Col. This dog has ruined all my schemes, I see | trivance, Mr Freeman, as this fellow had found by Periwinkle's looks. [Aside. out. Per. How finely I should have been choused! -Colonel, you'll pardon me that I did not give you your title before--It was pure ignorance; faith it was-Pray-hem, hem! Pray, colonel, what post had this learned Egyptian in your regiment? Col. A pox of your sneer!—[Aside.]—I don't understand you, sir. Per. No, that's strange! I understand you, colonel- -An Egyptian of Grand Cairo! Ha, ha, ha! I am sorry such a well-invented tale should do you no more service-We old fellows can see as far into a mill-stone as them that pick it-I am not to be tricked out of my trust -mark that. Col. The devil! I must carry it off; I wish I were fairly out.-[Aside.]—Look ye, sir, you may make what jest you please-but the stars will be obeyed, sir; and, depend upon't, I shall have the lady, and you none of the girdle. Now for Mr Freeman's part of the plot.-[Aside.] [Erit COLONEL. Per. The stars! ha, ha! No star has favoured you, it seems-The girdle! ha, ha, ha! none of your legerdemain tricks can pass upon meWhy, what a pack of trumpery has this rogue picked up!-His Pagod, Poluflosboio, his Zonos, Moros Musphonons, and the devil knows whatBut I'll take care-Ha, gone! Aye, 'twas time to sneak off. Solio! the house! Enter SACKBUT. Where is this trickster? Send for a constable; I'll have this rascal before the lord mayor; I'll Grand Cairo him, with a pox to him!I believe you had a hand in putting this imposture upon me, Sackbut.. Sack. Who, I, Mr Periwinkle? I scorn it, I perceived he was a cheat, and left the room on purpose to send for a constable to apprehend him, and endeavoured to stop him when he went out-But the rogue made but one step from the stairs to the door, called a coach, leaped into it, and drove away like the devil, as Mr Freeman can witness, who is at the bar, and desires to speak with you; he is this minute come to town. Per. Send him in.-[Exit SACKBUT.-What a scheme this rogue has laid! How I should have been laughed at, had it succeeded! Enter FREEMAN, booted and spurred. Mr Freeman, your dress commands your welcome to town; what will you drink? I had like to have been imposed upon here by the veriest rascal Free. I am sorry to hear it- -The dog flew for't; he had not escaped me, if I had been aware of him; Sack but struck at him, but missed his blow, or he had done his business for him. Free. Mr Sackbut has told me the whole story, Mr Periwinkle; but now I have something to tell you of much more importance to yourself. I happened to lie one night at Coventry, and, knowing your uncle, sir Toby Periwinkle, I paid him a visit, and, to my great surprise, found him dying. Per. Dying! Free. Dying, in all appearance; the servants weeping, the room in darkness: the apothecary, shaking his head, told me the doctors had given him over; and then there are small hopes, you know. Per. I hope he made his will-he always told me he would make me his heir. Free. I have heard you say as much, and therefore resolved to give you notice. I should think it would not be amiss if you went down tomorrow morning. Per. It is a long journey, and the roads very bad. Free. But he has a great estate, and the land very good-Think upon that. Per. Why, that's true, as you say; I'll think upon it: in the mean time, I give you many thanks for your civility, Mr Freeman, and should be glad of your company to dine with me. Free. I am obliged to be at Jonathan's coffeehouse at two, and now it is half an hour after one. If I dispatch my business, I'll wait on you; I know your hour. Per. You shall be very welcome, Mr Freeman; and so your humble servant. [Exit PERIWINKLE. Re-enter COLONEL and SACKBUT. Free. Ha, ha, ha! I have done your business, colonel; he has swallowed the bait. Col. I overheard all, though I am a little in the dark; I am to personate a highwayman, I suppose-that's a project I am not fond of; for though I may fright him out of bis consent, he may fright me out of my life, when he discovers me, as he certainly must in the end. Free. No, no; I have a plot for you without danger. But first, we must manage Tradelove— Has the tailor brought your clothes? Sack. Yes, pox take the thief! Free. Well, well, no matter; I warrant we have him yet-But now you must put on the Dutch merchant. Col. The deuce of