take the civers off the couch and the chairs; and | smiles, and grins, and leers, and ogles, and fills put the china figures on the mantle piece imme- every wrinkle of his old wizen face with comical diately. expressions of tenderness. I think he would make an admirable sweetheart. Trus. Yes, madam. Mrs Heid. Be gone, then! Fly, this instant! Where's my brother Sterling? Trus. Talking to the butler, madam. Mrs Heid. Very well.[Exit TRUSTY. Miss Fanny! I pertest I did not see you before --Lord, child, what's the matter with you? Fan With me! Nothing, madam. Mrs Heid. Bless me! Why, your face is as pale, and black, and yellow-of fifty colours, I pertest. And then you have drest yourself as loose and as big--I declare there is not such a thing to be seen now, as a young woman with a fine waist-You all make yourselves as round as Mrs Deputy Barter. Go, child! You know the qualaty will be here by and by. Go, and make yourself a little more fit to be seen.-[Exit FANNY.-She is gone away in tears---absolutely crying, I vow and pertest. This ridicalous love! We must put a stop to it. It makes a perfect nataral of the girl. Enter STERLING. Ster. [At entering.] No fish?-Why, the pond was dragged but yesterday morning-There's carp and tench in the boat.- -Pox on't! if that dog Lovewell had any thought, he would have brought down a turbot, or some of the land-carriage mackrell. Mrs Heid. Lord, brother, I am afraid his lordship and sir John will not arrive while it is light! Ster. I warrant you. But, pray, sister Heidelberg, let the turtle be dressed to-morrow, and some venison--and let the gardener cut some pine-apples and get out some ice.—I'll answer for wine, I warrant you-I'll give them such a glass of champagne as they never drank in their lives-no, not at a duke's table. Mrs Heid. Pray now, brother, mind how you behave. I am always in a fright about you with Miss Ster. Poor soul! She cannot help it. people of qualaty. Take care that you don't fall [Affectedly. asleep directly after supper, as you commonly do. Mrs Heid. Well, my dear! Now, I shall have Take a good deal of snuff, and that will keep an opportoonity of convincing you of the absur- you awake-And don't burst out with your hordity of what you was telling me concerning sirrible loud horse laughs. It is monstrous wulgar. John's Melvil's behaviour to you. Miss Ster. Oh, it gives me no manner of uneasiness. But, indeed, madam, I cannot be persuaded but that sir John is an extremely cold lover. Such distant civility, grave looks, and lukewarm professions of esteem for me and the whole family! I have heard of flames and darts; but sir John's is a passion of mere ice and snow. Mrs Heid. Oh fie, my dear! I am perfectly ashained of you. That's so like the notions of your poor sister! What you complain of as coldness and indiffarence, is nothing but the extreme . gentilaty of his address, an exact pictur of the manners of qualaty. Miss Ster. Oh, he is the very mirror of complaisance! full of formal bows and set speeches! I declare, if there was any violent passion on my side, I should be quite jealous of him. Mrs Heid. I say, jealus indeed-Jealus of who, pray? Miss Ster. My sister Fanny. She seems a much greater favourite than I am, and he pays her infinitely more attention, I assure you. Mrs Heid. Lord! d'ye think a man of fashion, as he is, cannot distinguish between the genteel and the vulgar part of the famaly?——between you and your sister, for instance-or me and my brother?Be advised by me, child! It is all puliteness and good-breeding. Nobody knows the qualaty better than I do. Miss Ster. In my mind, the old lord, his uncle, has ten times more gallantry about him then sir John. He is full of attentions to the ladies, and Ster. Never fear, sister!-Who have we here? Mrs Heid. It is Mons. Cantoon, the Swish gentleman, that lives with his lordship, I vow and pertest. Enter CANTON. Ster. Ah, mounseer! your servant.—I am very glad to see you, mounseer. Can. Mosh oblige to Mons. Sterling.-Ma'am, I am yours-Matemoiselle, I am yours. [Bowing round. Mrs Heid. Your humble servant, Mr Cantoon! Can. I kiss your hands, matam! Ster. Well, mounseer!—and what news of your good family?-when are we to see his lordship and sir John? Can. Mons. Sterling! Milor Ogleby and sir Jean Melville will be here in one quarter-hour. Ster. I am glad to hear it. Mrs Heid. O, I am perdigious glad to hear it. Being so late, I was afread of some accident.