ridge is come to England to marry, do you go to France not to marry, and you will have the best of the bargain. Enter WILLIAM. Wil. Sir Bashful Constant is in his chariot at the upper end of the street, and if your honour is at leisure, he will wait upon you. Love. Have not I sent him word I should be at home? Let him come as soon as he will.[Exit WILLIAM.] Another instance, sir Brilliant, to deter you from all thoughts of matri mony. Love. Well, that's generous-hush! I hear him coming. Sir Brilliant, I admire your amorous charity of all things! Enter SIR BASHFUL CONSTANT. Sir Bash. Mr Lovemore, I have taken the li berty-but you seem to be busy, and I intrude, perhaps. Love. Oh, by no means: walk in, Sir Bash ful. Sir Bash. I can't say, sir; I am not her physician. Sir Bril. [Aside.] An absurd brute! Lovemore, I'll just step and pay a short visit to our Sir Bril. Po! hang him! he is no precedent for me. A younger brother, who lived in middling life, comes to a title and an estate on the death of a consumptive baronet; marries a woman of quality, and now carries the primitive ideas of his narrow education into high life.-friend over the way. Don't you remember, when he had chambers in Fig-tree-court, and used to saunter and lounge away his time in Temple coffee-houses? The fellow is as dull as a bill in Chancery. Love. But he is improved since that time. Sir Bril. Impossible; don't you see how he goes on? He knows nothing of the world; if his eyes meet yours, he blushes up to his ears, and looks suspicious, as if he imagined you had a design upon him. Love. I can explain that part of his character. He has a mortal aversion to wit and raillery, and dreads nothing so much as being laughed at for being particular. Love. Why in such a hurry? Sir Bril. I shall return immediately. I'll be with you before you are dressed. Sir Bashful, I kiss your hand. [Erit. Sir Bash. I am glad he is gone. I have something, Mr Lovemore, that I want to advise with you about. Love. Have you? Sir Bash. I have had another brush with my wife. Love. I am sorry for it, sir Bashful. [Aside.]I am perfectly glad of it. She Sir Bash. Pretty warm the quarrel was. took it in a high tone. Sir Bashful,' says she, I wonder you will disgrace yourself at this rate. You know my pin-money is not sufficient. Sir Bril. And so, fearing to be ridiculous, he becomes substantially so every moment. Love. Even so; and if you look at him, heThe mercer and every body dunning me! I shrinks back from your observation, casting a 'can't go on after this fashion,' says she, and sly, slow, jealous eye all around him, like Miss then something about her quality. You know, Bumpkin in a country village, awkwardly endea- Mr Lovemore, [Smiling.] she is a woman of high vouring to conceal what the increase of her quality. shape discovers to the whole parish. Sir Bril. And then his behaviour to his lady! Love. Why, as to that point, I don't think he hates her. His fear of ridicule may be at the bottom. He has strange notions about the dignity of a husband. There is a secret, which he would fain tell me, and yet he is shy, and he hints, and he hesitates, and then he retreats back into himself, and ends just where he began. But with all his faults, he has fits of good nature. There; his chariot's at the door. Sir Bril. Lady Constant, you mean, has fits of good nature. Have you made any progress there? Love. That's well from you, who are the formidable man in that quarter. Sir Bril. Oh! no; positively, no pretence, no colour for it. Love. Don't I know that you have made ad vances? Sir Bril. Advances! I pity my lady Constant, and Love. Yes, and a very fine woman. Sir Bash. No, no, no; not much of thatand yet [Looks at him and smiles.] Do you think her a fine woman? Love. Undoubtedly; where do you see any body that outshines her? Sir Bash. Why to be sure- -[Smiling.] one does not often see her eclipsed. I think she is what you may call a fine woman, She keeps good company. Love. The very best. Sir Bash. Yes, yes; your tiptop, none else.