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now a-days the devil a thing of their own manufactures about them, except their faces.

HONEYWOOD.

But, however these faults may be practised abroad, you don't find them at home, either with Mrs. Croaker, Olivia, or Mifs Richland.

CROAKER.

The best of them will never be canoniz'd for a faint when she's dead. By the bye, my dear friend, I don't find this match between Mifs Richland and my fon much relished, either by one fide or t'other. HONEYWOOD.

I thought otherwise.

CROAKER.

Ah, Mr. Honeywood, a little of your fine serious advice to the young lady might go far: I know the has a very exalted opinion of your understanding.

HONEYWOOD.

But would not that be ufurping an authority that more properly belongs to yourself?

CROAKER.

My dear friend, you know but little of my authority at home. People think, indeed, because they see me come out in a morning thus, with a pleasant face, and to make my friends merry, that all's well within. But I have cares that would break an heart of ftone. My wife has fo encroached upon every one of my privileges, that I'm now no more than a mere lodger in my own house.

Ho

HONEY WOOD.

But a little spirit exerted on your fide might perhaps restore your authority.

CROAKER.

No, though I had the spirit of a lion! I do rouze fometimes. But what then! always haggling and haggling. A man is tired of getting the better before his wife is tired of lofing the victory.

HONEYWOOD.

It's a melancholy confideration indeed, that our chief comforts often produce our greatest anxieties, and that an encrease of our poffeffions is but an inlet to new difquietudes.

CROAKER.

Ah, my dear friend, these were the very words of poor Dick Doleful to me not a week before he made away with himself. Indeed, Mr. Honeywood, I never fee you but you put me in mind of poorDick. Ah there was merit neglected for you! and so true a friend; we lov'd each other for thirty years, and yet he never afked me to lend him a fingle farthing.

HONEYWOOD.

Pray what could induce him to commit fo rash an action at laft ?

CROAKER.

I don't know, fome people were malicious enough to fay it was keeping company with me; because we used to meet now and then and open our hearts

to

to each other. To be fure I loved to hear him talk, and he loved to hear me talk; poor dear Dick. He us'd to say that Croaker rhim'd to joker; and fo we us'd to laugh-Poor Dick. (Going to cry.)

HONEYWOOD.

His fate affects me.

CROAKER.

Ay, he grew fick of this miferable life, where we do nothing but eat and grow hungry, dress and undrefs, get up and lie down; while reason, that fhould watch like a nurse by our fide, falls as fast asleep as we do.

HONEYWOOD.

To fay truth, if we compare that part of life which is to come, by that which we have paft, the profpect is hideous.

CROAKER.

Life at the greatest and best is but a froward child, that must be humour'd and coax'd a little till it falls asleep, and then all the care is over.

HONEYWOOD.

Very true, Sir, nothing can exceed the vanity of our exiftence, but the folly of our pursuits. We wept when we came into the world, and every day tells us why.

CROAKER.

Ah, my dear friend, be miserable with you. the benefit of fuch fine converfation. I'll just step

it is a perfect satisfaction to My fon Leontine fhan't lofe

home

home for him. I am willing to fhew him fo much ferioufnefs in one fcarce older than himself-And what if I bring my laft letter to the Gazetteer on the encrease and progrefs of earthquakes? It will amuse us, I promise you. I there prove how the late earthquake is coming round to pay us another visit from London to Lifbon, from Lifbon to the Canary Islands, from the Canary Islands to Palmyra, from Palmyra to Conftantinople, and fo from Conftantinople back to London again. [Exit.

HONEYWOOD.

Poor Croaker! his fituation deferves the utmost pity. I shall scarce recover my fpirits these three days. Sure to live upon fuch terms is worse than death itself. And yet, when I confider my own fi tuation, a broken fortune, an hopeless paffion, friends in diftrefs; the wifh but not the power to ferve them(paufing and fighing.)

Enter BUTLER.

BUTLER.

More company below, Sir: Mrs. Croaker and Miss Richland; fhall I fhew them up? but they're fhewing up themfelves.

[Exit.

Enter Mrs. CROAKER and Mifs RICHLAND.

Mifs RICHLAND.

You're always in fuch spirits.

Mrs. CROAKER.

We have just come, my dear Honeywood, from the auction. There was the old deaf dowager, as

VOL. II.

C

ufual,

ufual, bidding like a fury against herself. And then fo curious in antiques! herfelf the moft genuine piece of antiquity in the whole collection.

HONEYWOOD.

Excufe me, ladies, if fome uneafinefs from friendship makes me unfit to share in this good humour: I know you'll pardon me.

Mrs. CROAKER.

I vow he seems as melancholy as if he had taken a dofe of my husband this morning. Well, if Richland here can pardon you, I must.

Mifs RICHLAND.

You would feem to infinuate, madam, that I have particular reafons for being difpofed to refufe it. Mrs. CROAKER.

Whatever I infinuate, my dear, don't be so ready to wish an explanation.

Mifs RICHLAND.

I own I should be forry, Mr. Honeywood's long friendship and mine fhould be misunderstood.

HONEYWOOD.

There's no answering for others, madam. But I hope you'll never find me prefuming to offer more than the most delicate friendship may readily allow.

Mifs RICHLAND.

And I shall be prouder of such a tribute from you than the most paffionate profeffions from others.

Ho

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