being handsome; but, sir, if you please to recollect, you be fore hinted something about a hump or two, one eye, and a few more graces of that kind-now without being very nice, I own that I should rather choose a wife of mine to have the usual number of limbs, and a limited quantity of back; and, though one eye may be very agreeable, yet as the prejudice has always run in favor of two, I should not wish to affect any singularity in that article.

Sir A. What a phlegmatic sot it is! Why, sirrah, you are an anchorite! A vile, insensible stock! You a soldier! you're a walking block, fit only to dust the company's regimentals on! Odds life, I have a great mind to marry the girl myself!

Capt. A. I am entirely at your disposal, sir; if you should think of addressing Miss Languish yourself, I suppose you would have me marry the aunt; or if you should change your mind, and take the old lady, 'tis the same to me, I'll marry the niece.

Sir A. Upon my word. Jack, thou art either a very great hypocrite, or-but, come, I know your indifference on such a subject must be all fudge-I'm sure it must-come, now. come, Jack, confess you've been playing the hypocrite. I'll never forgive you, if you have not.

Capt. A.

I'm sorry, sir, that the respect and duty which I bear to you should be so mistaken.

Sir A. Hang your respect and duty! But come along with me. I will write a note to Mrs. Malaprop and you shall visit the lady directly. Her eyes shall be the Promethean torch to you-come along, I'll never forgive you, if you don't come back stark mad with rapture and impatience -if you don't, egad, I'll marry the girl myself. [Exeunt.]

Bottom. Tell them that I, Pyramis, am not Pyramis, but Bottom, the weaver.Midsummer Night's Dream.

XVIII-THE DISAPPOINTED SUITORS.

MR. MAYNARD-COLONEL FAULKLAND-MR. ELLIS-SERVANT.

Scene. A splendid Library.

Mr. Maynard. [Speaking to Servant.] Not at home to any one, excepting Colonel Faulkland and Mr. Ellis. This failure of Bland's great house, however deplorable in itself, at least bids fair to put at end to my troubles as a guardian. Ever since Mary Conway has been under my care, she has been besieged by as many suitors as Penelope. We shall see whether the poor destitute girl will prove as attractive as the rich heiress. Faulkland is an ardent lover, Ellis a modest one; Faulk land is enormously rich, Ellis comparatively poor; but whether either

[Enter Colonel Faulkland.]

My dear Colonel, good morning!—I took the liberty of sending for you

Colonel Faulkland. Most proud and happy to obey your summons. I believe that I am before my time; but where the heart is, you know, Mr. Maynard - how is the fair Mary Conway? I hope she caught no cold in the Park yesterday? Mr. May. None that I have heard.

Col. Faulk. And that she has recovered the fatigue of Tuesday's ball?

Mr. May. She does not complain.

Col. Faulk. But there is a delicacy, a fragility in her loveliness, that mingles fear of her health, with admiration of her beauty.

Mr. May. She is a pretty girl, and a good girl; a very good girl, considering that, in her quality of an heiress, she has been spoilt by the adulation of every one that has approached her ever since she was born.

Col. Faulk. Oh, my dear sir, you know not how often I have wished that Miss Conway were not an heiress, that I might have an opportunity of proving to her and to you the sincerity and disinterestedness of my passion.

Mr. May. I am glad to hear you say so.

Col. Faulk. I may hope, then, for your approbation and your influence with fair ward? You know my fortune

and family?

your

Mr. May. Both are unexceptionable.

Col. Fuulk. The estate which I inherited from my father. is large and unencumbered; that which will devolve to me from the maternal side, is still more considerable. I am the last of my race, Mr. Maynard; and my mother and aunts are, as you may imagine, very desirous to see me settled. They are most anxious to be introduced to Miss Conway: my aunt, Lady Lucy, more particularly so. Mary Conway, even were she portionless, is the very creature whom they would desire as a relative; the very being to enchant them Mr. May. I am extremely glad to hear you say so.

[Enter Mr. Ellis]

Mr. Ellis pray be seated. I sent for you both, gentlemen, as the declared lovers of my ward, Miss Conway, in order to make to you an important communication.

Mr. Ellis. I am afraid that I can guess its import.
Col. Faulk Speak. Mr. Maynard-pray. speak!

Mr. May. Have you heard of the failure of the great firm of Bland and Co. ?

Col. Faulk. Yes. But what has that to do with Mary Conway To the point, my good sir; to the point.

Mr. May. Well, then, to come at once to the point,—did you never hear that, though not an ostensible partner, Mr. Conway's large property was lodged in the firm?

Mr. Ellis. I had heard such a report.

