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if my

Mar. At the bottom, a calve's tongue and hopeful cousin's tricks, of whom you have heard brains.

me talk so often; ha, ha, ha, ha! Hast. Let your brains be knocked out, my Hust. He whom your aunt intends for you? good sir; I don't like them.

He, of whom I have such just apprehensions ? Mar. Or you may clap them on a plate by Miss Ned. You have nothing to fear from him, themselves. I do.

I assure you. You'd adore him, if you knew Hard. [Aside. Their impudence confounds how heartily he despises me. My aunt knows me !-[To them.] Gentlemen, you are my guests; too, and has undertaken to court me for him, make what alterations you please. Is there any and actually begins to think she has made a conthing else you wish to retrench or alter, gentle-quest.

Hast. Thou dear dissembler! You must know, Mar. Item, a pork pie, a boiled rabbit and my Constance, I have just seized this happy opsausages, a florentine, a shaking pudding, and a portunity of my friend's visit here, to get admitdish of tiff-taff-taffety cream?

tance into the family. The horses that carried Hust. Confound your made dishes! I shall be us down are now fatigued with the journey, but as much at a loss in this house as at a green and they'll soon be refreshed; and then, dearest yellow dinner at the French ambassador's table. yirl will trust in her faithful Hastings, we shall I'm for plain eating.

soon be landed in France, where, even among Hard. I'm sorry, gentlemen, that I have no- slaves, the laws of marriage are respected. thing you like; but if there be any thing you have Miss Nev. I have often told you, that, though a particular fancy to

ready to obey you, I yet should leave my little Mar. Why, really, sir, your bill of fare is so fortune behind with reluctance. The greatest exquisite, that any one part of it is full as good as part of it was left me by my uncle, the India dianother. Send us what you please. So much rector, and chiefly consists in jewels. I have for supper. And now to see that our beds are been for some time persuading my aunt to let aired, and properly taken care of.

me wear them. I fancy I'm very near succeedHard. I entreat you'll leave all that to me. ing. The instant they are put into my possession You shall not stir a step.

you shall find me ready to make them and myself Mar. Leave that to you! I protest, sir, you yours. must excuse me; I always look to these things Hast. Perish the baubles! Your person is all myself.

I desire. In the mean time, my friend Marlow Hard. I must insist, sir, you'll make yourself must not be let into his mistake. I know the easy on that head.

strange reserve of his temper is such, that, if Mar. You see I'm resolved on it.—[ Aside.] A abruptly informed of it, he would instantly quit very troublesome fellow this, as ever I met with the house before our plan was ripe for execu

Hard. Well, sir, I'm resolved, at least, to at- tion. tend you.-{Aside.] This may be modern mo Miss Nev. But how shall we keep him in the desty, but I never saw any thing look so like old- deception! Miss Hardcastle is just returned fashioned impudence.

from walking; what if we still continue to de[Exeunt Marlow and HARDCASTLE. ceive him?

-This, this way Hast. So I find this fellow's civilities begin to

[They confer. grow troublesome. But who can be angry at those assiduities which are meant to please him?

Enter MARLOW. Ha! what do I see? Miss Neville, by all that's happy!

Mar. The assiduities of these good people

tease me bevond bearing! My host seems to Enter Miss NEVILLE.

think it ill manners to leave me alone, and so he Mliss Nev. My dear Hastings ! To what unex- claps not only himself, but bis oid-fashioned wife pected good fortune, to what accident, am I to on my back. They talk of coming to sup with ascribe this happy meeting?

us, too; and then, I suppose, we are to run the Hast. Rather let me ask the same question, as gauntiet through all the rest of the family-What I could never have hoped to meet my dearest have we got here? Constance at an inn.

Hast. My dear Charles ! Let me congratulate Miss Nev. An inn! sure you mistake! my you—The most fortunate accident !-Who do aunt, my guardian, lives here. What could in- you think is just alighted ? duce you to think this house an inn?