— Will you please to have any thing, Mr Cantoon, after your journey? Can. No, I tank you, ma'am. Mrs Heid. Shall I go and shew you the apartments, sir? Can. You do me great honeur, ma'am. Mrs Heid. Come, then!-come, my dear! [To MISS STERLING.-Ereunt. Ster. Pox on't, its almost dark !—It will be too late to go round the garden this evening.-However, I will carry them to take a peep at my fine canal at least, I am determined. [Exit. ACT II. SCENE I.-An anti-chamber to LORD OGLEBY'S | and charmingly perfumed-it smells for all the bed-chamber. Table with chocolate, and small case for medicines. it. Enter BRUSH, my lord's valet-de-chambre, and Brush. You shall stay, my dear; I insist upon Cham. Nay, pray, sir, don't be so positive; I cannot stay, indeed. Brush. You shall drink one cup to our better acquaintance. Cham. I seldom drinks chocolate; and, if I did, one has no satisfaction with such apprehensions about one-If my lord should wake, or the Swish gentleman should see one, or madam Heidelberg should know of it, I should be frighted to death; besides, I have had my tea already this morning.--I am sure I hear my lord! [In a fright. Brush. No, no, madam; don't flutter yourself -the moment my lord wakes, he rings his bell; which I answer, sooner or later, as it suits my convenience. Cham. But should he come upon us without ringing Brush. I'll forgive him if he does-This key Takes a phial out of the case.] locks him up till please to let him out. world like our young ladies' dressing-boxes. Brush. You have an excellent taste, madam; and I must beg of you to accept of a few cakes for your own drinking, [Takes them out of a drawer in the table.] and, in return, I desire nothing but to taste the perfume of your lips.[Kisses her.] A small return of favours, madam, will make, I hope, this country and retirement agreeable to us both. [He bows, she curtsies.]— Your young ladies are fine girls, faith: [Sips] though, upon my soul, I am quite of my eld lord's mind about them; and, were I inclined to matrimony, I should take the youngest. [Sips. Cham. Miss Fanny's the most affablest, and the most best natured creter! Brush. And the eldest a little haughty or so Cham. More haughtier and prouder than Saturn Cham. Bless me, here's somebody! [Bell rings.] -but never mind the bell Cham. Law! sir, that's pothecary's stuff. Brush. It is so-but without this he can no more get out of bed-than he can read without spectacles-[Sips.] What with qualms, age, rheumatisms, and a few surfeits in his youth, he must have a great deal of brushing, oiling, screw-here to set all things to rights -But I must ing, and winding up, to set him a-going for the not drink tea, indeed- -and so your servant. day. [Exit with tea-board. Bell rings. Brush. It is impossible to stupify one's self in the country for a week, without some little flirting Brush. Yes, he is quite a spectacle, [Sips.]—with the Abigails: this is much the handsomest a mere corpse, till he is revived and refreshed wench in the house, except the old citizen's youngfrom our little magazine here-When the resto-est daughter, and I have not time enough to lay rative pills, and cordial waters warm his stomach, a plan for her. [Bell rings.] And now I'll go to and get into his head, vanity frisks in his heart; my lord, for I have nothing else to do. and then he sets up for the lover, the rake, and the fine gentleman. Cham. [Sips.] That's prodigious, indeed[Sips.] My lord seems quite in a decay. Cham. [Sips.] Poor gentleman! but should the Swish gentleman come upon us. [Frightened. Brush. Why, then, the English gentleman would be very angry. No foreigner must break in upon my privacy. [Sips.] But I can assure you Monsieur Canton is otherwise employed-He is obliged to skim the cream of half a score newspapers for my lord's breakfast-ha, ha! Pray, madam, drink your cup peaceably-My lord's chocolate is remarkably good; he won't touch a drop, but what comes from Italy. Cham. [Sipping.] 'Tis very fine, indeed! [Sips.] [Going. Enter CANTON, with newspapers in his hand. Can. Monsieur Brush! Maistre Brush! my lor stirra yet? Brush. He has just rung his bellgoing to him. -I am [Exit. Can. Depechez vous donc. [Puts on his spectacles.] I wish de deveil had all dese papiersI forget as fast as I read- -de Advertise put out of my head de Gazette, de Chronique, and so dey all go l'un aprés l'autre—I must get some nouvelle for my lor, or he'll be enragé contre moi. Voyons! [Reads the paper.] Here is nothing but Anti-sejanus & advertise Enter Maid with chocolate things. Vat you want, child? Maid. Only the chocolate things, sir. Can. O, ver well; dat is good girl; and very prit, too. [Exit Maid. Lord Ogle. [Within.] Canton! he he![Coughs.] Canton! Can. I come, my lor! vat shall I do? I have no news: he will make great tintamarre !