to hear some news of my wife. How does she, after her fright? Vel. It is a saying, somewhere in my lord Coke, that a widow Sir Geo. I ask of my wife, and thou talkest to me of my lord Coke-Prithee, tell me how she does, for I am in pain for her? Vel. She is pretty well recovered. Mrs Abigail has put her in good heart; and I have given her great hopes from your skill. Sir Geo. That, I think, cannot fail, since thou hast got this secret out of Abigail. But I could not have thought my friend Fantome would have served me thus. Vel. You will still fancy you are a living man. Sir Geo. That he should endeavour to ensnare my wife Vel. You have no right in her after your demise. Death extinguishes all propertyQuoad hanc-It is a maxim in the law. Sir Geo. A pox on your learning! Well, but what is become of Tinsel ? Vel. He rushed out of the house, called for his horse, clapped spurs to his sides, and was out of sight in less time than I can call ten. Sir Geo. This is whimsical enough! My wife will have a quick succession of lovers in one day. Fantome has driven out Tinsel, and I shall drive out Fantome. Vel. Even as one wedge driveth out another -He, he, he! You must pardon me for being jocular. Sir Geo. Was there ever such a provoking blockhead! But he means me well-You must remember, Vellum, you have abundance of business upon your hands; and I have but just time to tell it you over. All I require of you is dispatch; therefore, hear me. Vel. There is nothing more requisite in busi ness than dispatch Sir Geo. Then, hear me. Vel. It is, indeed, the life of business Sir Geo. Hear me, then, I say. Vel. And, as one hath rightly observed, the benefit that attends it is four-fold. First-—— | the whole story, and do it with all the art you are master of, that the surprise may not be too great for her. Vel. It shall be done. But since her ho-nour has seen this apparition, she desires to see you once more, before you encounter it. Sir Geo. I shall expect her impatiently; for now I can talk to her without being interrupted by that impertinent rogue, Tinsel. I hope thou hast not told Abigail any thing of the secret? Vel. Mrs Abigail is a woman; there are many reasons why she should not be acquainted with it : I shall only mention six Sir Geo. Hush, here she comes! Oh, my heart! Enter LADY TRUEMAN and ABIGAIL. Sir Geo. [Aside, while VELLUM talks in dumb shew to LADY TRUEMAN.] Oh, that loved woman! How I long to take her in my arms! If I find I am still dear to her memory, it will be a return to life indeed! But I must take care of indulging this tenderness, and put on a behaviour more suitable to my present character. [Walks at a distance in a pensive posture, waving his wand. Lady True. [To VELLUM.] This is surprising indeed! So all the servants tell me; they say he knows every thing that has happened in the family. Abi. [Aside.] A parcel of credulous fools! they first tell him their secrets, and then wonder how he comes to know them. [Exit VELLUM, exchanging fond looks with ABIGAIL. Lady True. Learned sir, may I have some conversation with you, before you begin your ceremonies? Sir Geo. Speak-But hold-First, let me feel your pulse. Lady True. What can you learn from that? Sir Geo. I have already learned a secret from it, that will astonish you. Lady True. Pray, what is it? Sir Geo. You will have a husband within this half hour. Abi. [Aside.] I am glad to hear that-He must mean Mr Fantome. I begin to think there's a good deal of truth in his art. Lady True. Alas! I fear you mean I shall sce sir George's apparition a second time. Sir Geo. Have courage; you shall see the apparition no more. The husband I mention, shall be as much alive as I am. with you in the red damask room, when he first | scoundrel he looked, when he left your ladyship made love to you; your mother left you together, under pretence of receiving a visit from Mrs Hawthorn, on her return from London. Lady True. This is astonishing! Sir Geo. You were a great admirer of a single ife for the first half hour; your refusals then grew still fainter and fainter. With what ecstacy did sir George kiss your hand, when you told him you should always follow the advice of your mamma! Lady True Every circumstance to a tittle! Sir Geo. Then, lady, the wedding-night! I saw you in your white satin night-gown. You would not come out of your dressing-room, till sir George took you out by force. He drew you gently by the hand-You struggled—but he was too strong for you-You blushed; heLady True. Oh, stop there! go no furtherHe knows every thing! [Aside. Abi. Truly, Mr Conjurer, I believe you have been a wag in your youth. Sir Geo. Mrs Abigail, you know what your good word cost sir George; a purse of broad pieces, Mrs Abigail. Abi. The devil's in him! [Aside.] Pray, sir, since you have told so far, you should tell my lady, that I refused to take them. Sir Geo. 