Mar. Cannot guess. Hast. My friend, Mr Marlow, with whom I Hast. Ourmistresses, boy; Miss Ilardcastle, and came down, and I have been sent here, as to an Miss Neville! Give me leave to introduce Miss inn, I assure you. A young fellow, whom we Constance Neville to your acquaintance. Hapaccidentally met at a house hard by, directed us pening to dine in the neighbourhood, they called, bither.

on their return, to take fresh horses here.Miss Neo. Certainly it must be one of my Miss Hardcastle bas just stepped into the next

room, and will be back in an instant. Wasn't | Once more, and you are confirmed in assurance it lucky? eh?

for ever. Niar. [Aside.] I have just been mortified e Mar. (To him.] Hem! Stand by me, then, and nough of all conscience, and here comes some when I'ın down, throw in a word or two to set thing to complete my embarrassment.

me up again. Hast. Well! but was not it the most fortu Miss Hard. An observer, like you, upon life, nate thing in the world?

were, I fear, disagreeably employed, since you Mar. Dh! ves. Very fortunate--a most joy- must have had much more to censure, than to apful encounter! -But our dresses, George, prove. you know, are in disorder -What if we Mar. Pardon me, madam! I was always wilshould postpone the happiness till to-morrow?- ling to be amused. The folly of most people is To-morrow, at her own house. It will be every rather an object of mirth than uneasiness. bit as convenient -And rather inore respect Hust. [To him.] Bravo, Bravo! Vever spoke ful

-To-morrow let it be. [Offering to go. so well in your whole life. Well, Miss Hardcase Miss Nev. By no means, sir! Your ceremo- tle, I see that you and Mr Marlow are going to ny will displease her. The disorder of your be very good coinpany. I believe our being here dress will shew the ardour of your impatience.- will but embarrass the interview. Besides, she knows you are in the house, and Mar. Not in the least, Mr llastings. We like will permit you to see her.

your company of all things. [To him.] Zounds! Mar. 0! the devil! How shall I support it? George, sure you won't go! How can you leave Ilem! hem! Hastings, you must not go. You us? are to assist me, you know. I shall be confound Hast. Our presence will but spoil conversaedly ridiculous. Yet, hang it! I'll take courage. tion; so we'll retire to the next room. (To him.] Hei!

You don't consider, man, that we are to manage Hast. Pshaw, man! it's but the first plunge, a little tete-a-tete of our own. [Ereunt. and all is over. She's but a woman, you know. Miss Hari. (After a pause.) But you have

not Mar. And of all women, she that I dread been wholly an observer, I presuine, sir? The most tu encounter !

ladies, I should hope, have employed some part

of your addresses. Enter Miss HARDCASTLE as returning froin

Mar. [Relapsing into timidity] Pardon me, walking, a bonnet, 8c.

macam, 1--1-1 -as yet have siudied-only

to-deserve them. Hust. [Introducing them.] Miss Hardcastle, Miss Hard. And that, some say, is the very Mr Marlow. I am proud of bringing two per- worst way to obtain them. sons of such merit together, that only want to Mar. Perhaps so, madam. But I love to know, to esteem each other.

converse only with the more grave and sensible Niiss Hard. (Aside. Now, for meeting my part of the sex -But I'm afraid I grow tiremodest gentieman with a demure face, and quite some. in his own manner. [4fier a pause, in which he Miss Hard. Not at all, sir; there is nothing I appears very untasy und disconcertel. I am glad like so much as grave conversation inyself; I of your safe arrival, sir -I am told you had could hear it for ever. Indeed, I bave often some accidents by the way.

been surprised how a man of sentiment could Mar. Ouly a few, madam. Yes, we had ever admire those light airy pleasures, where po

Yes, inadam, a good many accidents, but thing reaches the heart. should be sorry-madam--or rather glad of any Mar. It's a disease -of the mind, accidents that are so agrecably concluded. madam. In the variety of tastes, there must be Hem !

some who, wanting a relish--for -uma Hast. [To him.] You never spoke better in your whole life. Keep it up, and I'll insure you Miss Hard. I understand you, sir. There the victory.

must be some who, wanting a relish for refined Miss Hurd. I'm afraid you fatter, sir. You, pleasures, pretend to despise what they are incathat have seen so much of the finest company, pable of tasting, can find little entertainment in an obscure cor Mar. My ineaning, madam; but infinitely betner of the country.

ter expressed. And I can't help observingMar. [Gathering courage.] I have lived, in-adeed, in the world, madam; but I have kept very Miss Hard. (Aside.] Who could ever suppose little company;

í bave been but an observer this fellow impudent upon some occasions. [To upon life, madam, while others were enjoying him. You were going to observe, sirit.