-Lord Ogle. [Within.] Canton! I say, Canton! Where are you? Enter LORD OGLEBY, leaning on BRUSH. Can. Here, my lor; I ask pardon, my lor; I have not finish de papiers. Lord Ogle. Damn your pardon, and your papiers; I want you here, Canton. Can. Den I run, dat is all. [Shuffles along. LORD OGLEBY leans upon CANTON, too, and comes forward.] Lord Ogle. You Swiss are the most unaccountable mixture; you have the language and the impertinence of the French, with the laziness of the Dutchmen. Can. Tis very true, my lor; I can't help Lord Ogle. [Cries out.] O Diavolo ! Can. You are not in pain, I hope, my lor? Lord Ogle. Indeed, but I am, my lor. That vulgar fellow, Sterling, with his city politeness, would force me down his slope last night to see a clay-coloured ditch, which he calls a canal; and what with the dew, and the east wind, my hips and shoulders are absolutely screwed to my body. Can. A little veritable eau d'arquibusade vil set all to right again. [LORD OGLEBY Sits down, and BRUSH gives chocolate. Lord Ogle. Where are the palsy drops, Brush? Brush. Here, iny lord! [Pouring out. Lord Ogle. Quelle nouvelle avez vous, Can ton? Can. A great deal of papier, but no news at all. Lord Ogle. What! nothing at all, you stupid fellow? Can. Yes, my lor, I have little advertise here vil give you more plaisir den all the lies about nothing at all. La voila! [Puts on his spectacles. Lord Ogle. Come, read it, Canton, with good emphasis, and good discretion. Can. I vil, my lor. [CANTON reads.] 'Dere is no question, but that the Cosmetique Royale 'vil utterly take away all heats, pimps, frecks, oder eruptions of de skin, and likewise de 'wrinque of old age, &c. &c. A great deal more, my lor. Be sure to ask for de Cosmetique Royale, signed by the Docteur own hand. Dere is more raison for dis caution dan good ⚫ men vil think.' Eh bien, my lor! Lord Ogle. Eh bien, Canton! Will you purchase any? Can. For you, my lor? Lord Ogle. For me, you old puppy! for what? Lord Ogle. Do I want cosmeticks? Lord Ogle. Look in my face- -come, be sincere. Does it want the assistance of art? Can. [With his spectacles.] En verite nonTis very smoose and brillian- -but tote dat you might take a little by way of prevention. Lord Ogle. You thought like an old fool, monsieur, as you generally do. The surfeit water, Brush! [BRUSH pours out.] What do you think, Brush, of this family we are going to be connected with? Eh! Brush. Very well to marry in, my lord; but it would never do to live with. -There -Mr Lord Ogle. You are right, Brushis no washing the blackamoor whiteSterling will never get rid of Blackfriars---always taste of the Borachio---and the poor woman, his sister, is so busy, and so notable, to make one welcome, that I have not yet got over her first reception; it almost amounted to suffocation! I think the daughters are tolerable. Where's my cephalic snuff? [BRUSH gives him a box.] Can. Dey tink so of you, my lor, for dey look at no ting else, ma foi. Lord Ogle. Did they? Why, I think they did a little---Where's my glass? [BRUSH puts one on the table.] The youngest is delectable. [Takes snuff. Can. O oui, my lor, very delect, inteed; she made doux yeux at you, my lor. Lord Ogle. She was particular. The eldest, my nephew's lady, will be a most valuable wife; she has all the vulgar spirits of her father and aunt, happily blended with the termagant qualities of her deceased mother. Some pepperinint water, Brush. How happy is it, Canton, for young ladies in general, that people of quality overlook every thing in a marriage-contract but their fortune. Can. C'est bien heureux, et commode aussi. Lord Ogle. Brush, give me that pamphlet by my bed side- [BRUSH goes for it.] Canton, do you wait in the anti-chamber, and let nobody interrupt me till I call you. Can. Mush good may do your lordship. Lord Ogle. [To BRUSH, who brings the pamphlet.] And now, Brush, leave me a little to my studies. [Exit BRUSH.]—What can I possibly do among these women here, with this confounded rheumatism? It is a most grievous enemy to gallantry and address. [Gets off his chair.] He! courage, my lor! by Heavens, I'm another crea ture! [Hums and dances a little.] It will do, faith!- Bravo, my lor! these girls have absolutely inspired me- -If they are for a game of romps-Me voila pret! [Šings and dances.