this trading plot! I wish he had been an old soldier, that I might have attacked him in my own way, heard him fight o'er all the battles of the late war-But for trade-by Jupiter, I shall never do it. Sack. Never fear, colonel; Mr Freeman will instruct you. Free. You'll see what others do; the coffeePer. I believe you never heard of such a con-house will instruct you. Col. I must venture, however- -But I have a farther plot in my head upon Tradelove, which you must assist me in, Freeman; you are in credit with him, I heard you say. Free. I am, and will scruple nothing to serve you, colonel, Col. Come along, then-Now for the Dutchman-Honest Ptolomy, by your leave. Now must bag-wig and business come in play; ACT IV. SCENE I.-JONATHAN's coffee-house, in 'Changealley. A crowd of people, with rolls of paper and parchment in their hands; a bar, and coffee-boys waiting. Enter TRADELOVE and Stock-jobbers, with rolls | of paper and parchment. Trade. [Reads.] 'Sir, as I have many obliga'tions to you, I cannot miss any opportunity to 'shew my gratitude; this moment my lord has re'ceived a private express, that the Spaniards have 'raised their siege from before Cagliari. If this proves any advantage to you, it will answer 'both the ends and wishes of, sir, your most ob 1st Stock. SOUTH-SEA at seven-eights; who bliged humble servant, buys? 2d Stock South-sea bonds due at Michaelinas, 1718. Class lottery-tickets? 3d Stock. East India bonds? 4th Stock. What, all sellers and no buyers? Gentlemen, I'll buy a thousand pound for Tuesday next, at three-fourths. Cof. Boy. Fresh coffee, gentlemen; fresh coffee? Trade. Hark ye, Gabriel, you'll pay the difference of that stock we transacted for t'other day? Gab. Aye, Mr Tradelove, here's a note for the money upon the Sword Blade Company. [Gives him a note. Cof. Boy. Bohea tea, gentlemen? Enter a Man. Man. Is Mr Smuggler here? 1st Cof. Boy. Mr Smuggler's not here, sir;you will find him at the books. 2d Stock. Ho! here come two sparks from t'other end of the town; what news bring they? Enter two Gentlemen. Trade. I would fain bite the spark in the brown coat; he comes very often into the alley, but never employs a broker. Enter COLONEL and FREEMAN. 2d Stock. Who does any thing in the Civil List Lottery or Caco? Zounds, where are all the Jews this afternoon? Are you a bull or a bear to-day, Abraham? 3d Stock. A bull, faith! but I have a good put for next week. Trade. Mr Freeman, your servant! Who is that gentleman? Free. A Dutch merchant just come to England. But hark ye, Mr Tradelove—I have a piece of news will get you as much as the French king's death did if you are expeditious. [Shewing a letter.] Read there; I received it just now from one that belongs to the Emperor's mini ster. | Postscript. HENRICUS DUSSELDORP. In two or three hours the news will be pub'lic. May one depend upon this, Mr Freeman? Free. You may, [Aside to FREEMAN. I never knew this person send me a false piece of news in my life. Trade. Sir, I am much obliged to you-'Egad, 'tis rare news! Who sells South Sea for next week? Stock-Job. [Altogether.] I sell; I, I, I, I, I sell. 1st Stock. I'll sell 5000l. for next week, at five eighths. 2d Stock. I'll sell ten thousand at five-eighths for the same time.. Trade. Nay, nay; hold, hold; not all together, gentlemen; I'll be no bull, I'll buy no more than I can take: will you sell ten thousand pounds at a half, for any day next week, except Saturday? 1st Stock. I'll sell it you, Mr Tradelove. Free. [Whispers to one of the gentlemen.] Gent. Aside.] The Spaniards raised the siege of Cagliari; I don't believe one word of it. 2d Gent. Raised the siege! as much as you have raised the monument. Free. 'Tis raised, I assure you, sir. 1st Gent. Why, I have a brother upon the spot, in the Emperor's service; I am certain, if there were any such thing, I should have had a letter. 2d Stock. How's this? the siege of Cagliari raised? I wish it may be true, 'twill make business stir, and stocks rise. 1st Stock. Tradelove's a cunning fat bear; if this news proves true, I shall repent I sold him the five thousand pounds. Pray, sir, what assurance have you that the siege is raised? Free. There is come an express to the Emperor's minister. 2d Stock. I'll know that presently, 1st Gent. Let it come where it will, I'll hold you fifty pounds 'tis false. Free. 