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Hard. If we should find him so—But that's Tony. Never you mind her resentment; leave impossible. The first appearance has done my me to manage that. I don't value her resentbusiness. I'm seldom deceived in that.
ment the bounce of a cracker. Zounds! here Miss Hard. And yet there may be many good they are! Morrice! Prance ! qualities under that first appearance.
[Erit Hastings. Hurd. Ay, when a girl finds a fellow's outside to her taste, she then sets about guessing the rest Enter Mrs HARDCASTLE, and Miss NEVILLE. of his furniture. With her, a smooth face stands for good sense, and a genteel figure for every
Mrs Hard. Indeed, Constance, you amaze me. virtue.
Such a girl as you want jewels ! It will be time Miss Hard. I hope, sir, a conversation begun enough for jewels, my dear, twenty years bence, with a compliment to my good sense, won't end when your beauty begins to want repairs. with a sneer at my understanding ?
Miss Ned. But what will repair beauty at forHard. Pardon me, Kate! But if young Mrty, will certainly improve it at twenty, madam. Brazen can find the art of reconciling contradic Mrs Hard. Yours, my dear, can admit of tions, he may please us both, perhaps.
That natural blush is beyond a thousand Miss Hard. And as one of us must be mis- ornaments. Besides, child, jewels are quite out taken, what if we go to make further discoveries? ai present. Don't you see half the ladies of our
Hard. Agreed. But depend on't l'm in the acquaintance, my lady Kill-day-light, and Mrs right.
Crump, and the rest of them, carry their jewels Miss Hard. And depend on't I'm not much in to town, and bring nothing but paste and mar
casites back? Ereunt. Cliss Nev. But who knows, madam, but some
body, that shall be nameless, would like me best Enter Tony, running in with a casket.
with all my little finery about me?
Mrs Hard. Consult your glass, my dear, and Tony. Ecod! I have got them. Here they are.
then see it, with such a pair of eyes, you want My cousin Con's necklaces, bobs and all. My any better sparklers. What do you think, Tony, mother shan't cheat the poor souls out of their my dear? does your cousin Con went any jewels, fortune neither. O! my genius, is that you? in your eyes, to set off her beauty?
Tony. That's as hereafter may be.
Miss Nev. My dear aunt, if you knew how it
would oblige me. Hast. My dear friend, how have you managed
Mrs Hard. A parcel of old-fashioned rose with
your mother? I hope you have amused her and table-cut things. They would make you look with pretending love for your cousin, and that like the court of king Solomon at a puppet-show. you are willing to be reconciled at last? Our Besides, I believe I can't readily come at them, horses will be refreshed in a short time, and we They may be missing for aught I know to the shall soon be ready to set of.
contrary. Tony. And here's scinething to bear your Tony. [Apart to Mrs Hard.] Then why don't charges by the way, [giving the casket.] Your you tell hier so at once, as she's so longing for sweetheart's jewels. Keep them, and hang those, them? Tell her they're lust. Its the only way I say, that would rob you of one of them. to quiet her. Say they're lost, and call me to
Hast. But how have you procured them from bear witness. your mother?
Afrs Hard. [Apart to Tony.) You know, my Tony. Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you dear, I'm only keeping them for you. So if I say no fibs. I procured them by the rule of thunb. they're gone, you'll bear me witness, will you? If I had not a key to every drawer in mother's Le! he! he! bureau, how could I go to the alehouse so often Tony. Never fear mc. Ecod! I'll say I saw as I do? An honest man may rob himself of bis then taken out with my own eyes. own at any time.
Miss Nev. I desire them but for a day, madan, Hast. Thousands do it every day. But, to be Just to be permitted to shew them as relics, and plain with you, Miss Neville is endeavouring to then they may be locked up again. procure them from her aunt this very instant. If Mrs Hard. To be plain with you, my dear she succeeds, it will be the most delicate way at Constance, if I could find them, you should least of obtaining them.
have them. They're missing, 1 assure you. Lost, Tony. Well, keep them, till you know how it for aught I know; but we must have patience will be. But I know how it will be well enough; wherever they are. she'd as soon part with the only sound tooth in Aliss Neo. I'll not believe it. This is but a her head.
shallow pretence to deny me. I know they're Hast. But I dread the effects of her resent too valuable to be so slightly kept, and as you ment, when she finds she has lost them.
are to answer for the loss.
