not a dry eye in the parish bewitched

at the news of his deathSir Geo. A bay gelding.

Gard. He was the best neighbour-
Coach. How could he know that? [Aside. But. The kindest busband-
Sir Geo. Bought at Banbury.

Coach. The truest friend to the poor-
Coach. Whew !-So it was, on my conscience! But. My lady took on mightily; we all thought

[Ilhistles. it would have been the death of herSir Geo. Six years old, last Lammas.

Sir Geo. I protest these fellows meli meI Coach. To aday!--[Aside.]--Now, sir, I would think the time long till I am their master again, know whether the poor bcast is bewitched by that I may be kind to them.

[dside. Goody Crouch, or Goody Fly? Sir Geo. Neither.

Enter VELLUM. Coach. Then it must be Goody Gurton; for Vel. Have you provided the doctor every thing she is the next oldest woman in the parish. he has occasion for? If so-you may depart. Gard. Ilast thou done, Robin?

[Ereunt servants. Coach. [To GARDENER.]--Ile can tell thee Sir Geo. I can, as yet, see no hurt in my wife's any thing.

behaviour; but still have some certain pangs and Gard. [To Sir GEORGE.]-Sir, I would beg to doubts, that are natural to the heart of a fond take you a little further out of hearing. inan.—[Aside.}-Dear Vellum, I am impatiens


my wife

to hear some news of my wife. How does she, | the whole story, and do it with all the art you are after her fright?

master of, that the surprise may not be too great Vel. It is a saying, somewhere in my lord for her. Coke, that a widow

Vel. It shall be done. But since her ho-hour Sir Geo. I ask of my wife, and thou talkest to has seen this apparition, she desires to see you me of my lord Coke-Prithee, tell me how she once more, before you encounter it. does, for I am in pain for her?

Sir Geo. I shall expect her impatiently; for Vel. She is pretty well recovered. Mrs Abi- now I can talk to her without being interrupted gail has put her in good heart; and I have given by that impertinent rogue, Tinsel. I hope thou her great hopes from your skill.

hast not told Abigail any thing of the secret? Sir Geo. That, I think, cannot fail, since thou Vel. Mrs Abigail is a woman; there are many hast got this secret out of Abigail. But I could reasons why she should not be acquainted with it : not have thought my friend Fantome would have I shall only mention sixserved me thus.

Sir Geo. Hlush, here she comes! Oh, my Vel. You will still fancy you are a living heart ! man. Sir Geo. That he should endeavour to ensnare


Sir Geo. [Aside, while Vellum talks in dumb Vel

. You have no right in her after your de- shew to LADY TrueMAN.] Oh, that loved womise. Death extinguishes all propertyZQuoud man! Ilow I long to take her in my arms! If hanc-It is a maxim in the law.

I find I am still dear to her memory, it will be a Sir Geo. A pox on your learning! Well, but return to life indeed! But I must take care of what is become of Tinsel ?

indulging this tenderness, and put on a behaviour Vel. He rushed out of the house, called for more suitable to my present character. his horse, clapped spurs to his sides, and was out [Walks at a distance in a pensive posture, of sight in less time than I can call ten.

waving his wand. Sir Geo. This is whimsical enough! My wife Lady True. To Vellum.] This is surprising will have a quick succession of lovers in one day. indeed! So all the servants tell me; they say Fantome has driven out Tinsel, and I shall drive he knows every thing that has happened in the out Fantome.

family. Vel. Eren as one wedge driveth out another Abi. (Aside.) A parcel of credulous fools! they -He, he, he! You must pardon me for being first tell him their secrets, and then wonder how jocular.

he comes to know them. Sir Geo. Was there ever such a provoking [Erit Vellum, erchanging fond looks with blockhead! But he means me well--You must

ABIGAIL. remember, Vellum, you have abundance of busi- Lady True. Learned sir, may I have some conness upon your hands; and I have but just time versation with you, before you begin your coreto tell it you over. All I require of you is dis- monies? patch; therefore, hear me.

Sir Geo. Speak-But hold—First, let me feel Vel

. There is nothing more requisite in busi- your pulse. ness than dispatch

Lady True. What can you learn from that? Sir Geo. Then, hear me.

Sir Geo. I have already learned a secret from Vel. It is, indeed, the lite of business

it, that will astonish you. Sir Geo. Hear me, then, I say.

Lady True. Prav, what is it? Vel. And, as one hath rightly observed, the Sir Geo. You will have a husband within this benefit that attends it is four-fold. First---- half hour.

Sir Geo. There is no bearing this. Thou art Abi. [Aside.] I am glad to hear that-IIe going to describe dispatch, when thou shouldst be must mean Mr Fantome. I begin to think practising it.

there's a good deal of truth in his art. Vel. But your ho-nour will not give me the Lady True. Alas! I fear you mean I shall sce hearing

sir George's apparition a second time. Sir Geo. Thou wilt not give me the hearing. Sir Geo. Have courage; you shall see the ap

[Angrily. parition no more. The husband I mention, shall Vel. I am still.

be as much alive as I am. Sir Geo. In the first place, you are to lay my

Abi, Mr Fantome, to be sure.