Mur. I was observing, madamMiss Nev. But that, I am told, is the way to test, madain, I forget what I was going to obenjoy it at last.

serve. Hast. [To him.) Cicero never spoke better. Miss Hard. [Aside.] I vow, and so do I. [To



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kim.) You were observing, sir, that in this age I tell you, cousin Con, it won't do; so I beg of hypocrisy-something about hypocrisy, sir. you'll keep your distance; I want no nearer re

Mar. Yes, madam. In this age of hypocrisy, lationship there are few, who, upon strict enquiry, do not

She follows, coquetting him to the back

scene. Miss Kard. I understand you perfectly, sir. Mrs Hura. Well! I vow, Mr Hastings, you

Mur. (Aside.] Egad! and that's more than I are very entertaining. There's nothing in the do niyselt.

world I love to talk of so much as London, and Miss Hard. You mean, that in this hypocriti the fashions, though I was never there myself, cal age, there are few that do not condemn in Hast. Never there! You amaze me

ne! From public what they use in private, and think they your air and manner, I concluded you had been pay every debt to virtue when they praise it. bred all your life either at Ranelagh, St James's,

Mar, True, madam; those who have most or Tower Wharf. virtue in their mouths, have least of it in their Mrs Hard. O, sir! you're only pleased to say bosoms. But I'm sure I tire you, madam.

We country persons can have no manner at Miss Hurd. Not in the least, sir; there is all. I'm in love with the town, and that serves something so agreeable and spirited in your man to raise me above some of our neighbouring rusner, such life and force-Pray, sir, go on.

tics : but who can have a manner that bas never Mar. Yes, madam. I was sayine -that

seen the Pantheon, the Grotto Gardens, the Bothere are sonje occasions----When a total want rough, and such places where the nobility chiefof courage, madam, destroys ali the -and ly resort? All I can do, is to enjoy London at seputs us -- upon a

cond-hand. I take care to know every tete-aMiss Hard. I agree with you entirely. A tete from the Scandalous Magazine, and have all want of courage, upou some occasions, assumes the fashions, as they come out, in a letter from the appearance of ignorance, and betrays us the two Miss Rickets of Crooked-lane Pray, when we most wish to excel.' I beg you'll pro how do you like this head, Mr Hastings? ceed.

Hast. Extremely elegant and degagée, upon Mar. Yes, madam. Morally speaking, ma my word, madam! Your friseur is a Frenchman, dam But I see Miss Neville expecting us I suppose ? in the next room. I would not intrude for the Mis Hard. I protest I dressed it myself from worid.

a prout in the ladies' memorandum book for the Miss Hard. I protest, sir, I never was more agreeably entertained in all my life. Pray, go

Hast. Indeed ! Such a head in a side box, at

the play-house, would draw as many gazers as Mar. Yes, madam. I was—But she beckons my lady Mayoress at a city-ball. us to join her. Madam, shall I do myself the Mrs Hard. I vow, since inoculation began, honour to attend you?

there is no such thing to be seen as a plain woMiss Hard. Well, then, I'll follow.

man; so one must dress a little particular, or one Mar. (Aside.] This pretty smooth dialogue has may escape in the crowd. done for me.

Erit. Hust. But that can never be your case, maMiss Hard. Ha! ha! ha! Was there ever dam, in any dress.

[Bowing. such a sober sentimental interview? I am cer Mrs Hard. Yet, what signifies my dressing, tain he scarce looked in my face the whole time. when I have such a piece of antiquity by my Yet the fellow, but for his unaccountable basis side as Mr Hardcastle? all I can say will not arfulness, is pretty well, too. He has good sense, gue down a single button from his clothes. I but then so buried in his fears, that it fatigues have often wanted him to throw off his great. one more than ignorance. If I could teach him faxen wig, and where he was bauld, to plaster it a little confidence, it would be doing somebody over. like my lord Pately, with powder. that I know of a piece of service. But who is Hust. You are right, madam; for, as among that somebody? that, faith, is a question I can the ladies, there are none ugly, so, among the

[Exit. men, there are none old.

Mrs Hard. But what do you think his answer Enter Tony and Miss NEVILLE, followed by

was? Why, with his usual Gothic vivacity, he Miss HARDCASTLE and HASTINGS.

said I only wanted to throw off his wig to con

vert it into a tete for my own wearing. Tony. What do you follow me for, cousin Hast. Intolerable ! At your age, you may Con? I wonder you're not ashamed to be so very wear what you please, and it must become you. engaging.

