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[Detaining Betty, who seemed to be stealing or burn themselves in it, rather than not be
revenged. Bet. My mistress. Miss Sier. And who's with your mistress?
Enter CANTON, in a night-gown and slippers. Bet. Why, who should there be ?
Can. Eh, diable ! vat is de raison of dis great Miss Ster. Open the door, then, and let us noise, dis tantamarre?
Ster. Ask those ladies, sir; 'tis of their maBet. The door is open, madam. [Miss STER- king. LING goes to the door.] I'll sooner die than Lord Oyle. (Calls within.] Brush! Brush ! peach.
[Exit hastily. Canton! where are you? What's the matter?Miss Ster. The door is locked; and she has (Rings a bell.] Where are you? got the key iv her pocket.
Ster: 'Tis my lord calls, Mr Canton. Mirs Heid. There's impudence, brother! pi- Can. I com, mi lor!ping hot from your daughter Fanny's school!
[Erit CANTON. Ster. But zounds ! what is all this about? You
[LORD OGLEBY still rings. tell me of a sum total, and you don't produce the Serj. Flow. (Calls within.] A light! a light, particulars.
here! where are the servants? Bring a light for Mrs Heid. Sir John Melvil is lock up in your me and my brothers. daughter's bed-chamber- -There is the parti- Ster, Lights here ! lights for the gentlemen! culars.
[Erit STERLING. Ster. The devil he is! That's bad.
Mrs Heid. My brother feels, I see-your sisMiss Ster. And he has been there some time, ter's turn will come next.
Miss Ster. Ay, ay, let it go round, madam; it Ster, Ditto!
is the only comfort I have left, Mrs Heid. Ditto! worse and worse, I say.. Re-enter Sterling, with lights, before Serjeant I'll raise the house, and expose him to my lord, and the whole fammaly.
Flower, with one boot and a slipper, and
TRAVERSE. Ster. By no means! we shall expose ourselves, sister! the best way is to insure privately Ster. This way, sir! this way, gentlemen! let me alone! I'll make him marry her to
Flow. Well; but Mr Sterling, no danger, I morrow morning.
hope. Have they made a burglarious entry?Miss Ster. Make him inarry her! this is be- Are you prepared to repulse them? I am very yond all patience ! You have thrown away all much alarmed about thieves at circuit-time.your affection; and I shall do as much by my They would be particularly severe with us genobedience; unuatural fathers make unnatural tlemen of the bar. children. My revenge is in my own power, and
Tra. No danger, Mr Sterling? no trespass, I I'll indulge it. Had they made their escape, I hope? should have been exposed to the derision of the Ster. None, gentlemen, but of those ladies world: but the deriders shall be derided; and making. so-help! help, there! thieves ! thieves !
Mrs Heid. You'll be ashamed to know, genMrs Heid. Tit-for-tat, Betsey! you are right, tlemen, that all your labours and studies amy girl.
bout this young lady are thrown away—Sir John Ster. Zounds! you'll spoil allấyou'll raise Melvil is, at this moment, locked up with this the whole family-the devil's in the girl! lady's younger sister.
Mrs Heid. No, no; the devil's in you, bro- Flow. The thing is a little extraordinary, to ther; I am ashamed of your principles. What! be sure; but, why were we to be frightened out would you connive at your daughter's being of our beds for this? Could not we have tried locked up with her sister's husband? Help! this cause to-morrow morning? thieves ! thieves, I say!
[Cries out. Miss Ster. But, sir, by to-morrow morning, Ster. Sister, I beg you! daughter, I command perhaps, even your assistance would not have you! If you have no regard for me, consider been of any service—the birds, now in that cage, yourselves! we shall lose this opportunity of en- would have down away. wwobling our blood, and getting above twenty per Enter Lord Ogleby, in his robe-de-chambre, cent, for our money. Miss Ster. Wbat, by my disgrace and my sis
night-cap, 8c. leaning on Cantos. ter's triumph! I have a spirit above such mean Lord Ogle. I had rather lose a limb than my considerations; and to shew you, that it is not a night's rest. What's the matter with you all? low-bred, vulgar 'Change-alley spirit help! Ster. Ay, ay, 'tis all over! Here's my lord help! thieves ! thieves ! thieves, I say!
too! Šter. Ay, ay, you may save your Jungs—the Lord Ogle. What's all this shrieking and house is in an uproar : women, at best, have no screaming? Where's my angelic Fanny. She's discretion; but, in a passion, they'll fire a house, safe, I hope?
Mrs Heid. Your angelic Fanny, my lord, is Flow, Luce clarius. locked up with your angelic nephew in that Lord Ogle. Upon my word, ladies, if you have chamber.
often these frolicks, it would be really entertainLord Ogle. My nephew! then will I be excom- ing to pass a whole summer with you. But come, municated.
