Mrs Love. Ay; to keep the sun from scorching me.

Oba. Prim. If thou couldst not bear the sunbeams, how dost thou think man can bear thy beams? Those breasts inflame desire; let them be hid, I say.

Mrs Love. Let me be quiet, I say. Must I be tormented thus for ever? Sure no woman's condition ever equalled mine! Foppery, folly, avarice, and hypocrisy, are, by turns, my constant companions and I must vary shapes as often as a player-I cannot think my father meant this tyranny! No, you usurp an authority which he never intended you should take.

Oba. Prim. Hark thee; dost thou call good counsel tyranny? Do I, or my wife, tyrannize, when we desire thee, in all love, to put off thy tempting attire, and veil thy provokers to sin? Mrs Love. Deliver me, good Heaven! or I shall go distracted. [Walks about. Mrs Prim. So! now thy pinners are tost, and thy breasts pulled up! Verily, they were seen enough before. Fy upon the filthy tailor who made thy stays!

Mrs Love. I wish I were in my grave! me rather than treat me thus.

Kill

Oba. Prim. Kill thee ha, ha! thou thinkest thou art acting some lewd play, sure!-kill thee! Art thou prepared for death, Anne Lovely? No, no; thou wouldst rather have a husband, Anne-Thou wantest a gilt coach, with six lazy fellows behind, to flaunt it in the ring of vanity, among the princes and rulers of the land, who pamper themselves with the fatness thereof; but I will take care that none shall squander away thy father's estate; thou shalt marry none such, Anne. Mrs Love. Would you marry me to one of your own canting sect?

Oba. Prim. Yea, verily; no one else shall ever get my consent, I do assure thee, Anne.

Mrs Love. And, I do assure thee, Obadiah, that I will as soon turn Papist, and die in a con

vent.

Mrs Prim. Oh, wickedness!

Mrs Love. Oh, stupidity!

Oba. Prim. Oh, blindness of heart!

Mrs Love. Thou blinder of the world, don't provoke me-lest I betray your sanctity, and leave your wife to judge of your purity:---What were the emotions of your spirit---when you squeezed Mary by the hand last night in the pantry--when she told you, you bussed so filthily? Ah! you had no aversion to naked bosoms, when you begged her to shew you a little, little, little bit of her delicious bubby :---don't you remember those words, Mr Prim?

Mrs Prim. What does she say, Obadiah?

Ob. Prim. She talketh unintelligibly, Sarah. Which way did she hear this? This should not

Enter Servant.

[Aside.

Sir Phi. How dost thou do, friend Prim? Odso! my she-friend here, too! What, are you documenting Miss Nancy? Reading her a lecture upon the pinched coif, I warrant ye!

Mrs Prim. I am sure thou didst never read her any lecture that was good. My flesh riseth so at these wicked ones, that prudence adviseth me to withdraw from their sight. [Exit.

Col. Oh! that I could find means to speak with her! How charming she appears! I wish I could get this letter into her hand. [Aside. Sir Phi. Well, Miss Cockey, I hope thou hast got the better of them.

Mrs Love. The difficulties of my life are not to be surmounted, sir Philip.—I hate the impertinence of him, as much as the stupidity of the other. [Aside. Oba. Prim. Verily, Philip, thou wilt spoil this maiden.

Sir Phi. I find we still differ in opinion; but that we may none of us spoil her, prithee, Prim, let us consent to marry her.—I have sent for our brother guardians to meet me here about this very thing-Madam, will you give me leave to recommend a husband to you? Here's a gentleman, whom, in my mind, you can have no objection to.

[Presents the Colonel to her, she looks an

other way.

Mrs Love. Heaven deliver me from the formal, and the fantastic fool!

Col. A fine woman-a fine horse, and fine equipage, are the finest things in the universe: and if I am so happy to possess you, madam, I shall become the envy of mankind, as much as you outshine your whole sex.

[As he takes her hand to kiss it, he endea

vours to put a letter into it; she lets it drop-PRIM takes it up.

Mrs Love. I have no ambition to appear conspicuously ridiculous, sir. [Turning from him. Col. So fail the hopes of Fainwell.

Mrs Love. Ha! Fainwell! 'Tis he! What have I done? Prim has the letter, and it will be discovered! [Aside.

Oba. Prim. Friend, I know not thy naine, so cannot call thee by it; but thou seest thy letter is unwelcome to the maiden; she will not read it. Mrs Love. Nor shall you; [Snatches the letter.] I'll tear it in a thousand pieces, and scatter

it, as I will the hopes of all those that any of you shall recommend to me. [Tears the letter.