Mrs Hard. Don't be alarmed, Constance. If Mrs Hard. My dearest Tony, but hear me. they be lost, I must restore an equivalent. But They're gone, I say ! my son knows they are missing, and not to be Tony. By the laws, mamma, you make me for found.
to laugh, ha, ha! I know who took them well Tony. That I can bear witness to. They are enoughi, ha, ha, ha! missing, and not to be found, I'll take my oath Mrs Hard. Was there ever such a blockhead, on't.
that can't tell the difference between jest and Mrs Hard. You must learn resignation, my earnest! I tell you I'm not in jest, boohy. dear; for, though we lose our fortune, yet we Tony. That's right, that's right: You must be should not lose our patience. See me, how calm in a bitter passion, and then nobody will suspect I ain.
either of us. I'll bear witness that they are gone. Miss Nev. Ay, people are generally calm at Mrs Hard. Was there ever such a crosythe misfortunes of others.
grained brute, that won't hear me! Can you bear Mrs Hard. Now, I wonder a girl of your good witness that you're no better than a fool? Was sense should waste a thought upon such trum ever poor woman so beset with fools on one hand, pery. We shall soon find them; and, in the mean and thieves on the other ! time, you shail make use of my garnets till your Tony. I can bear witness to that. jewels be found.
Mrs Hard. Bear witness again, you blockhead Miss Neo. I detest garnets.
you, and I'll turn you out of the room directly! Mrs Hard. The most becoming things in the My poor niece! what will become of her? Do world to set off a clear coinplexion. You have you laugh, you unfeeling brute, as if you enjoyed often seen how well they look upon me. You my distress? shall have them.
Erit. Tony. I can bear witness to that. Miss Nev. I dislike them of all things. You Mirs Hard. Do you insult me, monster? I'll shan't stir-Was ever any thing so provoking, to teach you to rex your mother, I will. mislay my own jewels, and force me to wear Tony. I can bear witness to that. trumpery?
(He runs off, she follows him. Tony. Don't be a fool. If she gives you the garnets, take what you can get. The jewels are
Enter Miss HARDCASTLE, and Niaid. your own already. I have stolen them out of her Miss Hard. What an unaccountable creature bureau, and she does not know it. Fly to your that brother of mine, to send them to the spark; he'll tell you more of the matter. Leave house as an inn, ha, ha! I don't wonder at luis me to manage her.
impudence. Miss Nev. My dear cousin !
Maid. But what is more, madam, the young Tony. Vanish! She's here, and has missed gentleman, as you passed by in your present them already. Zounds! how she fidgets and dress, asked me if you were the bar-maid. lle spits about, like a Catharine wheel!
mistook you for the bar-maid, madam.
Miss Hard. Did he? Then, as I live, I'm reEnter Mrs HARDCASTLE.
solved to keep up the delusion. Tell me, Pimple, Mrs Hard. Confusion! thieves! robbers! We bo do you like my present dress! Don't you are cheated, plundered, broke open, undone ! think I look something like Cherry in the Beaux
Tony. What's the matter, what's the matter, Stratagem? mamma? I hope nothing has happened to any of
Maid. It's the dress, madam, that every lady the good family!
wears in the country, but when she visits or reMrs Hard. We are robbed! My bureau hasceives company. been broke open, the jewels taken out, and I'm Miss Hard. And are you sure he does not reundone!
member my face or person? Tony. Oh! is that all? Ha, ha, ha! By the Maid. Certain of it. laws, I never saw it better acted in
life! Miss Hard. I vow I thought so; for thongli Ecod, I thought you was ruined in earnest, ha, we spoke for some time together, vet his fears ha, ha!
were such, that he never once looked up during Mrs Hard. Why, boy, I am ruined in earnest. the interview. Indeed if he had, my bonnet My bureau has been broke open, and all taken would have kept him from seeing me. away.
Maid. But what do you hope from keeping Tony. Stick to that; ha, ha, ha! stick to that; him in his mistake? I'll bear witness, you know; call me to bear wit Miss Hard. In the first place, I shall be seen;
and that is no small advantage to a girl, who Mrs Hard. I tell you, Tony, by all that's pre- brings her face to a market. Then I shall percious, the jewels are gone, and I shall be ruined haps make an acquaintance; and that's no small for ever!
victory gained over one, who never addresses any Tony. Sure I know they're gone, and I am to but the wildest of her sex. But my chief aim is say so.
to take my gentleman off his guard, and, like an VOL. II.
invisible champion of romance, examine the Mar. Of true English growth, I assure you. giant's force, before I offer to combat.