'Tis done. 2d Boy. Mr Humphry Hump is not her you'll find him upon the Dutch walk. Trade. Mr Freeman, I give you many thanks 2d Gent. I'll lay you a brace of hundreds upon for your kindnessthe same. Free. I'll take vou. 4th Stock. 'Egad, I'll hold twenty pieces 'tis not raised, sir. Free. Done with you, too. Trade. I'll lay any man a brace of thousands the siege is raised. Free, The Dutch merchant is your man to take in. [Aside to TRADEeLove. Trade. Does not he know the news? Free. Not a syllable; if he did, he would bet a hundred thousand pounds as soon as one penny; he's plaguy rich, and a mighty man at wa[To TRADELOVE. gers. Trade. Say you so- -'Egad, I'll bite him, if possible. Are you from Holland, sir? Col. Ya, mynheer. Trade. Had you the news before you came away? Col. What believe you, mynheer? Trade. What do I believe? Why, I believe that the Spaniards have actually raised the siege of Cagliari. Col. What duyvel's news is dat? 'Tis niet waer, mynheer'tis no true, sir. Trade. 'Tis so true, mynheer, that I'll lay you two thousand pounds upon it. You are sure the letter may be depended upon, Mr Freeman? Free. Do you think I would venture my money, if I were not sure of the truth of it? [Aside to TRADELOVE. Col. Two duysend pound, mynheer, 'tis gadaen-dis gentleman sal hold de gelt. [Gives FREEMAN money. Trade. With all my heart-this binds the wager. Free. You have certainly lost, mynheer, the siege is raised indeed. Col. Ik gelov't niet, mynheer Freeman, ik sal ye dubbled honden, if you please. Free. I am let into the secret; therefore, won't win your money, Trade. Ha, ha, ha! I have snapt the Dutchman, faith, ha, ha! this is no ill day's work. Pray, may I crave your name, mynheer? Col. Myn naem, mynheer! myn naem is Jan Van Timtamtirelereletta Heer Van Fainwell. Trade. Zounds, 'tis a damned long name, I shall never remember it-Myn heer van, Tim, Tim, Tim-What the devil is it? Free. Oh! never heed, I know the gentleman, and will pass my word for twice the sum. Trade. That's enough. Col. You'll hear of me sooner than you'll wish, old gentleman, I fancy. [Aside.] You'll come to Sackbut's, Freeman? [Exit COL. Free. Immediately. [Aside to the CoL. 1st Man. Humphry Hump here? Free. I fear you'll repent, when you know all. Trade. Will you dine with me? [Aside. [Exit FREE. Trade. Sir, your humble servant. Now I'll see what I can do upon Change with my news. [Exit TRADE, SCENE II.-The tavern. Enter FREEMAN and COLONEL. Free. Ha, ha, ha! The old fellow swallowed the bait as greedily as a gudgeon. Col. I have him, faith, ha, ha, ha!-His two thousand pounds secure-If he would keep his money, he must part with the lady, ha, ha!What came of your two friends? they performed their part very well; you should have brought them to take a glass with us. Free. No matter, we'll drink a bottle together another time. I did not care to bring them hither; there's no necessity to trust them with the main secret, you know, colonel. Col. Nay, that's right, Freeman. Enter SACKBut. Sack. Joy, joy, colonel! the luckiest accident in the world! Col. What sayest thou? Sack. This letter does your business. Col. [Reads.] To Obadiah Prim, hosier, near the building called the Monument, in London.' Free. A letter to Prim! How came you by it? Sack. Looking over the letters our post-woman brought, as I always do, to see what letters are directed to my house (for she can't read, you must know), I espied this directed to Prim, so paid for it among the rest; I have given the old jade a pint of wine on purpose to delay time, till you see if the letter be of any service; then I'll seal it up again, and tell I took it by mistake;— I have read it, and fancy you'll like the project. Read, read, colonel. Col. [Reads.] Friend Prim, there is arrived 'from Pennsylvania one Simon Pure, a leader of the faithful, who hath sojourned with us eleven days, and hath been of great comfort to the brethren. He intendeth for the quarterly meeting in London; I have recommended him to thy house. I pray thee treat him kindly, and let thy wife cherish him, for he's of weakly consti'tution he will depart from us the third day; which is all from thy friend in the faith, AMINADAB HOLDFAST.' Ha, ha! excellent! I understand you, landlord; I am to personate this Simon Pure, am I not? Suck. Don't you like the hint? Col. Admirably well! Free. 