} -Oh!--that's an ugly twinge-but its gone I have rather too much of the lily this morning in my complexion; a faint tincture of the rose will give a delicate spirit to my eyes for the day. [Unlocks a drawer at the bottom of the glass, and takes out rouge: while he is painting himself, a knocking at the door.] Who's there? I won't be disturbed. Can. [Without.] My lor! my lor! here is Monsieur Sterling, to pay his devoir to you this morn in your chambre. Lord Ogle. [Softly.] What a fellow! [Aloud.] I am extremely honoured by Mr Sterling-Why don't you see him in, monsieur?--I wish he was at the bottom of his stinking canal. [Door opens.] Oh, my dear Mr Sterling, you do me a great deal of honour! Enter STERLING and LOVEWELL. take my kinsman into your tuition? You have certainly the most companionable laugh I ever met with, and never out of tune Can. But when your lordship is out of spirits.' Lord Ogle. Well said, Canton! But here comes my nephew, to play his part. Enter SIR JOHN MELVIL. Well, sir John, what news from the island of love? Have you been sighing and serenading this morning? Sir John. I am glad to see your lordship in such spirits this morning. Lord Ogle. I'm sorry to see you so dull, sirWhat poor things, Mr Sterling, these very young fellows are! they make love with faces, as if they were burying the dead--though, indeed, a marriage sometimes may be properly called a burying of the living--eh, Mr Sterling? Ster. Not if they have enough to live upon, Ster. I hope, my lord, that your lordship slept well in the night-I believe there are no bet-my lord-Ha, ha, ha! ter beds in Europe than I have---I spare no pains to get them, nor money to buy them-His majesty, God bless him, don't sleep upon a better out of his palace; and if I had said in, too, I hope no treason, my lord. Lord Ogle. Your beds are like every thing else about you--incomparable !---They not only make one rest well, but give one spirits, Mr Sterling. Ster. What say you then, my lord, to another walk in the garden? You must see my water by day-light, and my walks, and my slopes, and my clumps, and my bridge, and my flowering trees, and my bed of Dutch tulips-latters looked but dim last night, my lord. I feel the dew in my great toe--but I would put on a cut shoe, that I might be able to walk you about--I may be laid up to-morrow. Lord Ogle. I pray Heaven you may! [Aside. Lord Ogle. I was saying, sir, that I was in hopes of seeing the young ladies at breakfast: Mr Sterling, they are, in my mind, the finest tulips in this part of the world, he, he, he! Can. Bravissimo, my lor! ha, ha, ha! Ster. They shall meet your lordship in the garden---we don't lose our walk for them; I'll take you a little round before breakfast, and a larger before dinner, and in the evening you shall go the grand tour, as I call it, ha, ha, ha! Lord Ogle. Not a foot, I hope, Mr Sterling; consider your gout, my good friend--you'll certainly be laid by the heels for your politeness, he, he, he! Can. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis admirable, en verite! [Laughing very heartily. Ster. If my young man [To Lov.] here would but laugh at my jokes, which he ought to do, as mounseer does at yours, my lord, we should be all life and mirth. Lord Ogle. What say you, Canton? will you Can. Dat is all Monsieur Sterling tink of. Sir John. [Apart.] Prithee, Lovewell, come with me into the garden; I have something of consequence for you, and I must communicate it directly. Lov. [Apart.] We'll go together———If your lordship and Mr Sterling please, we'll prepare the ladies to attend you in the garden. [Exeunt SIR JOHN and LOVEWELL. Ster. My girls are always ready; I make them rise soon, and to bed early; their husbands shall have them with good constitutions, and good fortunes, if they have nothing else, my lord. Lord Ogle. Fine things, Mr Sterling ! Ster. Fine things, indeed, my lord!-Ah, my lord, had not you run off your speed in your youth, you had not been so crippled in your age, lord. Lord Ogle. Very pleasant, he, he, he !—— [Forcing a laugh my Ster. Here's mounseer now, I suppose, is pretty near your lordship's standing; but, having little to eat, and little to spend in his own country, he'll wear three of your lordship out-eating and drinking kills us all. Lord Ogle. Very pleasant, I protest !-What a vulgar dog! [Aside. Can. My lor so old as me!-He is chicken to me--and look like a boy to pauvre me. Ster. Ha, ha, ha! Well said, mounseer--keep to that, and you'll live in any country of the world- -Ha, ha, ha!