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sir, and I desire that you and your drunken pack | his mistake, but it is too soon quite to undeceive may leave my house directly !

him. Mar. Leave your house ! -Sure you jest, my Mar. Pray, child, answer me one question. good friend? What, when I'm doing what I can What are you, and what may your business in to please you?

this house be ? Hard. Í tell you, sir, you don't please me; so Miss Hard. A relation of the family, sir. I desire you'll leave my house!

Mar. What! A


relation ? Mar. Sure you cannot be serious? At this Miss Hard. Yes, sir! A poor relation, aptime o’night, and such a night! You only mean pointed to keep the keys, and to see that the to banter me?

guests want nothing in my power to give them. Hard. I tell you, sir, I'm serious! and, now Mar. That is, you act as the bar-maid of this that my passions are roused, I say this house is inn? mine, sir; this house is mine, and I command Miss Hard. Inn ! O law—What brought that you to leave it directly.

in your head? One of the best families in the Mar. Ha, ha, ha! A puddle in a storm! I county keep an inn! Ha, ha, ha! Old Mr Hardshan't stir a step, I assure you! (In a serious castle's house an inn! tone.] This your house, fellow! It's my house ! Mar. Mr Hardcastle's house! Is this house This is my house! Mine, while I choose to stay! Mr Hardcastle's house, child? What right have you to bid me leave this house, Miss Hard. Ay, sure,

Whose else should it sir? I never met with such impudence, curse me, be! never in my whole life before!

Mar. So, then, all's out, and I have been Hard. Nor I; confound me if ever I did ! To damnably imposed on! 0! confound my stupid come to my house, to call for what he likes, to head ! I shall be laughed at over the whole town! turn me out of my own chair, to insult the fa- I shall be stuck up in caricatura in all the printmily, to order his servants to get drunk, and then shops! The Dullissimo Maccaroni. To mistake to tell me, This house is mine, sir ! By all that's this house of all others for an inn; and my faimpudent, it makes me laugh! Ha, ha, ha! Pray, ther's old friend for an inn-keeper! What a sir, (Bantering.) as you take the house, what swaggering puppy must he take me for! What a think you of taking the rest of the furniture? silly puppy do I find myself! There, again, may There's a pair of silver candlesticks, and there's I be hanged, my dear, but I mistook you for the a fire-screen, and bere's a pair of brazen-nosed | bar-maid ! bellows, perhaps you may take a fancy to them?

Miss Hard. Dear me ! Dear me! I'm sure Mar. Bring me your bill, sir, bring ine your there's nothing in my behaviour to put me upon bill, and let's make no more words about it. a level with one of that stamp.

Hard. There are a set of prints, too. What Mar. Nothing, my dear, nothing. But I was think you of the rake's progress for your own in for a list of blunders, and could not help maapartment?

king you a subscriber. My stupidity saw every Mar. Bring me your bill, I say: and I'll leave thing the wrong way. I mistook your assiduity you and your infernal house directly!

for assurance, and your simplicity for allurement. Hard. Then, there's a mahogany table, that But its over-This house I no more shew my you may see your face in!

face in! Mar. My bill, I say !

Miss Hard. I hope, sir, I have done nothing Hard. I had forgot the great chair, for your to disoblige you! I'm sure I should be sorry to own particular slumbers, after a hearty meal! affront any gentleman who has been so polite,

Mar. Zounds! bring me my bill, I say, and and said so many civil things to me. I'm sure I let's bear no more on't!

should be sorry (Pretending to cry.] if he left Hard. Young man, young man, from your fa- the family upon my account. I'm sure I should ther's letter to me, I was taught to expect a well-be sorry people said any thing amiss, since I bred, modest man, as a visitor here; but now, I have no fortune but my character. find him no better than a coxcomb and a bully; Mur. [Aside.] By leaven, she wecps ! This but he will be down here presently, and shall is the first mark of tenderness I ever had from a hear more of it.

[Erit. modest woman, and it touches me. [To her.] Mar. How's this! Sure I have not mistaken Excuse me, my lovely girl; you are the only part the house! Every thing looks like an inn. The of the family I leave with reluctance ! But, to be servants cry, Coming. The attendance is auk- plain with you, the difference of our birth, forward; the bar-maid, too, lo attend us. But she's tune, and education, make an honourable conhere, and will further inforın me. Whither so nexion impossible; and I can never harbour a fast, child ? A word with you.

thought of bringing ruin upon one, whose only

fault was being too lovely. Enter Miss HARDCASTLE.

