Col. Little does he think what he signs. [Aside. Per. There is your lease, Mr Pillage. [Gives him the paper.] Now I must desire you to make what haste you can down to Coventry, and take care of every thing, and I'll send down the undertaker for the body; do you attend it up, and whatever charge you are at, I'll repay you. Col. You have paid me already; I thank you, [Aside. sir. Per. Will you dine with me? Col. I would rather not; there are some of my neighbours whom I met as I came along, who leave the town this afternoon, they told me, and I should be glad of their company down. Per. Well, well, I won't detain you. Col. I don't care how soon I am out. [Aside. You'll find your hopes and cares alike are vain, In spite of all the caution you have ta’en- Trade. Ay, Heer Van Fainwell, I never heard such a confounded name in my life-Here's his health, I say. Free. With all my heart. Trade. Faith, I never expected to have found so generous a thing in a Dutchman. Free. Oh, he has nothing of the Hollander in his temper except an antipathy to monarchy. As soon as I told him your circumstances, he replied, he would not be the ruin of any man for the world-and immediately made this proposal himself- Let him take what time he will for 'the payment,' said he; or, if he'll give me his 'ward, I'll forgive him the debt.' Trade. Well, Mr Freeman, I can't but thank you 'Egad you have made a man of me again! and if ever I lay a wager more, may I rot in a gaol! Free. I can assure you, Mr Tradelove, I was very much concerned, because I was the occasion-though very innocently, I protest. Trade. I dare swear you was, Mr Freeman. Enter a Fiddler. Fid. Please to have a lesson of music, or a song, gentlemen? Free. Song? aye, with all our hearts; have you a very merry one? Fid. Yes, sir; my wife and I can give you a merry dialogue. [Here is the song. Trade. 'Tis very pretty, faith. Free. There's something for you to drink, friend; go, lose no time. Fid. I thank you, sir. [Exit. Enter Drawer and COLONEL, dressed for the [Exit. Per. Seven hundred a year! I wish he had died seventeen years ago:-What a valuable collection of rarities might I have had by this time!-I might have travelled over all the known parts of the globe, and made my own closet rival the Vatican at Rome.-Odso, I have a good mind to begin my travels now; let me see I am but sixty! My father, grandfather, and great grandfather, reached ninety odd;-I Col. Ha, Mynheer Tradelove, Ik ben sorry have almost forty years good:-Let me consider! voor your troubles-maer Ik sal you easie mawhat will seven hundred a year amount to in-ken, Ik will de gelt nie hebbenay in thirty years, I'll say but thirty-thirty times seven, is seven times thirty-that is-just twenty-one thousand pounds--'tis a great deal of money.I may very well reserve sixteen hundred of it for a collection of such rarities as will make my name famous to posterity;------I would not die like other mortals, forgotten in a year or two, as my uncle will be---No, With nature's curious works I'll raise my fame, That men, till Doom's-day, may repeat my [Exit. name. SCENE IV.-Changes to a tavern. FREEMAN and TRADELOVE over a bottle. Trade. Come, Mr Freeman, here's Mynheer Jan Van Tim, Tam, Tam-I shall never think of that Dutchinan's name. Free. Mynheer Jan Van Timtamtirelireletta Heer Van Fainwell. Trade. I shall for ever acknowledge the obligation, sir. Free. But you understand upon what condition, Mr Tradelove; Mrs Lovely. Col. Ya, de frow sal al te regt setten, Mynheer. Trade. With all my heart, Mynheer; you have my consent to marry her freely— shall Free. Well, then; as I am a party concerned between you, Mynheer Jan Van Timtamtirelireletta Heer Van Fainwell shall give you a discharge of your wager under his own hand, and you shall give him your consent to marry Mrs Lovely under yours- -that is the way to avoid all manner of disputes hereafter. Col. Ya, weeragtig. Trade. Aye, aye, so it is, Mr Freeman; I'll give it under mine this minute. [Sits down to write. Col. And so Ik sal. [Does the same. Free. So ho, the house! Enter Drawer. Bid