--But, my lord, I will wait upon you in the garden: we have but a little time to break fast-I'll go for my hat and cane, fetch a little walk with you, my lord, and then for the hot rolls and butter. [Erit. Lord Ogle, I shall attend you with pleasure- Lord Ogle. He is a vulgar dog; and if there was not so much money in the family, which I can't do without, I would leave him and his hot rolls and butter directly-- -Come along, monsieur ! [Exeunt LORD OGLEBY and CANTON. SCENE JI.—Changes to the Garden. Enter SIR JOHN MELVIL, and LOVEWELL. Love. In my room this morning? Impossible! Sir John. Before five this morning, I promise you. Love. On what occasion? Seasons in lead, the flying Mercury, and the bason with Neptune in the middle, are all in the very extreme of fine taste. You have as many rich figures as the man at Hyde-Park Corner. Ster. The chief pleasure of a country-house is to make improvements, you know, my lord. I spare no expence, not I.- -This is quite another guess sort of a place than it was when I first took it, my lord. We were surrounded with trees. I cut down above fifty to make the lawn before the house, and let in the wind and the sun -smack-smooth--as you see.-Then I made a green-house out of the old laundry, and turned the brewhouse into a pinery.--The high octagon summer-house, you see yonder, is raised on the who has turned many a thousand of my money. It commands the whole road. All the coaches and chariots, and chaises, pass and repass under your eye. I'll mount you up there in the afternoon, my lord. 'Tis the pleasantest place in the world to take a pipe and a bottle, and so you shall say, my lord. Sir John. I was so anxious to disclose my mind to you, that I could not sleep in my bed-but I found that you could not sleep neither-The bird was flown, and the nest long since cold—mast of a ship, given me by an East-India captain, Where was you, Lovewell? Love. Pooh! prithee! ridiculous! Sir John. Come now, which was it? Miss Sterling's maid? a pretty little rogue! or Miss Fanny's Abigail? a sweet soul too-or Love. Nay, nay, leave trifling, and tell me your business. Sir John. Well, but where was you, Lovewell? Love. Walking-writing-what signifies where I was? Sir John. Walking, yes, I dare say. It rained as hard as it could pour. Sweet refreshing showers to walk in! No, no, Lovewell-Now would I give twenty pounds to know which of the maids Love. But your business! your business, sir John! Sir John. Let me a little into the secrets the family. Love. Psha! see. of Sir John. Poor Lovewell! he can't bear it, I She charged you not to kiss and tell-Eh, Lovewell? However, though you will not honour me with your confidence, I'll venture to trust you with mine-What do you think of Miss Sterling? Love. What do I think of Miss Sterling? Sir John. Ay; what d'ye think of her? Love. An odd question!--but I think her a smart, lively girl, full of mirth and sprightliness. Sir John. All mischief and malice, I doubt. Love. How?. Sir John. But her person---what d'ye think of that? Love. Pretty and agreeable. Sir John. A little grisette thing. Love. What is the meaning of all this? Sir John. I'll tell you. You must know, Lovewell, that notwithstanding all appearances [Seeing LORD OGLBY, &c.] We are interruptedWhen they are gone, I'll explain. Lord Ogle. Ay, or a bowl of punch, or a can of flip, Mr Sterling! for it looks like a cabin in the air.- -If flying chairs were in use, the captain might make a voyage to the Indies in it still, if he had but a fair wind. Can. Ha, ha, ha, ha! [Leering at MRS HEIDELBERG. Ster. How d'ye like these close walks, my lord? Lord Ogle. A most excellent serpentine! It forms a perfect maze, and winds like a true lover's knot. Ster. Ay, here's none of your straight lines here but all taste-zig-zag-crinkum-crankum--in and out--right and left--to and againtwisting and turning like a worm, my lord! Lord Ogle. Admirably laid out indeed, Mr Sterling! one can hardly see an inch beyond one's nose any where in these walks.----You are a most excellent œconomist of your land, and make a little go a great way.-------It lies together Enter LORD OGLEBY, STERLING, MRS HEIDEL-in as small parcels as if it was placed in pots BERG, MISS STERLING, and FANNY. Lord Ogle. Great improvements indeed, Mr Sterling! wonderful improvements! The Four VOL. II. out at your window in Grace-church street. Can. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Lord Ogle. What d’ye laugh at, Canton ? 50 |