Aside. wig, hat, and sword, ready for me in the closet, Lady True. Impossible; I loved my first too and one of my scarlet coats. You know how well. Abigail has described the ghost to you.

Sir Geo. You could not love the first better Vel. It shall be done.

than you will love the second. Sir Geo. Then you must remember, whilst I Lady True. Alas! you did not know sir am laying this ghost, you are to prepare my wife George! for the reception of her real husband. Tell her Sir Geo. As well as I do inyself - I saw him

with you in the red damask room, when he first scoundrel he looked, when he left your ladyship made Jove to you; your mother left you together, in a swoon! Where have you left my lady sars under pretence of receiving a visit from Mrs 1. In an elbow-chair, child, says he. "And where Hawthorn, on her return from London.

are you going? says I. To town, child, says he; Lady True. This is astonishing !

for, to tell thee truly, child, says he, I don't care Sir Geo. You were a great admirer of a single for living under the same roof with the devil, life for the first half hour; your refusals then says he. grew still fainter and fainter. With what ecsta- Sir Geo. Well, lady, I see rothing in all this, that cy did sir George kiss your hand, when you told may hinder sir George's spirit from being at rest. hin you

should always follow the advice of your Dendy True. If he knows any thing of what mamma!


in my heart, he cannot but be satisfied of Lady True Every circumstance to a tittle! that fondness which I bear to his memory. My

Sir Geo. Then, lady, the wedding-night! I sorrow for him is always fresh, when I think of saw you in your white satin night-gown. You him. He was the kindest, truest, tenderestwould not come out of your dressing-room, till Tears will not let me go onsir George took you out by force. Ile drew you Sir Geo. This quite overpowers me

me!-I shall gently by the hand---You struggled —but he discover inyself before my tiine. [ Aside.] Madam, was too strong for you. You blushed; he- you may now retire, and leave me to myself.

Lady True. Oh, stop there! go no further- Lady True. Success attend you ! He knows every thing!

[ Aside. Abi. I wish Mr Fantome gets well off from Abi. Truly, Mr Conjurer, I believe you have this old Don—I know he'll be with him immebeen a wag in your youth.

diately. Sir Geo. Mrs Abigail, you know what your (Ereunt Lady TRUEman and ABIGAIL, good word cost sir George; a purse of broad Sir Geo. My heart is now at ease !--she is the pieces, Mrs Abigail.

same dear woman I left her. Now for my reAbi. The devil's in him! (Aside.] Pray, sir, venge upon Fantome! I shall cut the ceremosince you have told so far, you should tell my nies short-A few words will do his business. lady, that I refused to take them.

Now, let me seat myself in form-A good easy Sir Geo. 'Tis true, child; he was forced to chair for a conjurer this—Now for a few mathethrust them into your bosom.

matical scratches—A good lucky scrawl that-, Abi. This rogue will mention the thousand Faith, I think it looks very astrological—These pounds, if I don't take care. (Aside.] Pray, sir, two or three magical pot-books about it, make it though you are a conjurer, methinks you need a complete conjurer's scheme. (Drum beats.] not be a blab.

Ha, ha, ha! sir, are you there? Enter, drummer Lady True. Sir, since I have now no reason -Now must I pore upon my paper. to doubt your art, I must beseech you to treat this apparition gently. It has the resemblance

Enter Fantome, beating his drum. of my deceased husband. If there be any un- Pr'ythee, don't make a noise; I'm busy. (Fandiscovered secret, any thing that troubles his TOME beats.} A pretty march! Pr’ythee beat rest, learn it of him.

that over again. "[He beats and advances.] [RiSir Geo. I must, to that end, be sincerely in- sing.) Ha! you're very perfect in the step of a formed by you, whether your heart be engaged ghost. You stalk it majestically. [FANTOME adto another.-llave not you received the addresses vances.] How the rogue stares! be acts it ta of many lovers since his death?

admiration! I'll be hanged if he has not been Ludy True. I have been obliged to receive practising this half hour in Irs Abigail's wardmore visits than have been agreeable.

robe! [FANTOME stares, gives a rap with his Sir Geo. Was not Tinsel welcome ?- I'm drum.] Pr’ythee, don't play the fool. [Faso afraid to hear an answer to my own question. Tome beats.) Nay, nay; enough of this, good Mir

[Aside. Fantome. Lady True. He was well recommended.

Fan. (Aside.] Death! I am discovered. This Sir Geo. Racks!

[Aside. jade, Abigail, has betrayed me. Lady True. Of a good family.

Sir Geo. Mr Fantoine, upon the word of an Sir Geo. Tortures!

[Aside. astrologer, your thousand pound bribe will never Lady True. lcir to a considerable estate. gain my lady Trueman.

Sir Geo. Death ! {Aside.] And you still love Fan: Tis plain, she bas told him all. [.Aside. him?---I'm distracted!

