페이지 이미지
PDF
ePub

chief, nay, and a mask to boot, in the middle of have reached the ears of the wicked ones :---veriJuly.

ly, it troubleth me.

[Aside. Mrs Love. Ay; to keep the sun from scorching me.

Enter Servant. Oba. Prim. If thou couldst not bear the sun Ser. Philip Modelove, whom they call sir Phibeams, how dost thou think man can bear thy lip, is below, and such another with him; shall I beams? Those breasts inflame desire; let them send them up? be hid, I say.

Oba, Prim. Yea.

[Exit. Mrs Love. Let me be quiet, I say. Must I be tormented thus for ever? Sure no woman's con

Enter Sir Pulip and COLONEL. dition ever equalled inine! Foppery, folly, avarice, and hypocrisy, are, by turns, my constant Sir Phi. How dost thou do, friend Prim? companions and I must vary shapes as often as Odso!

my

she-friend here, too! What, are you a player–I cannot think my father meant this documenting Miss Nancy? Reading her a lecture tyranny! No, you usurp an authority which he upon the pinched coit, I warrant ye ! never intended you should take.

Mrs Prim. I am sure thou didst never read Oba. Prim. Hark thee; dost thou call good her any lecture that was good. My flesh riseth counsel tyranny? Do I, or my wife, tyrannize, so at these wicked ones, that prudence adviseth when we desire thee, in all love, to put off thy me to withdraw from their sight. [Erit. tempting attire, and veil thy provokers to sin? Col. Oh! that I could find means to peak

Mrs Love. Deliver me, good Heaven! or I with her! How charming she appears! I wish I shall go distracted.

(Walks about. could get this letter into her hand. [Aside. Mrs Prim. So ! now thy pinners are tost, and Sir Phi. Well, Miss Cockey, I hope thou hast thy breasts pulled up! Verily, they were seen got the better of them. enough before. Fy upon the filthy tailor who Mrs Love. The difficulties of my life are not made thy stays!

to be surmounted, sir Philip.--I hate the imMrs Love. I wish I were in my grave! Kill pertinence of him, as much as the stupidity of the me rather than treat me thus.

other.

[ Aside. Oba. Prim. Kill thee! ha, ha! thou thinkest Oba. Prim. Verily, Philip, thou wilt spoil this thou art acting some lewd play, sure !--kill thee! maiden. Art thou prepared for death, Anne Lwely? No, Sir Phi. I find we still differ in opinion; but no; thou wouldst rather have a husband, Anne--that we may none of us spoil her, prithee, Prim, Thou wantest a gilt coach, with six lazy fellows let us consent to marry her.--I have sent for our behind, to flaunt it in the ring of vanity, among brother guardians to meet me here about this vethe princes and rulers of the land, who pamper ry thing--Madam, will you give me leave to rethemselves with the fatness thereof; but I will commend a husband to you? Here's a gentletake care that none shall squander away thy fa man, whom, in my mind, you can have no objecther's estate ; thou shalt marry none such, Anne. tion to.

Mrs Love. Would you marry me to one of [Presents the Colonel to her, she looks anyour own canting sect?

Oba. Prim. Yea, verily; no one else shall ever Mrs Love. Heaven deliver me from the forget my consent, I do assure thee, Anne.

mal, and the fantastic fool! Mrs Love. And, I do assure thee, Obadiah, Col. A fine woman—a fine horse, and fine that I will as soon turn Papist, and die in a con- equipage, are the finest things in the universe :

and if I am so happy to possess you, madam, I Mrs Prim. Oh, wickedness!

shall becon.e the envy of mankind, as much as Mrs Love. Oh, stupidity!

your Oba. Prim. Oh, blindness of heart !

[As he takes her hand to kiss it, he endenMrs Love. Thou blinder of the world, don't

vours to put a letter into it ; she lets it provoke me--lest I betray your sanctity, and

drop-Prim takes it up. leave your wife to judge of your purity : What Mrs Love. I have no ambition to appear conwere the emotions of your spirit---when you spicuously ridiculous, sir. [Turning from him. squeezed Mary by the hand last night in the pan Col. So fail the hopes of Fainwell. try---when she told you, you bussed so filthily? Alrs Love. Hla! Fainwell! 'Tis he! What have Ah! you had no aversion to naked bosoms, when I done? Prim has the letter, and it will be disyou begged her to shew you a little, little, little covered !