Miss llard. (Aside.] Generous man! I now Aliss Hard. Let it be short, then; I'm in a begin to admire him! (To him. But I'm sure my burry. [Aside.) I believe he begins to find out family is as good as Miss Hardcastle's, and, though


I'm poor, that's no great misfortune to a content er leave my horse in a pound, than leave you ed mind; and, until this moment, I never thought when you smile upon one so. Your laugh makes that it was bad to want fortune.

you so becoming Mar. And why now, my pretty simplicity? Miss Neo. Agreeable cousin! who can help

Miss Hard. Because it puts me at a distance admiring that natural humour, that pleasant, from one, that if I had a thousand pound, I would broad, red, thoughtless, (Patting his cheek.] Ah! give it all to.

it's a bold face ! Mar. [Aside.] This simplicity bewitches me; Mrs Hard. Pretty innocence ! so that, if I stay, I'm undone. I must make one Tony. I'm sure I always loved cousin Con's bold effort, and leave her. [To her.) Your par- hazel eyes, and her pretty long fingers, that she tiality in my favour, my dear, touches me most twists this way and that, over the baspicholls, like sensibly, and were I to live for myself alone, I a parcel of bobbins. could easily fix my choice. But I owe too much Mrs Hard. Ah, he would charm the bird from to the opinion of the world, too much to the au the tree ! I was never so happy before! My boy thority of a father, so that, I can scarcely speak takes after his father, poor Mr Lumpkin, exactit-it affects me. Farewell! [Erit Mar. ly! The jewels, my dear Con, shall be yours inMiss Hard. I never knew half his merit till continently. You shall have them. Is not he a

He shall not go, if I have power or art to sweet boy, my dear? You shall be married to detain him. I'll still preserve the character in morrow, and we'll put off the rest of his educawhich I stooped to conquer, but will undeceive tion, like Dr Drowsey's sermons, to a fitter opmy papa, who, perhaps, may laugh him out of portunity. his resolution. (Erit Miss HARDCASTLE. Enter Tony, and Miss Neville.

Enter DIGGORY. Tony. Ay, you may steal for yourselves the Dig. Where's the 'Squire? I have got a letter next time; I have done my duty. She has got for your worship. the jewels again, that's a sure thing; but she be Tony. Give it to my mamma. She reads all lieves it was all a mistake of the servants.

my letters first. Miss Nev. But, my dear cousin, sure you won't Dig. I had orders to deliver it into your own forsake us in this distress. If she in the least hands. suspects that I am going off, I shall certainly be Tony. Who does it come from? locked up, or sent to my aunt Pedigree's, which Dig. Your worship inun ask that o' the letter is ten times worse.

itself. Tony. To be sure, aunts of all kinds are damn Tony. I could wish to know, though. ed bad things. But what can I do? I bave got

[Turning the letter, and gazing on it. you a pair of horses that will fly like Whistle Miss Ner. [Aside.] Undone, undone. A letjacket, and I'm sure you can't say but I have ter to him from Hastings. I know the hand. If courted you nicely before her face. Here she my aunt sees it, we are ruined for ever. I'll comes; we must court a bit or two more, for fear keep her employed a little if I can. (To Mrs she should suspect us.

HARDCASTLE.) But I have not told you, madam, [They retire, and seem to fondle. of my cousin's smart answer just now to Mr Mar

low. We so laughed-You must know, madam Enter MRS HARDCASTLE.

—this way a little, for he must not hear us. Mrs Hard. Well, I was greatly fluttered, to

[They confer. be sure. But my son tells me it was all a mis Tony. (Still gazing.) A damned cramped piece take of the servants. I shan't be easy, however, of penmanship, as ever I saw in my life! I can till they are fairly married; and then, let her keep read your print-hand very well. But here there her own fortune. But, what do I see? Fondling are such handles, and shanks, and dashes, that together, as I'm alive! I never saw Tony so one can scarce tell the bead from the tail. To sprightly before! Ah! have I caught you, my Anthony Lunupkin, Esq. It's very odd, I can pretty doves! What, billing, exchanging stolen read the outside of my letters, where my own glances, and brokeu murmurs ? Ah!

name is, well enough. But, when I come to Tony. As for murmurs, mother, we grumble a open it, it's all-buzz. That's hard, very hard: little now and then, to be sure. But there's no for the inside of the letter is always the cream love lost between us.

of the correspondence. Mrs Hard. A mere sprinkling, Tony, upon

Mrs Hard. Ha, ha, ha! Very well, very the flame, only to make it burn brighter. well. And so my son was too hard for the phi

Miss Nev. Cousin Tony promises to give us losopher? more of his company at home. Indeed, he shan't Aliss Neo. Yes, madam; but you must hear leave us any more. It won't leave us, cousin the rest, madam. A little more this way, or he Tony, will it?

may hear us.