— And yet to encourage her too far were dange Too complying a husband makes but a sorry figure in the eyes of the world. rous. Their Love. The world will talk, sir Bashful. Sir Bash. Too fast, Mr Lovemore. tongues will run on, and one does not like to give them a subject. I answered her stoutly: Madam, says I, a fig for your quality: I am master in my own house, and who do you think[Winks at LOVEMORE.] putting myself in a pas SCENE I-SIR JOHN's house. Enter SIR JOHN and ROBERT. Sir John. ROBERT, where is your lady? ACT II. Tat. How are you now, Madam? Lady Rest. Somewhat better, Tattle. Reach that chair. Tattle, tell me honestly, does that girl live with lady Conquest? Tat. She does, madam, upon my veracity. Lady Rest. Very well! You will be obstinate, I see; but I shall know the truth presently. I shall have an answer from her ladyship, and then all will come out. Tat. You will hear nothing, madam, but what I have told you already. Lady Rest. Tattle, Tattle, I took you up in the country, in hopes gratitude would make you my friend. But you are as bad as the rest of them. Conceal all you know: it is of very little consequence. I now see through the whole affair. Though it is the picture of a man, yet I am not to be deceived: I understand it all. This is some former gallant. The creature gave this to sir John, as a proof that she had no affection for any one but himself. What art he must have had to induce her to this! I have found him out at last. women should be under severer restraints than the men are! Sir John. You repine for want of freedom, do you? Lady Rest. Cruel laws of wedlock! The tyrant husband may triumph in his infidelity. He may securely trample upon all laws of decency and order: it redounds to his credit; gives him a fashionable air of vice, while a poor woman is obliged to submit to his cruelty. She remains tied to him for life, even though she has reason to entertain a mortal hatred for him. Sir John. Oh! Very well argued, madam ! Lady Rest. What a pity it is, Tattle, that we cannot change our husbands, as we do our earrings, or our gloves! Sir John. There is a woman of spirit! Lady Rest. Tattle! Will you own the truth to me about that girl? Tat. I really have told you the truth, madam. Lady Rest. You won't discover, I sce: very well! You may go down stairs. Tat. I assure your ladyship——— [Exit. Lady Rest. Would I had never seen my husband's face! Sir John. I am even with you: I have as good wishes for you, I assure you. Lady Rest. This picture here--Oh, the base man! Sir John. The picture of her gallant, I sup pose. Lady Rest. This is really a handsome picture: what a charining countenance! It is perfumed, I fancy: the scent is agreeable. Sir John. The jade! how eagerly she kisses it! Lady Rest. Why had I not such a dear, dear man, instead of the brute, the monster Sir John. Monster! She does not mince the matter: plain downright English! I must contain my rage, and steal upon her meditationsSo-so-so Enters on tiptoe. Lady Rest. There is no falsehood in this look. Sir John. [Looking over her shoulder.]--Oh! What a handsome dog she has chosen for herself! Lady Rest. With you I could be for ever happy! Sir John. You could, could you? [Snatches the picture. Lady Rest. [Screams out.]—Mercy on me!— Oh! is it you, sir? Sir John. Now, madam! now, false one, have I caught you? sir. Lady Rest, You are come home at last, I find, 5 C Well, Muslin, have you seen his prime minister? Mus. Yes, ma'am, I have seen Mr William. He says his master is going out, according to the old trade, and he does not expect to see him again till to-morrow morning. Mr Lovemore is now in the study. Sir Brilliant Fashion is with him: I heard them, as I passed by the door, laughing as loud as two actors in a comedy. Mrs Love. About some precious mischief, I'll be sworn, and all at my cost. Heigho! Mus. Dear Ma'am, why chagrin yourself about a vile man, that is not worthhope for mercy, not worth a single sigh! no, as I Mrs Love. What can I do, Muslin? Mus. Do, ma'am !-If I was as you, I'd do for him. If I could not cure my grief, I'd find some comfort; that's what I would. me. Mrs Love. Comfort? alas! there is none for death of me, if I have not a box for the new play. Lord bless you, ma'am, they rantipole it about this town, with as unconcerned looks, and as florid outsides, as if they were treated at home like so many goddesses: though every body knows possession has ungoddessed them all long ago, and their husbands care no more for them, no, by jingo, no more than they care for their husbands! Mrs Love. At what a rate you run on! Mus. It is enough to make a body run on. If every body thought like you, maʼam Mrs