[Aside. bit of her delicious bubby :---don't you remember

Oba. Prim. Friend, I know not thy name, so those words, Mr Priin?

cannot call thee by it; but thou seest thy letter Mrs Prim. What does she say, Obadiah? is unwelcome to the maiden; she will not read it.

Ob. Prim. She talketh unintelligibly, Sarah. Alrs Love. Nor shall you; [Snatches the letWhich way did she hear this? This should not rer.] I'll tear it in a thousand pieces, and scatter

other way.

vent.

you outshine

whole sex.

1

not.

it, as I will the hopes of all those that any of you again with the rest of mankind : for I like him shall recommend to me. [Tears the letter. Sir Phil. Ha! Right woman, faith!

Col. Pray, sir, without offence to your formaCol. Excellent woman !

(Aside. lity, what may be your objections? Oba. Prim. Friend, thy garb savoureth too Oba. Prim. Thy person; thy manners; thy much of the vanity of the age for my approba- dress; thy acquaintance ;

—thy every thing, tion; nothing that resembleth Philip Modelove friend. shall I love; mark that—therefore, friend Phi Sir Phi. You are most particularly obliging, lip, bring no more of thy own apes under my friend, ha, ha! roof.

Trade. What business do you follow, pray, Sir Phi. I ain so entirely a stranger to the mon- sir ? sters of thy breed, that I shall bring none of them, Col. Humph! by that question he must be the I am sure.

broker. (Aside.] Business, sir ! the business of a Col. I am likely to have a pretty task by that gentleman. time I have gone through them all; but she's a Trade. That is as much as to say, you dress city worth taking; and, 'egad! I'll carry on the fine, feed high, lie with every woman you like, sieve : if I can but blow up the outworks, I fancy and pay your surgeon's bill better than your taiI am pretty secure of the town. [Aside. lor's, or your butcher's.

Col. The court is much obliged to you, sir, for Enter Servant.

your character of a gentleman.

Trade. The court, sir! What would the court Ser. Toby Periwinkle and Thomas Tradelove do without us citizens ? demand to see thee.

[To Sir Puilip. Sir Phi. Without your wives and daughters, Sir Phi. Bid them come up.

you mean, Mr Tradelove? Mrs Love. Deliver me from such an inunda Per. Have you ever travelled, sir ? tion of noise and nonsense. Oh, Fainwell! Col. That question must not be answered now whatever thy contrivance be, prosper it Hea -In books I have, sir. ven-but, oh! I fear thou never canst redeem Per. In books! That's fine travelling, indeed!

-Sir Philip, when you present a person I like, Sir Phil. Sic transit gloria mundi.

he shall have my consent to marry Mrs Lovely; till then, your servant.

[Erit. Enter MR PERIWINKLE and TRADELOVE.

Col. I'll make you like me before I have

done with you, or I am mistaken. These are my brother guardians, Mr Fainwell!;

[Aside. prithee, observe the creatures. [Aside to Col. Trade. And when you can convince me that a Trade. Well, sir Philip, I obey your sum- beau is more useful to niy country than a mer

chant, you shall have mine; till then, you must Per. Pray, what have you to offer for the good excuse me.

[Erit. of Mrs Lovely, sic Philip?

Col. So much for trade-I'll fit you, too. Sir. Phi. First, I desire to know what you in

[ Aside. tend to do with that lady? Must she be sent to Sir Phi. In my opinion, this is inhuman the Indies for a venture—or live an old maid, treatment, as to the lady, Mr Prim. and then be entered amongst your curiosities, Oba. Prim. Thy opinion and mine happen to and shewn for a monster, Mr Periwinkle? differ as much as our occupations, friend; busiCol. Humph, curiosities; that must be the vir

ness requireth my presence, and folly thine; and [Aside. so I must bid thee farewell.

Erit. Per. Why, what would you do with her? Sir Phi. Here's breeding for you, Mr Feign

Sir Phi. I would recommend this gentleman well! Gad take me, to her for a husband, sir-a person, whom I have picked out from the whole race of man Half my estate I'd give to see them bit. kind.

Col. I hope to bite you all, if my plot hit. Oba. Prim. I would advise thee to shuffle him

[Ereunt.

me !

mons.

very

tuoso.

ACT III.

-you have

SCENE I.-The Tavern.