Sir Phil. Ha! Right woman, faith! Col. Excellent woman! [Aside. Oba. Prim. Friend, thy garb savoureth too much of the vanity of the age for my approbation; nothing that resembleth Philip Modelove shall I love; mark that-therefore, friend Philip, bring no more of thy own apes under my roof.

Sir Phi. I am so entirely a stranger to the monsters of thy breed, that I shall bring none of them, I am sure.

Col. I am likely to have a pretty task by that time I have gone through them all; but she's a city worth taking; and, 'egad! I'll carry on the siege: if I can but blow up the outworks, I fancy I am pretty secure of the town. [Aside.

again with the rest of mankind: for I like him

not.

Col. Pray, sir, without offence to your formality, what may be your objections?

Oba. Prim. Thy person; thy manners; thy dress; thy acquaintance ;- -thy every thing, friend.

Sir Phi. You are most particularly obliging, friend, ha, ha!

Trade. What business do you follow, pray, sir?

Col. Humph! by that question he must be the broker. [Aside.] Business, sir! the business of a gentleman.

Trade. That is as much as to say, you dress fine, feed high, lie with every woman you like, and pay your surgeon's bill better than your tailor's, or your butcher's.

Col. The court is much obliged to you, sir, for your character of a gentleman.

Trade. The court, sir! What would the court do without us citizens?

Sir Phi. Without your wives and daughters, you mean, Mr Tradelove?

Per. Have you ever travelled, sir?

Col. That question must not be answered now
-In books I have, sir.

Per. In books! That's fine travelling, indeed! Sir Philip, when you present a person I like, he shall have my consent to marry Mrs Lovely; till then, your servant. [Exit. Col. I'll make you like me before I have done with you, or I am mistaken.

[Aside.

Trade. And when you can convince me that a beau is more useful to my country than a merchant, you shall have mine; till then, you must excuse me. [Exit.

Col. So much for trade-I'll fit you, too.

[Aside.

Sir Phi. In my opinion, this is very inhuman treatment, as to the lady, Mr Prim.

Oba. Prim. Thy opinion and mine happen to differ as much as our occupations, friend; business requireth my presence, and folly thine; and so I must bid thee farewell. [Erit. Sir Phi. Here's breeding for you, Mr Feignwell! Gad take me,

SCENE I.-The Tavern.

SACKBUT and the Colonel, in an Egyptian dress. Sack. A lucky beginning, colonelgot the old beau's consent.

-you have

Col. Ay, he's a reasonable creature; but the other three will require some pains.-Shall I pass upon him, think you? 'Egad, in my mind, I look as antique as if I had been preserved in the ark. Sack. Pass upon him! ay, ay, as roundly as white wine dash'd with sack does for mountain and sherry, if you have assurance enough

Col. I have no apprehension from that quarter; assurance is the cockade of a soldier.

Sack. Ay, but the assurance of a soldier differs much from that of a traveller.-Can you lie with a good grace?

Col. As heartily, when my mistress is the prize, as I would meet the foe, when my country called, and king commanded; so don't you fear that part: if he don't know me again, I am safe -I hope he'll come.

Sack. I wish all my debts would come as sure. I told him you had been a great traveller, had many valuable curiosities, and was a person of a most singular taste. He seemed transported, and begged me to keep you till he came.

Col. Ay, ay; he need not fear my running away. Let's have a bottle of sack, landlord; our ancestors drank sack.

Sack. You shall have it. Col. And whereabouts is the trap-door you mentioned?

[Exit.

Sack. There's the conveyance, sir. Col. Now, if I should cheat all these roguish guardians, and carry off my mistress in triumph, it would be what the French call a grand coup d'eclat-Odso! here comes Periwinkle. Ah! Deuce take this beard; pray Jupiter it does not give me the slip, and spoil all!

Enter SACKBUT with wine, and PERIWINKLE following.

Sack. Sir, this gentleman, hearing you have been a great traveller, and a person of fine speculation, begs leave to take a glass with you; he is a man of a curious taste himself.

Col. The gentleman has it in his face and garb Sir, you are welcome.

Per. Sir, I honour a traveller, and men of your inquiring disposition; the oddness of your habit pleases me exceedingly; 'tis very antique;

and for that I like it.

Col. 'Tis very antique, sir;-this habit once belonged to the famous Claudius Ptolemeus, who lived in the year one hundred and thirty-five.

Sack. If he keeps up to the sample, he shall lie with the devil for a bean-stack, and win it, every straw. [Aside.

Per. A hundred and thirty-five! why, that's prodigious, now!-Well, certainly 'tis the finest thing in the world to be a traveller.

Col. For my part, I value none of the modern fashions a fig-leaf.

