Mrs. Malaprop, we'll not disturb their tenderness— theirs is the time of life for happiness!"Youth's the season made for joy"-[Sings.]-hey!-Odds 'life! I'm in such spirits,-I don't know what I could not do! -Permit me, ma'am-[Gives his Hand to MRS. MALAPROP; [Sings.] Tol-de-rol-'gad I should like to have a little fooling myself-Tol-de-rol! de-rol! [Exit singing, and handing MRS. MALAPROP. LyDIA sits sullenly in the Chair.

Capt. Abs. So much thought bodes me no good [Aside.]--So grave, Lydia! Lydia. Sir!

Capt. Abs. So! egad! I thought as much!—that damned monosyllable has froze me! [Aside.]-What, Lydia, now that we are as happy in our friends' consent, as in our mutual vows

Lydia. Friends' consent, indeed!

[Peevishly.

Capt. Abs. Come, come, we must lay aside some of our romance-a little wealth and comfort may be endured after all. And for your fortune, the lawyers shall make such settlements as

Lydia. Lawyers! I hate lawyers!

Capt. Abs. Nay, then, we will not wait for their lingering forms, but instantly procure the license, and

Lydia. The license!-I hate license!

Capt. Abs. Oh, my love! be not so unkind!-thus let me entreat[Kneeling. Lydia. Pshaw!-what signifies kneeling, when you know I must have you?

Capt. Abs. [Rising.] Nay, madam, there shall be no constraint upon your inclinations, I promise you, -If I have lost your heart,-I resign the rest.-'Gad, I must try what a little spirit will do. [Aside.

Lydia. [Rising.] Then, sir, let me tell you, the interest you had there was acquired by a mean, unmanly, imposition, and deserves the punishment of fraud.-What, you have been treating me like a child!

-humouring my romance! and laughing, I suppose, at your success !

Capt. Abs. You wrong me, Lydia, you wrong me--only hear

Lydia. So,while I fondly imagined we were deceiving my relations, and flattered myself that I should outwit and incense them all-behold myhopes are to be crushed at once, by my aunt's consent and approbation-and I am myself the only dupe at last! [Walking about in a Heat.-But here, sir, here is the picture-Beverley's picture! [Taking a Miniature from her Bosom.] which I have worn, night and day, in spite of threats and entreaties !-There, sir, [Flings it to him.] and be assured, I throw the original from my heart as easily.

Capt. Abs. Nay, nay, ma'am, we will not differ as to that here, [Taking out a Picture.] here is Miss Lydia Languish,-What a difference!-ay, there is the heavenly assenting smile, that first gave soul and spirit to my hopes !-those are the lips, which sealed a vow, as yet scarce dry in Cupid's calendar!—and there the half resentful blush, that would have checked the ardour of my thanks.-Well, all that's past;-all over indeed!―There, madam-in beauty, that copy is not equal to you, but in my mind, its merit over the original, in being still the same, is such -that-I cannot find in my heart to part with it. [Puts it up again. Lydia. [Softening.] 'Tis your own doing, sir-I, I, I suppose you are perfectly satisfied.

Capt. Abs. Oh, most certainly-sure now, this is much better than being in love!-ha! ha! ha!there's some spirit in this!-What signifies breaking some scores of solemn promises;-all that's of no consequence, you know.-To be sure people will say, that Miss didn't know her own mind-but never mind that: or, perhaps, they may be illaatured enough to hint, that the gentleman grew tired of the lady, and forsook her-but don't let that fret you.

Lydia. There's no bearing this insolence!

[Bursts into tears.

Enter MRS. MALAPROP and SIR ANTHONY.

Mrs. M. [Entering.] Come, we must interrupt your billing and cooing a while.

Lydia. This is worse than your treachery and deceit, you base ingrate.

[Sobbing. Sir Anth. What the devil's the matter now!Z-ds! Mrs. Malaprop, this is the oddest billing and cooing I ever heard!—but what the deuce is the meaning of it?-I'm quite astonished!