[ Asiile. Sir Geo. Let me advise you to make off as Lady True. No, I despise bim. I found he fast as you can, or I plainly perceive by my ari, had a design upon my fortune ; was base, pro- Mr Ghost will have his bones broke. fligate, cowardly, and every thing that could be Fan. (To Sir GEORGE.] Look ve, old gentle expected from a man of the vilest principles. man, I perceive you have learned this secret Sir Geo. I'mn recovered.

[Aside. from Mrs Abigail. dbi. Oh, madain, had you seen how like a Sir Geo. I have learned it from my arte


your lady?


my life!


Fan. Thy art! prithee, no more of that.- Sir Geo. What dost thou think? Look ye, I know you are a cheat as much as I Abi, Think, sir! think !Troth I don't know

And if thou'lt keep my counsel, I'll give what to think. Pray, sir, howthee ten broad pieces.

Sir Geo. No questions, good Abigail ; thy cuSir Geo. I am not mercenary. Young man, 1 riosity shall be satisfied in due time. Where's scorn thy gold. Fan. I'll make them up twenty

Abi. Oh, I'm so frighted--and so gladSir Geo. Avaunt! and that quickly, or I'll Sir Geo. Where's your lady, I ask you? raise such an apparition as shall

Abi. Marry, I don't know where I am myself Fan. An apparition, old gentleman! you :-I can't forbear weeping for joy mistake your man; I'm not to be frighted with Sir Geo. Your lady? I say, your lady? I must bugbears!

bring you to yourself with one pinch more. Sir Geo. Let me retire but for a few moments, Abi. Oh, she has been talking a good while and I will give thee such a proof of my art

with the steward. Fan. Why, if thou hast any hocus-pocus tricks Sir Geo. Then he has opened the whole story to play, why canst thou not do them here? to her. I'm glad he has prepared her. Oh,

Sir Geo. The raising of a spirit requires cer- here she comes ! tain secret mysteries to be performed, and words to be muttered in private

Enter Lady TrueMAN, followed by Vellum. Fan. Well, if I see through your trick, will Lady True. Where is he? Let me fy into his you promise to be my friend?


soul! my husband! Sir Geo. I will- -Attend and tremble ! Sir Geo. Oh, let me catch thee to my heart,

[Erit. dearest of women! Fan. A very solemn old ass! but I smoke Lady True. Are you, then, still alive, and are him-he has a mind to raise his price upon me. you here! I can scarce believe my senses ! Now I could not think this slut would have used me am I happy indeed! thus. I begin to grow horribly tired of my drum. Sir Geo. My heart is too full to answer thee. I wish I was well rid of it. However, I have Lady True. Was ever woman so blessed ! to got this by it, that it has driven off Tinsel for find again the darling of her soul, when she good and all : I shan't have the mortification to thought him lost for ever! to enter into a kind see my mistress carried off by such a rival.- of second marriage with the only man, whom she Well, whatever happens, I must stop this old was ever capable of loving! fellow's mouth; I must not be sparing in hush- Sir Geo. May it be as happy as our first ! I money. But here he conjes.

desire no more. Believe me, my dear, I want Enter Sir George in his own habit.

words to express those transports of joy and ten

derness, which are every inoment rising in my Ha! what's that! Sir George Trueman! This heart whilst I speak to thee. can be no counterfeit. His dress, bis shape, bis

Enter Servants. face, the very wound of which he died ! Nay, then, 'tis time to decamp.

[Runs off But. Just as the steward told us, lads! Look Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! Fare you well, good sir you there, if he ben't with my lady already! George. The enemy has left me master of the Gard. He, he, he! what joyful night will field; here are the marks of my victory. This this be for madam. drum will I hang up in my great hall, as the tro- Coach. As I was coming in at the gate, a phy of the day.

strange gentleman whisked by me; but he took Enter ABIGAIL.--Sir George stands with his I did not see master before me, I should have

to his heels, and made away to the George. If hand before his face, in a musing posture.

sworn it had been his honour! Abi. Yonder be is. O my conscience, he has Gard. Hast thou given orders for the bells to driven off the conjurer! Mr Fantome, Mr Fan- be set a ringing ? tome! I give you joy, I give you joy! What do Coach. Never trouble thy head about that; it you think of your thousand pounds now? Why is done. does not the man speak?

Sir Geo. [TO LADY TRUEMAN.) My dear, I [Pulls him by the sleeve. long as much to tell you my whole story, as you Sir Geo. Ha !

do to hear it. In the mean while, I am to look [Taking his hands from his face. upon this as my wedding-day. I'll have nothing Abi. Oh 'tis my master!

[Shrieks. but the voice of mirth and feasting in my house. (Running away, he catches her. My poor neighbours and my servants shall reSir Geo. Good Mrs Abigail, not so fast. joice with me. My hall shall be free to every

Abi. Are you alive, sir? He has given my one, and let my cellars be thrown open. shoulder such a cursed tweak! they must be real But. Ah, bless your honour, may you never fingers; I feel them, I'ın sure,

die again!

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