[To Botty.] open the door, and entreat your Mrs Heid. Your nephew, my lord, has been amiable mistress to come forth, and dispel all plotting to run away with the younger sister; our doubts with her smiles. and the younger sister has been plotting to run Bet. [Opening the door.] Madam, you are away with your nephew: and if we had not wanted in this room.
[Pertly. watched them, and called up the fammaly, they
Enter Fanny, in great confusion. had been upon the scamper to Scotland by this time.
Miss Ster. You see she's ready dressed--and Lord Ogle. Look'e, ladies! I know that sir what confusion she's in! John has conceived a violent passion for Miss Mrs Heid. Ready to pack off, bag and bagFanny, and I know, too, that Miss Fanny has gage! her guilt confounds her! conceived a violent passion for another person;
Flow. Silence in the court, ladies ! and I am so well convinced of the rectitude of Fan. I am confounded, indeed, madam! her affections, that I will support them with my Lord Ogle. Don't droop, my beauteous lily! fortune, my honour, and my life. Eh, shan't I, but, with your own peculiar modesty, declare your Mr Sterling? [Smiling.) What say you? state of inind.---Pour conviction into their ears, Ster. [Sulkily.) To be sure, my lord. These and raptures into mine.
[Smiling. bawling women have been the ruin of every Fan. I am, at this moment, the most unhappy thing.
[Aside. -most distressed the tumult is too much for Lord Ogle. But come, I'll end this business in my heart—and I want the power to reveal a sea trice-if you, ladies, will compose yourselves, cret, which, to conceal, has been the misfortune and Mr Sterling will insure Miss Fanny from vio- and misery of my
[Faints away. lence, I will engage to draw her from her pillow Lord Ogle. She faints! help, help! for the with a whisper through the key-hole.
fairest and best of women! Mrs Heid. The horrid creatures ! I say, my Bet. [Running to her.] 0, my dear mistress lord, brcak the door open.
--help, help, there! Lord Ogle. Let me beg of your delicacy not Sir John. Ila! let me fly to her assistance. to be too precipitate. Now to our experiment ! (Advancing towards the door.
LOVEWELL rushes out of the chamber. Miss Ster. Now, what will they do? my
heart will beat through my bosom.
Love. My Fanny in danger! I can contain no
longer.--Prudence were now a crime; all other Enter Betty, with the key.
cares were lost in this !--speak, speak, speak to Bet. There's no occasion for breaking open me, my dearest Fanny !--let me but hear thy doors, my lord; we have done nothing that we voice ! open your eyes, and bless me with the ought to be ashamed of, and my mistress shall smallest sign of life! face her enemies. (Going to unlock the door. [During this speech, they are all in amazeAirs Heid. There's impudence !
ment.] Lord Ogle. The mystery thickens. Lady of
Miss Ster. Lovewell! - I am easy. the bed-chamber, [To Betty.] open the door, Mrs Heid. I am thunderstruck! and entreat sir John Melvil (for the ladies will Lord Ogle. I am petrified ! have it that he is there) to appear and answer to Sir John. And I undone ! high crimes and misdemeanors.--Call sir John Fun. (Recovering.] 0, Lovewell !—even supMelvil into the court !
ported by thee, I dare not look my father, nor
his lordship, in the face. Enter Sir Joun MELVIL, on the other side.
Ster. What now! did not I send you to LonSir John. I am here, my lord.
don, sir? Mrs Heid. Hey-day!
Lord Ogle. Eh !-What! How's this? by what Miss Ster. Astonishment !
right and title have you been half the night in Sir John. What's all this alarm and confusion? that lady's bed-chamber? there is nothing but hurry in the house; what is Love. By that right, which makes me the hapthe reason of it?
piest of men ! and, by a title, which I would not Jord Ogle. Because you have been in that forego, for any the best of kings could give. chamber; have been ! nay, you are there at this Bet. I could cry niy eyes out to hear his magmoment, as these ladies have protested, so don't nimity. deny it
Lord Ogle. I am annihilated ! Tra. This is the clearest alibi I ever knew, Mr Ster. I have been choked with rage and wonSerjeaut.
der; but now I can speak.--Zounds! what have you to say to me? Lovewell, you are a villain.- passions too much to týrannize over those of other You have broke your word with me.
people. Poor souls, I pity them! And you must Fan. Indeed, sir, he has not--you forbade him forgive them, too. Come, come, melt a little to think of me, when it was out of his power to of your flint, Mr Sterling! obey you; we have been married these four Ster. Why, why, as to that, my lord—to be months.
sure he is a relation of yours, my lord—what Ster. And he shan't stay in my house four say you, sister Heidelberg? hours. What baseness and treachery! As for Alrs Heid. The girl's ruined, and I forgive you, you shall repent this step as long as you live, her. madam.