your master come up--I'll see there be witnesses enough to the bargain. Enter SACKBUT. Sack. Do you call, gentlemen? [Aside. Free. Aye, Mr Sackbut; we shall want your hand here Trade. There, Mynheer, there's my consent, as amply as you can desire; but you must insert your own name, for I know not how to spell it; I have left a blank for it. heer? Had Ik dat gewoeten, Ik soude eaven met you geweest syn. Suck. But Mr Tradelove is the principal, and he can do a great deal with the rest, sir. Free. And he shall use his interest, I promiseyou, mynheer. Trade. I will say all that ever I can think on to recommend you, mynheer; and, if you please, I'll introduce you to the lady. Col. Well, dat is waer-Maer ye must first spreken of myn to de frow, and to oudere gentlemen. Free. Aye, that's the best way, and then I and the Heer Van Fainwell will meet you there. Trade. I will go this moment, upon honour [Gives the Colonel a paper. Col. Ya Ik sal dat well doenFree. Now, Mr Sackbut, you and I will wit-Your most obedient humble servant-My speakness it. ing will do you little good, Mynheer, ha, ha, ha! we have bit you, faith, ha, ha'! [They write. Col. Daer, Mynheer Tradelove, is your discharge. [Gives a paper. Trude. Be pleased to witness this receipt, too, gentlemen. [FREEMAN and SACKBUT put their hands. Free. Aye, aye, that we will. Col. Well, Mynheer, ye most meer doen, ye most myn voorsprach to de frow syn. Free. He means you must recommend him to the lady. Trade. That I will, and to the rest of my brother guardians. Col. Wat, voor, de duyvel, heb you meer guardians? Trade. Only three, Mynheer. Col. What donder heb ye myn betrocken Myn SCENE I-PRIM's house. Well, my debt's discharged, and for the man, [Erit. Col. Ha, ha, ha! this was a masterpiece of contrivance, Freeman. Free. He hugs himself with his supposed good fortune, and little thinks the luck's on our side! but come, pursue the fickle goddess while she's in the mood-Now, for the quaker. Col. That's the hardest task, ACT V. Enter MRS PRIM and MRS LOVELY, in quaker's dresses, meeting. Mrs Prim. So, now I like thee, Anne; art thou not better without thy monstrous hoop-coat and patches? If Heaven should make thee so many black spots upon thy face, would it not fright thee, Anne? Mrs Love. If it should turn your inside outward, and shew all the spots of your hypocrisy, 'twould fright me worse! Mrs Prim. My hypocrisy! I scorn thy words, Anne; I lay no baits. Mrs Love. If you did, you'd catch no fish. Mrs Prim. Well, well, make thy jests-but I'd have thee to know, Anne, that I could have catched as many fish (as thou call'st them) in my time, as ever thou didst with all thy fool-traps about thee-If admirers be thy aim, thou wilt have more of them in this dress than the otherThe men, take my word for't, are more desirous to see what we are most careful to conceal. [Exeunt. deed, there was more design than goodness in the pinch'd cap. Mrs Prim. Go, thou art corrupted with reading lewd plays, and filthy romances-good for nothing but to lead youth into the high-road of formication. Ah! I wish thou art not already too familiar with the wicked ones! Mrs Love. Too familiar with the wicked ones? Pray, no more of those freedoms, madam—I am familiar with none so wicked as yourself:— How dare you thus talk to me! you, you, you, unworthy woman you ! [Bursts into tears. Enter TRADELove. Trade. What, in tears, Nancy? What have you done to her, Mrs Prim, to make her weep? Mrs Love. Done to me! I admire I keep my senses among you; but I will rid myself of your tyranny, if there be either law or justice to be had-I'll force you to give me up my liberty. Mrs Prim. Thou hast more need to weep for thy sins, Anne-Yea, for thy manifold sins. Mrs Love. Don't think that I'll be still the fool Mrs Love. Is that the reason of your formality, which you have made me. No, I'll wear what I Mrs Prim? Truth will out: I ever thought, in-please-go when and whore I please—and Enter MR PERIWINKLE and OBADIAH PRIM, with a letter in his hand. Per. I have bought some black stockings of your husband, Mrs Prim; but he