Hast. I'm still astray. Tony. Why that's it, mun. I have led them astray. By jingo, there's not a pond or slough within five miles of the place but they can tell the taste of! Hast. Ha, ha, ha! I understand; you took them in a round, while they supposed themselves going forward. And so you have at last brought them home again! Tony. You shall hear. I first took them down Feather-bed-lane, where we stuck fast in the mud. I then rattled them crack over the stones of Up-and-down Hill---I then introduced them to the gibbet on Heavy-tree Heath-and from that, with a circumbendibus, I fairly lodged them in the horsepond at the bottom of the garden. Hast. But no accident, I hope? be afraid. Is that a man that's galloping behind Mrs Hard. O death! Tony. No, its only a cow. Don't be afraid, mamma-don't be afraid. Mrs Hard. As I'm alive, Tony, I see a man coming towards us! Ah! I'm sure on't. If he perceives us, we are undone. Tony. [Aside.] Father in law, by all that's unlucky, come to take one of his night walks! [To her.] Ah, its a highwayman, with pistols as long as my arm. A damned ill looking fellow! Mrs Hard. Good Heaven defend us! He approaches. Tony. Do you hide yourself in that thicket, and leave me to manage him. If there be any danger I'll cough, and cry hem! When I cough, be sure to keep close. [MRS HARDCASTLE hides behind a tree in the back scene.] Tony. No, no. Only mother is confoundedly frightened. She thinks herself forty miles off She's sick of the journey, and the cattle can scarce crawl. So, if your own horses be ready, you may whip off with cousin, and I'll be bound that no soul here can budge a foot to follow you. Hast. My dear friend, how can I be grateful? Tony. Ay, now its dear friend, noble 'squire. Just now, it was all idiot, cub, and run me Hard. I'm mistaken, or I heard voices of peo through the guts. Damn your way of fighting, Iple in want of help. Oh, Tony, is that you? I say! After we take a knock in this part of the did not expect you so soon back. Are your mo country, we kiss and be friends. But if you had ther and her charge in safety? run me through the guts, then I should be dead, and you might go kiss the hangman. Enter MRS HARDCASTLE. Mrs Hard. Oh, Tony, I'm killed! Shook! Battered to death! I shall never survive it !— That last jolt, that laid us against the quickset hedge, has done my business. Tony. Alack, mamma, it was all your own fault. You would be for running away by night, without knowing one inch of the way. Enter HARDCASTLE. Tony. Very safe, sir, at my aunt Pedigree's. Hem! Mrs Hard. [From behind.] Ah death! I find there's danger! Hard. Forty miles in three hours! sure, that's too much, my youngster. Tony. Stout horses and willing minds make short journies, as they say. Hem! Mrs Hard. [From behind.] Sure he'll do the dear boy no harm! Hard. But I heard a voice here; I should be glad to know from whence it came? Tony. It was I, sir, talking to myself, sir. I was saying that forty miles in three hours was very good going. Hem! As to be sure it was. Hem! I have got a sort of cold by being out in the air. We'll go in, if you please? Hem! Hard. But if you talked to yourself, you did not answer yourself. I am certain I heard two voices, and am resolved [Raising his voice.] to Mrs Hard. I wish we were at home again! I never met so many accidents in so short a jour-find the other out. ney. Drenched in the mud, overturned in a ditch, stuck fast in a slough, jolted to a jelly, and at last to lose our way! Whereabouts do you think we are, Tony? Mrs Hard. [From behind.] Oh! he's coming to find me out! Oh! Tony. What need you go, Tony. By my guess, we should be upon Crack--I'll tell you all, sir. skull common, about forty miles from home. Mrs Hard. O lud! O lud! the most notorious spot in all the country. We only want a robbery to make a complete night on't. Tony. Don't be afraid, mamma, don't be afraid. Two of the five that kept here are hauged, and the other three may not find us. Don't sir, if I tell you? for the truth-heur [Detaining him. be detained. I in Hurd. I tell you, I will not sist on seeing. It's vain to expect I'll believe you. Mrs Hard. [Running forward from behind.] O lud! he'll murder my poor boy, my darling! Here, good gentleman, whet your rage upon me. Take my money, my life, but spare that young have gentleman! spare my child, if you Mrs Hard. [Kneeling.] Take compassion on us, good Mr Highwayman. Take our money, our watches, all we have, but spare our lives. We will never bring you to justice, indeed we won't, good Mr Highwayman! Hard. I believe the woman's out of her senses! What, Dorothy, don't you know me? Mrs Hard. Mr Hardcastle, as I'm alive! My fears blinded me. But who, my dear, could have expected to meet you here, in this frightful place, so far from home? What has brought you to follow us ? Hard. Sure, Dorothy, you have not lost your wits. So far from home, when you are within forty yards of your own door.-[To him.] This is one of your old tricks, you graceless rogue !-[To her.] Don't you know the gate, and the mulberrytree? and don't you remember the horsepond, my dear? Mrs Hard. Yes, I shall remember the horsepond as long as I live; I have caught my death in it.