Ster. Well- so do I, then.-Nay, no thanks, Fan. Indeed, sir, it is impossible to conceive (To LOVEWELL and Fanny, who seem prepuring the tortures I have already endured in conse- to speak.] there's an end of the matter. quence of my disobedience. My heart has con- Lord Ogle. But, Lovewell, what makes you tinually upbraided me for it ; and, though I dumb all this while? was too weak to struggle with affection, I feel that Love. Your kindness, my lord I can scarce I must be miserable for ever, without your for- believe my own senses---they are all in a tumulo giveness.
of fear, joy, love, expectation, and gratitude; I Ster. Lovewell, you shall leave my house di- ever was, and am now more bound in duty to rectly; and you shall follow him, madam. your lordship. For you, Mr Sterling, if every
Lord Ogle. And if they do, I will receive them moment of my life, spent gratefully in your serinto mine. Look ye, Mr Sterling; there have vice, will, in some measure, compensate the want been soine mistakes, which we had all better for- of fortune, you, perhaps, will not repent your get, for our own sakes; and the best way to for- goodness to me. And you, ladies, I flatter inyget them, is to forgive the cause of them; which self, will not, for the future, suspect me of artifice I do, from my soul.--Poor girl! I swore to sup- and intrigue--- I shall be happy to oblige and port her affection with my life and fortune ;--'tis serve you..ms for you, sir John a debt of honour, and must be paid---you swore Sir John. No apologies to me, Lovewell; I do as much, too, Mr Sterling; but your
laws in the not deserve any. All I have to offer, in excuse city will excuse you,
suppose; for you never for what has happened, is my total ignorance of strike a balance without errors excepted.
your situation. Had you dealt a little inore openSter. I am a father, my lord; but, for the ly with me, you would have saved me, and your sake of all other fathers, I think I ought not to self, and that lady (who, I hope, will pardon forgive her, for fear of encouraging other silly my behaviour), a great deal of uneasiness. Give girls, like herself, to throw themselves away
with- me leave, however, to assure you, that, light and out the consent of their parents.
capricious as I may have appeared, now my inLove. I hope there will be no danger of that, fatuation is over, I have sensibility enough to be sir. Young ladies, with minds like my Fanny's, ashamed of the part I have acted, and houour would startle at the very shadow of vice; and, enough to rejoice at your happiness. when they know to what uneasiness only an in- Love. And now, my dearest Fanny, though we discretion has exposed her, her example, in- are seemingly the happiest of beings, vet all our stead of encouraging, will rather serve to deterjoys will be dainpt, if his lordship's generosity them.
and Mr Sterling's forgivenness, should not be sucMrs Heid. Indiscretion, quotha ! a mighty ceeded by the indulgence, approbation, and conpretty delicate word to express disobedience! sent of these our best benefactors. (To the audiLord Ogle. For my part, I indulge my own ence.]
SCENE I.-A room in Mrs GOODMAN's house. sits write, write, write, all day long, scribbling a
pack of nonsense for the newspapers !-You're Enter Molly, struggling with SPATTER.
fit for nothing above a chambermaid. Mol. Be quiet, Mr Spatter! let me alone! Spat. That's as much as to say,
think Pray now, sir! It is a strange thing a body can't me just fit for you. Eh, child? go about the house without being pestered with Mol. No, indeed; not I, sir. Neither my lady your impertinence—Why sure !
nor I will have any thing to say to you. Spat. Introduce me to your mistress, then- Spat. Your mistress and you both give yourcome, there's a good girl !--and I will teaze you selves a great many airs, my dear. Your pono longer,
verty, I think, might pull down your pride. Mol. Indeed I shan't-Introduce you to my
Mol. What does the fellow mean by poverty ? lady! for what, pray?
Spat. I mean, that you are starving. Spat. Oh! for a thousand things. To laugh, Mol. Oh the slanderous monster! We! Staryto chat, to take a dish of tea, to-
ing! Who told you so? I'd have you to know, Mol. You drink tea with my lady! I should sir, my lady has a very great fortune. not have thought of that-On what acquaint- Spat. So ʼtis a sign, by her way of life and apance?
pearance. Spat. The most agreeable in the world, child ! Mol. Well; she lives privately, indeed, bea new acquaintance.
cause she loves retirement; she goes plain, beMol. Indeed, you mistake yourself mightily cause she hates dress ; she keeps no table, heyou are not a proper acquaintance for a person cause she is an enemy to luxury-In short, my of her quality, I assure you, sir !
lady is as rich as a Jew, and you are an imperSpat. Why, what quality is she, then?
tinent coxcomb! Mol
. Much too high quality for your acquaint- Spat. Come, come! I know more of your ance, I promise you. What! a poet-man! that I mistress than you imagine.