Mrs Bard. Pray, Mr Hastings, what do you Miss Neo. I hope, cousin, one may speak to take to be the most fashiovable age about town? one's own relations, and not be to blame.

Hast. Sone time ago, forty was all the mode; Tony. Ay, but I know what sort of a relation but I am told the ladies intend to bring up fifyou want to make me though; but it wou't do. ty for the ensuing winter.

last year.


scarce answer.



Mrs Hard. Seriously? Then, I shall be too itself; not to keep dinging it, dinging it into one young for the fashion.

Hast. No lady begins now to put on jewels Mrs Hard. That's false; I never see you when till she is past forty. For instance, Miss, there, you are in spirits. No, Tony, you then go to the in a polite circle, would be considered as a child, ale-house or kennel. I am never to be delighta mere maker of samplers.

ed with your agreeable, wild notes, upfeeling Mrs Hard. And yet Mrs Niece thinks herself monster! as much a woman, and is as fond of jewels, as Tony. Ecod! mamma, your own notes are the the oldest of us all.

wildest of the two. Hast. Your piece is she? And that young Miss Hard. Was ever the like? But I see be gentleman, a brother of yours, I should pre-wants to break my heart; I see he does. sume?

Hast. Dear madai, permit me to lecture the Mrs Hard. My son, sir! They are contracted young gentleman a little. I am certain I can to each other. Observe their litile sports. They persuade him to his duty. fall in and out ten times a day, as if they were Mrs Hard. Well! I must retire.-Come, man and wife already. [To them.] Well, Tony, Constance, my love. You see, Mr Hastings, the child, what soft things are you saying to your wretchedness of my situation! Was ever poor cousin Constance this evening?

woman so .plagued with a dear, sweet, pretty, Tony. I have been saying no soft things; but provoking, undutiful boy. that it's very hard to be followed about so. —

[Ereunt Mrs HARDCASTLE and Miss Ecod! I've not a place in the house now, that is

NEVILLE left to myself, but the stable.

Tony. (Singing] Mrs Hard. Never mind him, Con, my dear.

There was a young man riding by, He's in another story behind your back.

And fain would have his will. Miss Nev. There's something generous in my

Rang do didlo dee. cousin's manner.

He falls out before faces to be forgiven in private.

Don't mind her. Let her cry. It's the comfort Tony. That's a damned confounded of her heart. I have seen her and sister cry crack.

over a book for an hour together; and they said Mrs Hard. Ah, he's a sly one! Don't you they liked the book the better the more it made think they're like each other about the mouth, then cry. Mr Hastings? The Blenkinsop mouth, to a T. Hast. Then, you're no friend to the ladies, I They are of a size, too. Back to back, my pret- find, niy pretty young gentleman? ties, that Mr Hastings may see you. Coine, Tony. That's as I find 'um. Tony.

Hast. Not to her of your mother's choosing, I Tony. You had as good not make me, I tell dare answer? And yet she appears to me a pretyou.

Measuring ty well-tempered girl. Miss Neo. O, lud! he has almost cracked my Tony. That is because you don't know her as head.

well as I. Ecod! I know every inch about her ; Mrs Hard. O, the monster! For shame, To- and there's not a more bitter cantanckerous toad ny! You a man, and behave so!

in all Christendom. Tony. If I am a man, let ine have my fortin. Hast. (Aside.] Pretty encouragement this for Ecod ! I'll not be made a fool of no longer. a lover!

Mrs Hard. Is this, ungrateful boy, all that I Tony. I have seen her since the height of that! am to get for the pains I have taken in your edu- She has as many tricks as a hare in a thicket, or cation? I, that have rocked you in your cradle, and a colt the first day's breaking. fed that pretty mouth with a spoon! Did not I Hast. To me she appears sensible and silent. work that waistcoat to make you genteel? Did Tony. Ay, before company. But when she's not I prescribe for you every day, and weep with her play-mates, she's as loud as a hog in a while the receipt was operating?

gate. Tony. Ecod! you had reason to weep, for you Hast. But there is a meck modesty about her have been dozing me ever since I was born. I that charms me. have gone through every recipe in the Complete Tony. Yes, but curb her never so little, she Huswife ten times over; and you have thoughts kicks up, and you're flung in a ditch. of coursing me through Quincy next spring. Hust. Well, but you must allow her a little But, ecod! I tell you, I'll not be made a fool of beauty-Yes, you must allow her some beauty. no longer.