'Tis true, child; he was forced to thrust them into your bosom. Abi. This rogue will mention the thousand pounds, if I don't take care. [Aside.] Pray, sir, though you are a conjurer, methinks you need not be a blab. Lady True. Sir, since I have now no reason to doubt your art, I must beseech you to treat this apparition gently. It has the resemblance of my deceased husband. If there be any undiscovered secret, any thing that troubles his rest, learn it of him. Sir Geo. I must, to that end, be sincerely informed by you, whether your heart be engaged to another.-Have not you received the addresses of many lovers since his death? Lady True. I have been obliged to receive more visits than have been agreeable. Sir Geo. Was not Tinsel welcome?-I'm afraid to hear an answer to my own question. [Aside. Lady True. He was well recommended. [Aside. [Aside. Lady True. Heir to a considerable estate. Sir Geo. Death! [Aside.] And you still love him?--I'm distracted! [Aside. Lady True. No, I despise him. I found he had a design upon my fortune; was base, profligate, cowardly, and every thing that could be expected from a man of the vilest principles. Sir Geo. I'm recovered. [Aside. Abi. Oh, madam, had you seen how like a in a swoon! Where have you left my lady says I. In an elbow-chair, child, says he. And where are you going? says I. To town, child, says he; for, to tell thee truly, child, says he, I don't care for living under the same roof with the devil, says he. Sir Geo. Well, lady, I see nothing in all this, that may hinder sir George's spirit from being at rest. Lady True. If he knows any thing of what passes in my heart, he cannot but be satisfied of that fondness which I bear to his memory. My sorrow for him is always fresh, when I think of him. He was the kindest, truest, tenderestTears will not let me go on Sir Geo. This quite overpowers me!-I shall discover myself before my time. [Aside.] Madam, you may now retire, and leave me to myself. Lady True. Success attend you! Abi. I wish Mr Fantome gets well off from this old Don-I know he'll be with him immediately. [Exeunt LADY TRUEMAN and Abigail, Sir Geo. My heart is now at ease!—she is the same dear woman I left her. Now for my revenge upon Fantome! I shall cut the ceremonies short-A few words will do his business.-' Now, let me seat myself in form-A good easy chair for a conjurer this-Now for a few mathematical scratches-A good lucky scrawl that—, Faith, I think it looks very astrological-These two or three magical pot-hooks about it, make it a complete conjurer's scheme. [Drum_beats.] Ha, ha, ha! sir, are you there? Enter, drummer -Now must I pore upon my paper. Enter FANTOME, beating his drum. Pr'ythee, don't make a noise; I'm busy. [FANTOME beats.] A pretty march! Pr'ythee beat that over again. [He beats and advances.] [Rising.] Ha! you're very perfect in the step of a ghost. You stalk it majestically. [FANTOME advances.] How the rogue stares! he acts it to admiration! I'll be hanged if he has not been practising this half hour in Mrs Abigail's wardrobe! [FANTOME stares, gives a rap with his drum.] Pr'ythee, don't play the fool. [FANTOME beats.] Nay, nay; enough of this, good Mr Fantome. Fan. [Aside.] Death! I am discovered. This jade, Abigail, has betrayed me. Sir Geo. Mr Fantomne, upon the word of an astrologer, your thousand pound bribe will never gain my lady Trueman. Fan. 'Tis plain, she has told him all. [Aside. Sir Geo. Let me advise you to make off as fast as you can, or I plainly perceive by my art, Mr Ghost will have his bones broke, Fan. [To SIR GEORGE.] Look ye, old gentleman, I perceive you have learned this secret from Mrs Abigail. Sir Geo. I have learned it from my art. Fan. Thy art! prithee, no more of that.Look ye, I know you are a cheat as much as I And if thou'lt keep my counsel, I'll give thee ten broad picces. am. Sir Geo. I am not mercenary. Young man, I scorn thy gold. Fan. I'll make them up twenty Sir Geo. Avaunt! and that quickly, or I'll raise such an apparition as shall Fan. An apparition, old gentleman! you mistake your man; I'm not to be frighted with bugbears! Sir Geo. Let me retire but for a few moments, and I will give thee such a proof of my artFan. Why, if thou hast any hocus-pocus tricks to play, why canst thou not do them here? Sir Geo. The raising of a spirit requires certain secret mysteries to be performed, and words to be muttered in private Fan. Well, if I see through your trick, will you promise to be my friend? Sir Geo. I will-Attend and tremble! [Exit. Fan. A very solemn old ass! but I smoke him-he has a mind to raise his price upon me. I could not think this slut would have used me thus. I begin to grow horribly tired of my drum. I wish I was well rid of it. However, I have got this by it, that it has driven off Tinsel for good and all I shan't have the mortification to see my mistress carried off by such a rival.Well, whatever happens, I must stop this old fellow's mouth; I must not be sparing in hushmoney. But here he comes. Enter SIR GEORGE in his own habit. Ha! what's that! Sir George Trueman! This can be no counterfeit. His dress, his shape, his face, the very wound of which he died! Nay, then, 'tis time to decamp. [Runs off. Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! Fare you well, good sir George. The enemy has left me master of the field; here are the marks of my victory. This drum will I hang up in my great hall, as the trophy of the day. Enter ABIGAIL.-SIR GEORGE stands with his hand before his face, in a musing posture. Abi. Yonder he is. O' my conscience, he has driven off the conjurer! Mr Fantome, Mr Fantome! I give you joy, I give you joy! What do you think of your thousand pounds now? Why does not the man speak? [Pulls him by the sleeve. Sir Geo. Ha! [Taking his hands from his face. Abi. Oh 'tis my master! [Shrieks. [Running away, he catches her. Sir Geo. Good Mrs Abigail, not so fast. Abi. Are you alive, sir? He has given my shoulder such a cursed tweak! they must be real fingers; I feel them, I'm sure, Sir Geo. What dost thou think? Abi. Think, sir! think!-Troth I don't know what to think. Pray, sir, how Sir Geo. No questions, good Abigail; thy curiosity shall be satisfied in due time. Where's your lady? Abi. Oh, I'm so frighted-and so glad- Sir Geo. Your lady? I say, your lady? I must bring you to yourself with one pinch more. Abi. Oh, she has been talking a good while with the steward. Sir Geo. Then he has opened the whole story to her. I'm glad he has prepared her. Oh, here she comes! Enter LADY TRUEMAN, followed by VELLUM. Lady True. Where is he? Let me fly into his arms! my life! my soul! my husband! Sir Geo. Oh, let me catch thee to my heart, dearest of women! Lady True. Are you, then, still alive, and are you here! I can scarce believe my senses! Now am I happy indeed! Sir Geo. My heart is too full to answer thee. Lady True. Was ever woman so blessed! to find again the darling of her soul, when she thought him lost for ever! to enter into a kind of second marriage with the only man, whom she was ever capable of loving! Sir Geo. May it be as happy as our first! I desire no more. Believe me, my dear, I want words to express those transports of joy and tenderness, which are every moment rising in my heart whilst I speak to thee. Enter Servants. But. Just as the steward told us, lads! Look you there, if he ben't with my lady already! Gard. He, he, he! what a joyful night will this be for madam. Coach. As I was coming in at the gate, a strange gentleman whisked by me; but he took to his heels, and made away to the George. If I did not see master before me, I should have sworn it had been his honour! Gard. Hast thou given orders for the bells to be set a ringing? Coach. Never trouble thy head about that; it is done. Sir Geo. [To LADY TRUEMAN.] My dear, I long as much to tell you my whole story, as you do to hear it. In the mean while, I am to look upon this as my wedding-day. I'll have nothing but the voice of mirth and feasting in my house. My poor neighbours and my servants shall rejoice with me. My hall shall be free to every one, and let my cellars be thrown open. But. Ah, bless your honour, may you never die again! Coach. The same good man that he ever was. Gard. Whurra! Sir Geo. Vellum, thou hast done me much service to-day. I know thou lovest Abigail; but she's disappointed in a fortune. I'll make it up to both of you. I'll give thee a thousand pounds with her. It is not fit there should be one sad heart in my house to-night. Abi. Mr Vellum, you are a well-spoken man: pray, do you thank my master and my lady. SCENE I-A tavern. COLONEL FAINWELL and FREEMAN over a bottle. ACT I. Free. COME, colonel, his majesty's health. You are as melancholy as if you were in love! I wish some of the beauties of Bath han't snapt your heart. Col. Why, faith, Freeman, there is something in't; I have seen a lady at Bath, who has kindled such a flame in me, that all the waters there can't quench. Free. Women, like some poisonous animals, carry their antidote about thein-Is she not to be had, colonel? Col. That's a difficult question to answer; however, I resolve to try: perhaps you may be able to serve me; you merchants know one another. The lady told me herself she was under the charge of four persons. Free. Odso! 'tis Mrs Anne Lovely. Free. Know her! ay-Faith, colonel, your condition is more desperate than you imagine: why, she is the talk and pity of the whole town; and it is the opinion of the learned, that she must die a maid. Col. Say you so? That's somewhat odd, in this charitable city. She's a woman, I hope? Free. For aught I know-but it had been as well for her, had nature made her any other part of the creation. The man who keeps this house served her father; he is a very honest fellow, and may be of use to you; we'll send for him to take a glass with us: he'll give you her whole history, and 'tis worth your hearing. Col. But may one trust him? Free. With your life: I have obligations enough upon him to make him do any thing: I serve him with wine. [Knocks. Col. Nay, I know him very well myself. I once used to frequent a club that was kept here. |