Miss Hard. Then it's odd I should not know Maid. But are you sure you can act your part, it. We brew all sorts of wines in this house, and disguise your voice, so that he may mistake and I have lived here these eighteen years. that, as he has already inistaken your person? Mar. Eighteen years! Why, one would think,
Miss Hard. Never fear me. I think I have child, you kept the bar before you were born. got the true bar-cant-Did your honour call ?– How old are you? Attend the Lion there-Pipes and tobacco for Miss Hard. O! sir, I must not tell my age. the Angel—The Lamb has been outrageous this They say women and music should never be dahalf hour.
ted. Maid. It will do, madam. But he's here. Mar. To guess, at this distance, you can't be
[Exit Maid. much above forty. (Approaching.) Yet nearer
I don't think so much." [Approaching.) By coEnter Marlow.
ming close to some women, they look younger
still; but when we come very close indeed-(AtMar. What a bawling in every part of the tempting to kiss her.). house; I have scarce a moment's repose. If IV Miss Hard. Pray, sir, keep your distance. One go to the best room, there I find my host and his would think you wanted to know one's age as story. If I fly to the gallery, there we have my they do horses, by mark of mouth. hostess, with her curtesy down to the ground. I Mar. I protest, child, you use me extremely have, at last, got a moment to myself, and now ill. If you keep me at this distance, how is it posfor recollection.
[Walks, and muses. sible
and I can be ever acquainted ? Miss Hard. Did you call, sir? did your honour Miss Hard. And who wants to be acquainted call ?
with you! I want no such acquaintance, not I. Mar. [Musing.] As for Miss Hardcastle, she's I'm sure you did not treat Miss Hardcastle, that too grave and sentimental for me.
was here a while ago, in this obstropalous manMiss Hard. Did your honour call?
I'll warrant me, before her, you looked [She still places herself before him, he dashed, and kept bowing to the ground, and talkturning away.]
ed, for all the world, as if you was before a jusMar. No, child—[ Musing.] Besides, from the tice of the peace. glimpse I had of her, I think she squints.
Mar. [Aside.] Egad ! she has hit, sure enough! Miss Hard. I'm sure, sir, I heard the bell [To her. In awe of her, child? Ha, ha, ha! A ring.
mere, awkward, squinting thing! no, no. I find Mar. No, no, -[Musing.) I have pleased my you don't know me. I laughed, and rallied her father, however, by coming down, and I'll to a little; but I was unwilling to be too severe. morrow please myself, by returning.
No, I could not be too severe, curse me! [Taking out his tablets, and perusing. Miss Hard. O! then, sir, you are a favourite, Miss Hard. Perhaps the other gentleman call-I find, among the ladies?
Mar. Yes, my dear, a great farourite. And Mar. I tell you, no.
yet, hang me, I don't see what they find in me to Miss Hard. I should be glad to know, sir. We follow. At the Ladies club in town, I'm called have such a parcel of servants !
their agreeable Rattle. Rattle, child, is not my Mur. No, no, I tell you. [Looks full in her real name, but one I'm known by. My name is face.] Yes, child, I think I did call. I wanted Solomons. Mr Solomons, my dear, at your serI wanted -I vow, child, you are vastly hand-vice!
(Offering to salute ker.
Miss Hard. Hold, sir ! you were introducing Miss Hurd. O la, sir, you'll make one asha me to your club, not to yourself. And you're so med!
great a favourite there, you say? Mar. Never saw a more sprightly malicious Mar. Yes, .my dear. There's Mrs Mantrap, eye! Yes, yes, my dear; I did call
. Have you lady Betty Blackleg, the countess of Sligo, Mrs got any of your--- -what d'ye call it in the Longhorns, old miss Biddy Buckskin, and your house)
humble servant, keep up the spirit of the place. Aliss Hard. No, sir, we have been out of that Miss Hard. Then it's a very merry place, I these ten days.
suppose ? Mar One may call in this house, I find, to Mar. Yes, as merry as cards, suppers, wine, very little purpose. Suppose I should call for a and old women, can make us, taste, just by way of trial, of the nectar of your Miss Hard. And their agreeable Rattle, ha, lips; perhaps I might be disappointed in that, ha, ha!