Mol. And what do you know of her? they will take all the care in their power, that I Spat. Oh, I know what I know.
shall not find them out-But I may be too hard Mol. Well!
[Alarmed. for you yet, young gentlewoman! I have earned Spat. I know who she is, and where she came but a poor livelihood by mere scandal and abuse; from; I am very well acquainted with her fa- but if I could once arrive at doing a little submily, and know her whole history.
stantial mischief, I should make my fortune. Mol. How can that be?
Enter MRS GOODMAN. Spat. Very easily—I have correspondence everywhere. As private as she may think her-Oh! your servant, Mrs Goodman ! Yours is the self, it is not the first time that I have seen or most unsociable lodging-house in town. So many heard of Amelia.
ladies, and only one gentleman! and you won't Mol: Oh gracious! as sure as I am alive this take the least notice of him. man will discover us! [Apart.] Mr Spatter, my Mrs Good. How so, Mr Spatter? dear Mr Spatter! if you know any thing, sure Spat. Why, did not you promise to introduce you would not be so cruel as to betray us! me to Amelia ?
Spat. My dear Mr Spatter! O ho! I have Mrs Good. To tell you the plain truth, Mr guessed right—there is something then? Spatter, she don't like you. And, indeed, I don't
Mol. No, sir, there is nothing at all; nothing know how it is, but you make yourself a great that signifies to you or any body else.
Spat. Well, well. I'll say nothing; but then, Spat. Yes; I believe I do raise a little envy. you must
Mrs Good. Indeed you are mistaken, sir. As Mol. What?
you are a lodger of mine, it makes me quite unSpat. Come; kiss me, hussy !
easy to hear what the world says of you. How Mol. I say kiss you, indeed!
do you contrive to make so many enemies, Mr Sput. And you'll introduce me to your mis- Spatter? tress?
Spat. Because I have merit, Mrs Goodman. Mol. Not I, I promise you.
Mrs Good. May be so; but nobody will allow Spat. Nay, no mysteries between you and me, it but yourself. They say that you set up for a child! Come; here's the key to all locks, the wit, indeed; but that you deal in nothing but clue to every maze, and the discloser of all se- scandal, and think of nothing but mischief. crets; money, child! Here, take this purse; you Spat. I do speak ill of the men sometimes, to
know something; tell me the rest, and I be sure; but then, I have a great regard for wohave the fellow to it in my pocket.
men--provided they are handsome: and, that I Mol. Ha, ha, ha! poor Mr Spatter! Where may give you a proof of it, introduce me to Amecould you get all this money, I wonder ! Not by lia. your poetries, I believe. But what signifies tell- Mrs Good. You must excuse me; she and you ing you any thing, when you are acquainted with would be the worst company in the world; for our whole history already? You have correspond- she ucver speaks too well of herself, nor the least ence everywhere, you know. There, sir! take ill of any body else. And then her virtueup your filthy purse again, and remember, that I Spat. Pooh, pooh! she speaks ill of nobody, scorn to be obliged to any body but my mistress. because she knows nobody; and as for her virtuc,
Spat. There's impudence for you! when, to ha, ha! my certain knowledge, your mistress has not a Mrs Good. You don't believe much in that, I guinea in the world; you live in continual fear suppose ? of being discovered; and you will both be utter- Spat. I have not overinuch faith, Mrs Goodly undone in a fortnight, unless lord Falbridge man. Lord Falbridge, perhaps, may give a betshould prevent it, by taking Amelia under his ter account of it. protection. You understand me, child?
Mrs Good. Lord Falbridge can say nothing Mol. You scandalous wretch! Did you ever but what would be extremely to her honour, I hear such a monster? I won't stay a moment assure you, sir. [Spatter laughs.] Well, well, longer with him—But you are quite mistaken you may laugh, but it is very true. about me and my mistress, I assure you, sir. We Spat. Oh, I don't doubt it; buč you don't tell are in the best circumstances in the world; we the whole truth, Mrs Goodman. When any of have nothing to fear; and we don't care a far- your friends or acquaintance sit for their picthing for you—So your servant, Mr Poet! tures, you draw a very flattering likeness. All
[Erit. characters have their dark side; and if they have Spat. Your servant, Mrs Pert! “ We are in but one eye, you give them in profile. Your the best circumstances in the world.” Ay, that great friend, Mr Freeport, for instance, whom is as much as to say, they are in the utmost dis- you are always praising for his bencvolent actress. “ We have nothing to fear.”—That is, tionsthey are frightened out of their wits-“ And we Mrs Good. He is benevolence itself, sir. don't care a farthing for you.”—Meaning, that Spat. Yes, and grossness itself, too. I remem