Per. A hundred and thirty-five! why, that's Sackout and the Colonel, in an Egyptian dress. thing in the world to be a traveller.

prodigious, now !-Well, certainly 'tis the finest Sack. A lucky beginning, colonel

Col. For my part, I value none of the modern got the old beau's consent.

fashions a fig-leaf. Col. Ay, he's a reasonable creature; but the Per. No more don't I, sir; I had rather be other three will require some pains.-Shall I pass the jest of a fool, than his favourite.--I am upon him, think you? 'Egad, in my mind, I look laughed at here for my singularity — This coat, as antique as if I had been preserved in the ark. you must know, sir, was formerly worn by that

Sack. Pass upon him! ay, ay, as roundly as ingenious and very learned person, Mr John white wine dash'd with sack does for mountain Tradescant, of Lambeth. and sherry, if you have assurance enough

Col. John Tradescant! Let me embrace you, Col. I have no apprehension from that quar-sir-John Tradescant was my uncle by my inoter; assurance is the cockade of a soldier. ther's side; and I thank you for the honour you

Sack. Ay, but the assurance of a soldier dif- do his memory; he was a very curious man, infers much from that of a traveller.—Can you lie deed. with a good grace?

Per. Your uncle, sir !--Nay, then, 'tis no Col. As heartily, when my mistress is the wonder that your taste is so refined; why, you prize, as I would meet the foe, when my country have it in your blood. - My humble service to called, and king commanded; so don't you fear you, sir; to the immortal memory of John that part: if he don't know me again, I am safe Tradescant, your never-to-be-forgotten uncle ! --I hope he'll come.

[Drinks. Sack. I wish all my debts would come as sure. Col. Give me a glass, landlord. I told him you had been a great traveller, had Per. I find you are primitive, even in your many valuable curiosities, and was a person of a wine; Canary was the drink of our wise foremost singular taste. He seemed transported, and fathers; 'tis balsamic, and saves the charge of begged me to keep you till he came.

apothecaries' cordials—Oh, that I had lived in Col. Ay, ay; he need not fear my running your uncle's days ! or rather, that he were now away. Let's have a bottle of sack, landlord; our alive!-Oh, how proud he'd be of such a neancestors drank sack.

phew! Sack. You shall have it.

Sack. Oh, pox! that would have spoild the Col. And whereabouts is the trap-door you jest.

(Aside. mentioned?

Per. A person of your curiosity must have Sack. There's the conveyance, sir. [Exit. collected many rarities.

Col. Now, if I should cheat all these roguish Col. I have some, sir, which are not yet come guardians, and carry off my mistress in triumph, ashore; as, an Egyptian idol. it would be what the French call a grand coup Per. Pray, what may that be? d'eclat-Odso! here comes Periwinkle.

Col. It is, sir, a kind of ape, which they forAh! Deuce take this beard; pray Jupiter it does merly worshipped in that country; I took it from not give me the slip, and spoil all!

the breast of a female mummy. Enter SackBut with wine, and PERIWINKLE idolatry to this day; for many an ape lies upon

Per. Ha, ha! our women retain part of their following

a lady's bosom : ha, ha! Sack. Sir, this gentleman, hearing you have Sack. A smart old thief.

[Aside. been a great traveller, and a person of fine spe Col. Two tusks of an hippopotamus, two pair culation, begs leave to take a glass with you; he of Chinese nut-crackers, and one Egyptian mumis a man of a curious taste himself.

my. Col. The gentleman has it in his face and Per. Pray, sir, have you never a crocogarb Sir, you are welcome.

dile? Per. Sir, I honour a traveller, and men of Col. Humph !—The boatswain brought one your inquiring disposition; the oddness of your with a design to shew it; but touching at Rothabit pleases me exceedingly; 'tis very antique ; terdam, and hearing it was no rarity in England, and for that I like it.

sold it to a Dutch poet. Col. 'Tis very antique, sir;-this habit once Sack. The devil's in that nation, it rivals us in belonged to the famous Claudius Ptolemeus, who every thing! lived in the year one hundred and thirty-five. Per. I should have been very glad to have

Sack. If he keeps up to the sample, he shall seen a living crocodile. lie with the devil for a bean-stack, and win it, Col. My genius led me to things more worthy every straw.