You'll hear how be puzzled him Tony. 0! it's a pretty creature. No, I'd soon- again.

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Mrs Hurd. He seems strangely puzzled now Tony. Ay, that's a sure thing. himself, methinks.

Miss Ned. What better could be expected Tony. [Still gazing.) A damned up and down from being conneted with such a stupid fool, and hand, as if it was disguised in liquor. [Reading.). after all the nods and signs I made him! • Dear sir,' Ay, that's that. Then there's an M, Tony. By the laws, miss, it was your own cleand a T, and an S! but whether the next be an veruess, and not my stupidity, that did your buizzard or an R, confound me, I cannot tell! siness. You were so nice, and so busy with

Mrs Hard. What's that, my dear? Can I your Shake-bags and Goose-greens, that I thought give you any assistance ?

you could never be making believe. Miss Nev. Pray, aunt, let me read it. Nobody reads a cramp hand better than I. (Twitching

Enter HASTINGS. the letter from her.] Do you know who it is Hast. So, sir, I find, by my servant, that you from?

have shewn my letter, and betrayed us.

Was Tony. Can't tell, except from Dick Ginger, this well done, young gentleman? the feeder.

Tony. Here's another. Ask miss, there, who Miss Neo. Ay, so it is, (Pretending to read.] betrayed you. Ecod, it was her doing, not * Dear Squire, hoping that you're in health, as I mine. am at this present. The gentlemen of the

Enter MARLOW. • Shake-bag club has cut the gentlemen of the

Goose-green quite out of feather. The odds Mar. So I have been finely used here among -um-odd battle--um-long fighting-um.' you! Rendered contemptible, driven into illhere, here; it's all about cocks, and fighting; it's inanners, despised, insulted, laughed at ! of no consequence; here, put it up, put it up. Tony. Here's another! We shall have old

[Thrusting the crumpled letter upon him. Bedlam broke loose presently. Tony. But I tell you, miss, it's of all the con Miss Nev. And there, sir, is the gentleman to sequence in the world. I would not lose the whom we all owe every obligation. rest of it for a guinea. Here, mother, do you Mar. What can I say to him? a mere booby, make it out. Of no consequence ?

an idiot, whose ignorance and age are a protec[Giving Mrs HARDCASTLE the letter. ) tion. Mrs Hurd. How is this! [Reads.] Dear Hast. A poor contemptible booby, that would Squire, I am now waiting for Miss Neville, with but disgrace correction. a post chaise and pair, at the bottom of the Miss Nev. Yet with cunning, and malice

garden ; but I find my horses yet unable to per- enough to make himself merry with all our em• form the journey. I expect you'll assist us

barrassments. • with a pair of fresh horses, as you promised.

Hast. An insensible cub. • Dispatch is necessary, as the hag (ay the hag) Mar. Replete with tricks and mischief.

your mother, will otherwise suspect us. Your's, Tony. Baw! damme, but I'll fight you both, • Hastings. Grant me patience !' I shall run dis one after the other-with baskets. tracted! My rage chokes me!

Mar. As for him, he's below resentment.Miss Nev. I hope, madam, you'll suspend your But your conduct, Mr Hastings, requires an exresentment for a few moments, and not implite planation. You knew of my mistakes, yet would to me any impertinence, or sinister design, that not undeceive me! belongs to another.

Hast. Tortured as I am with my own disapMrs Hard. [Curtseying very low.] Fine spo- pointments, is this a time for explanations? It is ken madaın! you are most miraculously polite not friendly, Mr Marlow. and engaging, and quite the very pink of court Mur. But, sir esy and circumspection. Madam! [Changing Miss Nev. Mr Marlow, we never kept on your her tone.) And you, you great ill-fashioned vat, mistake, till it was too late to undeceive you.“ with scarce sense enough to keep your mouth Be pacified. shut! Were you, too, joined against me? But I'll defeat all your plots in a moment. As for

Enter Servant. you, madam, since you bave got a pair of fresh Ser. My mistress desires you'll get ready imhorses ready, it would be cruel to disappoint mediately, madam. The horses are putting to. them. So, if you please, instead of running a Your hat and things are in the next room. We way with your spark, prepare, this very moment, are to go thirty miles before morning. to run off with me. Your old aunt Pedigree will

[Exit Servant. keep you secure, I'll warrant me. You, tou, sir, Miss Nev. Well, well; I'll come presently. may mount your horse, and guard us upon the Mar. (To HASTINGS.) Was it well done, sir, to way. Here, Thoinas, Roger, Diggory, I'll shew assist in rendering me ridiculous? To hang me you, that I wish you better than you do your out for the scorn of all my acquaintance. Deselves.