Love. If every body loved like me ! Mus. A brass thimble for love, if it is not returned by love. What the deuce is here to do? Love for love is something: but to love alone, where's the good of that? Shall I go and fix my heart upon a man, who shall despise me for that very reason? And ay, says he, Poor fool! I see she adores me. The woman is well enough, only she has one inconvenient circumstance about her; I am married to her, and marriage is the devil!" Mrs Love. Will you have done? Mus. I have not half done, ma'am. And when the vile man goes a rogueing, he smiles impudently in your face, ' and I am going to the chocolate-house, my dear; amuse yourself in the mean time, my love.' Fy upon them! I know them all. Give me a husband that will enlarge Mus. And whose fault, then? Would any body the circle of my innocent pleasures: but a husbut you-It provokes me to think of it-Would band now-a-days is no such thing. A husband any but you young, handsome, with wit, graces, now is nothing but a scare-crow, to shew you the talents would any body, with so many accom-fruit, but touch it if you dare. The devil's in plishments, sit at home here, as melancholy as a poor servant out of place?-And all for what? For a husband! And such a husband! What do you think the world will say of you, ma'am? Mrs Love. I care not what they say; I am tired of the world, and the world may be tired of me, if it will. My troubles are to myself only, and I must endeavour to bear them. Who knows what patience may do? If Mr Lovemore has any feeling left, my conduct and his own heart may one day incline him to do me justice. them! the Lord forgive me for swearing! A husband is a mere bugbear, a snap-dragon, a monster; that is to say, if one makes him so, then he is a monster indeed; and if one do not make him so, then he behaves like a monster; and of the two evils, by my troth—But here, ma'am, here comes one who can tell you all about it. Here comes sir Brilliant: ask his advice, ma'am. Mrs Love. His advice?- -Ask advice of the man, who has estranged Mr Lovemore's affections from me? Mus. But, dear ma'am, that's waiting for dead Mus. Well, I protest and vow, I think sir Brilmen's shoes. Incline him to do you justice!liant a very pretty gentleman. He is the very What signifies expecting and expecting? Give me a bird in the hand. If all the women in London, who happen to be in your case, were to sit down and die of the spleen, what would become of the public places They might turn Vauxhall to a hop-garden; make a brewhouse of Ranelagh, and let both the play-houses to a methodistpreacher. We should not have the racketing we have now. John, let the horses be put to--John, go to my lady Trumpabout, and invite her to a small party of twenty or thirty card-tables. John, run to my lady Catgut, and let her know I'll wait upon her ladyship to the opera. John, run, as fast as ever you can, with my compliments to Mr Varney, and tell him, it will be the pink of the fashion. He dresses fashionably, lives fashionably, wins your money fashionably, loses his own fashionably, and does every thing fashionably; and then he looks so lively, and so much to say, and so never at a loss!—But here he comes. Enter SIR BRILLIANT. Sir Bril. Mrs Lovemore, my dear madam, always in a vis-a-vis party with your suivante ?— Afford me your pardon, if I say this does a little wear the appearance of being out of humour with the world. Mrs Love. Far from it, sir Brilliant. We were engaged in your panegyrie. Sir Bril. My panegyric? Then am I come most apropos to give the portrait a few finishing touches. Mr Lovemore, as soon as he is dressed, will wait upon you: in the mean time, I can help you to some anecdotes, which will enable you to colour your canvas a little higher. Mrs Love. Among those anecdotes, I hope you will not omit the bright exploit of seducing Mr Lovemore from all domestic happiness? [She makes a sign to MUSLIN to go. Sir Bril. I, madam?-Let me perish, if everMrs Love. Oh! sir, I can make my observations. Sir Bril. May fortune eternally forsake me, and beauty frown on me, if I am conscious of any plot upon earth! Mrs Love. Don't assert too strongly, sir Brilliant. Sir Bril. My late project! Mrs Love. Your late project, sir. Not content with leading Mr Lovemore into a thousand scenes of dissipation, you have introduced him lately to your Mrs Bellmour. You understand me, sir? Sir Bril. Madam, he does not so much as know the widow Bellmour. Mrs Love. Nay, sir Brilliant, have a care: justify it, if you can, or give it a turn of wit.