tells me the glover's trade belongs to you; therefore, I pray you, look me out five or six dozen of mourning gloves, such as are given at funerals, and send them to my house. Oba. Prim. My friend Periwinkle has got a good wind-fall to-day-seven hundred a-year. Mrs Prim. I wish thee joy of it, neighbour. Trade. What, is sir Toby dead, then? Per. He is! You'll take care, Mrs Prim? Mrs Prim. Yea, I will, neighbour. Oba. Prim. This letter recommendeth a speaker; 'tis from Aminadab Holdfast, of Bristol; peradventure, he will be here this night; therefore, Sarah, do thou take care for his reception[Gives her the letter. Mrs Prim. I will obey thee. [Exit MRS PRIM. Oba. Prim. What art thou in the dumps for, Anne? Trade. We must marry her, Mr Prim. Oba. Prim, Why, truly, if we could find a husband worth having, I should be as glad to see her married as thou wouldst, neighbour. Per. Well said; there are but few worth having. Trade. I can recommend you a man, now, that I think you can none of you have an objec tion to. Enter SIR PHILIP MODELOVE. Sir Phi. Aye, aye, madam; he would dissect you. Trade. Or, pore over you through a microscope, to see how your blood circulates from the crown of your head to the sole of your footHa, ha! but I have a husband for you, a man that knows how to improve your fortune; one that trades to the four corners of the globe. Mrs Love. And would send me for a venture, perhaps. Trude. One that will dress you in all the pride of Europe, Asia, Africa, and America-a Dutch merchant, my girl. Sir Phi. A Dutchman! Ha, ha; there's a husband for a fine lady. Ya frow, will you meet myn slapen-Ha, ha! he'll learn you to talk the language of the hogs, madam, ha, ha! Trade. He'll learn you, that one merchant is of more service to a nation than fifty coxcombs.The Dutch know the trading interest to be of more benefit to the state, than the landed. Sir Phi. But what is either interest to a lady? Trade. 'Tis the merchant makes the belleHow would the ladies sparkle in the box without the merchant? The Indian diamond! The French brocade! The Italian fan! The Flanders lace! The fine Dutch holland! How would they vent their scandal over their tea-tables? And where would your beaux have Champagne to toast their mistresses, were it not for the merchant? Oba. Prim. Verily, neighbour Tradelove, thou dost waste thy breath about nothing---All that thou hast said, tendeth only to debauch youth, and fill their heads with the pride and luxury of this world---The merchant is a very great friend to satan, and sendeth as many to his dominions as the pope. Per. Right; I say knowledge makes the man. Oba. Prim. Yea, but not thy kind of knowledge- -It is the knowledge of truth. Search thou for the light within, and not for baubles, Per. You recommend! Nay, whenever she friend. marries, I'll recommend the husband Sir Phi. What must it be, a whale or a rhinoceros, Mr Periwinkle? Ha, ha, ha! Mr Tradelove, I have a bill upon you-[Gives him a paper] —and have been seeking for you all over the town. Trade. I'll accept it, sir Philip, and pay it when due. Per. He shall be none of the fops at your end of the town, with full perukes and empty skullsnor yet any of your trading gentry, who puzzle the heralds to find arms for their coaches. No; he shall be a man famous for travels, solidity, and curiosity; one who has searched into the profundity of nature! When Heaven shall direct such a one, he shall have my consent, because it may turn to the benefit of mankind. Mrs Love. The benefit of mankind! What, would you anatomize me? VOL. II. Mrs Love. Ah, study your country's good, Mr Periwinkle, and not her insects. Rid you of your home-bred monsters, before you fetch any from abroad--I dare swear, you have maggots enough in your own brain, to stock all the virtuosos in Europe with butterflies. Sir Phi. By my soul, miss Nancy's a wit! Oba. Prim. That is more than she can say by thee, friend-Look ye, it is in vain to talk; when I meet a man worthy of her, she shall have my leave to marry him. Mrs Love. Provided he be of the faithfulWas there ever such a swarm of caterpillars to blast the hopes of a woman!