Per. No more don't I, sir; I had rather be the jest of a fool, than his favourite.-I am laughed at here for my singularity-This coat, you must know, sir, was formerly worn by that ingenious and very learned person, Mr John Tradescant, of Lambeth.

Col. John Tradescant! Let me embrace you, sir-John Tradescant was my uncle by my mother's side; and I thank you for the honour you do his memory; he was a very curious man, indeed.

Per. Your uncle, sir!--Nay, then, 'tis no wonder that your taste is so refined; why, you have it in your blood.--My humble service to you, sir; to the immortal memory of John Tradescant, your never-to-be-forgotten uncle!

Col. Give me a glass, landlord.

[Drinks.

Per. I find you are primitive, even in your wine; Canary was the drink of our wise forefathers; 'tis balsamic, and saves the charge of apothecaries' cordials-Oh, that I had lived in your uncle's days! or rather, that he were now alive!-Oh, how proud he'd be of such a nephew!

Sack. Oh, pox! that would have spoil'd the jest. [Aside. Per. A person of your curiosity must have collected many rarities.

Col. I have some, sir, which are not yet come ashore; as, an Egyptian idol.

Per. Pray, what may that be?

Col. It is, sir, a kind of ape, which they formerly worshipped in that country; I took it from the breast of a female mummy.

idolatry to this day; for many an ape Per. Ha, ha! our women retain part of their lies upon a lady's bosom: ha, ha!

Sack. A smart old thief.

[Aside.

Col. Two tusks of an hippopotamus, two pair of Chinese nut-crackers, and one Egyptian mum

their account in them.

ders.

Per. To cinders! You amaze me, sir! I never heard that the sun consumed any thing.-Descartes tells us

Col. Descartes, with the rest of his brethren, both ancient and modern, knew nothing of the matter. I tell you, sir, that nature admits of an annual decay, though imperceptible to vulgar eyes. Sometimes his rays destroy below, sometimes above.You have heard of blazing comets, I suppose?

Per. Yes, yes; I remember to have seen one; and our astrologers tell us of another which will happen very quickly.

Col. Those comets are little islands bordering on the sun, which, at certain times, are set on fire by that luminous body's moving over them perpendicular, which will one day occasion a general conflagration.

Sack. One need not scruple the colonel's capacity, faith! [Aside. Per. This is marvellous strange! These cinders are what I never read of in any of our learned dissertations.

Col. I don't know how the devil you should.

[Aside. Sack. He has it at his finger's ends; one would swear he had learned to lie at school, he does it 30 cleverly. [Aside. Per. Well! you travellers sce strange things! Pray, sir, have you any of those cinders? Col. I have, among my other curiosities. Per. Oh, what have I lost for want of travelling!-Pray, what have you else?

Col. Several things worth your attention.-I have a muff made of the feathers of those geese that saved the Roman Capitol.

Per. Is't possible!

lieve him.

Sack. Yes, if you are such a gander as to be[Aside. Col. I have an Indian leaf, which, open, will cover an acre of land, yet folds up in so little a compass, you may put it into your snuff-box.

Sack. Humph! That's a thunderer! [Aside. Per. Amazing!

Col. Ah! mine is but a little one; I have seen some of them that would cover one of the Caribbee Islands.

Per. Well, if I don't travel before I die, I

shan't rest in my grave- -Pray, what do the

Indians with them?

|

Col. Right; if they could find the leaves. [Aside.]—Look ye, sir, do you see this little phial?

Per. Pray you, what is it?

Col. This is called Polufiosboio.

Per. Poluflosboio!It has a rumbling sound.

Col. Right, sir; it proceeds from a rumbling naturc.- -This water was part of those waves which bore Cleopatra's vessel when she sailed to | meet Antony.

Per. Well, of all that ever travelled, none had a taste like you!

Col. But here's the wonder of the world.This, sir, is called Zona, or Moros Musphonon; the virtues of this are inestimable.

Per. Moros Musphonon! What, in the name of wisdom, can that be? To me it seems a plain belt. Col. This girdle has carried me all the world over.

Per. You have carried it, you mean:

Col. I mean as I say, sir. Whenever I am girded with this, I am invisible; and, by turning this little screw, can be in the court of the Great Mogul, the Grand Signior, and king George, in as little time as your cook can poach an egg.

Per. You must pardon me, sir; I cannot be

heve it.

Col. If my landlord pleases, he shall try the experiment immediately.

Suck. I thank you kindly, sir; but I have no inclination to ride post to the devil.

Col. No, no, you shan't stir a foot; I'll only make you invisible.

Suck. But if you could not make me visible again?

Per. Come, try it upon me, sir; I am not afraid of the devil, nor all his tricks. 'Sbud, I'll stand them all.