— There is no occasion to hazard yourself too far. Sir Bril. Falsehood I disdain, madam, and I, sir Brilliant Fashion, declare that Mr Lovemore is not acquainted with the widow Bellmour.And if he was, what then? Do you know the lady? Mrs Love. I know her, sir? A person of that character? dam to? Love. [Within.]-William, are the horses put Sir Bril. May I never throw a winning cast- Sir Bril. Oh! I see you don't know her; but Mrs Love. It is in vain to deny it, sir. I will let you into her history. Pray, be seated. Sir Bril. May I lose the next sweepstakes, if You shall know her whole history, and then I have ever, in thought, word, or deed, been ac-judge for yourself. The widow Bellmour, macessary to his infidelity! I alienate the affections of Mr Lovemore! Consider, madain, how would this tell in Westminster Hall? Sir Brilliant Fashion, what say you? guilty of this indictment, or not guilty? Not guilty, poss. Thus issue is joined. You enter the court: but, my dear madam, veil those graces that adorn your person: abate the fire of those charms: so much beauty will corrupt the judges: give me a fair trial. Mrs Love. And thus you think to laugh it away. Sir Bril. Nay, hear me out. You appear in court: you charge the whole upon me, without a syllable as to the how, when, and where: no proof positive; the prosecution ends, and I begin my defence. Mrs Love. And, by playing these false colours, you think I am to be amused? Sir Bril. Nay, Mrs Lovemore, I am now upon my defence. Only hear.-You will please to consider, gentlemen of the jury, that Mr Lovemore is not a minor, nor I his guardian. He loves gaiety, pleasure, and enjoyment: is it my fault? He is possessed of talents, and a taste for pleasure, which he knows how to gratify: can I restrain bin? He knows the world, makes the most of life, and plucks the fruit that grows around him: am I to blame? This is the whole affair. How say you, gentlemen of the jury?—Not guilty. There, you see how it is. I have cleared myself. Enter LOVEMORE. Love. Very well let the carriage be brought round directly. How do you do, my dear? Sir Brilliant, I beg your pardon. My love, you don't answer me: how do you do this morning? [With an air of cold civility. Mrs Love. A little indisposed in mind: but indisposition of the mind is of no consequence : nobody pities it. Love. I beg you pardon, Mrs Lovemore. Indisposition of the mind--Sir Brilliant, that's a mighty pretty ring on your finger. Sir Bril. A bauble: will you look at it? [Gives the ring. Mrs Love. Though I have but few obligations to sir Brilliant, I suppose I am to ascribe to him the favour of this visit, Mr Lovemore? Love. [Looking at the ring, and laughing.]— Now, there you wrong me. Your inquiries about my health have been very obliging this morning, and I came to return the compliment before I got out. It is set very neatly. [Gives back the ring. Mrs Love. Are you going out, sir? business! But business-[Examining his ruffles.] Mrs Love. Brisk, lively, and like yourself, sir-business must be done. Pray, is there any Brilliant! But if you can imagine this bantering way Sir Bril. Acquitted by my country, madam; fairly acquitted. Mrs Love. After the very edifying counsel which you give to Mr Lovemore, this loose strain is not in the least surprising. And, sir, your late project news? Any news, my dear? Mrs Love. It would be news to me, sir, if you would be kind enough to let me know whether I may expect the favour of your company at dinner to-day? Love. It would be impertinent in me to answer such a question; for I can give no direct answer to it. I am the slave of events; just as things happen; perhaps I may; perhaps not.But don't let me be of any inconvenience to you. Is it material where a body eats? Have you heard what happened to me? [Aside to SIR BRILLIANT. Sir Bril. When, and where? Love. A word in your ear—with your permission, madam? Mrs Love. That cold, contemptuous civility, Mr Lovemore Love. Po! Prithee, now, how can you? that is very peevish, and very ill-natured.-[Turning to SIR BRILLIANT.