Tony. Bandbox ! She's all a made up thing. Mrs Hard. Was not it all for your good, vi- mun. Ah! could you but see Bet Bouncer of per? Was not it all for your good?

these parts, you might then talk of beauty. Ecod, Tony. I wish you would let me and my good she has two eves as black as sloes, and cheeks as alone, then. Snubbing this way when I am in broad and red as a pulpit cushion! She'd make spirits ! If I am to have any good, let it come of two of she.

Hast. Well, what say you to a friend that your chaise that shall trundle you off in a twinkwould take this bitter bargain off your hands? ling, and may be get you a part of her fortin beTony. Anan?

side, in jewels, that you little dream of. Hust. Would you thank him that would take Hast. My dear 'squire, this looks like a lad of Miss Neville, and leave you to happiness and spirit. your dear Betsy?

Tony. Come along, then, and you shall see Tony. Ay; but where is there such a friend, more of my spirit before you have done with me. for who would take her?

(Singing. Hast. I am he. If you but assist me, I'll engage to whip her off to France, and you shall We are the boys never hear more of her.

That fears no noise, Tony. Assist you! Ecod I will, to the last Where the thundering cannons roar ! drop of my blood. I'll clap a pair of horses to




Miss Hard. Mr Marlow's: his mauvaise honte,

his timidity struck me at the first sight. Enter HARDCASTLE.

Hard. Then your first sight deceived you; for

I think him one of the most brazen first sights Hard. What could my old friend, sir Charles, that ever astonished my senses. mean, by recommending his son as the modestest Miss Hard. Sure, sir, you' rally? I never saw young man in town? To me he appears the most any one so modest. impudent piece of brass, that ever spoke with a Hard. And can you be serious ! I never saw tongue. He has taken possession of the easy such a bouncing, swaggering puppy since I was chair by the fire-side already. He took off his born. Bully Dawson was but a fool to him. boots in the parlour, and desired me to see them Miss Hard. Surprising! He met me with a taken care of. I'm desirous to know how his respectful bow, a stammering voice, and a look impudence affects my daughter-She will cer fixed on the ground. tainly be shocked at it.

Hard. He met me with a loud voice, a lordly

air, and a familiarity that made my blood freeze Enter Miss HARDCASTLE, plainly dressed.


Miss Hard. He treated me with diffidence Well, my Kate, I see you have changed and respect-censured the manners of the ageyour dress as I bid you; and yet, I believe, there admired the prudence of girls that never laughwas no great occasion.

ed-tired me with apologies for being tiresome Miss Hard. I find such a pleasure, sir, in obey- then left the room with a bow, and, madam, I ing your commands, that I take care to observe would not for the world detain you. them without ever debating their propriety. Hard. He spoke to me as if he knew me all

Hard. And yet, Kate, I sometimes give you his life before. Asked twenty questions, and some cause, particularly when I recommended never waited for an answer. Interrupted my my modest gentleman to you as a lover to-day. best remarks with some silly pun, and when I

Miss Hard. You taught me to expect some was in my best story of the Duke of Marlbothing extraordinary, and I find the original ex- rough and Prince Eugene, he asked if I had not ceeds the description.

a good hand at making punch. Yes, Kate, he Hard. I was never so surprised in my life! asked your father if he was a maker of punch! He has quite confounded all

my faculties !

Miss Hard. One of us must certainly be misMiss Hurd. I never saw any thing like it :- taken. And a man of the world, too !

Hard. If he be what he has shewn himself, Hard. Ay, he learned it all abroad—what a I'm determined he shall never have my consent. fool was I, to think a young man could learn Miss Hard. And if he be the sullen thing I modesty by travelling! He might as soon learn take him, he shall never have mine. wit at a masquerade.

Hard. In one thing, then, we are agreed to Miss Hard. It seems all natural to him.

reject hiin. Hard. A good deal assisted by bad company, Miss Hard. Yes. But upon conditions. For and a French dancing-master.

if you should find him less impudent, and I more Miss Hard. Sure you mistake, papa ! a French presuming—if you find him more respectful, and dancing-master could never have taught him I more importunate -I don't know - the that timid look—that aukward address that fellow is well enough for a man-Certainly we bashful manner

don't meet many such at a horse race in the Hard. Whose look? whose manner, child country.

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