'Tis the best contrivance in the world, if the right Simon gets not there before you Col. No, no; the quakers never ride post; he can't be here before to-morrow at soonest: do you send and buy me a quaker's dress, Mr Sackbut; and suppose, Freeman, you should wait at the Bristol coach, that if you see any such person, you might contrive to give me notice. Free. I will-the country dress and boots, are they ready? Sack. Yes, yes; every thing, sir, Free. Bring them in then. [Exit SACK.] Thou must dispatch Periwinkle first-remember his uncle, sir Toby Periwinkle, is an old batchelor of seventy-five-that he has seven hundred a year, most in abbey-land-that he was once in love with your mother, shrewdly suspected by some to be your father that you have been thirty years his steward-and ten years his gentlemanremember to improve these hints. Col. Never fear; let me alone for that-but what's the steward's name? Free. His name is Pillage. Col. Enough [Enter SACKBUT with clothes.] -Now for the country put[Dresses. Free. Egad, landlord, thou deservest to have the first night's lodging with the lady for thy fidelity; what say you, colonel? shall we settle a club here? you'll make one? Col. Make one! I'll bring a set of honest officers, that will spend their money as freely to the king's health, as they would their blood in his service. Sack. I thank you, colonel; here, here. [Bell rings. Exit SACK. Col. So, now for my boots. [Puts on boots.] Shall I find you here, Freeman, when I come back? Free. Yes-or I'll leave word with Sackbut where he may send for me-Have you the writings, the will-and every thing? Col. All, all! Enter SACK BUT. Sack. Zounds! Mr Freeman! yonder is Tradelove in the damnedest passion in the world-He swears you are in the house-he says you told him you were to dine here. Free. I did so; ha, ha, ha! he has found himself bit already. Col. The devil! he must not see me in this dress. Sack. I told him I expected you here, but you were not come yet Free. Very well-make you haste out, colonel, and let me alone to deal with him: where is he? Sack. In the King's Head. Col. You remember what I told you? Free. Ay, ay, very well. Landlord, let him know I am come in-and now, Mr Pillage, success attend you! [Exit SACKBUT. Col. Mr Proteus rather From changing shape, and imitating Jove, Enter TRADELove. Free. Zounds! Mr Tradelove, we're bit, it seems. Trade. Bit, do you call it, Mr Freeman! I am ruined.- -Pox on your news! Free. Pox on the rascal that sent it me! Trade. Sent it you! Why Gabriel Skinflint has been at the minister's, and spoke with him, and he has assured him 'tis every syllable false; he received no such express. Free. I know it: I this minute parted with my friend, who protested he never sent me any such letter- -Some roguish stock-jobber has done it, on purpose to make me lose my mone y that's certain: I wish I knew who he was; I'd make him repent it-I have lost three hundred pounds by it. Trade. What signifies your three hundred pounds, to what I have lost? There's two thousand pounds to that Dutchman with a cursed long name, besides the stock I bought the devil! I could tear my flesh-I must never shew my face upon 'Change more ;-for, by my soul, I can't pay it. : Free. I am heartily sorry for it! What can I serve you in? Shall I speak to the Dutch merchant, and try to get you time for the payment? Trade. Time! Ads'heart, I shall never be able to look up again. Free. I am very much concerned that I was the occasion, and wish I could be an instrument of retrieving your misfortune; for my own, I value it not. Adso! a thought comes into my head, that, well improved, may be of service. Trade. Ah! there's no thought can be of any service to me, without paying the money, or running away. Free. How do we know? What do you think of my proposing Mrs Lovely to him? He is a single man-and I heard him say, he had a mind to marry an English woman-nay, more than that, he said somebody told him you had a pretty ward-he wished you had betted her instead of your money. Trade. Ay, but he'd be hanged before he'd take her instead of the money; the Dutch are too covetous for that. Besides, he did not know that there were three of us, I suppose? Free. So much the better; you may venture to give him your consent, if he'll forgive you the wager: It is not your business to tell him, that your consent will signify nothing. Trade. That's right, as you say; but will be do it, think you? Free. I can't tell that; but I'll try what I can do with him—He has promised to meet me here an hour hence; I'll feel his pulse, and let you know: if I find it feasible, I'll send for you; if not, you are at liberty to take what measures you please. Trade. You must extol her beauty, double her portion, and tell him I have the entire disposal of her, and that she can't marry without my consent; -and that I am a covetous rogue, and will never part with her without a valuable consideration. Free. Ay, ay; let me alone for a lye at a pinch. Trade. 