Mar. [Aside.] Egad! I don't quite like this Miss Hard. Nectar! nectar! that's a liquor chit. She looks knowing, methinks. You laugh, there's no call for in these parts. French, I sup- child ! pose? We keep no French wines here, sir. Miss Hard. I can't but laugh to think what
time they all have for minding their work, or their impudence is infectious ! Didn't I see him seize family.
your hand? Did'nt I see him hawl you about Mar. [Aside.] All's well; she don't laugh at like a milkmaid? and now you talk of his resme.-[ To her.] Do you ever work, child?
pect and his modesty, forsooth! Miss Hard. Ay, sure. There's not a screen Miss Hard. But if I shortly convince you of or a quilt in the whole house but what can bear his inodesty, that he has only the faults that will witness to that.
pass off with time, and the virtues that will imMar. Odso! Then you must shew me your prove with age, I hope you'll forgive him. embroidery. I embroider and draw patterns my Hard. The girl would actually make one run self a little. If you want a judge of your work, mad; I tell you I'll not be convinced. I am you must apply to me. [Seizing her hand convinced. He has scarcely been three hours
Miss Hard. Ay, but the colours don't look in the house, and he has already encroached on well by candle-light. You shall see all in the all my prerogatives. You may like his impumorning.
(Struggling dence, and call it modesty. But my son-in-law, Mar. And why not now, my angel ? Such madam, must have very different qualifications. beauty fires beyond the power of resistance. Miss Hard. Sir, I ask but this night to conPshaw! the father here! My old luck! I never nicked seven that I did not throw ames ace three Hard. You shall not have half the time; for times following.
[Erit Marlow. I have thoughts of turning him oật this very
hour. Enter HARDCASTLE, who stands in surprise.
Miss Hard. Give me that hour then, and I Hard. So, madam ! So I find this is your hope to satisfy you. modest lover. This is your humble admirer, that Hard. Well, an hour let it be then. But I'IL kept his eyes fixed on the ground, and only adors have no trifling with your father. All fair and ed at humble distance, Kate, Kate, art thou not open, do you mind me? ashamed to deceive your father so?
Miss Hard. I hope, sir, you have ever found Miss Hard. Never trust me, dear papa, but that I considered your commands as my pride; he's still the modest man I first took him for; for your kindness is such, that my duty as yet you'll be convinced of it as well as I.
has been inclination.
Ereunt. Hard. By the hand of my body I believe his
Enter Marlow, followed by a Servant. Enter Hastings and Miss NEVILLE.
Mar. I wonder what Hastings could mean, by
sending me so valuable a thing as a casket to Hast. You surprise me ! Sir Charles Marlow keep for him, when he knows the only place ! expected here this night? Where have you had have is the seat of a post coach at an inn-door! your information ?
Have you deposited the casket with the landlady, Miss Nev. You may depend upon it. I just as I ordered you? Have you put it into her owo saw his letter to Mr Hardcastle, in which he tells hands? him he intends setting out a few hours after his Ser. Yes, your honour.
Mar. She said she'd keep it safe, did she? Hast. Then, my Constance, all must be com Ser. Yes, she said she'd keep it safe enough; pleted before he arrives. He knows me; and she asked me how I came by it? and she said should he find me here, would discover my she had a great mind to make me give an acname, and perhaps my designs, to the rest of count of myself.
[Erit Servant. the family.
Mar. Ha, ha, ha! They're safe, however. Miss Nev. The jewels, I hope, are safe? What an unaccountable set of beings have we
Hast. Yes, yes. I have sent them to Marlow, got amongst! This little bar-maid, though, runs in who keeps the keys of our baggage. In the mean my head most strangely, and drives out the time, I'll go to prepare matters for our elope- absurdities of all the rest of the family. She's
I have had the 'Squire's promise of a mine; she must be mine, or I'm greatly misfresh pair of horses; and, if I should not see taken, him again, will write him further directions.
Enter HASTINGS. Miss Neo. Well ! success attend you! In Hast. Bless me! I quite forgot to tell her that the mean time, I'll go amuse my aunt with the I intended to prepare at the bottom of the garold pretence of a violent passion for my cousin. den. Marlow here, and in spirits, too!
[Erit. Mar. Give me joy, George! Crown me, sha
dow me with laurels! Well, George, after all, ditations on the pretty bar-maid, and, he, he, he ! we modest fellows don't want for success among may you be as successful for yourself as you have the women.
been for me!