-[Aside.]-Know this, that you contend in vain: I'll have no husband of your choosing, nor shall you lord it over me long-I'll try the power of an English senate Orphans have been redressed, and wills set aside----And none did ever deserve their pity 4 H Enter Servant, and whispers to PRIM. Ser. One Simon Pure inquireth for thee. Per. The woman is mad. [Erit. Sir Phil. So you are all, in my opinion. [Exit. Oba. Prim. Friend Tradelove, business requireth my presence. Trade. Oh, I shan't trouble you--Pox take him for an unmannerly dog!--However, I have kept my word with my Dutchman, and will introduce him too, for all you. [Exit. Enter COLONEL, in a quaker's habit. Oba. Prim. Friend Pure, thou art welcome; how is it with friend Holdfast, and all friends in Bristol? Timothy Littleworth, John Slenderbrain, and Christopher Keepfaith? Col. A goodly company !---[Aside.]-They are all in health, I thank thee for them. Oba. Prim. Friend Holdfast writes me word, that thou camest lately from Pennsylvania. How do all friends there? Col. What the devil shall I say? I know just as much of Pennsylvania, as I do of Bristol. [Aside. Oba. Prim. Do they thrive? Col. Yea, friend; the blessing of their good works falis upon them. Enter MRS PRIM and MRS LOVELY. Oba. Prim. Sarah, know our friend Pure. Mrs Prim. Thou art welcome. [He salutes her. Col. Here comes the sum of all my wishes How charming she appears, even in that disguise! [Aside. Oba. Prim. Why dost thou consider the maiden so attentively, friend? Col. I will tell thee: about four days ago I saw a vision---This very maiden, but in vain attire, standing on a precipice; and heard a voice, which called me by my name---and bid me put forth my hand and save her from the pit---I did so; and, methought, the damsel grew unto my side. Mrs Prim. What can that portend? Oba. Prim. The damsel's conversion----I am persuaded. Mrs Love. That's faise, I'm sure———— [Aside Oba. Prim. Wilt thou use the means, friend Pure? Col. Means! What means? Is she not thy daughter, already one of the faithful? Mrs Prim. No, alas! she's one of the ungodly. Oba Prim. Pray thee, mind what this good man will say unto thee; he will teach thee the way that thou shouldest walk, Anne. Mrs Love. I know my way without his instruction: I hoped to have been quiet when once I had put on your odious formality here. Col. Then thou wearest it out of compulsion, not choice, friend? Mrs Love. Thou art in the right of it, friend. Mrs Prim. Art thou not ashamed to mimic the good man? Ah, thou art a stubborn girl! Col. Mind her not; she hurteth not me--If thou wilt leave her alone with me, I will discuss some few points with her, that may, perchance, soften her stubbornness, and melt her into compliance. Oba. Prim. Content: I pray thee, put it home to her. Come, Sarah, let us leave the good man with her. Mrs Love. [Catching hold of PRIM; he breaks loose, and exit.] What do you mean-to leave me with this old enthusiastical canter? Don't think, because I complied with your formality, to impose your ridiculous doctrine upon me. Col. I pray thee, young woman, moderate thy passion. Mrs Love. I pray thee, walk after thy leader; you will but lose your labour upon me.-These wretches will certainly make me mad ! Col. I am of another opinion; the spirit telleth me I shall convert thee, Anne. Mrs Love. 'Tis a lying spirit; don't believe it. Col. Say'st thou so? Why, then, thou shalt convert me, my angel. [Catching her in his arms. Mrs Love. [Shrieks.] Ah! monster, hold off, or I'll tear thy eyes out. Col. Hush! for Heaven's sake-dost thou not know me? I am Fainwell. Mrs Love. Fainwell! [Enter old PRIM.] Oh, I'm undone! Prim here- -I wish, with all my soul, I had been dumb! Oba. Prim. What is the matter? Why did'st thou shriek out, Anne? Mrs Love, Shriek out! I'll shriek, and shriek again; cry murder, thieves, or any thing, to drown the noise of that eternal babbler, if you leave me with him any longer. Oba. Prim. Was that all? Fy, fy, Anne! Col. No matter; I'll bring down her stomach, I'll warrant thee-Leave