[Erit.pend upon it, sir, I shall expect an explanation. Jliss Nev. So, now, I'm completely ruined ! Hast. Was it well done, sir, if you are upon

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that subject, to deliver, what I entrusted to your Miss Nev. Well, my dear Hastings, if you self, to the care of another, sir?

have that esteem for me, that I think, that I am Miss Nev. Mr Hastings ! Mr Marlow ! sure you have, your constancy for three years Why will you increase my distress by this ground will but increase the happiness of our future less dispute ? I implore, I entreat you

connection. If

Mrs Hard. [Within.] Miss Neville. ConEnter Servant.

stance ! why Constance, 1 say! Ser. Your cloak, madam. My mistress is im Miss Nev. I'm coming. Well, constancy.patient.

Remember, constancy is the word. [Erit. Miss Nev. I come. Pray, be pacified. If I Hast. My heart, how can I support this? To leave you thus, I shall die with apprehension. be so near happiness, and such bappiness!

Mar. (To TONY.] You see now, young gentleEnter Servant.

man, the effects of your folly. What might be Ser. Your fan, muff, and gloves, madam. The amusement to yon, is here disappointment, and horses are waiting.

even distress. Miss Neo. O, Mr Marlow! if you knew what Tony. [From a receric. Ecod, I have hit it! a scene of constraint and ill-nature lies before It's here. Your hands. Yours and yours, my

I am sure it would convert your resentment poor Sulky. My boots there, ho! Meet me two into pity.

hours hence, at the bottom of the garden; and Mar. I am so distracted with a variety of if you don't find Tony Lumpkin a more good-napassions, that I don't know what I do. Forgive tured fellow than you thought for, I'll give you me, madam. George, forgive me. You know leave to take my best horse, and Bet Bouncer my hasty temper, and should not exasperate it. into the bargain. Come along! My boots, ho ! Hust. The torture of my situation is my only




ACT V.",
SCENE I.-Continues.

to me? My son is possessed of more than a Enter Hastings and Servant.

competence already, and can want nothing but a

good and virtuous girl to share his happiness, and Hast. You saw the old lady and Miss Neville encrease it. If they like each other, as you say drive off, you say?

they doSer. Yes, your honour. They went off in a Hard. If, man? I tell you they do like each post coach, and the young 'squire went on horse- other. My daughter as good as told me so. back. They're thirty miles off by this time. Sir Cha. But girls are apt to flatter themHast. Then, all my hopes are over!

selves, you know. Ser. Yes, sir. Old sir Charles is arrived. Hard. I saw hin grasp her hand in the warmHe, and the old gentleman of the house, have est manner myself; and here he comes to put been laughing at Mr Marlow's mistake this half you out of your its, I warrant him. hour. They are coming this way. Hast. Then, I must not be seen. So, now to

Enter MARLOW. my fruitless appointment at the bottom of the Mar. I come, sir, once more, to ask pardon garden. This is about the time. [Erit. for my strange conduct. I can scarce reflect on

my insolence without confusion? Enter Sir CHARLES MARLOW and HARD

Hard. Tut, boy! a trifle. You take it too

gravely. An hour or two's laughing with ins Hard. Ha, ha, ha! The peremptory tone in daughter will set all to rights again-She'll never which he sent forth his sublime commands !

like you the worse for it. Sir Cha. And the reserve, with which, I suppose, Mar. Sir, I shall be always proud of her aphe treated all your advances !

probation. Hard. And yet he might have seen some Hard. Approbation is but a cold word, Mr thing in me above a common inn-keeper, too. Marlow; if I am not deceived, you have some

Sir Chu. Yes, Dick! but he mistook you for thing more than approbation thereabouts. You an uncommon inn-keeper, ha, ha, ha!

take me? Hard. Well, I am in too good spirits to think Mar. Really, sir, I have not that happiness, of any thing but joy. Yes, my dear friend, this Hard. Come, boy; I'm an old fellow, and union of our families will make our personal know what's what, as well as you that are youngfriendships hereditary; and though my daugh- er. I know what has past between you ter's fortune is but small

but mum. Sir Cha. Why, Dick, will you talk of fortune Mar. Sure, sir, nothing has past between us


but the most profound respect on my side, and Sir Cha. Did he talk of love? the most distant reserve on hers. You don't Miss Hurd. Much, sir. think, sir, that my impudence has been passed Sir Cha. Amazing! And all this formally? upon all the rest of the family?