-To TONY.] And is it to you, you graceless varlet, I owe all this? I'll teach you to abuse your mother, I will. Tony. Ecod, mother, all the parish says you have spoiled me, and so you may take the fruits on't. Enter SIR CHARLES MARLOW and MISS Sir Cha. What a situation am I in! If what you say appears, I shall then find a guilty son. If what he says be true, I shall then lose one that, of all others, I most wished for a daughter. Miss Hard. I am proud of your approbation, and to shew I merit it, if you place yourselves as I directed, you shall hear his explicit declaration. But he comes. Sir Cha. I'll to your father, and keep him to the appointment. [Exit SIR CHA. Enter MARLOW. Mar. Though prepared for setting out, I come once more to take leave; nor did I, till this moment, know the pain I feel in the separation. Miss Hard. [In her own natural manner.] [ believe these sufferings cannot be very great, sir, which you can so easily remove. A day or two longer, perhaps, might lessen your uneasiness, by shewing the little value of what you now think proper to regret. Mar. [Aside.] This girl every moment improves upon me.-[To her.] It must not be, madam. I have already trifled too long with my heart. Mrs Hard. I'll spoil you, I will! My very pride begins to submit to my passion. [Follows him off the stage. The disparity of education and fortune, the anHard. There's morality, however, in his re-ger of a parent, and the contempt of my equals, begin to lose their weight; and nothing can restore me to myself, but this painful effort of resolution. ply. [Exit. Enter HASTINGS and MISS NEVILLE. Hast. My dear Constance, why will you deliberate thus? If we delay a moment, all is lost for ever. Pluck up a little resolution, and we shall soon be out of the reach of her malignity. Miss Nev. I find it impossible. My spirits are so sunk with the agitations I have suffered, that I am unable to face any new danger. Two or three years patience will, at last, crown us with happiness. Miss Hard. Then go, sir. I'll urge nothing more to detain you. Though my family be as good as hers you came down to visit, and my education, I hope, not inferior, what are these advantages without equal affluence? I must remain contented with the slight approbation of imputed merit; I must have only the mockery of your addresses, while all your serious aims are fixed on fortune. Hust. Such a tedious delay is worse than inconstancy. Let us fly, my charmer! Let us date Enter HARDCASTLE and SIR CAARLES MARLOW our happiness from this very moment. Perish fortune! Love and content will increase what we possess beyond a monarch's revenue. Let me prevail. Miss Nev. No, Mr Hastings; no. Prudence once more comes to my relief, and I will obey its dictates. In the moment of passion, fortune may be despised, but it ever produces a lasting repentance. I'm resolved to apply to Mr Hardcastle's compassion and justice for redress. Hast. But though he had the will, he has not the power to relieve you. Miss Nev. But he has influence; and upon that I am resolved to rely. from behind. Sir Cha. Here, behind this screen. Hard. Ay, ay; make no noise. I'll engage my Kate covers him with confusion at last. Mar. By heavens, madam, fortune was ever my smallest consideration! Your beauty at first caught my eye; for, who could see that without emotion? But every moment that I converse with you, steals in some new grace, heightens the picture, and gives it stronger expression. What at first seemed rustic plainness, now appears refined simplicity. What seemed forward assurance, now strikes me as the result of courageous innocence, and conscious virtue. Sir Cha. What can it mean? He amazes me! Hard. I told you how it would be. Hush! Mar. I am now determined to stay, madam, and I have too good an opinion of my father's discernment, when he sees you, to doubt his approbation. Miss Hard. No, Mr Marlow, I will not, cannot detain you. Do you think I could suffer a 'connection, in which there is the smallest room for repentance? Do you think I would take the mean advantage of a transient passion, to load you with confusion? Do you think I could ever relish that happiness which was acquired by lessening yours? Mar. By all that's good, I can have no happiness but what's in your power to grant me. Nor shall I ever feel repentance, but in not having seen your merits before. I will stay, even contrary to your wishes; and though you should persist to shun me, I will make my respectful assiduities atone for the levity of my past conduct. Miss Hard. Sir, I must entreat you'll desist. As our acquaintance began, so let it end, in indifference. I might have given an hour or two to levity; but seriously, Mr Marlow, do you think I could ever submit to a connexion, where I must appear mercenary, and you imprudent? Do you think I could ever catch at the confident addresses of a secure admirer? Mar. [Kneeling.] Does this look like security? Does this look like confidence? No, madam, every moment that shews me your merit, only serves to increase my diffidence and confusion. Here let me continue Sir Cha. I can hold it no longer. Charles, Charles, how hast thou deceived me! Is this your indifference, your uninteresting conversation? Hard. Your cold contempt; your formal interview? What have you to say now? Mar. That I'm all amazement! What can it mean? Hard. It means, that you can say and unsay things at pleasure. That you can address a lady in private, and deny it in public; that you have one story for us, and another for my daughter. Mar. Daughter!-this lady your daughter? Hard. Yes, sir, my only daughter; my Kate; whose else should she be? Mar. Oh, the devil! Miss Hard. Yes, sir, that very identical, tall, squinting lady, you were pleased to take me for [Curtesying.]