us, I pray thee. Oba. Prim. Fare thee well. Col. My charming, lovely woman! [Erit. [Embraces her. Mrs Love. What meanest thou by this disguise, Fainwell? Col. To set thee free, if thou wilt perform thy promise. Mrs Love. Make me mistress of my fortune, and make thy own conditions. Col. This night shall answer all my wishes. See here, I have the consent of three of thy guardians already, and doubt not but Prim will make the fourth. [PRIM listening. Oba. Prim. I would gladly hear what arguments the good man useth to bend her. [Aside. Mrs Love. Thy words give me new life, methinks. Oba, Prim. What do I hear? Mrs Love. Thou best of men! Heaven meant to bless me, sure, when I first saw thee. Oba. Prim. He hath mollified her.. -Oh, wonderful conversion! Col. Ha! Prim listening.-No more, my love; we are observed; seem to be edified, and give them hopes that thou wilt turn quaker, and leave the rest to me. [Aloud.] I am glad to find that thou art touched with what I said unto thee, Anne; another time I will explain the other article unto thee; in the mean while, be thou dutiful to our friend Prim. Mrs Love. I shall obey thee in every thing. Enter OBADIAH PRIM. Oba. Prim. Oh, what a prodigious change is here!-Thou hast wrought a miracle, friend! Anne, how dost thou like the doctrine he hath preached? Mrs Love. So well, that I could talk to him for ever, methinks-I am ashamed of my former folly, and ask your pardon, Mr Prim. Col. Enough, enough, that thou art sorry; he is no pope, Anne. Oba. Prim. Verily, thou dost rejoice me exceedingly, friend; will it please thee to walk into the next room, and refresh thyself—Come, take the maiden by the hand. Col. We will follow thee. Enter Servant. Col. Take thou heed, friend, what thou dost say; I do affirm that I am Simon Pure. Sim. Pure. Thy name may be Pure, friend, but not that Pure. Col. Yea, that Pure, which my good friend, Aminadab Holdfast, wrote to my friend Prim about; the same Simon Pure that came from Pennsylvania, and sojourned in Bristol eleven days-thou wouldst not take my name from me, wouldst thou ?—till I have done with it. [Aside. I Sim. Pure. Thy name! I'm astonished! Col. At what at thy own assurance? [Going up to him, SIMON PURE starts back. Sim. Pure. Avaunt, Satan! approach me not; defy thee and all thy works. Mrs Love. Oh, he'll outcant him-Undone, u done for ever. [Asule. Col. Hark thee, friend, thy sham will not take -Don't exert thy voice; thou art too well acquainted with Satan to start at him, thou wicked reprobate-What can thy design be here? Enter a Servant, and gives PRIM a letter. Oba. Prim. One of these must be a counterfeit; but which, I cannot say. [Aside. Col. What can that letter be? Sim. Pure. Thou must be the devil, friend, that's certain; for no human power can stock so great a falsehood. Oba. Prim. This letter sayeth that thou art better acquainted with that prince of darkness than any here.-Read that, I pray thee, Simon. [Gives it to the COLON EL. Col. 'Tis Freeman's hand-[Reads.] There ' is a design formed to rob your house this night, ' and cut your throat; and for that purpose there is a man disguised like a quaker, who is to pass for one Simon Pure; the gang, whereof I am one, though now resolved to rob no more, has been at Bristol; one of them came in the coach with the quaker, whose name he hath 'taken; and, from what he hath gathered from 'him, formed that design; and did not doubt but he should so far impose upon you, as to make you turn out the real Simon Pure, and keep him with you. Make the right use of this. [Aside. Adieu.' Excellent well! Oba. Prim. Dost thou hear this? [TO SIMON PURT. Sim. Pure. Yea, but it moveth me not; that, doubtless, is the impostor. [Pointing at the COLONEL. Col. Ah! thou wicked one-now I consider thy face, I remember thou didst come up in the leathern conveniency with me-thou hadst a black bob wig on, and a brown camblet coat with brass buttons.- -Can'st thou deny it, ha? Sim. Pure. Yea, I can; and with a safe conscience, too, friend. Oba. Prim. Verily, friend, thou art the most impudent villain I ever saw. |