Miss Hard. Formally. Hard. Impudence! No, I don't say that, Hard. Now, my friend, I hope you are satisNot quite impudence-Though girls like to be fied ? played with, and rumpled too, sometimes. But Sir Cha. And how did he behave, madam? she has told no tales, I assure you.

Miss Haril. As most profest admirers do. Mur. I never gave her the slightest cause. Said some civil things of my face, talked much Hard. Well, well

. I like modesty in its place of his want of merit, and the greatness of mine; well enough. But this is over acting, young mentioned his heart, gave a short tragedy-speech, gentleman. You may be open.

Your father and ended with pretended rapture. and I will like you the better for it.

Sir Cha. Now I'm perfectly convinced, indeed. Mar. May I die, sir, if I ever

I know his conversation among women to be Hard. I tell you, she don't dislike you ; and as modest and submissive. This forward, canting, I'm sure you like hier

ranting manner, by no means describes him, and Mar. Dear-I protest, sir

I'm confident he never sat for the picture. Hard. I see no reason why you should not be Miss Hard. Then what, sir, if I should conjoined as fast as the parson can tie you.

vince you to your face of my sincerity? If you Mar. But hear me, sir

and my papa, in about half an hour, will place Hard. Your father approves the match, I ad-yourselves behind that screen, you shall hear him mire it, every moment's delay will be doing mis declare his passion to me in person, chief, so

Sir Cha. Agreed. And if I find him what you Mar. But why won't you hear me? By all describe, all my happiness in him must have an that's just and truc, I never gave Miss Hard- end.

[Erit. castle the slightest mark of my attachment, or Miss Hard. And if you don't find him what I even the most distant hint to suspect me of af- describe-I fear my happiness must never have a fection. We had but one interview, and that beginning.

[E.reunt. was formal, modest, and uninteresting.

Hard. [Aside.] This fellow's formal, modest SCENE II.—The back of the garden. impudence, is beyond bearing. Sir Cha. And you never grasped her hand, or

Enter HASTINGS. made any protestations ?

Hast. What an ideot am I, to wait here for a Mar. As Heaven is my witness, I came down fellow, who probably takes a delight in mortifiin obedience to your comınands! I saw the ladying me. He never intended to be punctual, and without emotion, and parted without reluctance. I'll wait no longer. What do I see? It is he, I hope you'll exact no further proofs of my duty, and perhaps with news of my

Constance. nor prevent me from leaving a house, in which I suffer so many mortifications.


Enter Tony, booted and spattered. Sir Cha. I'm astonished at the air of sincerity My honest 'squire ! I now find you a with which he parted!


word. This looks like friendship. Hard. And I'm astonished at the deliberate Tony. Ay, I'm your friend, and the best friend intrepidity of his assurance.

you have in the world, if you knew but all. This Sir Cha. I dare pledge my life and honour riding by night, by the by, is cursedly tiresome. upon his truth.

It has shook me worse than the basket of a Hard. Here comes my daughter, and I would stage coach. stake my happiness upon her veracity.

Hast. But how? Where did you leave your

fellow travellers ? Are they in safety? Are they Enter Miss HARDCASTLE.

housed? Kate, come hither, child. Answer us sincerely, Tony. Five and twenty miles in two hours and and without reserve; has Mr Marlow made you a half, is no such bad driving. The poor beasts any professions of love and affection?

have sinoked for it: Rabbit ine, but I'd rather Niss Hard. The question is very abrupt, sir! ride forty miles after a fox, than ten with sucii But since you require unreserved sincerity, Ivarment! think he has.

Hast. Well, but where have you left the laHard. [To Sir Charles.] You see !

dies? I die with impatience. Sir Chu. And pray, madam, have you and my Tony. Left them? Why, where should I leare son had more than one interview?

them, but where I found then? Miss Hárd. Yes, sir, several.

. Hust. This is a riddie! Hard. [To Sir Charles.) You see!

Tony. Riddle mne this then. What's that Sir Cha. But did he profess any attachment? round the house, and round the house, and never Miss Hard. A lasting one.

touches the house? VOL. II.

6 F



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