-I lost every thing I played for, after you went. The foreigner and he understand one another. I beg your pardon, Mrs Lovemore: it was only about an affair at the opera. Mrs Love. The opera, or any thing, is more agreeable than my company. It is grown habitual to him: he will drive to your Mrs Bellmour, I suppose. Sir Bril. Apropos; that brings us back to the little history I was going to give you of that lady. What is your charge against her? That she is amiable? Granted. Young, gay, rich, handsome, with enchanting talents, it is no wonder all the pretty fellows are on their knees to her. Her manner so entertaining! That quickness of transition from one thing to another! That round of variety! and every new attitude does so become ber; and she has such a feeling heart, and, with an air of giddiness, so nice a conduct! Mrs Love. Mighty well, sir: she is a very vestal. Finish your portrait. A vestal, from your school of painting, must be a curiosity—But how comes it, sir, if she is this wonder, that your honourable proposals are at an end there? Sir Bril. Compulsion, madam: it is not vo Love. Now, there again you wrong me.-[Toluntary. My lord Etheridge is the happy man. SIR BRILLIANT.-We dine at the St Alban's. How can you, Mrs Lovemore? I make it a point not to incommode you. You possibly may have some private party; and it would be unpolite in me to obstruct your schemes of pleasure. Would not it, sir Brilliant? Sir Bril. Oh! Gothic to the last degree! Love. Very true; vulgar and mechanic! [Both stand laughing. Mrs Love. Go on; make sport for yourselves, gentlemen. I thought he was out of the kingdom; but his lordship is with her every evening. I can scarce gain admittance; and so all that remains for me, is to do justice to the lady, and console myself in the best way I can, for the insufficiency of my pretensions. Mrs Love. Am I to believe all this? Sir Bril. May the first woman I pay my addresses to, strike me to the centre with a supercilious eye-brow, if every syllable is not minutely true! So that, you see, I am not the cause of Love. Ho, ho, ho! I am sore with laughing.- your inquietude. There is not in the world a If you, madam, have arranged an agreeable par-person, who more earnestly aspires to prove the ty, for me to be present, it would look as if we lived together like sir Bashful Constant and his lady; who are always, like two game-cocks, ready armed to goad and spur one another. Hey! Sir Brilliant? Sir Bril. Oh, the very thing: or, like sir Theodore Traffic, at Tunbridge, taking his wife under the arm in the public rooms, and Come along home, I tell you.' Love. Exactly so.-[Both continue laughing.] ---Odds my life! I shall be beyond my time. [Looks at his watch.]-Any commands into the city, my dear? Mrs Love. Commands! No, sir, I have no commands. Love. I have an appointment at my banker's, sir Brilliant. You know old Discount? Sir Bril. He that was in parliament, and had the large contract? Love. The same: Entire Butt, I think, was the name of his borough. Can I set you down? Sir Bril. No; my carriage waits. I shall rattle half the town over, presently. Love. As you will. Sir Brilliant will entertain you, madam. Au revoir, my love. Sir Brilliant, yours. Who waits there? [Exit singing. Sir Bril. Bon voyage. You see, madam, that I don't deprive you of his company. Mrs Love. Your influence is now unnecessary. tender esteem he bears you. I have long panted for an opportunity-by all that's soft, she listens to me-Aside.]-I have long panted, madam, for a tender moment like this Mrs Love. [Looking gravely at him.]-Sir! Sir Bril. I have panted with all the ardour, which charms, like yours, must kindle in every heart Mrs Love. [Walks away.]—This liberty, sirSir Bril. Consider, madam: we have both cause of discontent; both disappointed; both crossed in love; and the least we can do is both to join, and sweeten each other's cares. Mrs Love. And your friend, sir, who has just left you Sir Bril. He, madam, for a long time-I have seen it, with vexation seen it-yes, he has long been false to honour, love, and you. Mrs Love. Sir Brilliant, I have done. You take my wrongs too much to heart, sir. [Rings a bell Sir Bril. Those eyes, that tell us what the sun is made of, those hills of driven snow! Mrs Love. Will nobody answer there? Enter MUSLIN. Sir Bril. Madam, I desist: when you are in better humour, recollect what I have said. Your adorer takes his leave. Sir Brilliant, mind your |