Capt. Abs. Ask the lady, sir.

Mrs. M. Oh, mercy!-I'm quite analys'd, for my part!-why Lydia, what is the reason of this? Lydia. Ask the gentleman, ma'am.

Sir Anth. Z-ds! I shall be in a phrenzy!why, Jack, you are not come out to be any one else, are you?

Mrs. M. Ay, sir, there's no more trick, is there? —you are not, like Cerberus, three gentlemen at once are you?

Capt. Abs. You'll not let me speak-I say the lady can account for this much better than I can.

Lydia. Ma'am, you once commanded me never to think of Beverley again-there is the man-I now obey you:-for, from this moment, I renounce him for [Exit LYDIA.

ever.

Mrs. M. O mercy and miracles! what a turn here is -why sure, Captain, you haven't behaved disrespectfully to my niece?

Sir Anth. Ha! ha! ha!-ha! ha! ha !-now I see it-Ha! ha! ha!--now I see it—you have been too lively, Jack.

Capt. Abs. Nay, sir, upon my word

Sir Anth. Come, no lying, Jack-I'm sure 'twas

Mrs. M. O lud! Sir Anthony !-O fie, Captain. Capt. Abs. Upon my soul, maʼam

Sir Anth. Come, no excuses, Jack ;-why your father, you rogue, was so before you :—the blood of the Absolutes was always impatient.-Ha! ha! ha! poor little Lydia!-why you've frightened her, you dog, you have!

Capt. Abs. By all that's good, sir—

Sir Anth. Z- -ds! say no more, I tell you- Mrs. Malaprop shall make your peace.-You must make his peace, Mrs. Malaprop:-you must tell her, 'tis Jack's way-tell her, 'tis all our ways-it runs in the blood of our family!-Come, away, Jack, ha! ha! ha! Mrs. Malaprop-a young villain!

Mrs. M. Oh, Sir Anthony !-O

[Pushes him out. fie, Captain. [Exeunt severally.

SCENE III.

The North Parade.

Enter SIR LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.

Sir L. I wonder where this Captain Absolute hides himself.-Upon my conscience!-these officers are always in one's way, in love affairs:-I remember I might have married Lady Dorothy Carmine, if it had not been for a little rogue of a Major, who ran away with her before she could get sight of me!-And I wonder what it is the ladies can see in them, to be so fond of them-unless it be a touch of the old serpent in them, that makes the little creatures be caught, like vipers, with a bit of red cloth.-Hah,

isn't this the captain coming?-'faith it is!-There is a probability of succeeding about that fellow, that is mighty provoking! who the devil is he talking to ? [Steps aside.

Capt. Abs. To what fine purpose have I been plotting! a noble reward for all my schemes, upon my soul! a little gipsy!--I did not think her so d-n'd absurd either. 'Sdeath, I never was in a worse humour in all my life!-I could cut my own throat, or any other person's, with the greatest pleasure in the world!

Sir L. O, 'faith! I'm in the luck of it.-I never could have found him in a sweeter temper for my purpose to be sure I'm just come in the nick! now to enter into conversation with him, and so quarrel genteely. [SIR LUCIUS goes up to ABSOLUTE.]-with regard to that matter, Captain, I must beg leave to differ in opinion with you.

Capt. Abs. Upon my word, then, you must be a very subtle disputant:-because, sir, I happened just then to be giving no opinion at all.

Sir L. That's no reason..-For, give me leave to tell you, a man may think an untruth, as well as speak

one.

Capt. Abs. Very true, sir; but if a man never utters his thoughts, I should think they might stand a chance of escaping controversy.

Sir L. Then, sir, you differ in opinion with me, which amounts to the same thing.

Capt. Abs. Harkye, Sir Lucius, what you can drive at, unless you mean to quarrel with me, I cannot conceive!

Sir L. I humbly thank you, sir, for the quickness of your apprehension; [Bowing.] you have named the very thing I would be at.

Capt. Abs. Very well, sir,-I shall certainly not