'Egad, if you can bring this to bear, Mr Freeman, I'll make you whole again; I'll pay the three hundred pounds you lost, with all my soul. Free. Well, I'll use my best endeavoursWhere will you be? you Pillage.-Pray, Mr Pillage, when did my uncle die? Col. Monday last, at four in the morning. About two he signed his will, and gave it into my hands, and strictly charged me to leave Coventry the moment he expired, and deliver it to you with what speed I could: I have obeyed him, sir, and there is the will. [Gives it to PER. Per. 'Tis very well; I'll lodge it in the Com mons. Col. There are two things which he forgot to insert; but charged me to tell you, that he desired you'd perform them as readily as if you had found them written in the will-which is, to remove his corpse, and bury him by his father at St Paul's, Covent-Garden, and to give all his servants mourning. Per. That will be a considerable charge; a pox of all modern fashions! [Aside.]—Well, it shall be done. Mr Pillage, I will agree with one of Trade. At home; pray Heaven you prosper-death's fashion-mongers, called an undertaker, to If I were but the sole trustee now, I should not fear it. Who the devil would be a guardian, If, when cash runs low, our coffers t'enlarge, [Exit FREEMAN. SCENE III-Changes to PERIWINKLE's house. Enter PERIWINKLE on one side, and Footman on the other, Foot. A gentleman from Coventry inquires for you, sir. Per. From my uncle, I warrant you; bring him up--This will save me the trouble, as well as the expence, of a journey, Enter COLONEL. Col. Is your name Periwinkle, sir? Col. I am sorry for the message I bring-My [Weeps. Col. He is, sir, and he has left you heir to seven hundred a-year, in as good abbey-land as ever paid Peter-pence to Rome.--I wish you long to enjoy it; but my tears will flow when I think of my master.-[Weeps.] Ah! he was a good man- -he has not left many of his fellows--the poor lament him sorely. Per. I pray, sir, what office bore you? Col. I was his steward, sir. Per. I have heard him mention you with much respect; your name is Col. Pillage, sir. go down, and bring up the body. Col. I hope, sir, I shall have the honour to serve you in the same station I did your worthy uncle; I have not many years to stay behind him, and would gladly spend them in the family, where I was brought up-[Weeps.]—He was a kind and tender master to me. Per. Pray, don't grieve, Mr Pillage, you shall hold your place, and every thing else which you held under my uncle.-You make me weep to see you so concerned. [Weeps.] He lived to a good old age, and we are all mortal. Col. We are so, sir; and, therefore, I must beg you to sign this lease: you'll find sir Toby has taken particular notice of it in his will-I could not get it time enough from the lawyer, or he had signed it before he died. [Gives him a paper, Per. A lease! for what? Col. I rented a hundred a-year of sir Toby upon lease, which lease expires at Lady-day next. I desire to renew it for twenty years—that's all, sir. Per. Let me see! [Looks over the lease. Col. Matters go swimmingly, if nothing intervene! [Aside. Per. Very well-Let's see what he says in his will about it. [Lays the lease upon the table, and looks on the will, Col. He's very wary; yet I fancy I shall be too cunning for him. [Aside. Per. Ho, here it is- The farm lying-now in possession of Samuel Pillage-suffer him to renew his lease-at the same rent'-Very well, Mr Pillage, I see my uncle does mention it, and I'll perform his will. Give me the lease-[COLONEL gives it him; he looks upon it, and lays it upon the table.] Pray you step to the door, and call for a pen and ink, Mr Pillage. Col. I have a pen and ink in my pocket, sir. Per. Ay, Pillage; I do remember he called [Pulls out an ink-horn.] I never go without that |