[Aside. of regardSir, I have seen the utmost limitse

over.

of this globular world; I have seen the sun rise, ports none of them; they would certainly find and set; know in what degree of heat he is at their account in them. noon, to the breadth of a hair ; and what quan Col. Right; if they could find the leaves. tity of combustibles he burns in a day; and how [Aside. —Look ye, sir, do you see this little much of it turns to ashes, and how much to cin- phial? ders.

Per. Pray you, what is it? Per. To cinders! You amaze me, sir ! I never Col. This is called Polufiosboio. heard that the sun consuined any thing.-Des Per. Poluflosboio !--It has a rumbling cartes tells us

sound. Col. Descartes, with the rest of his brethren, Col. Right, sir; it proceeds from a rumbling both ancient and modern, knew nothing of the nature. -This water was part of those waves matter.— I tell you, sir, that nature admits of an which bore Cleopatra's vessel when she sailed to annual decay, though imperceptible to vulgar meet Antony eyes. Sometimes his rays destroy below, some Per. Well, of all that ever travelled, none had tímes above. You have heard of blazing co a taste like you ! mets, I suppose ?

Col. But here's the wonder of the world.Per. Yes, yes; I remember to have seen one; This, sir, is called Zona, or Moros Musphonon ; and our astrologers tell us of another which will the virtues of this are inestimable. happen very quickly.

Per. Moros Musphonon! What, in the name Col. Those comets are little islands bordering of wisdom, can that be? To me it seems a plain on the sun, which, at certain times, are set on fire belt. by that luminous body's moving over them per Col. This girdle has carried me all the world pendicular, which will one day occasion a general conflagration.

Per. You have carried it, you mean: Sack. One need not scruple the colonel's ca Col. I mean as I say, sir. Whenever I am pacity, faith!

(Aside. yirded with this, I am invisible; and, by turning Per. This is marvellous strange! These cin- this little screw, can be in the court of the Great ders are what I never read of in any of our Mogul, the Grand Signior, and king George, in learned dissertations.

as little time as your cook can poach an egg. Col. I don't know how the devil you should. Per. You must pardon me, sir; I cannot be

[Aside. lieve it. Sack. He has it at his finger's ends; one would Col. If my landlord pleases, he shall try the swear he had learned to lie at school, he does it experiment immediately. 30 cleverly.

Aside. Suck. I thank you kindly, sir; but I have no Per. Well! you travellers see strange things ! inclination to ride post to the devil. Pray, sir, have you any of those cinders ?

Col. No, no, you shan't stir a foot; I'll only Col. I have, aniong my other curiosities. make you invisible.

Per. Oh, what have I lost for want of travel Suck. But if you could not make me visible ling - Pray, what have you else?

again? Col. Several things worth your attention.-I Per. Come, try it upon me, sir; I am not afraid have a muff made of the feathers of those geese of the devil, nor all his tricks. 'Sbud, I'll stand that saved the Roman Capitol.

them all. Per. Is't possible!

Col. There, sir; put it on. Come; landlord, Sack. Yes, if you are such a gander as to be- you and I must face to the east.—[They turr lieve him.

[Aside. about.}-Is it on, sir ! Col. I have an Indian leaf, which, open, will Per. 'Tis on. [They turn about again. cover an acre of land, yet folds up in so little a Sack. Heaven protect me! Where is he? compass, you may put it into your smuff-box. Per. Why here, just where I was.

Sack. Humph! That's a thunderer! [Aside. Sack. Where, where, in the name of virtue? Per. Amazing!

Ah, poor Mr Periwinkle! Egad, look to't, you Col. Ah! mine is but a little one; I have had best, sir; and let him be seen again, or I seen some of them that would cover one of the shall have you burnt for a wizard. Caribbee Islands.

Col. Have patience, good landlord. Per. Well, if I don't travel before I die, I Per. But really don't you see me now? shan't rest in my grave-Pray, what do the Sack. No more than I see my grandmother, Indians with them?

hat died forty years ago. Col. Sir, they use them in their wars for tents; Per. Are you sure you don't lie? Methinks, I the old women for riding-hoods, the young for stand just where I did, and see you as plain as I fans and umbrellas.

did before. Sack. He has a fruitful invention ! [ Aside. Sack. Ah! I wish I could see you once again. Per. I admire our East India Company im Col. Take off the girdle, sir. (He takes it off

my heart.

Sack. Ah, sir, I am glad to see you, with all Per. Such a shining breast as the humming bird?

