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For instance-in Seraglio matters—

Your Turk, whom girlish fondness flatters,
Would fill his Haram (tasteless fool!)

With tittering, red-cheek'd things from school-
But here (as in that fairy land,

Where Love and Age went hand in hand;
Where lips, till sixty, shed no honey,
And Grandams were worth any money)
Our Sultan has much riper notions-
So, let your list of she-promotions
Include those only, plump and sage,
Who've reach'd the regulation-age ;
That is as near as one can fix
From Peerage dates-full fifty-six.

This rule's for fav'rites-nothing more-
For, as to wives, a Grand Signor,
Though not decidedly without them,
Need never care one curse about them!

*

* The learned Colonel must allude here to a description of the Mysterious Isle, in the History of Abdalla, Son of Hanif, where such inversions of the order of nature are said to have taken place." A score of old women and the same number of old men played here and there in the court, some at chuckfarthing, others at tip-cat or at cockles.”—And again, “There is nothing, believe me, more engaging than those lovely wrinkles,” etc. etc.-See Tales of the East, vol. iii. pp. 607, 608.

LETTER III.

FROM G. R. TO THE E-- OF Y- en

WE miss'd you last night at the "hoary old sinner's,"
Who gave us, as usual, the cream of good dinners—
His soups scientific-his fishes quite prime—
His pâtés superb-and his cutlets sublime!
In short, 'twas the snug sort of dinner to stir a
Stomachic orgasm in my Lord E---—GH,
Who set-to, to be sure, with miraculous force,

And exclaim'd, between mouthfuls, "a He-cook, of course!

"While you live-(what's there under that cover? pray,

look)—

"While you live-(I'll just taste it)-ne'er keep a She

cook.

""Tis a sound Salic law-(a small bit of that toast)— "Which ordains that a female shall ne'er rule the roast; "For Cookery's a secret-(this turtle's uncommon)— “Like Masonry, never found out by a woman!"

* This letter, as the reader will perceive, was written the day after a dinner, given by the M- of H-d-t.

The dinner, you know, was in gay celebration

Of my brilliant triumph and H-nt's condemnation ; A compliment too to his Lordship the J-e

For his speech to the J-y,—and zounds! who would

grudge

Turtle-soup, though it came to five guineas a bowl,
To reward such a loyal and complaisant soul?

We were all in high gig-Roman Punch and Tokay
Travell'd round, till our heads travell'd just the same

way,

And we cared not for Juries or Libels-no-dam'me! nor Even for the threats of last Sunday's Examiner!

More good things were eaten than said-but Toм
T-RRH-T

In quoting Joe Miller, you know, has some merit,
And, hearing the sturdy Justiciary Chief

Say-sated with turtle-" I'll now try the beef"— TOMMY whisper'd him (giving his Lordship a sly hit) "I fear 'twill be hung-beef, my Lord, if you try it!”

And G-MD-N was there, who, that morning, had gone To fit his new Marquis's coronet on;

VOL. III.

2

And the dish set before him-oh dish well-devised !—

Was, what old Mother GLASSE calls, "a calf's head sur

prised!"

The brains were near

; and once they'd been fine,

But of late they had lain so long soaking in wine
That, however we still might in courtesy call
Them a fine dish of brains, they were no brains at all.

When the dinner was over, we drank, every one
In a bumper," the venial delights of Crim. Con."
At which H-D-T with warm reminiscences gloated,
And E-B'R-H chuckled to hear himself quoted.

Our next round of toasts was a fancy quite new,
For we drank and you'll own 'twas benevolent too-
To those well-meaning husbands, cits, parsons, or peers,
Whom we've any time honour'd by kissing their dears:
This museum of wittols was comical rather;
and I gave

Old H-D-T gave M- -Y,

In short, not a soul till this morning would budge-
We were all fun and frolic!-and even the J--E
Laid aside, for the time, his juridical fashion,

And through the whole night was not once in a passion!

I write this in bed, while my whiskers are airing, And M-c has a sly dose of jalup preparing

For

T-MMY poor

T—RR—T at breakfast to quaff—

As I feel I want something to give me a laugh,

And there's nothing so good as old T-MмY, kept close To his Cornwall accounts, after taking a dose!

LETTER IV.

FROM THE RIGHT HON. P-TR-CK D-G-N-N

TO THE RIGHT HON. SIR J-HN N-CH-L.

Dublin.*

LAST week, dear N-CH-L, making merry

At dinner with our Secretary,

When all were drunk, or pretty near
(The time for doing business here),
Says he to me, "Sweet Bully Bottom!
"These Papist dogs-hiccup-od rot 'em!

* This letter, which contained some very heavy inclosures, seems to have been sent to London by a private hand, and then put into the Twopenny Post-Office, to save trouble. See the Appendix.

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