Col. Faulk. Mr. Conway's property in Bland's house! the house of a notorious speculator! What incredible imprudence !-all?

Mr. May. The whole.

Col. Faulk. What miraculous folly !-Then Miss Conway is a beggar.

Mr. May. Whilst I live, Mary Conway can never want a home. But she is now a portionless orphan; and she desired that you, gentlemen, might be apprised of the change of her fortunes, with all convenient speed, and assured that no advantage would be taken of proposals made under circumstances so different.

Mr. Ellis. Oh, how needless an assurance!

Col. Faulk. Miss Conway displays a judicious consid

eration.

Mr. May. I am. however. happy to find. Colonel Faulkland, that your affection is so entirely centered on the lovely young woman, apart from her riches, that you will feel nothing but pleasure in an opportunity of proving the disin terestedness of your love.

R

Col. Faulk Why, it must be confessed, Mr. Maynard— Mr. May. Your paternal estate is so splendid as to render you quite independent of fortune in a wife.

Col Faulk. Why yes. But, really, my estate; what with the times and one drawback and another. Nobody knows what I pay in annuities to my father's old servants. In fact, Mr. Maynard, am not a rich man; not by any

means a rich man.

Mr. May Then your great expectations from your mother, Lady Sarah, and your aunt, Lady Lucy.

Col. Faulk. Yes. But, my dear sir, you have no notion of the aversion which Lady Lucy entertains for unequal matches-matches where all the money is on one side. They never turn out well, she says; and Lady Lucy is a sensible woman-a very sensible woman. As far as my observation goes, I must say that I think her right. Mr. May In short, then, Colonel Faulkland, you no longer wish to marry my ward?

Col. Faulk Why really, my good sir, it is with great regret that I relinquish my pretensions; and if I thought that the lady's affections were engaged but I am not vain enough to imagine, that, with a rival of so much merit

Mr. Ellis [Aside.] Contemptible coxcomb!

Col. Faulk. Pray, assure Miss Conway of my earnest wishes for her happiness, and of the sincere interest I shall always feel in her welfare. I have the honor to wish you a good morning. [Going.]

Mr. May. A moment, sir, if you please. What say you, Mr. Ellis? Have these tidings wrought an equal change in your feelings?

Mr. Ellis. They have indeed wrought a change, sir, and a most pleasant change; since they have given hope such as I never dared to feel before. God forgive me for being so glad of what has grieved her! Tell Mary Conway, that for her dear sake, I wish that I were richer but that never shall I wish she was rich for mine. Tell her that if a fortune adequate to the comforts, elegancies, though not to the splendors of life, a pleasant country-house, a welcoming family, and an adoring husband, can make her happy, I lay them at her feet. Tell her

Mr May. My dear fellow, you had far better tell her yourself. I have no doubt but she will accept your disinterested offers, and I shall heartily advise her to do so; but you must make up your mind to a little disappointment.

Mr. Ellis.

How! what! How can I be disappointed,

so that Miss Conway will be mine?

Mr. May. Disappointment is not quite the word. But you will have to encounter a little derangement of your generous schemes. When you take my pretty ward, you must e'en take the burden of her riches along with her.

Col. Faulk. She is not ruined then?

Mr. May. No, sir; Mr. Conway did at one time place a considerable sum in the firm of Messrs. Bland; but finding the senior partner to be, as you observed, Colonel, a notorious speculator, he prudently withdrew it.

Col. Faulk. And this was a mere stratagem?

Mr. May. Why, really, sir, I was willing to prove the sincerity of your professions, before confiding to you such a treasure as Mary Conway, and I think that the result has fully justified the experiment. But for your comfort, I don't think she would have had you, even if you had happened to behave better. My young friend here had made himself a lodgment in her heart, of which his present conduct proves him to be fully worthy. I have the honor to wish you a very good morning. Come, Ellis, Mary's in the music room. [Exeunt.]

XIX.-IGNORANCE AND WILLFULNESS.-Anonymous.

STUDENT-DEACON.

Student. [Alone.] What can be better calculated to fill the mind with pleasure than the study of philosophy and astronomy! While these sciences entertain and enlarge the understanding, they lead us to contemplate that supreme source of beauty and harmony, the Deity himself.

Deacon. [Behind the scene.] Haw buck, here! Whoa, whoa whoa! [Enters.] How do you, my young friend? I don't know but I have 'sturbed you; you seem to be talking to yourself.

Stu. Not in the least, sir; I was contemplating the beauties of creation, and admiring the order in which the planets move. But as I am ever fond of parental instruction, I shall with no less pleasure listen to your observa tions.