[Erit Hast. Hast. Some women, you mean.
But what Mar. Thank ye, George! I ask no more, ha, success has your honour's modesty been crowned ha, ha! with now, that it grows so insolent upon us?
Enter HARDCASTLE. Mar. Did vot you see the tempting, brisk, lovely, little thing, that runs about the house Hard. I no longer know my own house. It is with a bunch of keys to its girdle?
turned all topsy-turvy. His servants have got Hast. Well! and what then?
drunk already. I'll bear it no longer; and yet, Mar. She's mine, you rogue you! Such fire, from my respect for his father, I'll be calm. [Tó such motion, such eyes, such lips but, egad! him.] Mr Marlow, your servant. I'm your very she would not let me kiss them though.
[Bowing loc. Hast. But are you so sure, so very sure of Mar. Sir, your humble servant. [Aside.] What's her?
to be the wonder now? Mar. Why, man, she talked of shewing me Hard. I believe, sir, you must be sensible, sir, her work above stairs, and I'm to improve the that no man alive ought to be more welcome pattern.
than your father's son, sir. I hope you think so? Hust. But how can you, Charles, go about to Mar. I do from my soul, sir. I don't want rob a woman of her honour?
much entreaty. generally make my father's sou Mar. Pshaw! pshaw! We all know the ho- welcome wherever he goes. nour of the bar-maid of an inn. I don't intend Hard. I believe you do, from my soul, sir. to rob her, take my word for it; there's nothing But, though I say nothing to your own conduct, in this house I shan't honestly pay for.
that of your servants is insufferable. Their manHust. I believe the girl has virtue.
ner of drinking is setting a very bad example in Míur. And if she has, I should be the last man this house, I assure you. in the world that would attempt to corrupt it. Mar. I protest, my very good sir, that's no
Hast. You have taken care, I hope, of the fault of mine. If they don't drink as they ought, *casket I sent you to lock up? It's in safety ? they are to blame. I ordered them not to spare
Mar. Yes, yes. It's safe enough. I have taken the cellar. I did, I assure yeu. [To the side care of it. But how could you think the seat of a scene.] Here, let one of my servants come up. post-cuach at an inn-door a place of safety? Ah, [To him.) My positive directions were, that as I nunbskull! I have taken better precautions for did not drink myself, they should make up for my you, than you did for yourself.--I have deficiencies below. Hast. What?
Hard. Then, they had your orders for what Mar. I have sent it to the landlady to keep they do? I'm satisfied. for you.
Nar. They had, I assure you. You shall hear Hast. To the landlady?
from one of themselves. Alar. The landlady. Hust. You did ?
Enter Servant drunk, Mar. I did. She's to be answerable for its forthcoming, you know.
Mar. You, Jeremy! Come forward, sirrah! Hust. Yes; she'll bring it forth, with a wit- What were iny orders ? Were you not told to ness!
drink freely, and call for what you thought fit, Mar. Was not I right? I believe you'll allow for the good of the house? that I acted prudently upon this occasion? Hard. [Aside.] I begin to lose my patience.
Hast. [Aside.] He must not see my uneasiness. Jer. Please your honour, liberty and Fleet
Mar. You seem a little disconcerted though, street for ever! Though I'm but a servant, I'm methinks. Sure nothing has happened?
as good as another man. I'll drink for no man Hust. No; nothing! Never was in better before supper, sir, dammy! Good liquor will sit spirits in all my life! And so you left it with the upon a good supper, but a good supper will not landlady, who, no doubt, very readily undertook sit upon -hiccup
-upon my conscience, the charge?
[Staggers out. Mar. Rather too readily. For she not only Mar. You see, my old friend, the fellow is as kept the casket, but, through her great precau- drunk as he can possibly be! I don't know what tion, was going to keep the messenger, too. Ha, you'd have more, unless you'd have the poor ha, lia!
devil soused in a beer-barrel. Hast. Hle, be, he ! They're safe, however, Hard. Zounds! He'll drive me distracted, if I Alur. As a guinea in a miser's purse.
coutain myself any longer! Mr Marlow. Sir; I Hast. [ Aside.] So now, all hopes of fortune have submitted to your insolence for more than are at an end, and we must set off without it. four hours, and I see no likelihood of its coming (Tohim.] Well, Charles, I'll leave you to your me to an end. I'ın now resolved to be master bere,