. She that you addressed as the mild, modest, sentimental man of gravity, and the bold, forward, agreeable rattle of the ladies' club; ha, ha, ha! Mar. Zounds! there's no bearing this; it's worse than death! Miss Hard. In which of your characters, sir, will you give us leave to address you? As the faltering gentleman, with looks on the ground, that speaks just to be heard, and hates bypocrisy; or the loud confident creature, that keeps it up with Mrs Mantrap, and old Mrs Biddy Buckskin, till three in the morning; ha, ha, ha! Mar. O, curse on my noisy head! I never attempted to be impudent yet, that I was not taken down. I must be gone. Hard. By the hand of my body, but you shall not! I see it was all a mistake, and I am rejoiced to find it. You shall not, sir, I tell you. I know she'll forgive you. Won't you forgive him, Kate? We'll all forgive you. Take courage, man. [They retire, she tormenting him to the back scene. Enter MRS HARDCASTLE, and TONY. Mrs Hard. So, so, they're gone off! Let them go, I care not. Hard. Who gone? Mrs Hard. My dutiful niece and her gentleman, Mr Hastings, from town. He who came down with our modest visitor here. Sir Cha. Who, my honest George Hastings? As worthy a fellow as lives, and the girl could not have made a more prudent choice. Hurd. Then, by the hand of my body, I'm proud of the connexion! Mrs Hard. Well, if he has taken away the lady, he has not taken her fortune; that remains in this family, to console us for her loss. Hard. Sure, Dorothy, you would not be so mercenary? Mrs Hard. Ay, that's my affair, not yours. But, you know, if your son, when of age, refuses to marry his cousin, her whole fortune is then at her own disposal. Hard. Ay, but he's not of age, and she has not thought proper to wait for his refusal. Enter HASTINGS, and MISS NEVILLE. Mrs Hard. [Aside.] What, returned so soon! I begin not to like it. Hast. [To HARDCASTLE.] For my late attempt to fly off with your niece, let my present confusion be my punishment. We are now come back, to appeal from your justice to your humanity. By her father's consent, I first paid her my addresses, and our passions were first founded in duty. Miss Nev. Since his death, I have been obliged to stoop to dissimulation to avoid oppression. In an hour of levity, I was ready even to give up my fortune to secure my choice. But I am now recovered from the delusion, and hope, from your tenderness, what is denied me from a nearer connexion. Mrs Hard. Pshaw, pshaw! this is all but the whining end of a modern novel. Hard. Be it what it will, I'm glad they are come back to reclaim their due. Come hither, Tony, boy. Do you refuse this lady's hand, whom I now offer you? Tony. What signifies my refusing? You know I can't refuse her till I'm of age, father. Hard. While I thought concealing your age, boy, was likely to conduce to your improvement, I concurred with your mother's desire to keep it secret. But since I find she turns it to a wrong use, I must now declare, you have been of age | these three months. Tony. Of age! Am I of age, father? Tony. Then you'll see the first use I'll make of my liberty. [Taking MISS NEVILLE's hand.] Witness all men, by these presents, that I, Anthony Lumpkin, esquire, of Blank place, refuse you, Constantia Neville, spinster, of no place at all, for my true and lawful wife. So Constantia Neville may marry whom she pleases, and Tony Lumpkin is his own man again. Sir Cha. O brave squire! Mrs Hard. My undutiful offspring! Mar. Joy, my dear George! I give you joy sincerely. And could I prevail upon my little tyrant here to be less arbitrary, I should be the happiest man alive, if you would return me the favour. Hast. [To MISS HARDCASTLE.] Come, madam, you are now driven to the very last scene of all your contrivances. I know you like him. I'm sure he loves you; and you must and shall have him. Hurd. [Joining their hands.] And I say so too. Mr Marlow, if she makes as good a wife as she has a daughter, I don't believe you'll ever repent your bargain. So now, to supper. To-morrow we shall gather all the poor of the parish about us, and the mistakes of the night shall be crowned with a merry morning; so, boy, take her and, as you have been mistaken in the mistress, my wish is, that you may never be mistaken in the wife. [Exeunt. SCENE I.—An apartment at Belville's. ACT I. Enter CAPTAIN SAVAGE, and MISS WALSING HAM. Capt. Sav. Ha, ha, ha! Well, Miss Walsingham, this fury is going; what a noble peal she has rung in Belville's ears! Miss Wal. Did she see you, captain Savage? Capt Sav. No, I took care of that; for though she is not married to my father, she has ten times the influence of a wife, and might injure me not a little with him, if I did not support her side of the question. Miss Wal. It was a pleasant conceit of Mr Belville, to insinuate the poor woman was disordered in her senses! Capt Sav. And, did you observe how the termagant's violence of temper supported the probability of the charge? Miss Wal. Yes; she became almost frantic, in reality, when she found herself treated like a mad-woman. Capt. Sav, Belville's affected surprise, too, was admirable! Miss Wal. Yes; the hypocritical composure of his countenance, and his counterfeit pity for the poor woman, were intolerable. Capt. Sav. While that amiable creature, his wife, implicitly believed every syllable he said |