[Embraces him. Col. Such a shape as the antelope ? Per. This is very odd; certainly there must Per. Or, in all the artful mixture of their vabe some trick in't. Pray, sir, will you do ine the rious dresses, have they half the beauty of one favour to put it on yourself?

box of butterflies? Col. With all my heart.

Col. No, that must be allowed-For my part, Per. But, first, I'll secure the door.

if it were not for the benefit of mankind, I'd Col. You know how to turn the screw, Mr have nothing to do with them; for they are as inSackbut?

different tu me as a sparrow, or a flesh-fly. Sack. Yes, yes. Come, Mr Periwinkle, we Per. Pray, sir, what benefit is the world to must turn full east.

reap from this lady? [They turn, the Colonel sinks down the Col. Why, sir, she is to bear me a son, who trap-door.

shall revive the art of embalming, and the old Col. 'Tis done; now turn. [They turn. Roman manner of burying their dead; and, for Per. Ha! Mercy upon me

!
my
flesh

creeps the benefit of posterity, he is to discover the upon my bones. This must be a conjurer, Mr longitude, so long sought for in vain. Sackbut.

Per. Od! these are valuable things, Mr SackSack. He is the devil, I think.

but! Per. Oh, Mr Sackbut, why do you name the Sack. He hits it off admirably, and tother devil, when, perhaps, he may be at your elbow ? swallows it like sack and sugar-- Aside.)-Cer

Sack. At my elbow ? marry, Heaven forbid ! tainly this lady must be your ward, Mr PeriwinCol. Are you satisfied ?

kle, by her being under the care of four persons. (From under the

stage. Per. By the description, it should—'Egad, Per. Yes, sir, yes

How hollow his voice if I could get that girdle, I'd ride with the sun, sounds!

and make the tour of the world in four and twenSack. Yours seemned just the same, Faith, I ty hours.—[ Aside.] - And are you to give that wish this girdle were mine, I'd sell wine no more. girdle to the first of the four guardians that shall Hark ye, Mr Periwinkle-[Takes him aside till give his consent to marry that lady, say you, sir? the Colonel rises again.}--if he would sell this Col. I am so ordered, when I can find him. girdle, you might travel with great expedition. Per. I fancy I know the very woman her

Col. But it is not to be parted with for mo name is Anne Lovely. ney.

Col. Excellent! be said, indeed, that the first Per. I'm sorry for’t, sir, because I think it the letter of her name was L. greatest curiosity I ever heard of.

Per. Did he really? Well, that's prodigiously Col. By the advice of a learned physiognomist amazing, that a person in Grand Cairo should in Grand Cairo, who consulted the lines in my know any thing of my ward ! face, I returned to England, where he told me I Col. Your ward! should find a rarity in the keeping of four men, Per. To be plain with you, sir, I am one of which I was born to possess for the benefit of those four guardians. mankind; and the first of the four that gave ine Col. Are you, indeed, sir? I am transported to his consent, I should present him with this girdle find the man who is to possess this Moros Mus-Till I have found this jewel, I shall not part phonon is a person of so curious a taste! Here is with the girdle.

a writing, drawn up by that famous Egyptian, Per. What can that rarity be? Didn't he name which, if you will please to sign, you must turn it to you?

your face full north, and the girdle is yours. Col. Yes, sir : he called it a chaste, beautiful, Per. If I live till this boy is born, I'll be emunaffected woman.

balmed, and sent to the Royal Society, when I Per. Pish! Women are no rarities I never die. had any taste that way. I married, indeed, to Col. That

you

shall most certainly. please my father, and I got a girl to please my

Enter a Drauer. wite; but she and the child, (thank Heaven) died together---Women are the very gewgaws Draw. Here's Mr Staytape the tailor inquires of the creation; playthings for boys, which, when for you,

colonel. they write man, they ought to throw aside. Col. Who do you speak to, you son of a

Suck. A fme lecture to be read to a circle of whore? ladies! [ Aside. Per. Ha! colonel !

[Aside. Per. What woman there, drest in all the Col. Confound the blundering dog! Aside. pride and foppery of the times, can boast of such Draw. Why, to colonela foretop as the cockatoo?

Sack. Get out, you rascal! Col. I must humour him-[Aside.)-Such a

[Kicks him out, and goes after him,, skin as the lizard?

Draw. What the devil is the matter? VOL. II.

4 G

« 이전계속 »