Col. There, sir; put it on. Come; landlord, you and I must face to the east.-[They turn about.]-Is it on, sir! Per. 'Tis on. [They turn about again. Sack. Heaven protect me! Where is he? Per. Why here, just where I was. Sack. Where, where, in the name of virtue? Ah, poor Mr Periwinkle! Egad, look to't, you had best, sir; and let him be seen again, or I shall have you burnt for a wizard.

Col. Have patience, good landlord. Per. But really don't you see me now? Sack. No more than I see my grandmother, that died forty years ago.

Per. Are you sure you don't lie? Methinks, I stand just where I did, and see you as plain as I did before. 1

Sack. Ah! I wish I could see you once again. Col. Take off the girdle, sir. [He takes it off.

Sack. Ah, sir, I am glad to see you, with all my heart. [Embraces him.

Per. This is very odd; certainly there must

Col. With all my heart.

Per. But, first, I'll secure the door.

Col. You know how to turn the screw, Mr Sackbut?

Sack. Yes, yes. Come, Mr Periwinkle, we must turn full east.

[They turn, the COLONEL sinks down the trap-door.

Col. 'Tis done; now turn. [They turn. Per. Ha! Mercy upon me! my flesh creeps upon my bones. This must be a conjurer, Mr Sackbut.

Sack. He is the devil, I think. Per. Oh, Mr Sackbut, why do you name the devil, when, perhaps, he may be at your elbow? Sack. At my elbow? marry, Heaven forbid ! Col. Are you satisfied?

Per. Yes, sir, yessounds!

[From under the stage. How hollow his voice

Suck. Yours seemed just the same-Faith, I wish this girdle were mine, I'd sell wine no more. Hark ye, Mr Periwinkle-[Takes him aside till the COLONEL rises again.]-if he would sell this girdle, you might travel with great expedition.

Col. But it is not to be parted with for money. Per. I'm sorry for't, sir, because I think it the greatest curiosity I ever heard of.

Col. By the advice of a learned physiognomist in Grand Cairo, who consulted the lines in my face, I returned to England, where he told me I should find a rarity in the keeping of four men, which I was born to possess for the benefit of mankind; and the first of the four that gave me his consent, I should present him with this girdle -Till I have found this jewel, I shall not part with the girdle.

Per. What can that rarity be? Didn't he name it to you?

Col. Yes, sir: he called it a chaste, beautiful, unaffected woman.

Per. Pish! Women are no rarities- -I never had any taste that way. I married, indeed, to please my father, and I got a girl to please my wife; but she and the child, (thank Heaven) died togetherWomen are the very gewgaws of the creation; playthings for boys, which, when they write man, they ought to throw aside.

Sack. A fme lecture to be read to a circle of ladies! [Aside.

Per. What woman is there, drest in all the pride and foppery of the times, can boast of such a foretop as the cockatoo ?

Col. I must humour him-[Aside.]-Such a skin as the lizard?

VOL. II.

box of butterflies ?

Col. No, that must be allowed-For my part, if it were not for the benefit of mankind, I'd have nothing to do with them; for they are as indifferent to me as a sparrow, or a flesh-fly.

Per. Pray, sir, what benefit is the world to reap from this lady?

Col. Why, sir, she is to bear me a son, who shall revive the art of embalming, and the old Roman manner of burying their dead; and, for the benefit of posterity, he is to discover the longitude, so long sought for in vain.

Per. Od! these are valuable things, Mr Sack

but!

Sack. He hits it off admirably, and t'other swallows it like sack and sugar-[Aside.]-Certainly this lady must be your ward, Mr Periwinkle, by her being under the care of four persons.

Per. By the description, it should-'Egad, if I could get that girdle, I'd ride with the sun, and make the tour of the world in four and twenty hours.-[Aside.]-And are you to give that girdle to the first of the four guardians that shall give his consent to marry that lady, say you, sir? Col. I am so ordered, when I can find him. Per. I fancy I know the very woman--name is Anne Lovely.

-her

Col. Excellent! he said, indeed, that the first letter of her name was L.

Per. Did he really? Well, that's prodigiously amazing, that a person in Grand Cairo should know any thing of my ward!

Col. Your ward!

Per. To be plain with you, sir, I am one of those four guardians.

Col. Are you, indeed, sir? I am transported to find the man who is to possess this Moros Musphonon is a person of so curious a taste! Here is a writing, drawn up by that famous Egyptian, which, if you will please to sign, you must turn your face full north, and the girdle is yours.

Per. If I live till this boy is born, I'll be cmbalmed, and sent to the Royal Society, when I die.

Col. That you shall most certainly.